Notes: Hmm. Okay, here I am at my favourite movie, with no
idea what I'm doing or where I'm going. . . That's
always good - to keep that element of surprise. . .but
is it really necessary to keep it from *me*?
Pairing: Han/Luke (although you'd never know it if I
didn't tell you)
Rating: PG. I'm warning for angst, and nothing else.
Series: Fifth (and penultimate) in the untitled SW
slut-puppy series, sequel to "Brief Encounter", "With
Feeling", "Cold Front", and "To Ashes".
Spoilers: Set during the first half of "Jedi". Some
parts are emphasized, some glossed, as usual.
Summary: Luke discovers what he needs to do to keep
the ones he loves safe.
Warnings: I don't use betas. :( Any mistakes are solely
my fault and the fault of my *#^&@ spellcheck.
It wasn't a surprise when he found out that Leia and Lando had gone ahead with their plan to rescue Han without waiting for him. He'd known that they would, after they'd been looking so long for a way into Jabba's Palace.
He'd also known that Jabba would not let them go so easily as Leia hoped. But they went ahead, and he knew that it would be easier to go in by himself after they'd all been captured than to try to kamikaze an escape of Han alone. With Leia, Chewie, and the droids as prisoners and Lando on the sidelines, all he had to do was ensure his own safe entrance into the Palace.
He could take care of himself. That he'd made sure of over the last year. Never again could he allow boyish dreams to blind him to reality. The battle with Vader had taught him that. Memories of that day called to him, haunted him. Yoda had known, had felt it in him, but had never asked. He accepted the return of his student who was now almost an entirely different person - more focused, intent, and almost ethereal in his abilities.
The Force is strong in young Skywalker. Yoda had said it many times. But even the Jedi Master himself could not see what the ultimate expression of that power would be.
Luke would not let him.
The failure on Bespin, he had finally realized, had been not in his actions, but in himself. His feelings had betrayed him, as they always did - they put his friends and family and the people that he loved in danger, and he would simply not allow that to happen any further. The solution - the answer that he strove for, the final lesson to be learned - was simply how not to feel.
He walked into the palace, easily overpowering the minds of the guards the way that Ben had done with the stormtroopers on Mos Eisley. How could it have been four years ago, when he felt four decades older?
"I must speak with Jabba. You will take me to Jabba now."
Steady. Control. He did not even allow himself to respond to seeing Leia in chains.
"I must be allowed to speak."
Jabba's mind was filled with controls, shields learned through many years of dealing with all of the dregs of the galaxy.
"I warn you not underestimate my powers."
The rancor was an unexpected diversion, but, like all disproportionately large creatures, it wielded more muscle and tissue than brain power. In the end, it died because of its own greed.
Just like Jabba himself would.
Not surprisingly, it was Lando who pulled him out of the Rancor pit, bringing him face to face with -
"Han." It was an automatic response. He couldn't help it, cursing himself for the momentary flicker of remembered coldness that shivered its way through his body at the sight of his old friend. It struck him just how glad he was that Leia had freed him from the carbonite. He'd never seen Han trapped.
"Luke."
Schooling his voice to 'normal' levels, he asked, "Are you all right?"
"Fine. Together again, huh?"
"Wouldn't miss it."
"How are we doing?"
"Same as always."
"That bad, huh?"
He desperately wanted to laugh. The shields in himself were weakening the way that they always did around Han. He'd never known it before, but the Corellian himself was Luke's greatest weakness.
"Where's Leia?"
She called out, knowing Han couldn't see her. "I'm here!"
Threepio pronounced the death sentence. The Sarlacc. Dying on Tatooine, where'd he'd lived seventeen years with eyes wide shut. Justice - even perverse justice - always had a sense of irony.
"You should have bargained, Jabba."
Han squinted into the never-ending sea of sand that stretched out before them. "I think my eyes are getting better. Instead of a big dark blur, I see a big light blur."
Luke leaned over without touching. "There's nothing to see. I used to live here, you know."
"You're going to die here, you know. Convenient."
