"This one goes out to Alex, from the Fox that loves you."
Upstairs, peeking from his study window, Mulder saw Alex
pause at the disc jockey's words, a look of moderate
incredulity on his handsome face. Grinning, Mulder turned
back to the computer. He'd heard the song a week ago while
stuck in traffic, and it had reminded him of himself and
Alex, of their relationship. When he'd noticed Alex had
tuned his outdoor radio to the same station Mulder had on
in the study, the song had come to mind again and, on
impulse, he'd phoned in the request.
Outside, Alex listened, hands still slowly washing the car,
his mind following the words as he related them to himself
and Mulder.
There's times where I want something more
You're really lovely
A soft look came over his face as Alex remembered that
first hesitant kiss.
The end of the world as they had all known it had come and
gone. Animosity and mistrust had been erased in the common
goal of victory. After everything had been said and done,
the grunt work as well as the clean-up, the final set of
hearings and press releases all complete, there had just
been the two of them, alone on the steps of the Hoover.
Alex was a free man and Mulder had just resigned. It was
late afternoon on a Sunday, and no one else was around.
Alex had been wearing dark sunglasses and, as they looked
at each other, Mulder had moved closer, saying softly, "You
shouldn't wear dark glasses. They hide you." He'd meant to
say they hid Alex's eyes, but he let the words stand,
knowing they were true.
Alex had taken them off slowly, knowing he was offering
something, but unsure just what.
"Better?" Alex had sounded hesitant, shy.
"Yes." Mulder had sounded vaguely amazed.
And then, Mulder had leaned in, had kissed Alex so
seriously and so sweetly, it could have been a dream.
You know some real bad tricks
You're really lovely
These words brought a rueful grin, Alex shaking his head
slightly as he rinsed the hood. He remembered that first
time, too.
"Alex, babe, you can't do shit like that anymore."
The thick lashes lowered, and Alex felt himself flush. He
hadn't meant to scare the guy that bad, had just wanted him
to go away.
"I hate salesmen, Fox, so do you."
"Yes, but taking the sample broom away from him and telling
him you can think of sixteen ways to make him a better man
with it, is not the right way to handle it." Mulder
couldn't help chuckling again, even as he scolded. Alex
could see the amusement, but the exasperation was there,
too, along with Mulder's concern.
"I know. I'm sorry, Fox. Shit, I don't think you're ever
going to get me housebroken." Alex sighed, face glum.
Mulder approached his lover, taking Alex into his arms and
hugging him tightly.
"I don't want you any kind of broken, Alex, house or
otherwise. I love you just the way you are." Tilting Alex's
head back, looking into the troubled green eyes, Mulder
made sure Alex believed him on this, before teasing gently,
"Though I have to admit, paper trained wouldn't be bad."
Relieved when Alex grinned back, Mulder continued. "Alex,
you have tons of self-discipline, I'd just appreciate it,
for your sake, if you'd use some of it with the civilians."
A nod of the dark head, and Mulder kissed the top of it
before going into the kitchen to start dinner. A few
minutes later, Alex joined him, brows drawn together.
"What?" Mulder put the rice aside, drying his hands on the
kitchen towel. He knew that look, it meant Alex had figured
out something about himself that he felt he needed to share
with Mulder.
"Fox, you're wrong. I was thinking about what you said, and
you're wrong. I don't have a ton of self-discipline. I have
almost none. But I'm very good at avoiding consequences. I
do things or don't do things because I know what will
happen, and make my choices based on that. It's not self-
discipline at all, Fox. That's why I'm having trouble
adjusting. I don't know the consequences for most of this
stuff. I don't even know the rules."
Mulder worried his bottom lip with his teeth. What Alex was
saying made a lot of sense, given his past. Right or wrong
hadn't played a strong role, and he'd never been allowed to
make choices for himself, so he hadn't learned to make good
ones. Alex was right, he had very little self-discipline,
just a strong instinct to avoid consequences.
"Okay. I think you're right. The question is, what do we do
about it?"
"I thought about that, too. I...I guess you need to give me
some consequences. It's the only way I'm ever going to
learn, Fox. Just to get me started, until I get the hang of
things. Look," Alex took a deep breath, brows drawn
together, "I don't need a Daddy, that's not what I'm
looking for here. We're equals, I like it that way. I don't
need you to run my life. But I could use your help adapting
to normal."
"Oh, yeah, I know from normal." Fox muttered it with a roll
of his eyes, and Alex mock-glared.
"I know, you're just as fucked up as I am, but you're a
well-bred fuck-up. You know the rules, Fox, you could go
anywhere and blend in, if you chose. You just usually don't
choose. So c'mon, help me out here." Alex grew serious
again, and Mulder saw that his lover was genuinely upset.
"Please, Fox? I was on the fringes a long time, and I hated
every minute of it. I'm tired of being unsure, I want to
know what to do and what not to do. I'm really tired of
being the bad guy."
