-- Dear Blair 10 --
Time Off, Vacations, and Blair Oh My

by Patt Paulos-Darrow

Sept. 14th, 2000

Dear Blair,

Two weeks off with you, and I have no idea what to even do to start. I better start thinking ahead because you are always one step ahead of me in all departments. I made the plans, we are going to fly to Greece and Egypt. You told me once you wanted to go to both places, so that is where we are going. Now once we get there, we can do as the Greeks do. I had to say that. I mean, that was just tooooo easy. Actually what I mean is once we get there we can do whatever you want to do. I figured once there, you could make all of the plans. I am up for everything. And I mean both. Up and everything. This is going to be so great. Time off with no one bothering us. Shit, I will probably be lost and will want to come home early, NOT. I can't wait to tell you tonight that I got the tickets and that we are leaving.

Well, you got home tonight and informed me that Simon said you are on a special case and to tell me you will be gone for about five weeks. What the hell was Simon thinking? I had the time off put in; he knew we were going to Greece and Egypt. What the fuck is up with that? I try to hide my disappointment, but you see it and you are apologizing for having to leave me. So whom the hell is he going to be with? You then inform me that you are going to a small town somewhere with Rafe; you are going in as a couple. You couldn't tell me any more than that. Well, the cool and calm Ellison blew his lid. I screamed at you, "we are a couple, why don't they send us?"

And you had to remind me that the department doesn't know, or they would separate us. I am fuming and pacing. I don't even know what to say to this. I am proud of you, for making it so far so quickly, but at the same time I can't stand the idea of you being gone for five weeks. You told me that Simon said when this is over you and I can go on a two-week trip. I just sat and smiled and said, whatever. You knew I was unhappy, but you also knew I knew it was your job. I have to accept it.

Sept. 15th, 2000

Dear Blair:

You would not have been proud of me today at all. I went and talked to Rafe and threatened him that if anything happened to you while you were on this case I would kill him. Blair, I can't believe I did that. You should have seen his face. He kept saying, "Jim, you know I would do anything for Blair, and I would never hurt him or let anyone hurt him." And he had tears in his eyes when he said this. I realized I had just hurt a really good friend and when I tried to apologize he turned from me and left the room. Now I don't know what to do about that. Another something I have to fix. I have a big mouth I know and I hate when I get like this. It is not your fault; it is not Rafe's fault. It is just life. I have to get things under control. So I did the next best thing. I went and asked Simon what your names were going to be and when he told me I had some luggage tags made for you two, that matched, so it would look like you were a couple. I am trying, babe. Really, I am. I don't like sharing, but I also don't like hurting friends or lovers.

So, when Rafe came to pick you up last night I gave the tags to the two of you and you both just beamed. Okay, so this might have been a good idea. There is a first time for everything. I kissed you long and hard and told you to take care of yourself. And then I hugged Rafe, which shocked him and whispered how sorry I was for saying that to him and to take care of both of them. He hugged back really hard and said, not to worry. I will. Simon said it isn't even a really dangerous case, just something that has to be taken care of. But he was lying. I could tell.

Oct. 10th, 2000

I haven't been writing for a while because when you are feeling sorry for yourself, it is hard to write things. Well, I am over it now. I miss you so much. I asked Simon if there was a number I could call and he said no. He won't tell me where you are staying, so no way to get a hold of you at any time. I really, really need to talk to you. Remember how once I said, being a Sentinel meant that when I jacked off I had to have a scent of you, or be able to hear you, or see you? Well, I have a terrible case of blue balls. I can't get anywhere. I have tried everything. I need your voice or your scent and not just in the pillow. It is the pits. I hate being separated.

Oct. 11th, 2000

Simon said the case is going well; you might be home sooner than they all expected. And he said that he told you to call me tonight on the cell phone. Hot damn. I might be able to get it going. I kid you not babe, I have to cum or I am going to explode. Did he tell you what a big old grouch I have been in the bullpen? Even Joel doesn't come around me as much as he used to. And I really should try to be nicer to Brown, because he is missing his partner I know. He has been really quiet and doesn't talk because I am a dick head. Hey, this happens when you can't get it on. I will talk to Brown, tomorrow, I swear.