That's what I was thinking. How do you read my mind like that? "Just stick close to Chewie and Lando. I've taken care of everything."
Han didn't even attempt to sound convinced. "Oh, great."
It was going to take precision, timing. He hoped that Artoo was in place, and stepped out on the platform. "Jabba," he called out, "this is your last chance: Free us, or die."
The answer was negative. He stepped out to the edge of the platform, and nodded to Lando, then gave the signal to Artoo. It was now or never.
Time for Plan A.
That same little part of him that had responded to Han's voice in the Palace was disappointed his friend couldn't see him, couldn't witness what the hours of training on Dagobah had done for him. Nothing made it more real than this - moving lives instead of rocks, his 'saber connecting with flesh, sending their tormentors into the pit of the Sarlacc. He pushed that wandering thought deep down, and continued to fight.
It didn't take long for the big guns to come out. He wanted to behead Boba Fett himself but let the pleasure of the bounty hunter's demise be Han's. It belonged to him - even if he didn't realize what he'd done.
He wanted to sing out in exultation as everything fell into place - this was what it was, this was the power that he sought.
The power of -
The gun from Jabba's ship was aimed directly at Han. He jumped, taking on all comers. Leia appeared, and he yelled instruction at her, his focus split between the small cruiser with his friends on it and the dozens of Jabba's men still coming at him.
He was hit, crying out as the blaster shot impacted with his hand. It struck him for a split-second that it was the first time that he'd really thought of it as his.
He grabbed Leia and kicked the trigger of the gun, then held on and flew off the exploding ship, the cruiser rocked by the aftershock of detonation.
They were safe, again.
He needed to get out of there as quickly as possible, not even stopping to talk to Han. He could feel the edges of his control fraying like the unravelling of a tunic. They all brought it back to him, without even knowing how painful it was - Leia, Chewie - Lando, even.
But none more powerfully than Han. It was beginning to break down in his mind, how much he wanted to stay warring with the realization of how far away he would have to go in order to keep Han safe.
He left in his X-Wing before anyone could say a word to him, splitting away from the 'Falcon at the first opportunity. Han he left in Leia's capable hands, and in the hands of the Alliance's fleet. They would take care of him, help him recover from the hibernation sickness. There, he would be safe.
Leia managed a transmission before he was out of range. As he travelled further away from them, he could feel his fragile equilibrium beginning to return. "I'll meet you back at the fleet."
"Hurry. The Alliance should be assembled by now." He wondered if she had any idea how much he admired her control. One of these days, he would have to tell her.
"I will."
He stiffened, momentarily out of breath as another voice came over the comm channel.
"Hey Luke, thanks - thanks for coming after me. Now I owe you one."
It suddenly struck him what he had to do - he would leave Han with Leia. When he saw them again, it would be together. If he never allowed himself to be alone with the pilot again, then there would be nothing wrong.
Leia loved Han. It was all over her - in her voice, in her eyes. She wasn't trying to hide it anymore. If Luke continued to pull back, the way that he was, then there would be nothing to separate them again.
Except Han. Han was stubborn, and he would almost certainly want to know why.
Perhaps - he shrank back from the thought, and then allowed it - perhaps the Force would come in handy, to 'encourage' this new union. It hurt less to think it than he thought it would.
It was perfect. Han would stop - caring for him, except as a friend. They would be friends, acquaintances. He would be safe with Leia, Leia who was always in control. Leia who knew how to do what she had to and how to get what she wanted, as well. She deserved him. None of this was her fault.
He let himself smile for the first time in months, as the communication ended, and pulled the dark glove over his damaged hand. Cover it up and no-one will know. Hide it away, deep inside, where no-one can find it.
Then they'll be safe.
Yoda had aged as immeasurably as he himself had, suddenly an old man, and sick. Even the power of the Force that still flowed strongly through his entire being could not sustain him in this world.
"One thing remains. Vader, you must confront Vader. Then, and only then, a Jedi will you be. And confront him you will."
"Master Yoda - is Darth Vader my father?"
"Rest I need, yes, rest."
"Yoda, I must know." You must say it. Someone must say it and make me believe it.
