He released me, which meant he wanted something. I guess he needed access
to the
alien ship and found it amusing to send me out into the world to suffer. I'd
spent countless months running and hiding, only to spend another two, three,
four
months sitting still, pounding against the silo doors and quaking in the
darkness. There were no days or nights in my captivity, only endless shadows
and
hunger. I often wished they would stop feeding me, that the alien life forms
within the ship would give me release. But no matter how much I craved it,
death
never came. I was yet to earn that pleasure.
When I stumbled into the burning sun, I knew that I couldn't sit still any
longer. And so I ran. I never ran so hard in my life.
I thought of going to Mulder, but what we had was gone, jumbled amongst my
memories so I couldn't even remember whether we loved and lost or schemed
and
fell.
Why did I pick Sunnydale? I'm not sure that I did. Something beyond than fate
dragged me towards its fluffy clouds and bright blue sky. The joke was I
never
did care for California. The weather was a little too pleasant all the damn
time.
It was so boring—cursed by a myriad of disgruntled actors and sunburnt
lifeguards.
When I arrived, it was too bright. The land glimmered like Mulder's eyes and
the
heat seeped into me like his tight embrace. So, I went down into the sewers,
away
from the light and the agony, back to the cold of seclusion. Part of me
missed it-
most of me needed it. Deep in the secluded tunnels, beneath yet another
quaint
American town, the fear of the dark returned. That's not quite right. It
wasn't
the dark that I feared, but rather what waited beyond it.
The tunnel walls were so stained and broken I almost felt at home. Splashes
of
what looked, to my trained eyes, like blood lined the bricks. Shapes flashed in
the puddles on the ground. Rats ran around my feet; one sniffed at my
shoes. Was
I a friend? An intruder? A monster come to hurt his happy home?
The air was so damp I could smell it. Something sweet and putrefying waited
behind it. It reminded me of the silo with its burnished metal and concrete
and
twisted pain.
An occasional splash or giggle filtered through the gloom.
I should have noticed them earlier, but my head was down and lost in the
puddles.
I turned a corner and my tired eyes were greeted by a jumble of flailing arms
and
twisted legs. A broad shouldered young man clawed at the back of a
struggling
female. His embrace swallowed her shallow form.
She struggled slightly, but I took that for the feigned innocence at which I
was
so adept. I tried to sneak past them, hopeful not to disturb their
entanglement.
Their passion was too desperate for me to disturb and I only wanted to sleep,
to
rest and to dream nightmares of Mulder. They were all that kept me this side
of
lucidity.
Unable to resist, I glanced at the couple's wild embrace as I passed close
behind
the woman's back. Her pale pink dress was torn and her back was a
masterpiece of
scratches. One of the man's hands was buried in the long brown hair
shrouding the
back of her skull. His face was invisible. Short spiked hair undulating as he
sucked fervently at her throat. When I realised that he seemed to be trying
to
gnaw through her neck, I stopped to watch. Mulder had been like that with
me.
Back in the days when we were new, when we had a chance.
Suddenly, his head tipped and tarnished yellow eyes met my own. There was
something uncanny about his face. It wasn't bruised; it wasn't boned; he
wasn't
human.
When he saw me he slowed his sucking and dropped the body to the floor like
I
might drop a hamburger wrapper. The one thing I noticed when she crumpled
to the
ground was the blood pumping rhythmically from the tear in her throat. It
splashed against the walls and pooled in the crevices formed by broken
bricks and
debris. I guess that once the blood was drained the vessel was surplus to
requirements.
When I looked back at his face, it was human, that of a young man who'd seen
sights that would turn your soul. His dark eyes glinted. "And you must be
dessert!"
Mulder had brought me a million strange encounters; Cancerman completed
my
education, but could my eyes be deceiving me? Hurting me like the times I
felt
Mulder's gaze upon me, and turned only to find him lost in thoughts of Scully.
I
could believe in UFOs and Mulder's faith, but not in the creature standing
before
me? Could this really be a vampire?
