by Ursula
After I was put in charge of the X Files, there was something else that he had
over me. Fox Mulder and Dana Scully were the people next to Sharon that I best
loved. Spender made it clear that all three would bear the consequences if I
didn't cooperate. Spender was the main reason that I started to push Sharon
away. I wanted to protect her and it seemed to me that if I made it clear that I
didn't love her that she was safer. I never knew that I was a good actor until I
saw the letter from her divorce attorney on the desk we shared at home. When she
left, she kissed me and said it was a trial separation. I told myself it was for
the best. It probably was. I loved women, but lusted after men. That was the way
it had always been with me.
As I packed a small suitcase, I wondered fearfully what it would be this time.
It wasn't just that I was useful. I know Spender loved having me on a string. He
loved to make me squirm and suffer.
Snow was gently falling as Spender's goon drove me to the Maryland farm where he
liked to play his games. It's a tobacco farm, more of his twisted humor or an
expression of his one minor addiction. In the snow, it looks very Currier and
Ives. The barn even has a red roof and there are gable picturesquely adorning
the front of the house. Snow already softened the outline and blurred the
distant hills.
A blue and gray rag rug is in the front hall. The man with me, a large blond
brute, mutters, "Wipe your feet."
I ignored him. Petty defiance is all I can afford, but I indulge when I am able.
Spender was in his office. It's dark wood, prints of men with guns and fishing
poles, duck decoys here and there. I don't believe any of it reflects the man's
personality. It must have been decorated this way when he bought it or took it
from whoever had previously owned it. Spender ignored me. He loves these small
demonstrations of power. What he doesn't know is that all he is telling me is
that he is afraid of me.
"I have a project for you," Spender remarked. "a young man who needs to be
trained. Four days should be enough."
"What kind of training?" I asked, thinking it might be some of the things I had
learned in my long career as a soldier, a cop, and a FBI agent.
Pointedly looking at my groin, Spender said, "You should find this enjoyable.
After all, it is how you came to work for me."
"I don't work for you," I said. "You're blackmailing me and I'm going along for
now."
Spender laughed. He said, "Mr. Brown will show you to the room you will be
using. Everything you need will be there."
"I'm not raping someone for you," I said.
"It's you or you can watch while my men entertain themselves," Spender said. He
rang a bell and two men entered.
One of the newcomers was yet another of the well-built men with dead eyes that
Spender had around him. The other...
I had seldom seen a man more beautiful. He was young, perhaps in his
mid-twenties but no older. He was slender, lithe, and moved like a young buck,
uncertain yet with inherent grace. His legs were long. He hinted of a solidity
that was belied by his actual proportions...he was slender as a teenager. His
eyes were extraordinary, deep jade pools framed by lashes like dark velvet
fronds. His features were not conventionally handsome. He had a little boy's
nose over the lips of Eros. The line of his jaws from ear to tender, diminutive
chin enticed me to trace it with a gentle hand and kiss along the beauty of it.
His hair was rich chestnut in color, soft and radiant with life.
As he entered the room, he glanced at me with muted terror. My heart went out to
him and I wished I were anyplace but here. I wish I had met him in some other
place where I would have a chance of seducing him as a willingly lover.
"This is Alex. He has an assignment upcoming and needs to be able to please the
man to whom he is being assigned," Spender said. Flicking his cigarette ash into
the tray, Spender eyed the young man and said, "I think he is quite attractive."
"I'm not going to rape him," I said again. Those green eyes flickered back up
before the man downcast them again. I saw a hint of gratitude in the eyes before
he gazed back on the floor. "I said there were lines I would never cross."
"Of course not," Spender said in that supercilious tone. "Alex, we have before
us Walter who is a very experienced man in the bedroom. Would you rather spend
the next four days learning to please him or would you rather spend the next
four days being used by any of my guards who are interested?"
Alex drew a quick breath. The pale peach of his skin flushed white and then two
hectic circles of red grew on his cheeks. He looked at me appealingly and said,
"Please, Walter?"
Abruptly he knelt in front of me and looked up. A shudder of arousal shook me
and I wondered if he understood what his submissive posture was doing to me. He
touched my outer leg with his hand. I could feel how he was shaking.
I couldn't look at him. I snapped, "For God's sake, get up. All right, Spender,
I'll do your bidding if the boy agrees."
