Hi Sis,
Hope you're well and nearly ready for the big event. I hope to
be nearby in the next couple of weeks, work permitting, and Ill be sure
to call in and see you. I hope those clones of yours are looking after
you well. Mom said they'd finally agreed on the decor for the nursery,
after long debate (and a couple of fights!). Blue, pink or neutral?
Knowing your problems, all three colour schemes are probably in use.
Hoping to see you soon, I have a surprise to show you, but you'll never
guess what it is in a million years. I will tell you that it's
absolutely the most up to date thing you could imagine!
love,
Debbie.
Note from W. Skinner #19 to A. Krycek #7
Alex,
Use the cream paint on the walls and be sure to give it at least
two coats. Wait a minimum of two hours between applications. And be sure
to leave all the windows open, even if it is February. We don't want
Mary upset by the paint fumes. And make sure Mulder is kept out. The
last time he touched a paint brush, we had to scrub all of the ceiling
paint off the kitchen shelves, it was a disaster. I should be back by 7
p.m. at the latest, and I'll be sure to bring the baby book you wanted.
Nice of you to take an interest in my baby.
Walter
Postcard delivered to Mr. A Krycek #7 February 27th
The following books have now arrived in your local library as requested,
and await collection.
The complete Mothercare baby book
Dr. Spock's baby theory for beginners
The Assassination squad—A. N. Other
Gun maintenance and storage—Bill Brown
Child care and the rearing of children—A. Milne
Inside the CIA—Anonymous
The complete novels of Solzhenitsen in Russian
Letter from Mary to her mother—March 4th
Dear mom,
I've got such a lot to tell you in this letter, I really don't
know how to begin. It all started three days ago, when Debbie arrived
unexpectedly, late in the evening. We had been expecting her, but she
hadn't told us the date she was coming, so things got a little rushed
when she turned up. Alex very kindly offered to give up his bed and
sleep in with me, so that she would have accommodation. Then she sprung
her surprise on us. She wasn't alone. She'd gone and bought herself the
latest model in Krycek clones, an "Ultimate Childminder Model," just for
me. She said that he was a present for me to help me cope after the
happy event. After all, everyone knew that the original Krycek models
were just decorative additions to the home, with a few minor household
skills. How much better would it be to have an expert nanny around the
house, who didn't mind changing dirty nappies, and knew exactly how warm
baby's bath water should be. This model was also guaranteed aggression
free.
I could see that Mulder and Skinner loved the idea immediately, all the
hard work would be done for them, and they could relax and enjoy
fatherhood. My Alex though, immediately became aggressive. and told the
boys he would punch their lights out if they even considered it. Oh
dear. I'm afraid that this visit isn't going to be peaceful. I told
Debbie that I would tell her my decision at the end of her visit. I love
my present model, but his aggressive display tonight really made me
think. Do I really think he'll do a good job looking after a baby?
Anyway, he was banished to the spare room in the end.
Love Mary.
Extract from Mary's diary March 5th
The new Krycek model immediately proved his worth this morning by making
everyone breakfast in bed. Mulder and Skinner were captivated, and
Mulder wanted to know if he could make other things just as expertly.
Alex #5467 just gave a placid little grin and said that his laundry was
pretty good if the boys had anything they needed washing. Definitely a
hit.
But things got a little nasty when the new clone took my Alex some
breakfast. The first I knew of it was when there was an almighty crash
from the spare room, and the new clone emerged dripping with food, a
fried egg balanced delicately on his head.
The poor baby was crying, and he had a big bruise across his cheek where
my Alex had punched him. Then Alex had demonstrated what he thought of
his new double's cooking. Mulder got a tender look in his eyes, and took
the new clone away to clean him up, and if I know Mulder, to spend a few
hours cuddling and soothing away those big tears that were rolling down
the poor thing's face. Mulder can be so kind sometimes.
Skinner took charge, and for the rest of the day, made that mean clone
clean up his mess. And I heard a few yelps at one point as he got stern
with Alex. Debbie was a little surprised, and wondered if it was always
like this in my house. I'm sure I don't know what she means. Anyway,
we're all going for a meal to the local Italian restaurant tonight, so
both Alexes will have a chance to make up.
Extract from Mary's diary March 6th
Last night was one of the more interesting nights of my entire life. I
really don't know whether to get mad or not. But something will have to
be done about the Alex problem. It's really a worry, I can feel my
ankles swelling with the stress of it all.
