Interior: Someone's formerly elegant apartment. A Super King size bed stands, the
center of a battlefield, surrounded by fallen bodies. Draperies, which once hung
elegantly to frame the bed, are now hanging by one thread. From the mass of rich
golden brown velvet, a face emerges. One green eye, once an emerald, now a
virtual mass of bloodshot ruby, peers from the tangle of fabric. The handsome
face peruses the chaos and this brave man, this resistance fighter, who has faced
aliens undaunted, whimpers, "Mommy, mommy, your little Sasha needs you."
'Pwe-weet-pee-foo, Pwe-weet-pee-foo, what is that hideous sound?' Alex thinks, he
has never heard the like before and hopes to never hear it again. He studies the
mess, a mound of sun flower seed shells, broken chips, and a huge smear of what
Alex hopes is dip surround Jeff Spender's naval. Alex dimly remembers, Spender,
Jr., to be the dip bowl last night. He has an astonishing smirk on his sleeping
face and his happy little hand clutches his cock, which looks like more than one
person, licked the bowl last night. Spender is not the culprit, nor is Dana
Scully, whose red locks are clutched in the other paw of the turncoat son of CSM.
Dana has Jeff's tie, tightly wound around her hand; the other end is not on
Jeff's neck, but on his big Spender special. Alex shudders as he notices there
is a new tattoo of a ferret on her cute little tush. Poor Jeff, he probably
thought his dad had a bad temper, wait until Scully realizes what she agreed to
last night.
Alex continues to look. Heaps of clothing are scattered on the carpet. Bottles of
various liqueurs shine desert dry on the floor. Eighteen empty cans of cranberry
juice, the dregs of the gift sent by Demi-X, are lined up for an abandoned game
of body bowling.
The bathroom door is open and Alex can see his double, the immortal Cory Raines
blissfully asleep in the tub, Richie Ryans, his newest acquisition, draped over
the edge, asleep, yet sucking on Cory's er, not his thumb. Amanda hangs from the
shower curtain bat-like. She is naked except for a diamond necklace and high
heels; these somehow are still attached to her pretty feet.
Speaking of Alex's doubles, there was Victor who had almost made it out the
bedroom door toward the living room. Alas, he had fallen and lay face down in a
partially eaten pizza. There was Mac, faithful to the end, nose still buried in
Victor's ass, as if he also had fallen asleep in the middle of eating.
The noise intruded again, "Pwe-weet-pee-foo, Pwe-weet-pee-foo", Alex was going to
kill that thing when he found it. Alex grunted and realized he should find his
gun if he was going to kill the demented bird or what ever it was. He moved and
then, he screamed. Mulder's head emerged from the tangle of curtain, climbing it
like Tarzan up a vine.
Mulder's lips met him, a sweet kiss, despite the prodigious amount of garlic dip
the man had consumed, but, of course, Alex was in love with the man and forgave
almost anything. "Baby, what's wrong?"
Alex sniffled and replied, "Someone cut off my other arm."
Mulder frowned and said, "I don't remember that. I remember something about you
promising a hand job to Frohike and then, giving him your prosthesis, but I'm
sure no one cut off my baby's arm. Here, let's look."
Mulder's head disappeared into the mound of draperies. A champagne bottle flew
out, a plam that had been used to roast hot dogs, condoms, more condoms, eight
mostly used tubes of lube, and Pendrell flew out of the mess. Pendrell yawned and
asked, "Am I dead again?"
Alex reassured, "Nope, you're alive and Jeff's right over there with Scully."
Alex gave Pendrell a friendly boost, inserted one finger in the red head's
well-lubed crack to direct him and saw him happily crawl into the mound of
Spender and Scully. His good deed for the day done, Alex just needed to kill
something to feel alive, preferably the source of that horrible noise.
Mulder came crawling out of the other end of the drapes and announced, "There's a
daisy chain of lone gunmen under the bed and Alex, let's buy you a new
prosthesis. The old one's time has cum."
Mulder gave a charming wiggle of his bare buns and uttered a triumphant whoop.
"Here's your real arm, beautiful!"
Alex wiggled his fingers counting them, one, two, three, four, five, six...Oh,
god, he had turned into an alien! He announced this to Mulder who gravely sucked
each finger in his mouth to count them.
Mulder took Alex's little finger and murmured, "That's One", lick, slurp, suck,
and moving on, Mulder said, "Here's two", tongue rasping and swirling. Mulder
remarked, "Hope this is chocolate on this finger" as he slipped number three into
his mouth. Mulder announced, "Good news, it was chocolate." Mulder deeply inhaled
lucky finger number four; reminding Alex of one of the many reasons he adored his
Mulder. Mulder nibbled and popped Alex's thumb in and out before saying, "Nope,
only five."
Alex wiggled his other digit and said, "Wait, you forgot this one!"
Mulder started for Alex's crotch and said, "Oh, and that's my very favorite one
of all."
Alex's nerves crept, interrupting the anticipation of delight as he heard the
sound, the horrible sound, the torment of the sound; "Pwe-weet-pee-foo,
Pwe-weet-pee-foo" He said, "Mulder, wait, first I have to find that thing and
kill it."
Mulder helped him track the sound to the largest heap of bedding in the center of
the bed. Grimly, Alex uncovered the menace. He found Skinner. He found Skinner's
large and resplendent ass, the play field of his dreams last night. Between the
large round mounds, just a little hirsute, Alex saw: streamers, multicolored
streamers of paper. Skinner was gently passing gas; he HAD said that canned
cheese spray always disagreed with him; right before eating it off someone's
bobbing red cock. With each whiff, the New Year's noise maker that some one had
inserted in Skinner's, uh, er, blowhole, filled and emitted that deadly sound,
"Pwe-weet-pee-foo, Pwe-weet-pee-foo"
Alex groaned as he remembered he was the very prankster, last out of the pool,
who had left this reminder of folly. He gently gave it one happy twist and
Skinner uttered an "Oh, God, do that again!" before Alex removed the toy and
tossed it aside.
Awakened, Skinner turned over, sat up, and surveyed the wreck of his home. "Next
year, let's borrow consortium head quarters," Skinner remarked. He flopped down,
grabbing handfuls of Alex and Mulder on the way. Kicking the heap of Scully,
Jeff, and Pendrell to the side, Skinner kissed Alex until the mercury popped
before turning his attentions to Mulder.
Wiggling, Mulder worked his way back down to Alex as Alex nibbled over the vast
playing field of Skinner's hairy and well-muscled chest. "Yummy," Mulder muttered
as he discovered Alex's cock, still chocolate dipped from last night's treats.
Alex's mouth was too full to do more than say, "Hhaa Nemmph dmmm"
Walter gazed down happily at the bobbing heads and lay back. It's GOOD to be an
A.D.! He announced to the survivors of the Millennium blast, "Happy New Year's
Day!"
Happy New Year's Day, Terma-rrifics!
Pwe-weet-pee-foo, Pwe-weet-pee-foo
by Ursula
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