It took only seconds for him to answer, but the answer pushed Luke through vast ages of time and space. "Your father he is. Told you, did he?"
"Yes."
"Unexpected this is. And unfortunate."
"Unfortunate that I know the truth?"
"No. Unfortunate that you rushed to face him, that incomplete was your training, that not ready for the burden were you."
Unfortunate that I failed. "I'm sorry."
"Remember - a Jedi's strength flows from the Force. And beware: anger, fear, depression - the Dark Side are they. Once you start down the Dark Path, forever will it dominate your destiny. Luke, do not underestimate the powers of the Emperor, or suffer your father's fate, you will. When gone am I, the last of the Jedi will you be. You. The Force runs strong in your family. Pass on what you have learned."
But there is no-one, except me. And Vader.
Yoda's voice was a faint growl, barely audible. Pushing the words out of his mouth seemed to take all of his lifeforce. "Luke - there is another Skywalker."
It was to be the last words that he said.
He walked out of the hut with the weight of a uncertain future on his shoulders. The last Jedi. He was the last Jedi. The fate of so much was resting on his shoulders. He laid a hand on the X-Wing where R2D2 was making repairs. "I can't do it, Artoo. I can't go on alone."
"Yoda will always be with you."
Ben. "Obi-Wan. Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
"Your father was seduced by the Dark Side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true - from a certain point of view."
"A certain point of view?"
"Luke, you'll find that many of the truths that we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view. Anakin was a good friend. When I first knew him, your father was already a great pilot, but I was amazed how strongly the Force was with him. I took it upon myself to train him as a Jedi. I thought that I could instruct him just as well as Yoda. I was wrong."
"There is still good in him."
There was palpable bitterness in Ben's voice, as some deeper feeling than he was used to allowing came forth. "He's more machine now, than man - twisted and evil."
The earlier exhaustion washed over Luke again, threefold. "I can't do it, Ben."
"You cannot escape your destiny. You must face Darth Vader again."
"I can't kill my own father."
"Then the Emperor has already won. You were our only hope."
No. Not me. I can't. "Yoda spoke of another."
"The other he spoke of was your twin sister."
"But I have no sister."
"To protect you both from the Emperor, you were hidden from your father when you were born. The Emperor knew, as I did, if Anakin were to have any offspring. they would be a threat to him. That is the reason that your sister remains safely anonymous."
Images flashed through his mind - faint voices of the past, speaking to him. People he had never known - a beautiful, dark-haired woman, a blond youth who might have been himself, but wasn't. The answer came, unbidden. "Leia! Leia's my sister."
"Your insight serves you well." Ben reached out but was unable to cross the boundary between the spiritual and the corporeal. "Bury your feelings deep down, Luke. They do you credit, but they could be made to serve the Emperor."
The briefing was short and sweet. None of the Rebellion's plans had diverted Han's opinion much from what he'd initially thought four years ago - it was suicide mission upon suicide mission, with the odds just changed. Sometimes.
'General' Calrissian was unreadable. Han thought that maybe he might know where Luke had squirrelled off to so quickly, and vowed to ask him about it - casually, after the briefing.
He tuned back in to the officials when he heard them talking about the Imperial shuttle.
Leia was sitting next to him; since he'd been defrosted at Jabba's, she stayed as close as she possibly could, as if she was afraid that she'd turn and he'd be an oversized wall-hanging again. He shivered, knowing it was just the psychological after-effect of the hibernation sickness and not being able to suppress it for the knowing.
She leaned closer to him after Madine explained the plan for the stolen Imperial shuttle. "I wonder who they found to pull that off?"
He didn't have the chance to answer her himself.
"General Solo, is your strike team assembled?"
"Uh, my team's ready. I don't have a command crew for the shuttle."
Chewie roared something close to disgust; Han wasn't sure if it was at the absurdity of the mission he'd accepted or the fact that he hadn't been asked to come along.
"Well, it's gonna be rough, pal. I didn't want to speak for you. That's one."
Leia grinned at him. "Uh, General... count me in."