He was barely taller than I was; yet, I was dwarfed by his presence. He
remained
in the shadows; face half-illuminated by a flickering service light. Power
radiated from his body. Dressed completely in black. Shirt, leather pants
betraying the taut muscles in his thighs, topped with a long coat. Only his
eyes
refused to comply with the dress code. They were a deep brown and fixed on
my
own. And he was pale, so very pale. The only thing I couldn't fathom was his
gaze. Cruel, definitely cruel, as much to him as to others, but bearing the
remnants of neglected kindness. In the half-light, he was monster, stranger
and
friend. He gave lurking a bad name.
He took a step towards me, out of the darkness. His face remained human,
too
sturdy to be beautiful, too different to be pretty. Out of instinct I reached
into my jacket, feeling calmer the second my fingers closed around my gun.
It was
cold and heavy in my palm. I pointed it at him, unsure which was the best
place
to aim for. Did his organs resemble mine? Would a bullet in his brain be more
than a splinter under my nail?
He grinned and took another step towards me, angling to stand between me
and the
way to the light. My fingers trembled; my head swam in the murk of my own
stupidity. I hadn't survived a million torturous days and lain awake for a
thousand empty nights to be the cream in a vampire's coffee.
I fired. His face crumpled in surprise, whether at the pain or my audacity. He
slumped to the ground; his long black coat pooling around him like the blood
that
pooled around his victim's head.
The vampire growled. "Have you any idea how much that hurts?" Actually, I
did.
The gun went off again and again and again. His body spasmed as each bullet
pierced his flesh. A thin line of blood trickled from the corner of his mouth.
His tongue caught the escaped and he shuddered. "Doesn't anybody use
wooden
stakes anymore?" He was beautiful in his suffering. I was sure I'd look just
the
same when he taught me to experience mine.
I didn't stop to find out how severe his wounds were but instead ran deeper
into
the sewers. I wasn't quite desperate, but certainly approaching the nearest
turnoff for panic highway.
I ran through the dank tunnels taking random turns for ten minutes before I
realised that I was hopelessly lost. My heart pounded, my blood boiled, my
breathing was laboured. I was used to sitting in the dark—I was no longer city
fit. Who knows how fast the vampire was or if he had even chased me.
Surely,
there must be easier meals out there, ones without guns and knives.
I stopped running and backed up to within a foot of a wall. Sweat dribbled into
my eyes. My hair was damp and I brushed it out of my eyes. Months of
captivity
had left it longer than I liked. My shirt stuck to my chest.
Something touched my hair. I swatted at the invader only to feel a cool
breeze on
my neck. I looked over my shoulder—fresh air meant an exit and escape. The
vampire smiled. "We really must stop meeting like this."
I was against the opposite wall wiping the feel of his hand from my hair
before
he even finished his sentence. He could have taken me right there, right
then.
The vampire was crouched in an alcove with his feet near the edge so that
his
back and one hand on the stone supported much of his weight. Face and
hands pale
in the gloom, as beautiful as the anaemic light which had spilled through the
silo door. One hand was wrapped around an ankle. His shoes had incongruous
shiny
buckles—the only bright spark in his black ensemble. He was staring directly
at
me, eyes so dun I couldn't read them. He seemed amused, excited and
aroused. The
thing that scared me the most was his sense of calm. That same calm used
to hit
me right before a kill, at the moment when I cornered my prey and was ready
to
reel him in.
"How?"
"Did I find you?" The vampire smiled his strange mixture of cruelty and
torment.
"I can hear your blood from here and smell your fear." He jumped down from
his
perch and stepped towards me. "There's no need to run. I only wanna torture
you a
little." The corner of his mouth curled in an obscene grin as he wandered
closer.
"I'm kinda out of practice, but I promise you'll never forget the touch of my
hand. "
I had been an assassin to a hundred different souls, but I turned tail and fled.
It was almost becoming a habit. I splashed through the putrid water lining the
bottom of the tunnels; my hands flailed at the walls, nails snagging on loose
bricks and scattered debris. I ran until my lungs were ready to burst. Then,
when
I could run no further, I hid; I cowered behind a rusty iron door and prayed to
be left alone in the dark.
