Part 1

Xander’s POV

I blame Willow. It’s her fault that I even started reading it. I found the site bookmarked on her computer when we were researching. I asked what it was and between blushing and stammering, she told me it was a fanfic site. One that was dedicated to Xena/Gabrielle stories. Smutty Xena/Gabrielle stories.

Well, me being a healthy, red-blooded male, I decided to take a gander. Holy crap! Yeah okay, so I was hooked. I mean, they never did things like THAT on the TV show. So I e-mailed the site address to my home computer for further study. It became a favorite way to spend my free time. Who knew reading could be so entertaining? If I had been assigned material like this in high school… I would have gotten straight A’s. I’m pretty sure Wills writes some of this stuff though. I mean who else would call themselves ‘RedScooby’ ?

So, I’m reading this story, don’t get me wrong there’s some good smut in these fics, but this one had an amazing storyline to it. The writer was obviously very talented. Anyway, about half way through the fic, the plot twisted. Now, it wasn’t Xena and Gabrielle, they had been body switched with Ares and Joxer.

Now, I am in no way a homophobe. I voted for the legalization of same-sex marriages, it just isn’t my thing. Or so I thought. But being invested in the story, I read on. I tried to skim over the graphic male/male sex scenes, I really did. But some of the things described didn’t seem possible. So, stupid me, I tried to picture how they would work. That was my downfall. The more I read, the more intrigued that I became.

That night I had my first homo-erotic dream. I was dressed like Joxer, (no jokes. Please.) and Ares was doing some very nice interesting and pleasurable things to me. I woke up sweaty, sticky, and completely freaked out.

Needless to say, I avoided the computer after that. For an entire week I scowled at it every time I passed it. Avoidance didn’t help. Every night it was a variation of that dream. Sometimes it started out with Xena, or Gabrielle, or both. But eventually it was just me and Ares.

I started to wonder if it was just the leather thing. I mean he does look GOOD in all that leather. So to test my theory, and NOTHING else, I went in search of gay porn. Guys in leather - gay porn. I never should have done it. I found lots of leather-clad, half naked guys. It proved that yeah, I like my men in leather, but it also proved that it wasn’t just a fluke.

I like men! I don’t want to like men! The Xan-man is NOT supposed to like men. I mean what next? Will I start lusting after my co-workers? Me and Jimmy in some sick-o construction worker fantasy? Oh, hey! I know, maybe I’ll suddenly have the urge to drive to LA and throw myself at Deadboy! He always looked good in leather. GAH!!!! No way. Uh uh. Next I’ll be thinking Spike is attractive.

Alright, so I’ve already done that. Compact, well muscled. I remember. And okay, so maybe once or twice in the last week I’ve thought about how he might look in that leather coat of his and nothing else. But I’m NOT lusting after Spike!

Oh who am I kidding. I have the hots for the bleached menace. Could my life get any more pathetic? I have the lusties for a vampire. A snarky, arrogant, pain-in-my-ass, chipped vampire.

Stupid vampire. Stupid Ares. Stupid fan fic writers!

GRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! Fan fic made me gay!

Part 2

Spike’s POV

There is something seriously wrong with the boy. All week long he’s been acting strange. Well, stranger than usual. He won’t look at me, not that I want him looking at me mind you, but it’s like he’s avoiding looking at me. He hasn’t insulted me once in the past week. That in itself should be a sign of impending apocalypse. The kid lives to take the piss with me.

The thing is, he’s putting off all these mixed signals. He goes from nervous to aroused to terrified to ashamed and then starts all over again. The witches were looking at something on the computer earlier and I thought the boy was gonna have a panic attack. He ran from the room like the hounds of hell were on his heels.

So me being a nosey bugger an’ all, snuck a peek at what the witches were doing that had the boy so flustered. It looked like they were reading a story. You know, one of those on-line books. There was a picture of some dark haired bloke in leather on the screen. He was an attractive bugger, I’ll give you that. Reminded me of Angelus in a way. Tall dark and handsome, looks great in leather. ’Course, thinking about Angelus got me to remembering some good times we had together, and I got hard. Figured I’d head off to the loo for a quick wank.

Shaggy had just come out of the bathroom as I was heading up. He didn’t even look at me as we passed, but his heart rate sky rocketed and he smelled of fear and embarrassment. A nice aroma for a vampire, went straight to my dick. I would have stopped and tried to figure out what was going on with the boy but I had something I needed to take care of first.

Well bugger me sideways! The room was flooded with pheromones. It reminded me of why I was in here so I put aside my questions of why droopy had been in here having a toss after seeing that bloke on the computer, and I took care of business.

Of course, once I started thinking with me head instead of me dick again, I started putting the pieces together. It was obvious, to anyone who cared to look, that the boy was having some sort of sexual identity crisis. Being a vamp, I never had that problem. Stick it in just about anything, I will.

So now, the only question was, how do I use this to my advantage? I could take the piss with him, embarrass him in front of his mates. I could blackmail him, earn myself a bit of dosh. Or, I could use this to get the lad into bed. Been a while since ole’ Spike has gotten some. Being chipped has ruined me in the demon community, and the only humans I know are this lot.

