The green eyes flashed upward for a brief moment, just long
enough to count as obedience, then dropped back down. It
was all I needed to see.
With Alex, what doesn't happen is at least as important as
what does, and his inability to hold my gaze spoke volumes
to me about his wants and needs. In Krycek code, he was
pleading. I nodded to let him know I'd received the
message, and moved to the bed. His eyes followed me as I
seated myself on the side, and held out a hand to him.
A brief flicker of tongue across his lips, and he moved,
silently coming to stand before me, giving me his hand. I
held it for a moment, squeezing gently, easing him a bit
closer, then let it go to unfasten his jeans. When they
were half-way down his thighs, I drew down his briefs with
equal precision, then drew him across my lap.
His body was tense, almost rigid, but I didn't wait for him
to calm down. I knew he wouldn't, couldn't, not yet. I
slapped his left cheek sharply, hard enough to print my
hand. He didn't so much as flinch. The next blow caught him
on the right, the result no different. I continued spanking
him in the same careful, measured way, two beats between
blows, the intensity the same, the pattern the same. After
twenty swats, his bottom was dusky rose, and his muscles
beginning to relax. After forty, we were nearing magenta,
and his shoulders eased down. When I finished fifty, his
body was draping, his breathing slow and easy, his backside
red.
"Say it, Alex." My voice was quiet, calm and steady as a
rock, pitched as though reading a bedtime story to an
almost sleeping child.
"I'm scared."
He didn't sound scared. He sounded peaceful, untroubled and
relaxed. I gave him ten more, and felt the tiniest of
movements. He was finished. I rolled him over onto his
side, revealing a face streaked with silent tears, eyes
full of gratitude and love.
I kissed him, pressed slow kisses to his mouth and cheeks,
his temples and even the tip of his nose, earning a tiny
smile of genuine shy pleasure. I stroked his hair, hugging
him tightly.
"I'm not leaving you. You don't have to go back."
He nodded, believing me again, for a little while. He
snuggled down so that just his head was resting on my lap,
drew his clothing up, and went to sleep clutching my arm
like a teddy bear. Just as he drifted off, I heard the
mumble, the quiet whisper I only got at times like these.
"I love you, Mulder."
"I know." It was all he wanted me to say, all he'd allow me
to say. But he knew I loved him right back.
THE END.
Reassurance
by Raven
"Alex, look at me, babe."