Tears were caught like morning dew on Alex's lashes. My lips formed a grim line
and I said, "Let's get on with that."
One of Spender's men led us upstairs. I had never been in this room. It was as
beautiful as the rest of the house. The bed was incredible. It was covered with
dark brown satin, shot through with emerald and gold threads. There was a pair
of matching chairs and even a couch set in a bay window. A massive dresser and
desk occupied part of the space. I saw Alex's eyes flicker around the room, but
always returning to the bed. The poor kid was terrified.
"Bathroom through there," grunted the guard. He pushed Alex and muttered under
his breath, "Faggot, I bet we hear you scream all over the house."
To my surprise, the young man shoved back, a quick move with his foot tumbling
him to the floor. The guard was pissed, but his companion said, "No, Spender
doesn't want the kid marked. Forget it. You're just angry because you wanted
some."
"I'll get mine when you fuck this up, Alex," the first brute said.
The door slammed and we were alone in the room. I could hear his rapid deep
breathing. I was almost afraid he would hyperventilate. I said, "This doesn't
have to hurt."
Alex glanced at me and nodded. He said, "I'm sorry. I'm nervous."
Quick jerky steps carried him over to the desk. There was a vase on it. It was
green nearly transparent china and contained cherry blossoms. Alex touched a
petal, leaned down to sniff and said, "Cherry blossoms in December?"
"I imagine they are forced," I said. "My wife dragged me to a flower show or two
when she went through her Martha Stewart stage. They trick the plants into
thinking it is spring."
"Can't even leave the fucking flowers alone," Alex said bitterly. He looked at
me again and said, "Your wife? She know that you're gay?"
"We've discussed that I'm bi," I admitted. "You don't have to be one or the
other, Alex."
A ragged sigh punctuated my comment. Alex said, "I just have to be what they
tell me to be."
Pulling his shirt off, Alex said, "I want to get this over with."
I watched him strip and wished that I didn't feel aroused. I could tell he
didn't have any sexual feelings. In fact, his cock and balls were drawn tight to
his body. He was frightened.
"I already took a shower and washed up...inside," Alex said. "I looked up things
on the Internet so I would know what it's like."
"Can't learn everything on there," I remarked. "What did they tell you about
me?"
"That you were experienced," Alex said. "You were really intro some serious
stuff. BDSM stuff."
"I had a fling with that," I said, "But it's only a game with me. I won't do
anything like that with you. I'm not going to hurt you. I know you felt that was
true or you wouldn't have chosen me."
Alex watched me closely as I undressed. He was still across the room, bruised
petal falling from his clenched hand. I checked the drawer and found it more
than well supplied. An assortment of lubrication and condoms as bright as a
candy store sat in a tray. There were some toys in the back of the drawer. I
shoved them back.
The comforter looked very expensive. I removed it, amused at myself for acting
as if this was one of Sharon's decorating projects. I patted the bed and said,
"I can't do anything from across the room."
Sliding inside me, Alex wouldn't look at me. He asked, "You want me on my back
or on my stomach?"
"Just come here," I said.
How could a stranger feel so right in my arms? He was shaking and my hands
smoothed over his back and down the Ionic column of his spine. I brushed over
the velvet skin of his ass, but didn't linger. His hair smelled good, like
sandalwood or one of those church-like scents. It was softer than Sharon's was.
I closed my eyes inhaling him.
"You are fantastic," I said, "so beautiful."
"Yeah?' Alex asked. He wasn't happy about my comments.
"I suppose you're not happy about that right now," I said.
"You got that right," he snapped.
"You're straight?" I asked.
"I guess so," Alex said, but he didn't sound certain. "Spender gives me to women
as a party treat," he added. His face turned red again. "He doesn't think much
of me. I guess he picked me for my looks. I'll show him..."
If Spender had seen the expression on Alex's face, I would have bet he might
have reconsidered letting the boy out of his sight. Alex might be naïve now, but
at some point in the future, this would be a dangerous man.
Leaning over him, I kissed the inside of his shoulder blade, trailing my lips to
explore the sweet lines of his collarbone. He looked at me uncertainly and said,
"Your beard scratches."
"Want me to shave again?" I asked.
"No, it's okay," Alex said. "You want to kiss me?"
The tone of his voice invited me so I said, "Very much."
Alex moved closer, his body fitted into mine as if we were two puzzle pieces.