Then the footsteps started. Slow and even. An occasional splash or screech
of
nail on stone or steel. As he passed the open door I held my breath and
prayed to
anyone who would listen to get me out of the dark again. The old litany
resurfaced. I'd do anything. I'd relinquish my gun. I'd give myself up to
Mulder's custody just so long as I made it back to the light. I guess those
particular lies were not going to work a second time.
"Come out, come out, wherever you are!" The voice was beckoning yet cold. It
made
me want to run both to him and away from him, to do anything but hide.
"I don't offer my services to just anyone, you know." A noise which could only
be
nails scratching on metal sounded outside the door. I held my breath and the
noise stopped. Everything stopped save for the sound of footsteps beyond
my
seclusion.
Damn. I'd shot him and ran for my life. That would be enough for most folk,
but
all I'd succeeded in doing was getting his attention. I wasn't another tourist
to
snack upon; I was worthy of his appetite.
Yet the steps faded and I managed to persuade my jittery legs to straighten,
to
bear my weight, to move, to walk, to run. I fled away from my stalker;
heedless
of the noise I was making. I couldn't beat him by creeping around in the dark.
My
only choice was to run.
I ran blindly down another set of tunnels, only to discover yet another pile of
debris blocking my path. But, hadn't I seen a ladder around the previous
corner?
I turned and splashed through the damp cavern, my speed increasing as if to
match
the pace of my heart. In the gloom, I stumbled over a pile of bricks and fell to
my knees. I levered myself upright, ignoring the pain from my scraped palms.
I
ran around the corner and didn't see him until I was in his arms.
It seemed that he held me for longer than I spent in the silo, but I only
wanted
it that way. In reality, it could only have been a matter of seconds. But
wasn't
all life a matter of seconds if you looked at it the right way? It was long
enough to sense his desire and the heat emanating through his dark clothes.
For
my part, I wanted him despite myself. I'd prayed for salvation and I guess
this
was as close as I was gonna get. The only real quandary was whether I would
escape from his clutches in one piece.
He licked my neck once before he released me. I backed away, but knew I had
nowhere to run. Automatically, I scanned the area for escape routes. But
none
beckoned. No windows, no doors, no daylight. The only way out was past him.
"What's your name?" he asked.
"My name?"
"Yeah, your name. It's not an essay question."
In the moment that it took me to think, he edged forward. An almost
imperceptible
shift in balance. Most people wouldn't even have noticed. But such things
rarely
escaped my attention. Years of chasing Mulder and evading cancer had
taught me
that.
Suddenly, I didn't want to be Krycek the murderer, assassin and betrayer of
hearts anymore. I needed to be someone new and someone old, someone
Mulder loved.
"Alex, call me Alex." My mouth worked independently of my brain. It was
taking
orders only from my wakening desire.
"Alex." He said it thoughtfully, tasting it as if seeing how it would fit in his
mouth. "Well, Alex, nice to meet you. Nice name, kinda exotic. Reminds me of
Eastern Europe. You meet some very interesting folk over there." The
vampire
moved closer until he was no more than a pace away. "I'm going to have the
pleasure of fucking you this fine evening." He bent to whisper in my ear. "Call
me Angel."
Mesmerised, I could do no more than wrap my arms around his shoulders and
cling
to the proffered security. He could have killed me right there and then and I
don't think I would have even tried to stop him.
In some ways, he was just like my Mulder. He slammed me against the wall,
insinuated his hands into the folds of my leather jacket and went for my
neck.
Only he didn't so much kiss as lick and I'm sure he sniffed at the ticklish spot
behind my ear.
"Scared?" Angel asked quietly. "You smell best when you're scared. Make sure
you
keep it up."
I was glad he didn't try to kiss me; no one had kissed me since Mulder. Angel's
hands were everywhere and I wondered briefly if vampires had more than the
regulation two. Did they still have secrets unbeknownst to us mere mortals?