It was supposed to be a happy meal at the restaurant, with the whole
family, including the Alexes, and my sister Debbie. But things went a
bit sour from the start. Walter kept grinning at the new Alex because he
was so pleased with the way his shirts had been ironed. The seams were
straight as a ruler, like you see in the army. And Mulder had his arm
round the new Alex all night, and for some reason, kept nibbling his ear
and squeezing his waist. My Alex looked like a thundercloud, his face
red with anger. I just knew there was going to be trouble.
The first course passed smoothly, with only a few inaudible mutterings
from the far end of the table. Then the waiter brought in the main
course, a delectable pasta, smothered in a superb Bolognese sauce. It
was a pretty spectacular display, beautifully presented on a huge
silver platter, and the waiter shamelessly paused before serving, so
that we could admire the chef's creation. The mood was wonderful, soft
lighting and sweet background music, entertaining company.
Quite when it went seriously wrong, I'm not sure. Perhaps it was the
way Alex # 5467 snuggled against Mulder, a look of transparent happiness
on his face. He doesn't seem to need much to make him happy. Or perhaps
it was when Mulder picked up his fork and began feeding the new clone
little morsels from his plate, one at a time. Anyway my Alex erupted.
He's always been physical, but to fling the whole platter of pasta and
sauce at Mulder and the clone must have taken some strength.
The two of them just sat there, stunned, and dripping for a moment.
Then, with a yell of outrage, Mulder grabbed at the dessert trolley and
began flinging things back at his attacker. You've guessed it! A food
fight in an expensive restaurant. And by now, nearby tables had joined
in.
Alex #5467 and I hid under the table whilst the boys fought it out. He
gave a tiny little sob, and I couldn't help but give his hand a little
squeeze. They certainly gave this model the treatment, trying to make
him look cute. For kids, I suppose. Big green eyes, extra long
eyelashes, and a hint of a trembling lower lip.
"Are they always so rough?" he whispered. Then he asked if he could
cuddle me because he was scared. How sweet.
We were helped out from under the table five minutes later by Skinner,
after he had thrown Mulder and Alex out of the restaurant. I don't think
he knew who to tend to first, me or Alex #5467. In the end, he
compromised, and put one arm around each of our waists. I was grateful
of the support, and Alex #5467 seemed to enjoy leaning against Walter
too.
Needless to say, Mulder and my old Alex clone were both banished from
the house, to the garage and the garden shed respectively. And Walter
told me later that they'd had to clean up using the garden hose!
Diary of Walter Skinner—March 8th
I believe it's an old Chinese curse that states "May you live in
interesting times!" It was certainly someone very wise. But I don't
think they had domestic chaos in mind. I pride myself on running an
efficiently organised establishment, and for a long time, using certain
disciplinary measures, I succeeded. If things weren't totally wonderful,
at least there was a minimum of friction. Things got done around here!
It was pure hell yesterday. The house was a shambles and if it hadn't
been for that wonderfully efficient clone, Alex #5467, I'm sure I would
still be picking crumbs out of the carpet and trying to clean the
kitchen floor. Alex #7 and Fox are implacably opposed to each other at
the moment, and if they are in the same room together, items get thrown
and the mess is just left for someone else to clear up. Appalling! And
neither of them listens to me any more.
Alex #5467 creeps around the house like a little mouse, watching
everything with those big green eyes and saying nothing. He doesn't
deserve to be blamed for all this, he's only following his design
specifications. There's no reason for anyone to be jealous.
Mary was kind to Alex #5467 yesterday, she let him come to her room to
tidy up, and he was much more cheerful afterwards, his cheeks were quite
flushed, and he even grinned at me, which is not something Alex #7 ever
did!
Extract from Mary's diary March 12th
Oh dear. Now I know why Alex #5467 is always offering to come to my room
and tidy up. I went into the bedroom unexpectedly yesterday, when I
needed a jacket, and I found him wearing one of my dresses, about to put
blusher on his cheeks. No wonder my make up seems to have been used up
at such a tremendous rate!
I suppose it has something to do with the way his genes were messed
around with to create the perfect homemaker. An unexpected side effect.
He looked so scared that I couldn't be cross, though I did warn him that
he could buy his own stockings in future. If it keeps the poor thing
happy, I don't really mind. He doesn't do any harm.
I have noticed that since I gave him permission to use my make up, that
he's started to wear a little around the house. A tiny bit of blusher a
hint of mascara, not that the Krycek eyelashes need it, and a very pale
lipstick. He seems very talented at applying it. Que sera sera!
Note to Walter Skinner from Debbie Smith—March 13th
Wally my dear, when you took care of my washing yesterday, you must have
left my new suspender belt in the washing machine. Please can I have it
back?
