. . .
This madness is attractive
Like so many other things, it made more sense at the time. Now,
lost in the depths of fucking Oklahoma at midnight with a newly
unzombified Mulder sleeping in the passenger seat, nothing
seemed as clear-cut anymore.
At the time, I'd just hacked my way into the Syndicate's files and
found my own death warrant. They'd figured out that seeing that
rubbing had catalyzed something the black oil had left behind in
Mulder's body. Good for them. They'd also realized that they
didn't have to risk Mulder, who was important for being Smokey's
son, in their experimentation when they had a few other people
who'd been taken by the oil. Bad for me. They had us all neatly
listed and everything.
The decision to run had been a no-brainer. Deciding to take
Mulder too.... Not as easily explained. Spite, gaining a bargaining
chip, issuing a challenge.... Who knew?
Sneaking him out of that DoD facility had been far easier than I
liked; breaking into and out of the institution would have been
harder. Was the Project so damned secret that they couldn't even
have sentries? Seemed like it.
Unless I was supposed to take him. I didn't want to think about
that.
Through endless days of driving, shaking pursuit, I watched him
rise and fall out of catatonia depending on how populated the area
we drove through was. He really did seem to have become
telepathic, with a little precognitive thrown in, and couldn't
physically handle it. But I could see him getting stronger too,
dealing with the drain on his body better and easier.
Since he rarely spoke, I couldn't know how much of his mind
remained intact. After all, the Syndicate—through malice,
incompetence, indifference?—had thrown him into one of the worst
places you could put a telepath.
So he wasn't the best company. Like it made much of a difference.
I had to decide what I'd do with him, because I couldn't keep
carting him across the country like a favorite toy.
"Our tail light is out," Mulder said suddenly, his voice soft and
hoarse after institution days spent screaming. Something had
pulled him out of his sleep. "We're about to be pulled over." He
sounded distant, indifferent.
"What?" Then I saw the lights behind us. Damn. "Couldn't you
have seen that earlier?"
"No."
I briefly thought of running, but running looked suspicious. I
pulled over like a dutiful citizen and waited for the cop.
"Do you know why I pulled you over?" he asked.
I hated it when they asked that. "No, sir."
He kept this badass, scary-cop look on his face until he said, "Your
left tail light's out."
And that was so important? "I didn't know."
"I won't write you a ticket this time, but I have to give you a
summons. Get that fixed and bring it to your local precinct in
24 hours, and you won't get any penalties."
Too kind. "Yes, sir." Just write the fucking thing.
But then the cop got the oddest look on his face and dropped his
pad and pen. "I, I, I... I can't.... Don't, don't, don't.... See
any.... No, please. Don't, can't, won't, don't...."
What the hell?
I turned my head to look at Mulder, whom I could feel
concentrating. The flashing red and blue of the car behind us
occasionally showed the intense look of concentration on his face
before leaving him in darkness again. Red, blue, shadow....
"I, I, I, I, I...." Blood started to gush from the cop's nose before he
fell to the ground.
I didn't wait for an engraved invitation. I floored it out of there.
My car would be on the squad car's video camera, but I could
switch cars later. The camera couldn't see us, wouldn't record
us.
Once I felt that I'd put enough mileage between Officer Friendly's
cerebral hemorrhage and us, I parked the car at the side of the road
and turned on the light. "What did you think you were doing?" I
asked. "I know that had to be you."
Mulder's eyes looked dark, as if he'd been bruised on the inside,
but his voice sounded steady and cool as he said, "I thought I could
convince him to let us go without a summons." A thin stream of
dried blood marked the skin beneath his right nostril.
"Well, it didn't work that way, did it?"
"No."
"It doesn't bother you? You might have damaged that man for
life."
"He makes as much sense like this as any of you ever do."
That took a moment to penetrate before my "oh shit" reaction
kicked in. Immediately followed by a deep purr. Fucked up?
Think again. If I could keep Mulder working for me, I had a
weapon I could use to strike anyone down from a distance without
leaving any evidence of what really happened. It made the
nanocytes look crude by comparison. Even better, using it didn't
seem to bother him at all.
Except for that bit of blood from his nose. Since he didn't seem to
care to do it himself, I wiped it away with my finger. But then I
was leaning so close.... I didn't know how I started kissing him,
but I didn't feel like stopping, and he didn't stop me, so I just went
with it, lost in the taste of blood, salt, and madness.
