Title: Beer Bad

Pairing: X/S

Rating: NC17

Summary: PWP. Nothing more.

Disclaimer: Not mine. No money being made.

A/N: Too much caffeine and too little sleep. That’s the only explanation for this.

As he looked at the smooth pale length of the vampire’s cock, he still couldn’t remember what had brought him to this place. It was an odd sensation, handling another man’s cock. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do with it now.

“Take me in your mouth luv. Careful no teeth.”

Well, that answered that question. He could do this, he could. After all, how hard could it be? No pun intended. He’d had blowjobs before, hell, Anya was the blow-job queen of Sunnydale. He just needed to think about the way her mouth felt on him and do the same.

“Yeah, pet. That’s it. Nice and slow. Want to feel your heat for a good long time.”

Okay, so it was going to be one of those then huh? He remembered that. Having Anya suck him until she complained of lockjaw. He was positive there was no way he would last as long as she had. But he was going to try.

“Relax your throat, luv. That’s a good boy. Take me all the way in now.”

Hmm, so where is this gag reflex I’m supposed to have? I mean I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t be able to to deep throat on the first go. It’s like some cheezy porno flick. I swear, if he says I’m a natural… I’ll bite him.

“God, pet. So good. You’re a bloody natural, you are.”

Well, can’t say I didn’t warn him. Oh right, I didn’t. Oh well.

“Fuck! Yes! Oh do that again pet.”

Kinky bastard. Can’t believe he liked that. Well, okay, vampire so yeah I guess I can. But honestly, isn’t that just a bit clichéd? Vamps - biting, yada yada yada. Come up with something new already.

“Want you to hum now, luv. Something catchy. Do you know any Sex Pistols?”

Asshole. Like I was even alive when they were all the rage. Were they ever all the rage? I mean, I’ve heard them. Nothing to write home about. Perhaps a little Patsy Cline? Maybe some Tammy Wynette? Humph, probably get hurt - chip be damned - if I started humming country while blowing the big bad vampire. Oh I know, this ought to do it.

“Oh you have got to be kidding me! Stop, Xander. Right now. Fuck okay don’t stop, just… uuungh.”

Hmm, smarmy bastard. That’ll learn ya. See if you ever watch PBS again without getting a hard on. Yeah that’s right, I got you right where I want you now, vamp o’mine.

“Oh fuck, yeah shit, I’m gonna cum now pet.”

This would be the part where you let go of my hair so I can pull away. Uh, Spike? Anytime now. Oh shit. Eeeeww! I did not sign on for vamp jizz in my mouth. Okay, not so bad as I thought. Kinda salty actually. Had worse in my mouth and no I won’t elaborate.

“Bloody hell pet! Sesame Street? You hummed the theme song to Sesame Street while blowing me? You, Xander are one sick little fuck.”

Yeah, I am. I just sucked off a vampire. What did you expect? Now if I could only remember why I sucked off a vampire I’d be a much happier Xander. Oh yeah, I got drunk. Beer bad. I really need to remember that.