Now, as we lay naked together in my bed, touching and kissing every inch
of skin, I know I have everything I need in him. I cannot believe how
blind I have been to him in the past -such a simple answer to such a
hard question. It took his absence to show me how much I wanted his
presence. And the past few months spent alone were hell; the bitter
cold of the winter winds couldn't touch me because I was already numb
without him in my life. Without his feverish heat and enveloping warmth
everything was so dark and so heavy it seemed to suffocate me, leaving
me gasping for breath.
But with him back—it's all changed. I want to start my life again. I
want to throw out all the rules, or break them all, and make a life with
him. Focus my energies on him. And as I think these things, a feeling
breaks over me like the spring, cleansing my world and taking away the
cold and numbness, leaving a delectable, addictive feeling of newness
and sunshine in its wake.
I trail my fingers down his torso, feeling the fine, silky hairs stand
up under my touch. I feel like I have forever to touch him and be with
him, and I savor every little response he gives me, greedy for more as I
try to remember every pleasure spot I once knew and search for new
spots. I've waited to be with him this way longer than I ever realized
I did, and I don't want to rush this for anything in the world. Alex
hisses as I press my tongue into his navel, and I taste the salty sweet
tang of him on my lips, delving my tongue deeper into the crevice to
find the very essence of his flavor. He tastes of sweat and pain, and I
try to lap up every bit I can, taking his pain into me, making even that
my own. I move further down his body, gently restraining his thrusting
hips with my hands. I lap at his thighs, then bite down with more force
than I intend. He almost wails, and when I look at him, he bites down
on his clenched fist, trying to control what is uncontrollable.
I gentle myself, and I take his hand from his mouth, uncurling the tense
fingers as I kiss each digit delicately. He calms a bit, and I whisper
his name into the dimly lit silence of my bedroom as if it is a sacred
word. I bend to his flat stomach again, letting my lips form his name
against his skin as my breath whooshes out softly. I twine my fingers
with his, wanting to create a tangible link between us as I explore his
body. Moving down the length of his body, I reach my tongue out to
catch the rosy head of his cock. Alex jumps and I place a hand on his
thigh to calm him.
Then, I need to feel more of him—I want to swallow him whole and take
all of him inside of me. I want to feel everything he feels and know
everything he knows. The need to feel closer to him pushes me on, and I
suck his hard length into my mouth, then deep into my throat. Keeping
back a gag in my fervor to have more of him, I hum gently, my throat
vibrating around him. He's whimpering now, and so am I, I realize. I
am receiving pleasure from giving him pleasure, and the more I give, the
more I seem to get. I'm so impossibly hard now and I can feel myself
tensing with an approaching orgasm. I knead the soft skin of his thigh
with my knuckles, trying to calm myself, but all I can feel is our
joined hands and his cock in my mouth. I know I can feel a deeper
connection pulling us together.
My mind begins to chant—"Come. Come, Alex. For me."—and I try to
communicate with him, sucking his cock harder, pressing his fingers
tighter in mine, and pinching the skin of his leg, leaving small red
welts on the pale white of his skin. Finally, I move my hand from his
thigh down to cup his balls, brushing the skin with soft strokes, then
increasing the pressure to where I'm squeezing and prodding him more and
more.
Suddenly, it's as if time stops—his whole body tenses, starting at his
feet and moving slowly to the top of his close-cropped head. He yells
something unintelligible, perhaps foreign, and his semen pulses down my
ready and willing throat. I drink it down, reveling in its warmth and
singular taste. I'd know his taste anywhere. And it's enough to bring
me to orgasm, my own semen soaking the sheets beneath us.
Afterwards, he seems boneless, and I give him a few minutes to regain
himself before I scoot up his body to gather him into a tight embrace.
Our joined hands are still tightly grasped together, and I begin to
whisper into his ear.
I tell him we were caught in the undertow for a while, but now we've
surfaced. I tell him that I feel like just letting go—to float with
him, to just be with him. I tell him that I love him—but that I can
love him even better than this, deeper than this. I'm going to give
myself to him, giving myself over to a love that imbues every fiber of my
being. I won't hurt him by lying anymore; I won't hurt him by denying
what my body, heart, mind, and soul is screaming for—him. I tell him
that he and I have played these roles too long. I want to be with Alex,
the man I fell in love with, whatever it takes. And it's better this
way. It can only get better. That I know for sure.
He's crying again. And before I know it, I'm crying again too. I kiss
away all his tears and he laps at mine. After we've soothed each other,
we lie face to face, forehead pressed against forehead. Our entwined
hands rest on his smooth hip, above our tangled legs.
And all the lies do lead to the truth, because here we are—Alex and I—together at last. I realize finally that the truth of love is
stronger than any other truth I know, or will ever know. And it is
better this way—
Full of Grace
by Susan
He came back. When I heard the knock I instantly knew it was him. But
I never expected the meekness, the shyness in his demeanor, or the
desperation in his voice. All the normal cockiness was gone, along with
the smart-ass retorts and jabs. It was as if he stood before me
stripped of every pretense, instead showing me the boy, the man, within
that hard outer shell of the assassin. And for as much as I adore his
strength and rough exterior, I have to admit that I liked him that way—that innocence in the ferocious beast. It made me want to hold him close
to me for as long as I could. Well, as long as he'd allow me to.
That's not a feeling I usually had for him, and it was as new as all the
other emotions that were swirling around my mind.
