by Ursula
Fuck him. Well, I would in a second. I lean close and steal a kiss.
His mouth comes alive beneath mine. His tongue darts between my lips
to taste me, dueling with mine. His breath is electric. His kiss is
like a jolt of vodka. I'm falling forward, drunk with him. We tumble
together until he growls as he lands on top me.
"I heard you say something about Venus," Alex snarked at me. "I don't
think you can make those de Milo cracks any more." He holds both
hands up and wiggles them. "Look two hands, no waiting."
I capture both of his hands, kissing first the right. His hand is
rock hard with ridges of long use on his trigger finger. Even after
his long immersion, I think I can taste the tang of gunpowder on his
skin. I smile. I wonder if I'm the only one who gets an erection at
the smell of gunfire? His left hand is baby soft. I brush my lips
lightly over it. His fingernails are as pink and translucent as a
newborn's. I am in awe. He touches me with his left hand. It trembles
against my cheek, his eyes are soft, and he's blinking back tears.
Mulder and he were partners the last time he touched me with two
hands.
"It works," Alex said.
"I thought you would like the working model," I said.
"I never even thought of asking if the rebels could do that," Alex
confessed. "It was more important to get the nanos out."
Anxiously, Alex asked, "They are out?"
"Out, flushed, dead as Mulder's keyboard after he spilled his ice tea
across it last summer," I assured.
Alex had picked up my hand. His lips were against my flesh. I felt
them curve into a smile. My mouth reflects his joy. We've won.
"No more spies in my blood," Alex said. "You know what we need to do?"
"What?" I asked.
"I think we should make love," Alex said. He smiled evilly and
said "I think you should take off your clothes right now, Walter."
I wasn't able to move swiftly enough for him. His left hand fumbled
at my tie, but grew in dexterity as his fingers flew down my shirt.
As his hands bare me, his mouth devoured me. His lips were hot. His
tongue marked me, teasing along my nerves, dancing over me. He
laughed as I shoved him back flat on the bed. I held him down, my
hands hard on his arms. He struggled to test me and tease me, before
relaxing.
"Take me, you beast," Alex said.
"When we get there," I growled. I slid my cheek against his, feeling
the rasp of our beards. He managed to move his head to capture my
lips again.
"Mmmm," I said, "Mmmm. I think they made you in flavors."
"Fish?" Alex teased.
"Brat," I said back. "No, you taste like chocolate."
"It's possible, the rebels have strange senses of humor," Alex
remarked. "Better try all of me. I might be a feast for you."
"You always were," I said, kissing my way lower. He offered his
throat to me. God, I love it when he does that. I always get the
feeling that he would give me all of himself if I asked. He would
give me his last breath. He would give me his soul.
"I adore you," I said, to the wings of his chest. I listened to the
wild beat of his heart. I called him heartless once, one bitter
night, he sneered at me as if my words meant nothing, but I saw a
flinch he couldn't conceal. I kept that rebuke in my memory. I knew
somewhere behind the sullen rage he showed me that my beloved was
still there. I never fully understood how Spender took him back. I
just knew that my enemy had offered me something tender and fragile.
That evil man gave me my joy and then he sneered and took him back,
worked us both like puppets.
"Now you are mine," I said. My mouth found his nipple and my tongue
lashed circles around it. He moaned and arched into me, his nails
shivered down my back, not marking me, but teasing me with the hint
of pain. I groaned, caught his nipple between my teeth until he
quivered from head to foot.
I paused at his stomach. It was concave although I know he could gain
weight rapidly. He had starved in Tunisia. It angered me to think of
how Spender had punished him for bringing me back. It did my heart
good to know that he would take such a chance for me. From now on, he
would know no prison unless you counted my love. He'd never be free
of that, but I knew he'd never want to be.
My tongue traced his navel. He laughed softly so I could feel the
vibration through my worshipping mouth. A moment later, grown
impatient, he guided my head down, grabbing my ears like handles. (He
always said they were made for that. Who needed hair when a lover had
ears like mine?)
I obliged him. I kissed the tip of his cock. I had never really
tasted him before. He never explained himself when we were first
lovers. I never guessed he was afraid of infecting me. I knew he was
clean of the things normal lovers feared. I had felt hurt when he
said we should always use protection. I thought he was telling me
that there were others.
I finally guessed why. He told me without meaning to reveal so much.
It was before I took him back in my hate, my lust, and my longing.
Alex thought I was sleeping with Mulder. He has a soft spot for
Mulder despite being jealous of him. He showed up in my office. I was
sweating with terror, wondering what part of my soul he would ask for
next. He turned his back on me, the fucker. I don't know why I didn't
try him. He turned to glance at me and said, "About the nanos..."