Yep, that’s the plan. Seduce the boy. Eh, it’ll keep me from being bored if nothing else.

Part 3

Xander’s POV

Spike knows! OH. MY. GOD! Spike knows! This can’t be happening. I keep pinching myself, hoping to wake up from this nightmare. It doesn’t work and my arm is covered in bruises. Does the universe hate me? What the hell did I ever do to deserve this? Okay, so I cheated on Cordy with Willow and almost ruined our friendship. I left my fiancée at the altar, and I lied to my parents about a gazillion times growing up. But everyone lies to their parents, don’t they? I don’t deserve this! Do I?

He’s smiling at me. It’s disturbing. ’Cause it’s not an evil ‘I’m going to eat you all up with my big pointy teeth’ kind of smile. It’s more of a ‘I know a secret about you’ smile. A smile that says ‘I want something from you, but don’t worry you’re gonna enjoy it’. He can say a lot with his smiles. I won’t lie to you, I’m truly frightened.

I don’t know how he figured it out. I was careful, damn it! I didn’t look at him, talk to him, or go anywhere near him for the past two weeks! Of course this past week has been harder to avoid him. He drops by the shop all the time, if we aren’t there he shows up at Giles place. He offers to patrol with me, he follows me home, I see him watching my apartment at night. When I took Dawn to the movies last night? He tagged along.

I almost miss the dreams of Ares. ’Cause now? HE is the star of my nightly forays into homoerotisism. I can almost feel his cool skin pressed against my back, his lips on my neck, his fingers wrapped around my aching cock… GAH!!!!

Oh shit! Now he’s smirking at me. His nostrils are flaring and, oh shit! He’s hard. He can smell me. He can SMELL me!?! Oh hey, and here’s a thought. STOP. STARING. AT. HIS. CROTCH! Yeah, he caught me. I can see the twinkle of mischief in his oh-so-blue eyes. Stop looking into his eyes! DANGER. DANGER WILL ROBINSON. I almost trip as I get to my feet and run from the shop. I can hear his deep rich laughter as I flee.

If I ever meet the person who wrote that story… I’ll kick their ass!!!

Part 4

Spike’s POV

Well as much fun as this has been, I want to shag now! I’ve been hard for weeks. He knows that I know he wants me. I’m pretty sure he knows I’m interested as well. It’d be nice if he got up the balls to do something about it. He won’t though; the lad is so sure that I’m just fucking with him.

I am; don’t get me wrong. Evil here, remember? He’s just a distraction, just a nice looking body to sink into, nothing more. S’not like I care about the git. I just wanna shag ’im is all.

I think Red is on to me. She keeps looking at me funny like; makes me bloody uncomfortable, it does. I don’t fancy spending the rest of me unlife as a frog or something. Ta very much. Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea after all. No shag is worth being turned into something green and warty. Perhaps I should stop playing with the kid and let it go.

Nah. When have I ever backed down from something I want? Never, that’s when. I want the boy; I’ll have the boy. Just gotta make him come to me, that’s all. If Red thinks it was all HIS doing, then she won’t zap me. Too much of a goody-two-shoes, she is. Plus, it’ll keep ‘slutty the vampire layer’ from staking my lily-white bum.

Alright then. New plan. Make the boy seduce me. Shouldn’t be too hard. Right? Oh bloody Hell! Who am I kidding! It’ll be damn near impossible!

Part 5

Xander’s POV

Okay, officially confused here. One minute, Spike is all ‘I know you want me, come and get me’ and now? Nothing. It’s like I imagined the whole thing, that he hasn’t been pursuing me for past three weeks. And I was just getting ready to give in, damn it!

So what do I do now? I mean I could just let it go, but I don’t think it’d work. I’m pretty sure that this isn’t just going to go away. Damn it! Why me? So now I’ll have to… What? Go after him? Seduce him into my bed? <snort> Yeah right, ’cause I’m such a smooth talker. He was probably just fucking with me. Now that he’s had his fun, he’s through playing with me. Why am I always a source of amusement for others? Do I put off a ‘please, hurt me’ vibe or something?

Oh this is peachy! Giles just informed us all that Angel is on his way to good old Sunnyhell. Apparently, Cordy had a vision. Something nasty is headed this way and Buffy won’t be able to defeat it alone. Well, duh. She isn’t alone. She has all of us, and we’ve always managed before without Deadboy. I really don’t need this on top of everything else. Stupid broody vampire!

Of course, thinking about Angel makes me think about how good he looks in leather pants and one of those silk shirts he used to wear when he was Angelus. Damn. Now I’m hard again. Why me? Why do I have to be turned on by the two most notorious vampires in history?

I wonder if Spike and Angelus used to have sex? Oh yeah, that’ll help your hard on go away! Idiot. Now I’m picturing the two of them together, all pale smooth skin, firm hard muscle, touching each other, kissing, licking, biting… BITING!?! What the hell?

Okay, so yeah. The fangy thing does it for me. Yellow eyes, bumpy foreheads, gleaming white fangs… And why does the idea of them in game-face make my cock twitch? Xander Harris - demon magnet, at your service.

Oh look. What do you know? Spike’s staring at me. Again. Oh and was that a flash of yellow in his eyes? I need to get out of here before I cum in my pants.