He was going to open his mouth, thank her, maybe tell her to stay here, where a body might have a chance of survival during this damn fool mission, but he once again found that he didn't have a chance.
"I'm with you, too."
That was it, that voice - not through a static-filled comm channel, not in his frozen dreams, not about to be pushed into the bowels of some sand monster - that was the voice that he'd been waiting for.
He turned, and stopped short. He didn't think he could begin to conceal the shock on his face. Luke - the farm-kid, the sun-drenched babe in the woods - was gone. In his place was a man - a body of corded muscle, a few scars on his face courtesy of the Wampa on Hoth, wearing dark clothing, from neck to high boots to the single glove on his hand, that mimicked the Imperial troops they were supposed to kill. There was a smile on his face, but nothing - absolutely nothing - in his eyes.
Han felt as though he'd been punched in the gut. He wanted to grab this pseudo-Luke - this dark-Luke - and shake him, and demand to know where his lover was gone.
For Han was absolutely sure, in that instant, facing this man - that his lover was gone.
Leia's arms came around him solidly; he felt her touch as if through a cushioning space of deep fog. Her bright eyes darkened immeasurably when he looked into them. "What is it?"
He thought about telling her; he really did. But it was still too deeply buried, too new for him to do anything but suppress it. He lingered a moment, wondering what she allowed herself to know about him, and then said, "Ask me again sometime."
She let him get away with it, and then he knew. Her control was better than he'd ever imagined. She would have to teach him that, someday. If there was a someday.
"Luke."
He pressed down, hard, pushing everything into the middle of his stomach - heart first - and glanced over, amazed when he didn't shatter into pieces just from the sight of Han. But the truth was, they were further apart now than they had been when Han was worlds away, still trapped in carbonite. He sent out an experimental thought to Han's mind, pleased when it was accepted without question as one of his own. Stay with Leia.
It was good. He could handle this. "Hi, Han... Chewie."
He saw the small register of hurt and disbelief on Han's face at his off-the-cuff greeting and knew that he was doing it. He had to stop himself from smiling, diffusing his pride and momentary confusion, pressing it all down. Deep down. The pit inside him was beginning to grow.
He wondered, all of a sudden, if he was expected to do something to get rid of these feelings. Not just ignore them, not just push them aside, but get rid of them. Surely they would have to come out somehow? He couldn't fill himself with unexpressed feelings - be all knowledge and no reaction, no emotion.
If that happened, he'd might as well be dead. Or something that didn't feel, like the droids.
Like -
The voice whispered in his mind. He'd been getting good at ignoring it, even though the seductive tone was almost ever-present.
Luke.
No.
My son...
He let go of Leia as if her touch was electric. They needed to go, and soon. Get this exercise in futility over. Go to Endor, yes; but after that, he would do what he must.
There was something wrong - something more than just Luke's appearance, more than his aloofness. Han could feel it, there was something pushing him away, without words or deeds. Luke was the same, working on the panel in the Imperial shuttle. But something -
Han sat down at the controls next to Chewie, and paused a moment to say a silent good-bye to the 'Falcon, now in Lando's hands. He felt Leia's presence beside him, but he had to turn his head to see that Luke was actually sitting in his place, strapped in. It didn't even occur to him that he hadn't had to do that - visually confirm Luke's presence - since their first flight on the 'Falcon.
Han wanted to reach out - touch him and make sure that he was there and not some sort of holo-projection from Artoo - but he pressed his itching fingers against the controls of the shuttle and forced his mind onto the task at hand.
He felt Leia's gentle touch on his shoulder, and smiled. "Come on, General, let's move."
"Right. Chewie, let's see what this piece of junk can do. Ready, everybody?"
Luke smiled a placid smile. "All set."
The next few hours were filled with unreality: the race through the forest on the speeder bikes which was almost enough to start the adrenaline once again pumping in Luke's veins, dangerously so; the trip to the Ewok village and the demonstration of 'Threepio's' power - that tiny fluctuation in the Force that Luke knew Vader would feel, if he were close; and, finally, his opportunity to leave.