Angel
kissed my neck and yanked down the collar of my leather cocoon to nip at my
shoulders. He leaned against me, pressing my back into the rough brickwork,
leaving just enough space for my pathetic squirming.
His hands traced the muscles in my chest and stomach, massaged my cock
through my
jeans and crawled around my thighs. I didn't know how to react; it was a good
thing my cock and hands did. Somehow, I manoeuvred my hands beneath his
long
black coat. Angel hugged me tighter and whimpered encouragement as I
traced
infinite designs along his spine. If I was shrouded by his ever-moving hands,
he
was putty in mine.
My fingers danced over the smooth leather of his pants, lingering at the
waistband before wandering further. Tentatively, my hands slipped down to
cover
his ass. The tone of his groans dropped an octave. And all the time he was
growling in my ear and smothering my body with his own. It was a long time
since
someone had ravished me and I never wanted it to end.
It was like the first time Mulder took me. Down in the car park of FBI
headquarters. Stepping out of the car after a long fruitless night of
pretending
we didn't want each other, he had pushed me against the wall and humped my
leg
until we both came in an explosive heap. This could have been the same: my
exhaustion, his passion and my search for salvation in his arms. I gripped his
ass tightly in both hands and pulled his hips hard against mine. A spark flew
along my spine and he bucked against me. The tempo of his thrusting
accelerated
until his movements were a blur and all that existed was sweat and lips and
blood. If I closed my eyes and held him just so it could have been Mulder. It
need only be a matter of broader shoulders and a stronger grip.
"Mulder," I groaned against his neck, only realising what I'd done when Angel
withdrew enough to look me in the eye. I thought he would be angry, the part
that
had betrayed my love and required punishment hoped he was. A shade passed
across
his eyes before I realised I should look away. He knew. He knew what Mulder
meant
to me, because he had been there himself. A certain empathy existed
between us,
the pain of betrayals that could never be forgiven. His pain had transformed
him
into this arousal-radiating monster; mine had prevented that. I couldn't
testify
that it had kept me sane. I was, after all, about to surrender myself to the
whim
of a vampire. A handsome, powerful creature, whose sad eyes reminded me
of an old
lover, but a vampire nonetheless.
He slapped my face when I refused to kiss him. I gasped at the sting and the
flash of deliverance along my spine. "C'mon, Alex. I'll let you call me Mulder."
Summoning a small reserve of strength from behind my eyes, I pushed him
away. He
laughed and backed off. His smile broadened. "Ah, does little Alex miss his
boyfriend? Ah, diddums."
I didn't cry. I wouldn't cry. I took it all and looked him in the eye. He tilted
his head to one side and conjured up a remorseful frown. He held his hand out
to
me. I spat at his feet. And I saw something I'd never thought I'd see: a 6-foot
vampire giggling as he decided upon the best method of seducing me.
I was weakening. I suspect he recognised it before I did. It was only a matter
of
time before I surrendered.
Angel put an arm around my waist and all but pulled me towards the end of
the
tunnel. He yanked at a rusted metal door. It fell off its hinges with a squeal
and crashed to the ground by my feet. Before it came to rest, Angel had
lifted me
across the threshold and was half-carrying half-dragging me up a flight of
stone
steps. The middle of each step was curved and worn with ages of use. The
wall was
carved of the same stone and crammed with delicate designs and images of
crushing
defeat and elegant victory.
We reached the top of the stairs and I was pulled into the room above. It was
a
large crypt the walls of which were lined with spaces for coffins most of
which
were occupied. In the middle stood a huge stone coffin of the palest marble
I've
ever seen; a soft cream veined with greens and blues the colour of my veins.
Moonlight filtered through the open doorway of the crypt. How long had I been
down below that it was dark above? How had it known to find me there?
Angel threw me onto the coffin. Cold seeped through my clothes; items,
which he
soon ripped from me, tasting every inch of flesh, he exposed. How he
managed to
hold me down and lick the inside of my thighs simultaneously, I never knew.
My
brain had turned to mush the minute my back hit the stone.