Letter from Debbie Smith to her friend Sara Parker—March 14th
Dear Sara,
I'm living in the world's number one madhouse. I want to help my
sister in the coming birth, and I bought her an exclusive new clone to
help her out. But this is such a madhouse that none of us have remained
unscathed.
To give you an example, the new clone, Alex #5467 has been doing wonders
with the housework, taking over from her lazy old clones. He gets on
fairly well with two of Mary's menagerie. At least he did. The old
Krycek model gets very aggressive, so he's mainly kept out of the way.
But yesterday, we all tried to watch t.v. together, though things were
tense. Alex #5467 sat in between the Mulderclone and the Skinnerclone,
out of harms way.
It was then that things seemed to take on an edge of the surreal. I
distinctly heard Alex #5467 say to the Mulderclone "Do you want to twang
my suspender belt?" Needless to say, the Mulderclone was a little
surprised by this question, and after opening and closing his mouth like
a goldfish a few times, he edged as far away from Alex #5467 as he could
get without falling off the couch. Alex #7 had been listening to the
conversation, and ended up being kicked out of the room by Skinner for
howling with laughter during his favourite show. Mulder had a face like
a thundercloud for the rest of the evening. Alex #5467 looked upset,
until Skinner gave him a big hug to comfort him.
Only then did it occur to me where Alex #5467 got the suspender belt
from! He must have stolen it from ME! When I pointed this out to
Skinner, he said that it wasn't a problem, and he would get it off Alex
#5467 later tonight.
Yours from the madhouse
Debbie
Extract from Mary's diary March 15th
Any day now, the doctors say. I can hardly wait. I feel so awkward and
lumbering these days, it's going to be a difficult birth, I think. One
of those old women who lives in the village told me the other day that
my child would probably be over eight pounds in weight from the size of
my bump. I don't know whether to be offended or not, but I'm not looking
forward to the birth if that's the case. It sounds pretty painful. In
fact the thought was so depressing that it quite put the Alex problem in
the shade.
My Alex doesn't come to the house much now, Walter chases him away if he
sees him hanging around, so Alex pretty much camps out in the garden
shed. And Fox ignores him. How did things get so bad?
Anyway, Alex must have felt more comfortable with the boys out shopping
today, last minute little things that men always seem to forget, like a
supply of nappies and a big box of washing powder. So Alex sneaked into
the kitchen for a quiet read of his library book and a fresh pot of
coffee. He has a kind heart, and he came in to ask if I wanted anything.
I guess I must have been at a low point, worrying about everything, so I
just burst into tears. Then he was holding me, troubles forgotten, and
it all came pouring out, how scared I was. He got this fierce expression
on his face and held me tight for a while, and told me that there was
nothing in the world that could keep him away from me during the birth,
and all I had to do was hold his hand and he would keep me safe. I
believed him.
Then he said that afterwards, he would go away if that was what I
wanted. We both had a little cry, and I told him not to be silly, didn't
he know that I'd choose him over any of the others. He looked kind of
surprised at that, then gave one of those sweet, shy grins that I see so
rarely these days.
"Marry me then," he said quietly.
I didn't get a chance to reply, because in walked Walter and Fox, laden
with boxes of groceries. Alex must have felt more cheerful by then,
because he grinned wickedly, ruffled Fox's hair in passing and dodged
out of the door before they could make him put the groceries away. I've
heard of the expression catching flies before, but I'd never understood
what it meant until I saw it on Fox's face right then.
Note left on garden shed door—Evening of March 15th
Alex.
It's been a long time since you touched me like that..... I'd forgotten
what it was like, the fun we used to have. I guess what I'm trying to
say in my clumsy way, is that I miss the way it used to be. We never
laugh any more. We never touch or hold each other, just because it feels
good. We haven't really talked to each other since the time of the
cruise. Not really. Just a look from you could set my heart racing, but
you never bother any more. Don't hate me. I only flirted with HIM
because he was so like you, and for a while, I could close my eyes and
pretend it was you. And, for once you were watching me and you cared
about what I was doing.
I miss you. I love you always.
Fox
Note left on garage door late evening of March 15th
Come and see me later tonight. I guess we need to talk. I didn't know
how strongly I felt about you until I saw you with him. But I warn you
now. I don't do suspenders. Ever!