Until I was done, at which point I put a one-handed chokehold on
him and pushed him against the window. He'd started to move
before I did but not fast enough. It looked like Mulder couldn't see
too far ahead.
"Did you make me kiss you?" I asked.
"No. Besides, you saw how successful I was the last time I tried to
make someone think something."
"I don't believe you." But he seemed calm beneath my hand, no
racing pulse or bobbing Adam's apple.
"Well, I can't make you do that either." It sounded almost snarky.
I couldn't help laughing at that, especially since I heard the Mulder
I knew in there after all. The known could be manipulated and
dealt with.
"Maybe," he said.
I didn't like having my mind read. At all.
"I don't like reading minds. Yours is better than most."
"I could just kill you," I said, because I wanted to make sure he
knew and heard.
"You could."
"And you don't care."
"Now that I'm free, I'd rather live, but I know that what I want
doesn't mean much to you." Calm. Strange. Almost inhuman.
"Why should I let you live?"
"You already know. It's up to you if you decide to go with it."
Up to me. I smirked. I also realized that my thumb stroked his
neck, and his eyes had half-closed to savor it. "When did you
become such a sick puppy?" I asked.
"It's the company I was forced to keep."
Here I had potential and risk in one dangerously alluring and just
plain dangerous package. Were the rewards worth being with
someone who could read my mind? Part of me itched to shoot him
to keep my secrets secret. But as much as it made me squirm to
think about it, I figured that the benefits outweighed the
discomfort.
Hell, I'd put up with the Syndicate until they'd threatened my life
outright, again, so I could deal with this.
Could I keep Mulder; could I use him? "Like you're forced to be
with me?"
"You got me out of that hellhole. You know what I am," he said,
his abused voice making it a whisper. I heard emotion in it, even if
I couldn't identify which one. "I'm where I want to be."
"For how long?"
"You're looking for guarantees, Alex?"
"That doesn't begin to cover what I'm looking for."
"Good. You want them to suffer; I want them to suffer. I'm
getting more accustomed to what I am now, better at dealing with
it, all the time. You're the only person who can aim me at them;
you're the only person who would."
That I understood. I softened the chokehold until it became a
slow stroke. "You're volunteering to be my weapon?"
He smirked. "If you have the balls to use me right."
I smiled. If you want to just give yourself to me.... And I could
always change my mind later. Listen to that, Mulder.
He smiled, perhaps in answer.
"Then we have a deal," I said.
THE END
"Dance on Vaseline" by David Byrne
I'm taking back the knowledge
Aw, preacher man,
I'm taking back the children
You're dangerous,
And war is all around us
Aw, preacher man,
It started in Oklahoma
And I'm tripping out
And I'm tripping out
Taking Back
by Viridian5
"It's lousy science fiction
Gets on your skin and seeps into your bones
Until the day it happens to yourself
And power might seem sexy
But check it in the cool, gray light of dawn..."
— "Dance on Vaseline" by David Byrne
I'm taking back the gentleness
I'm taking back the ritual
I'm giving in to sweetness
Shoot me with your poisoned arrow
But I dance on Vaseline
And I'm tripping out
Working on a revolution
Don't let the music in
I'm taking back the ceremony
I'm taking back my offerings
I'm taking back what you told me
Shoot me with your poisoned arrow
But I dance on Vaseline
And I'm slipping out, I'm working on a revolution
Don't let the music in
Your gods are dead and buried underground
I was a Silly Putty
Your big ideas are useless to me now
My baby saw the future
She doesn't wanna live there anymore
It's lousy science fiction
Gets on your skin and seeps into your bones
Shoot me with your poisoned arrow
But I dance on Vaseline
And I'm tripping out
Working on a revolution
Don't let the day begin
And you're dangerous,
Shoot me with your poisoned arrow
But I dance on Vaseline
And I'm slipping out, I'm working on a revolution
Don't let the music in
You always think it happens somewhere else
This madness is attractive
Until the day it happens to yourself
And power might seem sexy
But check it in the cool, gray light of dawn
The legislative body
And all at once you're lost for my reason
Working on a revolution
Don't let the day begin
We'll turn you down
Time to time for evolution
Don't let the music in
Working on a revolution
Don't let the day begin
We'll turn it out, make a time for evolution
Don't let the day begin