I groaned in frustrated rage. Alex said, "Use protection when you
fuck. I don't know if you can spread them to someone else, but I
wouldn't take the chance. Mulder's important."
What was funny in a sick way was that I didn't even understand why he
paired the thoughts, protection and Mulder. When I realized what he
meant, I wanted to laugh. It's not that Mulder isn't attractive, but
I was in love with someone else. Someone I never hoped to have again.
A man whose existence I doubted, believing him a phantasm constructed
by Spender. And Mulder was in love also. Not with Scully, but with
hope, with glory, and with his holy war. Nothing I could offer him
could compare with that.
It took a great deal of thought before I realized what Alex had told
me beneath his harsh words. I had to stop being angry. That was
difficult.
My breakthrough came when I was out drinking with Doggett. I had told
John about the nanos. He had a streak of crude in his makeup. He
looked at me in pie-eyed glory and said "So Krycek told you that you
can shoot those nano things out your dick? Why the hell was he so
worried about that? And how would he know?"
"He always uses protection," I blurted. Doggett was waving his hand
around for another drink. I don't think he heard me. I hoped so later.
I realized what Alex had told me, not meaning to be so honest. I
started to think of how I could free him. I used every marker I could
call upon to try to find a cure for myself, for him.
And I took Alex back into my bed, into my life. I made love to him
although he called it fucking and never spent the night.
It wasn't until a rebel showed up in my office that I had hope. His
ravaged visage showed me nothing, but his flat voice said, "Krycek is
useful. We have used him at times. He is afraid to break free. He is
afraid to trust us enough to submit. We can cure him. We can free
him. You must persuade him."
"Me?" I said. "Why me?"
The exasperated voice emerged from the sealed lips. "He is in love
with you."
Should I believe an alien?
Oh, hell, why not?
Why not when they said what I wanted to hear?
I agreed. He agreed. I know he was scared shitless, but I said I
would go first. He argued. I won. I'm here and so is he. Thank God.
I opened my mouth and slowly slid down on him, guiding his heated
flesh with my trembling hand. I felt the tip of his cock brush the
back of my throat. I wanted to open further to him. I wanted to take
him into my body as deep as he would go and deeper.
Nature being nature, I choked and had to move back. His hand was
tender on me. He said, "Don't try so hard, Walter. Whatever you have
for me, it's enough."
I was embarrassed. I knew better. I was good at this, damn it! I was
no trembling virgin, not for decades.
I tried again, teasing him with my tongue and letting him slide into
me. I let him set the pace, moving my tongue in random patterns. This
time my body cooperated. I held his hips as he rocked into me,
helpless in his passion.
There was nothing left of his control. Alex was unguarded. When I
glanced up at him, I saw his expression, desperate, needing, and
wild. If I had rejected him in that moment, he would have shattered.
But so would I.
I held him down, my head moving between his legs, my mouth
surrounding him, taking him fast. He arched, shuddered, and pumped
himself into me with utter abandon. As bitter as he was, it was honey
to me. He was mine. I was his.
We were free. The cruel machines were gone from our blood. We made
love the first time, the first time free of the cold camera eyes of
the men that kept me leashed and owned him.
Hang in there, Mulder.
We'll be along shortly.
They won't know what hit them.
But first, Alex and I have some things to do.
I haven't been inside him naked. He hasn't had me.
First, there's love. First and always.
The end.
Hurry up: Venus on the morning sky, reach your hand
urry up: Venus on the morning sky, reach your hand
so that the sun won't cover it, reach your hand
for eleven years we've been waiting
like donkeys for donkey's years, waiting in line like planets.
—Aria Tianen
He doesn't wake when I whisper the lines into his ear. I lean over
him, as he lay sprawled on the bed of black velvet, displayed for me
like the jewel that he is. They took the lines from his eyes, but
left the one across his nose. Thank God, that's my mark when I want
to kiss a smile onto his face. His two hands curl like lotus flowers
at his sides. His eyelashes are heavy against his cheeks. His lips
are parted, moist, and enticing. I can't resist although I can hear
his voice now, calling me a name for kissing him unaware.
so that the sun won't cover it, reach your hand
for eleven years we've been waiting
A miracle, if love then didn't blossom, seas, tides
wouldn't surge over us... I'll smear him with wine and
honey,
lick every inch of his skin—each second is dear, now take off your clothes,
fold on the chair those barriers that we've been wearing
damn the rows of buttons, walls of zips, calendars
that would hate our love,
there's no time to waste, now that finally I can
taste you without the cold camera eyes, without snoopers,
without love police that pry at our acts
having no idea what they might be.
Venus on the morning sky, you at an arm's distance from me
what a fiery spiral: I don't know where it will take us
when we're now stars in the same constellation,
speak to my ear of the pain and the beauty.