Alex
Letter from Debbie Smith to her mother March 16th
Dear Mom,
This place is an absolute madhouse. Mary is expecting her baby
any day now, and I'm beginning to think she's under a curse. Things
happen around her, things that don't happen to ordinary folk like you
and me. Not only that, but she has the most bizarre household I've ever
visited. Those three clones of hers fight incessantly. Why, only last
night, the weirdest thing happened in the garden. As near as I can make
out, her old Alex clone has been having some sort of feud with the
others. And last night the Mulderclone decided to fight it out with
him. It must have been quite a set to. Apparently, the Alex clone
slammed the Mulderclone up against the wall of the garden shed, while
they were wrestling, and the whole rickety structure collapsed on top of
them. The oddest thing is that when the two of them finally managed to
dig themselves out, they could both barely stand for laughing, and went
back to the house arm in arm, the best of friends. And Mary said that
she doesn't mind trying out the new model of Krycek clone, but she
really prefers the one she has, thank you and goodbye.
I can take a hint. The new Alex clone is scared to go near those rough
boys, and hides a lot. The poor thing looks quite lost sometimes. I
might take him on myself. The Skinner clone has been really nice to him
on account of his exceptional laundry skills, and I understand that
whenever he needs a boost, he creeps along to Skinner's room and gets
his iron out.
Personally, I don't care for all of that heat and steaminess, and as
for starching things to make them go stiff, and adjusting the seams in
trousers, I can do without it.
Love Debbie.
Medical notes—Dr Numan—March 17th
At 3 p.m. this morning a new patient, a Ms. Mary Sue Brown was admitted
to the gynaecology ward in the early stages of labour. I've never seen
so many immediate family members at a birth before. Three boyfriends and
her sister were in attendance, which takes some beating, And apparently,
there's a fourth at home! All apparently amicable, at least until the
moment when Ms Smith was taken to the labour suite. I was very firm and
told the menagerie that only one relative would be allowed in with her
to offer support. The patient's sister shrugged and said, "Take your
pick!" and I thought the more mature among them, a Mr. Skinner was doing
the honours. Then Ms. Smith pointed to the youngest one and said, "No, I
want Alex!" and that was that. Mr. Skinner got rather red in the face,
but it was too late to object at that point.
Mr. Krycek was exceptionally gentle and calming with his partner, though
I could tell he was quite nervous. He held her hand throughout, and was
a great support. It was only at the end that he fainted. Perhaps it was
the triplets that did it! Remarkable. The first set to be delivered at
this hospital in twenty years, and I gather that the patient had kept
the news that she was carrying more than one baby secret, all this time.
I do hope they have a large washing machine.
Letter of Debbie Smith to her mother—March 18th
Dear mom,
Well it's over with at last. I must say triplets was a surprise.
And all of them beautiful little boys with dark hair and the greenest
eyes you've ever seen. I don't think there's any question who their
father might be. No wonder she doesn't want to part with her old Alex
model, he's obviously of high quality!
The first news we heard was when a nurse wheeled Alex back to the
waiting room in a wheelchair. Apparently, he'd had a big shock. Then he
told us the news and you could have heard a pin drop for five seconds.
Then the other two began whooping and hollering , until the nurse
threatened to throw us all out.
There was an odd little silence though when the Mulderclone and the
Skinnerclone saw the babies for the first time. Skinner gave a resigned
sort of smile and said' "Why am I not surprised?" He went home soon
after that, muttering something about having to get his shirt dirty or
there would be hell to pay.
You'd think that he would want to take it off in that case!
And Mulder just stared for a bit then said to Alex, "Why did you let me
treat you badly for nine months? Didn't you feel hurt when I assumed
they were mine?"
Alex reached out and squeezed his hand and smiled. "Want to get
married?" he said.
I swear. Things get more bizarre in this household by the hour! The next
thing you know, they'll all be getting hitched!
Parish Newsletter—St. Patrick's church, Rivehope.
Parish announcements for the week of March 25th
CHRISTENINGS
To Alex Krycek #7 and Mary Sue Smith, who had a very happy St. Patrick's
day:-
Fox William Krycek—born March 17th
Walter John Krycek—born March 17th
Alex Krycek Junior—born March 17th
WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENTS
Our first ceremonies performed under the new non specific gender and
group marriage law of July 2000
Alex Krycek #7 would like to announce his engagement to Mary Sue Smith
and Fox Mulder #12475. The wedding is expected to take place in early
June. Congratulations are extended to them at this time of double
celebration. The best man will be Mr. W. Skinner, and the maids of
honour will be Miss D. Smith and Ms. A Krycek #5467.
Copyclone
by Megaera
Letter from Debbie Smith to Mary Smith—February 25th