He was faintly exhausted and fighting a headache - pushing Han away was starting to take its toll on his senses. He'd have to physically leave him, in order to bring himself and his feelings into check, once again.
He rested against the rope-bridge, closing his eyes and letting his control loose for a moment.
"Luke, what's wrong?"
It's you. Thank god it isn't him. He looked at the face of his sister for a long moment. He's too close. I can't hurt you now, Leia. "Leia... do you remember your mother? Your real mother?"
"Just a little bit. She died when I was very young."
"What do you remember?"
"Just...images, really. Feelings."
He pressed her, greedy for her memories, but her mind was too tightly shielded to allow him entrance. "Tell me."
"She was very beautiful. Kind, but...sad. Why are you asking me all this?"
You had what I never did. Maybe this is what our relationship is destined to be, my sister - you will live, and I will live through your life. "I have no memory of my mother. I never knew her."
"Luke, tell me. What's troubling you?"
He caught and held her eyes with his own, knowing that she had to believe him now or all was lost. "Vader is here...now, on this moon."
"How do you know?"
I can feel your fear, Leia. Don't be afraid of me. "I felt his presence. He's come for me. He can feel when I'm near. That's why I have to go. As long as I stay, I'm endangering the group and our mission here. I have to face him."
"Why?"
Breathe with her. "He's my father." The words came out more easily than he would have believed - for the first time he was telling them to a person, and not to a presence. "There's more. It won't be easy for you to hear it, but you must. If I don't make it back, you're the only hope for the Alliance."
"Luke, don't talk that way. You have a power I - I don't understand, and could never have."
"You're wrong, Leia. You have that power too. In time you'll learn to use it as I have. The Force is strong in my family. My father has it. I have it. And - my sister has it." Listen to me. You know I'm telling you the truth. You must believe me, Leia. You must believe me and keep him safe - for us. I'm giving you my life, Leia - you must take it and live it for me. "Yes. It's you, Leia."
She calmed, accepting what he was telling her. "I know. Somehow - I've always known."
The ache eased as she accepted his thoughts and merged them with her own. "Then you know why I have to face him."
"No! Luke, run away, far away. If he can feel your presence, then leave this place. I wish I could go with you."
"No, you don't. You've always been strong."
"But, why must you confront him?"
"Because - " It's my destiny. " - there is good in him. I've felt it. He won't turn me over to the Emperor. I can save him. I can turn him back to the good side. I have to try." And you have to stay here for me, Leia. Stay. Live. He kissed her - For you. And for him. - and slipped into the night.
He came on the heels of Luke's exit. "Hey, what's goin' on?"
Two voices cried out. Han.
"Nothing. I - just want to be alone for a little while."
"Nothing? Come on, tell me. What's goin' on?"
Don't tell him, Leia.
She turned away from him, without quite knowing why, except that something inside her was telling her to do it. "I - I can't tell you."
"Did you tell Luke? Is that who you could tell?"
"I - "
His frustration welled up. "Ahhh - "
The voice came unbidden to his mind. You don't want to hurt her.
Suddenly, he realized what he was doing, lashing out at her. If she couldn't tell him, she couldn't tell him. "I'm sorry."
She turned into his arms, unexpectedly. "Hold me."
From the cover of the shadows just out of sight, Luke nodded to himself. Then, turning, he set out to meet his destiny.
He knew two things for certain: one, that the Force itself was not enough. It had failed his father, it had failed Ben, and it had failed Yoda. The three men who should have been all to him were gone. Leia didn't know - or rather, she didn't want to know. It had frightened her, even before she knew what it was. Now that she knew - she, too, would have to 'unlearn'.
The second thing was that love alone was not enough, either. Ben and his father, both - the part of his father that was now Vader - told him the same thing.
Bury your feelings deep down, Luke.
Your thoughts betray you, my son.
Love wouldn't help him. Love hurt his friends and those closest to him - Owen and Beru, murdered, Leia in chains, Han buried in carbonite, all because he loved.
So, if the Force could not sustain his life, if Love hurt and killed those around him, then there was only one thing left.
It was time to see what the Power of the Dark Side would hold for him.