His lips were apart; his eyes were closed. As my lips met his, his hand came up
to lie trembling on my back. I felt as if I had some wild bird in my keep, so
fragile and fierce. My hand stroked his soft hair as my mouth burned into his.
He opened his mouth and our tongues entangled for a moment. He looked at me with
dancing eyes and I felt a smile form beneath my kiss. He yielded, letting me
explore him. I could feel the fear ebbing and I was delighted. I had never
wanted anyone as much as I wanted this man.
My breath feathered down his neck. I couldn't resist marking him. I wish he were
mine. If I sold my soul for anything, I'd have sold it to keep Alex with me, to
keep him from harm. I wondered who was going to be the target of Spender's
entrapment...lucky bastard to get Alex even if it was a honey trap. My tongue
curled around one dusty rose nipple. I suckled it, teased it hard. He moaned and
then laughed at himself.
"I'm glad it's you," Alex said, "so glad."
Darkness crossed his eyes and I knew he was thinking about the future, about the
man who was his target. I moved to his firm stomach and thrust my tongue into
his navel. He jumped in surprise then laughed again.
His clean male smell was an aphrodisiac to me. The scent of it called to me,
arousing me completely. I looked at him with pleasure; he was neatly shaped,
uncut, and the head of his penis was peeking out of the foreskin. I stroked his
shaft before tracing the head with my tongue. His legs spread and when I stopped
for a moment to see how he was doing, his face was far away, lost in his
pleasure.
"Don't stop," Alex said in a husky voice.
I had no intention of doing so, but I wanted to get what he probably feared the
most over. I urged him higher and put two pillows beneath him. He looked
frightened again, but also trusting. I could see he had put himself totally in
my hands. Whatever I intended he would allow.
Of course, Alex had no more choice than I had, but it seemed to me that we could
make this good. Steal each other from Spender for as many days as he allowed me
to have. I wanted to make this a wonderful experience for Alex. I wanted him to
look at sex with a man as a beautiful experience. I just hoped the man to whom
Spender was sending my lovely Alex was half as considerate as I was being.
Alex's erection had wilted a little as his thoughts led him to what would come
next.
"I won't hurt you," I promised. "Trust me."
His nod was as best as he could do. I knew I had to take my time, restrain the
part of me that wanted to take him soon. Instead, I teased his erection back to
rosy beauty. He gave a grunt of surprise when I parted the perfect mounds of his
ass to delve between.
"Wow, I didn't think you would do this," Alex said.
Saying nothing, I continued to circle the pucker of flesh, slowly thrusting my
tongue deeper. He had as he said, washed well. His soft groans urged me on. He
was clutching the covers and arching up to offer himself fully. He barely
noticed when my finger took turns with my tongue. By the time, I had opened him
big enough for two fingers, he was anticipating more. I waited to get one more
finger into him and then put the condom on my eager cock. I worked the lubricant
as deep into him as I could reach.
"It's going to be good," I assured.
Alex nodded and his eyes gazed into mine as I slowly pushed into him. They
widened and then narrowed as he felt the burn of my entry. My hand coaxed his
erection back as it began to fade. His feet locked around my back, keeping me
close to him. I continued to be gentle with him, not wanting to hurt him. Alex
was so young. He couldn't take the slow pace for long. He pushed back at me,
winced, but a moment later gasped and did it again.
In response, I speeded my pace, glad of it as I felt as if I was on fire for
him. He gasped and I paused, but he said, "Don't stop."
My world narrowed to our joined flesh, to the pleasure that burst along my
spine, to his beautiful face, red in passion. We moved together, giving and
receiving as one.
Alex did scream, but it was the extremity of pleasure, not pain. My body jerked
in spasms as I came. I fell back, barely remembering to move to one side so as
not to crush him. He moved closer, his arm around me, his face buried in my
neck. I could feel the heat of his breath against my throat. His hand removed
the condom for me and he nuzzled me after he threw it away.
I didn't want to move. I felt as content as I had ever been. His weight, his
warmth was as much a part of me as my own flesh. My mind raced, knowing that I
had to find a way to get him away from Spender.
"How are you?" I whispered. He had pretty little ears, pointed and close to his
head. I had to kiss them too.
"Fine, a little sore...sticky," he replied.
"Guess we had better wash then," I said.
The bathroom was huge. There was a large tub, big enough for two. Hot water
thundered into it when I turned the spigot. Alex winced and sat on the toilet
for a few moments.