Mulder embraced Alex again, holding him close and rubbing a
comforting hand up and down his back.
"You aren't bad, Alex. You never were, not really. Still,
you want to change, I'll help you change. Whatever you need
from me, love, I promise."
"Thanks." Alex cuddled close, soaking up the affection and
the physical sensations like a sponge. At last, he eased
back, looking curiously at Mulder. "So, what happens? I
screw up, what do you do? What am I trying to avoid?"
Mulder moved away, checking on his food, lip between his
teeth again. "I have an idea about that, Alex, but I'm not
sure I like it."
"Spill."
"Okay." Mulder turned back to look at his lover. "I know
you, babe. I know some of what happened to you, and I've
profiled you enough to have an idea what might work best."
Alex swallowed hard, but gave no other sign of the nausea
that washed over him. A cold chill ran down his spine, but
he forced himself to meet Mulder's troubled hazel eyes.
"You're going to beat me?" It was a flat question, no
emotion, but Mulder winced hearing it.
"No! God, no, Alex! How could you think...never mind, I
know how you could think that, forget it. No, sweetheart, I
will never beat you, you have my word. However," Mulder
closed his eyes, continuing reluctantly, "you do respond
best to physical stimuli, and you have enough of a past to
make it both familiar and effective. I thought...I thought
maybe a spanking would be a good choice."
Alex was silent, and when Mulder looked up with dread, he
saw why. His lover was about to explode to keep from
laughing. At Mulder's at first indignant, then annoyed
look, Alex couldn't contain himself any longer. He burst
out laughing, holding his sides and leaning against the
doorframe.
"S-spanking? You can't be serious, Fox. I've been beaten by
professionals, you think a couple of slaps on my ass will
make me suddenly see the light?"
Mulder waited until Alex was finished laughing, then spoke
quietly, "No, Alex, I don't think a couple of slaps on your
ass will do anything but sting. However, I do think knowing
what it costs me to give you those couple of slaps just
might be very effective indeed." With that, Mulder turned
his back on a no longer amused Alex, pulling the beef from
the microwave and beginning to slice it carefully.
There was neither sound nor movement behind him for a long
time, then Alex was by his side, face regretful.
"You're right. Knowing I forced your hand would be very
effective. I'd hate that. I - I guess that makes it a good
choice, huh?"
"Yes."
"It would hurt you, Fox. I don't want to hurt you."
Mulder turned, putting his arm around Alex's shoulders.
"I know. But it's worth it if it helps you. Trust me, Alex,
I wouldn't offer if I didn't think I could handle it. How
about you? Could you handle being spanked by me?"
"Yeah. I know you love me, I know you wouldn't try to take
advantage of me or the situation."
"Then it's settled. Next time you respond inappropriately,
you'll know what to expect."
With a kiss, Mulder turned back to making dinner, willing
his lover not to realize how many knots the thought tied
him into. Alex needed this, had actually asked for help,
and there was no way in hell Mulder was going to let him
down.
"Fox? I think...I think maybe you should start tonight. For
the sales guy. I need to know, really know."
Swearing mentally, hoping the stirring would hide the
tremor that went through him, Mulder used the cover of
tasting to keep from speaking, only nodding. It gave him
time to pull it together, and when he put the spoon down
and turned the burners to low, he could speak again.
"Very well. I'd like this to happen on neutral territory,
so to speak. Why don't we use the guest bedroom?"
"Works." Alex turned to go upstairs, Mulder following. Once
there, Alex looked to him expectantly.
"What now?"
"I'm not sure, give me a minute. I've never spanked anybody
before."
"Not even Scully?" It was a joke, and Mulder gratefully
made a sound of amusement.
"Especially, I never spanked Scully. I'd have felt safer
trying it on Skinner."
A shared laugh, and Mulder was ready. He moved to the bed,
sitting on the side and pointing to a spot beside him.
While he'd shielded his lover from the nerves of earlier,
he made no attempt to hide his distaste for what was about
to happen.
"Come here, Alex." Obediently, Alex moved to stand where
Mulder pointed. "Take down your pants and underwear,
please."
As his hands went to the fasten of his jeans, Alex felt
himself begin to tremble. He wasn't afraid of Mulder, far
from it. No, it was seeing the look on Mulder's face that
was the cause.
"Over my lap, please." Mulder's voice was calm, but Alex
heard the strain in it, too.
"Fox, if this is too much for you..."
"Over my lap, Alex. Now, please." It had been decided and
agreed upon, it was going to happen, no matter how
unpleasant they both found it. Seeing this, Alex stretched
himself across Mulder's long thighs, the bed taking most of
his weight, his bottom in position.
"The rule is that we do not threaten strangers with
violence or worse, no matter how much they deserve it. Say
the rule, Alex."
"We do not threaten strangers."
Mulder's hand came down hard on Alex's bottom, dead center
of his right cheek. Alex waited for more blows, but nothing
else happened. Looking over his shoulder, Alex saw that
Mulder was staring down in sorrow at the red outline of his
own hand. The man's face was a study in determined regret
and, with a deep breath, Mulder shook himself out of it and
landed a matching print on the other side.