I must have wrapped my legs around his waist and I'm sure there was the
sense of
smooth leather against my tender flesh.
"C'mon Alex. You can say it. Let me be your Mulder tonight."
I shook my head and turned my face away. My legs and arms struggled
against
Angel's embrace. He gripped my hands so tightly, I feared he would crush the
bones.
Cold lips found mine, brushing gently across my mouth and across my cheek.
He
kissed me hungrily, but I couldn't respond, I couldn't betray Mulder again.
There
may have been others since I deserted him, but none for the kissing.
"Alex, Alex, Alex," Angel muttered as he ground his erection against my
groin.
"You won't be fucked if you don't kiss me." It was the same tone Mulder had
used
when I complained I didn't like the taste of sunflower seeds. "And you do want
me
to fuck you, don't you, Alex?"
At that moment, it was all I wanted and everything I deserved.
But I had to resist. I had to. Even if I did want to taste his lips and run my
tongue along his teeth as if testing the sharpness of my hunting knife.
Suddenly, Angel released my arms and straightened up. He rubbed gently at
my
thighs, which were still wrapped tightly around his waist. My heart sank. I
thought he was going to leave. I couldn't let him leave me.
Angel studied me carefully like an artist may study his subject. Finally, he
smirked and stroked my chin. "Yes," he whispered, "you'll do just fine."
Without warning, he lunged onto me again. Grabbing my hair in one hand and
my
wrists in the other, he held me still as he kissed me recklessly. I rolled my
head away from his need. Too late, I realised my mistake.
His lips slid away from my face and he sucked at the tip of my ear.
"Alex," he hissed into my ear. "You do know I'm gonna kill you anyway."
A tickle on my neck, a harder grip on my bones, a heavier weight on my
torso, a
sudden tremor in his limbs and his fangs were in my neck. I think I screamed
at
the penetration. It hurt. It hurt so good I could almost imagine I was being
rewarded instead of being dealt the punishment I deserved.
An aeon later and my nipples were chewed raw. Cuts and scratches covered
my body
where Angel had cut and lapped like a big cat at his own personal milk bowl.
There wasn't a part of me which his fingers hadn't explored and made his
own.
I needed to come so badly my body was ready to explode. But he wouldn't let
me.
Every time I came close, he found ingenious ways to stop me, in the end he
settled for fashioning a makeshift harness from the remnants of my shirt.
My
balls and cock were trussed so tightly that no amount of rubbing against his
body
would put me out of my ecstasy.
Then, I remembered the pain. I forgot who was more to blame, me for kissing
him
the first time, or Mulder for letting me. All I recalled was the pain and the
need and the blood. I needed to feel that again. I'd spent months thinking
about
him and me and whatever that was all about. Yet, somehow Angel needed to
be
someone else too, someone who mattered to me rather than a random fuck
in a cold
tomb.
"Mulder?" I tried experimentally. That wasn't so bad. The sky didn't fall in; the
earth didn't shake in disapproval.
Angel's hand left my wrists and I all but clawed at his shoulders.
"Something you want, Alex?" he asked as he refused to cede to my flailing
arms.
It wasn't only his features that had changed; his voice had somehow taken on
a
sultrier cadence. The ridges across his face were mere extensions of his
self. He
was more beautiful than I could stand.
I could bear it no longer. Couldn't cope with the loneliness, the constant wait
for a chance to make it up to Mulder. I was tired of waiting for tomorrow to
come. I needed now. And if a vampire was all I could hope for, then so be it. It
would have to do. So, I begged. "Kiss me, please."
"Aw, Alex," he drew a finger across my cheek, "this is the part I like best.
Surrender." He chuckled and set about the process of devouring my mouth. I
kissed
him back, didn't resist when his tongue licked its way around my gums. Mine
even
followed its retreat. I traced his backbone with my fingers, fisting into his
hair as I probed his mouth with my tongue. His fangs snagged the muscle. As
the
first drop of my blood slid down his throat, strong hands clamped around my
head.