"You probably just think you have to go," I said.
"Yeah," Alex replied. "It didn't really hurt when you were doing it. I was too
excited to notice I guess." He looked at me again and said, "Thank you. I
wish..." He paused and then said, "I don't care what he hears. I wish I belonged
to you. Walter, you're somebody important? I heard the guards saying that they
liked to watch Spender make the big shot squirm. Maybe if you asked for me, he
would make a deal with you."
"I'll try," I said. I doubted Spender would go for it, but I didn't want to
spoil the time I had with this young beauty.
Alex slid between my upraised legs, leaning back into me. "Three days? I thought
this was going to be the worst experience of my life and now, I wish it was
forever."
I agreed silently as I washed his chest, making slow circles with the cloth. I
had no urge to ask him for information or to find out what Spender was holding
over his head. I just wanted him, wanted him in my bed and, God help me, wanted
him in my life. I would have crawled to leave this house with this man whom I
had only known a few hours, but whom I craved like a drowning man craves oxygen.
After the bath, we slept a few hours. It was pitch black in the room when I felt
Alex's lips touch mine.
"Awake?" Alex asked.
"Yes," I replied, smoothing his hair, which was wild from sleep. Our mouths met
hungrily. He was more aggressive this time. I think his passivity had been from
fear before, but he was no longer afraid.
His hands moved over me, exploring me with abandon. I made as free with him. I
wanted to remember each detail of him. I wanted to keep the feel of his skin,
his scent, his sweetness forever. I jerked back as a kiss turned into a nip. I
said, "What was that about?"
"I wanted you to remember me," his shaken voice told me. "I wanted to put my
mark on you."
My hand guided his to my chest over my heart. "You marked me here."
A shaky laugh was his response to that. He said, "Right."
"I'm serious," I said, bringing his ear back to my lips. "Let's try and get out
of here tomorrow."
"Okay," he replied. He hugged me hard as he could. He was strong. I was
surprised at how fit he was for all his smoothly lovely flesh.
His kisses traveled down my chest. "I'm going to give you head," he said. Then,
he added, "Don't laugh at me if I do it wrong."
"I won't," I said, locking my hands behind my head. I didn't want to forget
myself and grab his hair. "Just don't try to take me too deep. Forget all those
porn movies. You have to work your way up to it."
The touch of his tongue was endearingly tentative. It must have not been as bad
as he expected for a moment later he was back, mapping my cock with kisses and
swipes of his cat-like tongue.
"I can feel that big vein throbbing under my tongue," Alex exclaimed in wonder.
He said, "I really do it for you, don't I?"
"You do," I said. He resumed the blow job with more confidence. I'd had better,
but knowing whom it was making love to me made it the best I ever had. I groaned
as his head bobbed over me. He responded by quickening the pace and I warned,
"I'm going to come."
To my surprise, he didn't back off. He let me jet into his mouth, only gagging a
little at the copious come that flooded into him.
"Now, you're part of me," Alex said sadly. We kissed again, my flavor in his
mouth.
"Now, I'm going to teach you to be on top," I said.
"Really? I don't know if this guy I'm being sent to will ever want that. Most
guys like to fuck better than to be fucked, right?" Alex asked.
"Some do. Some don't. I want you inside me," I said.
"Do I have to rim you? I liked it when you did it, but..."
"No, I don't need that. There'll be time," I said, hoping.
Guiding him through the steps of fucking me aroused me more almost as much as
the awkward blow job he had just given me. I reached for the light and said, "I
want to see you if you don't mind."
"It's okay," he said. His lips were flat against his teeth as his cock was flat
against his belly in arousal. He looked as if he was holding on by sheer
determination.
"You don't have to be that careful," I said as I felt the tentative thrusts
against him.
"I don't want to hurt you," Alex said, but he let himself seat his cock deeper.
"It's good. Incredible!"
The wonder on Alex's face was worth twice the slight discomfort. I knew I was
unlikely to come again after I had twice already. My pleasure was in watching
the joy in Alex's face and seeing him transported into a sensuous dream as he
moved in and out of me. Alex flung his back and issued a growling purr of
completion that sounded very tiger-like, but he snuggled like a kitten a moment
later. His head was again making a pillow of my chest. It felt heavy and it was
a bit hard to breathe, but I didn't really mind. His hand was on my shoulder,
holding on for dear life. I stayed awake for as long as I could, wanting to hold
this deep in my heart.