It stung, quite a bit, but Alex didn't even flinch.
"Learn the lesson, Alex. Please, don't make me have to do
this again."
Alex couldn't speak for the lump in his throat as he
clearly felt a tear land on his skin, shortly before
Mulder's hand sought the sit spots. Another very hard spank
at the top of his thighs, and Mulder was finished.
"Done." Mulder eased Alex's clothing back into place and
then helped him to sit up on the bed.
Alex took one look at Mulder's face and promptly began to
cry. Mulder reached for him, comforting his lover, who was
apologizing repeatedly and swearing to be good.
So many moons that we have seen
Alex nodded to himself. God, the things they'd gone
through. How many years spent hating each other? Spent
trying to be the one that brought the other down? But he
didn't regret it, couldn't regret it. Doing their worst to
each other had let each man know the other, really know
him, the way only true enemies and lovers could. They had
challenged and tried and tested each other, like metals in
a crucible, and what was left was pure. They had made each
other better.
Real... Cause underneath it all
Oh, yeah, Alex mused, they always wanted more. The first
week they'd spent together they'd only left the bed to eat
and go to the bathroom. Alex had some tricks from the
trade, but Mulder's extensive viewing of the world's best
and worst porn had ensured that both men had plenty to
teach the other. And they were dedicated to learning it
all. That had been nearly two years ago, and they still
couldn't share a room without wanting to jump each other.
Watching Mulder breathe made Alex horny, and apparently
just breathing did the same for Mulder.
You've used up all your coupons
"You really think we were meant to be, Fox?" It was their
anniversary, a year since that kiss on the steps of the
Hoover building. Mulder had planned appropriately,
surprising Alex with a midnight picnic under a full moon.
On the steps of the Hoover building.
The security guards were tense, but it was technically
public property and Mulder and Alex weren't breaking any
laws, so they simply watched with their fingers on their
triggers and every camera they could spare. A bottle of
wine later, Mulder had confessed that he and Alex were
destined for each other, prompting Alex's question.
"Of course, we were. Alex, think about everything that
happened to us. Think about everything we went through, all
the shit that went down in our personal and professional
lives. Through it all, through everything, there was one
constant."
"And that was?"
"We were going through it together. You were the one person
that would always believe me, always accept that I wasn't
crazy, that what I said was possible, really was. And the
same was true for you. We were mirror images of each other,
Alex. And that, my love, means that we are soul mates."
Clinking his glass against Alex's dramatically, Mulder
tossed back the rest of his wine. "Well, that or that we
should have never been allowed to exist at the same time in
the same place. I get 'em confused sometimes. Want some
more cheesecake?" Alex's laughter rang out like a shot.
You're really lovely
You're really lovely
As the song ended, Alex looked up at the study window. A
glance at the half-washed car and his own semi-soaked tee
shirt and cut-off denims, and Alex was throwing down the
sponge and heading into the house. He pounded up the
stairs, throwing his shirt off on the way, only to find
Mulder sitting at his computer, completely naked except for
his glasses, and feigning disinterest.
"Fox?"
"Yes, Alex?"
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
"Fox?"
"Yes, Alex?"
"Let's make love."
"Okay."
Standing up, Mulder took off his glasses, and turned off
the radio.
THE END.
Underneath It All
by Raven
Alex put the hose down, the bucket now full of suds. As he
began washing the car, a mellow reggae beat began to play
on the radio, catching his ears. It suited his mood;
smooth, light and happy, perfect for a Saturday afternoon
in the warmth of late Spring.
Someone more like me
There's times when this dress rehearsal
Seems incomplete
But, you see the colors in me like no one else
And behind your dark glasses you're...
You're something else
Underneath it all
You want to love me
Underneath it all
I'm really lucky
Underneath it all
You're really lovely
And you need some discipline
But, lately you've been trying real hard
And giving me your best
And, you give me the most gorgeous sleep
That I've ever had
And when it's really bad
I guess it's not that bad
Underneath it all
You want to love me
Underneath it all
I'm really lucky
Underneath it all
You're really lovely
Stumbling back next to me
I've seen right through and underneath
And you make me better
I've seen right through and underneath
And you make me better
Better... better...
You are my real Prince Charmin'
Like the heat from the fire
You were always burnin'
And each time you're around
My body keeps callin'
For your touch
Your kisses and your sweet romancin'
There's an underside of you
this a man adore
Aside from your temper
Everything else secure
I know you're good for me, baby
For that, I'm sure
Cause over and over again
Me want more
And all you've got left is me
And somehow I'm full of forgiveness
I guess it's meant to be
Underneath it all
You want to love me
Underneath it all
I'm really lucky
Underneath it all
You're really lovely
Underneath it all
You want to love me
Underneath it all
I'm really lovely
Underneath it all
And you're really lovely