I just got off the phone with you and you were so great. You knew exactly what I needed. You talked to me just like you used to when I wanted to cum. And damn if I didn't cum twice while talking to you. It was wonderful. You said the case is going well, Rafe is really nice to work with, and I said, jokingly, "Well I hope not too nice" and you got pissed off. So, I know I am in trouble now. It was a joke, babe, really. But you got really pissed off and said, "Not everything has to be about you, Jim." Well, of course this is true, but I don't have to like it. I told you how sorry I was and that I would do better. God you love when I beg. And before long we were back to the kind of talk I love and you got off on my voice. I love the sound of your breathing when you are close. As you came, I did too. I feel much better now. I will be able to sleep tonight at least.

Oct. 20th, 2000

All right, what happened to this might not be as long as they thought? I miss you so much babe. It isn't even funny. Simon called me into his office and said, that they are pretty close to making this bust. I asked him what the hell it was, and he said, "If you don't get crazy, I will tell you." So he proceeded to tell me all about the case, which was an ugly one. Someone was killing gay couples and you and Rafe fit the descriptions. And you had to go into it and try to fit in. That is what was taking so long. But I guess a couple of people have been following you both, so the cops there are watching them. Supposedly you have tons of backup. But I wish I could be your backup. I know, I know. You are a big boy; you don't need me to take care of you. Maybe I need you to take care of me.

Then Simon told me that the two of you were doing a great job, the cops there were very impressed they couldn't believe you weren't a real couple. Simon said it like he was all proud, and for some reason; my heart was beating so hard I could hardly think. This scared the shit out of me. I would die if you left me. I wonder if you really know this. Probably not. You probably think it is just some caveman tactic. But it isn't. I love you like I have never loved anyone. It scares the shit out of me. Well, once I got more control I noticed that Simon was handing something to me. Tickets to Greece and Egypt, for three weeks from now. I just sat there with my mouth hanging open. I guess the travel agent left a message with Simon telling him that they had to take some of the price of the tickets out of my credit card. It couldn't all be replaced. Simon knew I had made plans but I didn't tell him where. He felt bad and was trying to make it up to me. He said that he expected me to pay him back, half, when he got the bill. Okay, I can live with this.

Nov. 3rd, 2000

You are coming home tonight and I tell you, I can't wait. This has been a long, long separation. I for one don't want it to happen again. The case ended very well for you and Rafe, but not for the bad guy. Rafe had to shoot him. I was sorry that he died, so that the families could not feel like justice was served. But then again, maybe him dying did help them. What a waste. He killed 8 men, only because he didn't want to come out. Sad, isn't it? I am very proud of both you and Rafe. Very good job. And wait till you find out about our trip. This is going to be good. I am going to fuck you senseless all night long. I already told Simon not to expect you in tomorrow cuz you would not be able to walk or sit. And he told me to knock it off, that was more than he needed to know. :) Everything is ready for you. Food, clean bed, candles, everything. I have been hard all day long. I might have to try to do something about that while I am waiting for you. I called your cell phone and you were in the air, and I asked you to go to the restroom and close the door. You did, you are such a slut. And I told you I needed you right then, so you proceeded to talk dirty to me. You told me how many different ways you wanted to suck my cock and how many different ways you wanted to fuck my ass. And as you were doing this, I came so hard; I thought I would pass out. I could tell you were close and I started talking back telling you sweet things, sexy things and then told you I wanted to tongue fuck you till you screamed and I'll be damned, you did. Sorry, babe. I am sure everyone will look at you strangely, but that is tough. I feel so much better now. This is going to be good. I feel so great about us; I see good things happening all the time. I think forever when your name comes to my lips.

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