The next day passed in a blur. We made love so often that neither of us felt
much like getting out of bed. We were left to ourselves. Food was served at
intervals and discretely like a good honeymoon hotel. Thankfully, Spender was
keeping away. In fact, Alex looked out the window and said that the man's car
was gone.
While we were soaking, someone changed the sheets and brought fresh towels.
There were even fresh cherry blossoms in the vase on the desk. I broke off a
branch and stroked Alex's face with it, painting his face with the soft flowers.
A petal pasted to his cheek, paler by far than the rose of his lips.
I leaned close to kiss him and said, "I think we should try to escape while
Spender is gone."
Alex nodded. We got up and dressed. It was twilight and when I checked, dinner
was on trays outside. The guard nodded at me as I brought the food inside. Alex
had already picked the lock of the window. He said, "Spender forgot me in the
office one day when he had me here to lecture me for my behavior. I thought the
schematics for the alarm system might be useful."
"Very useful," I agreed. He frowned over his task, a cute wrinkle forming over
his nose.
At that moment, I fully intended to leave with him. I was willing to throw away
my old life, give up on Sharon and hope that Mulder and Scully were safer
without me.
We climbed out on the roof of the sunroom. It was low enough to risk the drop.
The car that had brought me was an old fashioned Cadillac, easy pickings. I
hot-wired it to an admiring glance from Alex. He slid in beside me and said,
"We'll have to move fast if we are going to get away. I know someone who will
get us passports if you can get any money."
"I have an account that I don't think Spender knows about," I said. "I always
expected that I might have to run."
My career...I couldn't help regretting that. I had always wanted to be a cop and
the day I graduated from the academy was the happiest day of my life. I looked
at Alex and he seemed to be enough to make the choice less bitter. Add to it
that Spender would be pissed and I felt as if I was doing the right thing.
Spender let us get nearly a mile down the road before his men caught up with us.
I drove like a stunt driver, jack knifing down side roads, doubling back,
avoiding their attempts to drive us into the irrigation ditch that lined the
road.
Finally, I miscalculated and we spun into the ditch. There were too many of them
to fight. I tried anyway when they took Alex away, dragging him, kicking and
hitting into one of the cars.
Spender showed up when I was subdued and said, "Very naughty, Mr. Skinner, you
don't take what is mine. Where did you think you were going? He's not worth it,
you know. Just a pretty young idiot I bought from his parents for the price of
their lives. Of course, I didn't say how long they could keep them..."
With a curt nod, Spender said, "You can drive Mr. Skinner home now. He's
finished with his little favor for me."
I still had one day of vacation. I drove around Maryland looking for the farm
without success. He always blindfolded me; the glimpses of the countryside I saw
during our escape were not any help. I finally gave up, pulled over to the road
and simply begged God to watch over Alex.
I never expected to see him again. I wish I hadn't.
When I saw him standing there in that cheap suit, holding the 302 to be signed,
I wanted to die. He acted as if we had never met until Kim briefly left the
room. He whispered, "No matter what happens, don't forget me."
With a swift glance at the door, Alex said, "If I don't go along with this,
he'll kill you, Walter. Maybe, if I can find a way to get something over
him...if I can get away."
Alex kissed me once and walked away.
I buried the pain deep as I always did.
Over the years that followed, our love became hate at times, but it never could
change what I had felt for those two days.
And one day early in December after a sufficient time had passed after Alex's
apparent death, there were cherry blossoms in a vase on my desk. I took them in
my hand and walked out of my office. I knew where I was going. I knew who waited
for me and where.
I drove to the farmhouse, following the map that had arrived a week earlier and
ran into the house.
Alex ran down the stairs and into my arms. His face was lit with joy.
And the cherry blossoms drifted to the dark wooded stairs as we embraced. I
could smell the subtle perfume as the remaining branch was crushed between us.
Alex's hand was in mine as we walked up the bedroom.
"I'm not leaving this time," he promised.
"And no one will ever make me part with you again," I said.
Alex smiled and we walked into our new life, free at last.
pender told me to take a few days off. I remember the look on his face, the
hidden glee twinkling in his pale blue eyes when he told me. He had the power. I
had been indiscreet and he had the proof. I wondered what it was this time. He
knew that I wasn't his sock puppet. I would go so far and no further.