He sucked hard on the wound and a glimmer of dizziness flashed through my
brain.
How much blood had he already taken from me? How much more did I have to
give?
I pushed the fearful thoughts away. I deserved this. I deserved his intensity
and
if he took my life, then I deserved that as well.
Gradually, his demands for blood decreased. He placed his head in the crook
of my
neck and clung to me, maintaining the constant rubbing of his leather clad
crotch
against me.
I tugged at the waistband of his pants, and when that failed to move him, I
kneaded his ass, pulling him against me, squirming in an attempt to gain any
friction I could.
"You want me to remove this?" Angel slid his hand across the tied cotton. "Is
the
big, nasty vampire tormenting you?" He flicked the head of my cock. I
screamed
again, this time I'm sure that it was someone's name. I'm sure it was Mulder's
name.
He slapped my flank and smiled. That wonderful arrangement of features
moulded
around a consciousness which had lived for longer than I could imagine.
I nodded. I begged.
"All in good time, Alex."
He disentangled himself from my legs and stepped away.
"No," was the first word on my lips. I grabbed at his arm, but he shook me
away
with ease. He looked at me as he undid the buttons on his pants and slid the
tight coverings down his legs. He watched me as I watched his cock spring
free.
It promised everything I needed, everything I wanted, everything Mulder would
no
longer give to me.
"Wanna live forever?" he asked. "You could rearrange your friendship with
your
little boyfriend."
"Mulder's lifetime couldn't be long enough to make him love me again."
"Well, perhaps you could offer him an extension of his contract." Angel
leaned
over me and licked at the wound on my neck. A shudder ran through him.
"Love
isn't about persuasion, it's possession pure and simple. You do whatever it
takes
to bind them to you, to ensure that every waking moment reminds them of
you and
the touch of your hand and the feel of your skin.
"I can't make him love me, can I?"
"Yes, you can, Alex. Of course, he'll probably hate you for it to the end of his
days. As long as his mind is on you who cares whether he wants to kill you or
kiss you?"
"But... "
He placed a finger against my lips and shushed me. "Shut up, Alex, you're
talking
too much. You've been such a good boy, it's time for your reward."
Angel slipped inside me, rocking gently into my body as if he meant to love
me
and keep me safe. He settled his weight upon my chest and stroked my
cheek. For a
moment, I believed in him. He was everything I'd ever wanted: almost.
"Tell me, Alex," he grunted as he slid back into me. "Did Mulder do this to
you?"
He withdrew slightly, only to sink back into me. "Did he fuck you like this? Or
perhaps like this?" Long and slow, he glided in and out of me. "Or was it more
like this?" He grabbed my hair and plundered my mouth before slamming into
me
with greater strength than I thought I could bear.
Suddenly, I wanted to cry. That was exactly how Mulder did it. Rough and fast
and
harder than any other.
Immorality sucked greedily at my throat. The light dimmed, my heart
pounded, I
tried not to tremble beneath him. His weight pressed me against the hard
marble,
cold in the night air, but still warmer than him. I fancied the veins in my flesh
mirrored the pattern of the stone. Would Angel know where I ended and it
began?
Angel slurped at my neck, alternately lapping at the wound or sucking
frantically
before re-sinking his fangs deep into my flesh. Each bite more powerful than
the
cock still pounding at my ass. He bit deeper and my blood pumped into his
greedy
mouth, delivering my death and my life to my seducer. He drank in my terror,
stroking my hair whilst holding me still.
Suddenly, his body tensed and his fangs sank deeper into my throat. I don't
remember him removing my bonds, but he must have done as I screamed and
arched up
against him. For a moment I swam in the edges of his mind, feeling the blood
and
the passion. Oblivion beckoned and I fell into him.
This Far and no Further
by Mord
I never thought I'd get out of the silo. Yet, for whatever twisted logic runs
Cancerman's brain, he saw to my release. I must have looked quite a sight,
babbling incoherently and begging for anyone or anything to save me. Torn,
battered and bruised, I was alone, abandoned on the highway between sanity
and
peace.
