Out of the Darkness by Lexi Krycek Part One Love and Hate Mulder's hospital room 2:16 am Dana Scully hated hospitals. The smell of disinfectant, the hustle and bustle and beeping and wheezing. She dreaded it all. A strange sentiment considering the fact that she had a medical degree. Anyone who took a look at her and her partner's medical histories though, could understand her feelings a little better. Even setting aside the time she had spent in the hospital fighting her cancer, Scully probably logged more hours in the ER and ICU than most residents. She had stuck by Mulder's side for everything from broken bones and stitches to alien retro-viruses. She couldn't help but associate medical facilities with pain. Now this. This had to be the worst. Scully sat in the dark room and watched Mulder sleep. His sleep was far from peaceful and she ran a weary hand through her hair. She had been sitting here for several hours now just watching him and she was tired of trying to keep her emotions in check. She wanted to yell and scream and cry at the unfairness of it all, but mostly she wanted to rip apart the monsters that had hurt her partner. She forced these feelings down into the deepest, darkest part of her soul, rose from the chair and silently made her way to the connecting washroom. She didn't turn on the light so that she wouldn't disturb Mulder. At least that's what she told herself. If she was honest, she didn't think she could bear seeing her reflection in the mirror right now. Ever since she had found her partner brutally beaten, raped and left for dead on her living room floor she had felt her whole body harden into an impenetrable shell. She was afraid that, if she looked into the mirror above the little metal sink, she would see a version of herself that she would never be able to forget. Thoughts of revenge and retribution ran through her mind so violently that she thought her face would shatter from the strain of trying to appear normal. She had just reached for the faucet to splash some cool water on her face, when she heard a noise in Mulder's room. Silently, she peered around the edge of the door and was shocked to see a dark figure glide up to the bed. //Krycek// //That bastard! He can't even leave Mulder alone while he's in the hospital?// Scully slowly started to slide her gun from the holster but froze as Krycek reached out to brush a lock of hair from Mulder's eyes. For some reason that she couldn't fathom, Scully let her fingers loosen and the gun slid back into the firm leather. //What the hell is he doing?// Against her better judgment, Scully waited to see what Krycek was going to do. She figured if he started to do something life threatening to Mulder, she had plenty of time to put a stop to it. Krycek let his fingers skim down Mulder's face until he was softly tracing the bruises the two assailants had left behind. Mulder moaned softly and turned his head so that he was unconsciously nuzzling Krycek's hand. Scully watched the triple agent as he leaned towards Mulder and whispered quietly in his ear. She couldn't make out the words, but she realized that he was trying to wake Mulder up without frightening him. For a minute, Scully thought that Krycek wasn't going to be any more successful than the rest of them. Mulder was a pro at shutting people out and he had been ignoring everyone, all day. Preferring instead to retreat to his own personal oblivion. He had been through an ordeal that she didn't even want to imagine and today had been a particularly bad day. Photographic memories were great until you were trying to forget. What the hell made Krycek believe that he could come waltzing in here and succeed where she — where everyone else had failed? Unexpectedly, Mulder opened his eyes. Scully forced herself not to make any noise that would give her position away to the two men. The hurt washed over her. She had been trying for days to get some type of response from Mulder and Krycek comes waltzing in and gets a reaction in thirty seconds. "Hey G-man." She heard him whisper. She couldn't pinpoint the emotion in Krycek's voice, but she knew that it wasn't the scathing tones that the two men usually adopted when dealing with each other. Krycek pulled his hand away from Mulder's face, and Scully didn't miss the lost look that flashed briefly across the older man's features. Scully knew that Mulder wouldn't be able to talk back right away, and Krycek seemed to come to the same conclusion a heartbeat later. "I'm sure your throat's probably trashed. Do you need some ice, Fox?" Alex asked him, still keeping his voice low. Scully was amazed when Mulder nodded his head in response to Krycek's query without even so much as a glare to protest the use of that hated name. //Fox? Since when did Alex Krycek use Mulder's first name? And when the hell did Mulder start letting him?// Krycek reached for the Styrofoam cup filled with ice chips that Scully had refilled not fifteen minutes before and slowly fed some to the man lying before him. There was silence for several minutes, broken only by the sound of ice crunching every once in a while. The monitors that had made silence impossible for weeks had all been taken away a couple of days ago. Mulder had been determined healthy enough to survive on his own, and Scully had never been happier. The only reason he was still in the hospital was for physical therapy to get his body strong again. That, and the fact that he wouldn't eat. Wouldn't speak unless it was absolutely necessary. Wouldn't let anyone touch him, although he would let Scully hold his hand and sometimes wouldn't flinch when she stroked his face like Krycek had. It was so hard to sit here and watch him hurt, day after day, and not be able to comfort him. "Why aren't you talking, Fox?" Krycek questioned. "And don't look so surprised. Did you really think that I'd leave you in here without knowing exactly what was going on with you? Now answer the question. Why aren't you talking? Or more to the point, why aren't you at least talking to Scully?" Almost gasping with surprise, Scully watched Mulder shake his head back and forth for a moment. Then she heard him cough softly then force words past his unused throat. "I'm scared, Alex." He croaked, "If I talk." He coughed again. "If I talk they'll want to know what happened." "But if they know what happened, they can help you through it." Krycek stared down at the bruises that covered the agent's face and chest and Scully saw his body tense. "Don't you think you should at least talk to Scully about it. She wants to help you, Fox. I'm sure it's killing her that you won't talk to her." "It's not that I don't want to tell her, Alex. I want to confide in her so badly." Mulder paused again and Krycek fed him some more ice chips before he could continue. "I'm just afraid that if I talk about what happened, they'll come back and do it again. The fear is eating me alive." Mulder leaned his head back hard against the pillows; eyes squeezed shut as if trying to block out the memories. "I hate being afraid, Alex. I hate it." "I know, lyubov." Krycek's voice was a soft murmur that barely made it to Scully's hiding place. "This whole thing... everything that happened...I'm just so stupid." "You're not stupid, Fox." Krycek argued, "You're not stupid at all. You've been through hell and you're scared. That's normal. But I promise you that it won't happen again. They can't hurt you anymore." Mulder's eyes opened suddenly and he looked at Krycek with a harsh expression on his face. "You made me another promise not too long ago, Alex. You didn't keep that one, so why should I believe this one?" Scully saw the look of pure agony that momentarily stole the beauty from Krycek's face and was confused. What was Mulder talking about? And why did Krycek look so guilty? He never wasted time on guilt or regret. "You promised you'd keep me safe, you bastard. You said you wouldn't let them hurt me." The anger in Mulder's voice was a knife that twisted in the other man's gut. "You knew what they were planning to do to me and you told me that you wouldn't let it happen." When Krycek didn't say anything to defend himself, Mulder's anger disappeared. Now there was just hurt in his gravely voice. "I begged you, Alex." Mulder whispered into the darkness. "I begged you in my mind to come and get me out of there. To make them stop. You had promised me. Promised me that you wouldn't let them hurt me. I trusted that promise but you never came. Why?" Krycek backed away from the bed and literally stumbled into the chair across the room. He leaned forward and buried his face in his hands, but not before Scully saw the tear tracks that glistened in the vague light of the doorway. "Why didn't you come, Alex?" Mulder repeated and waited as if his whole life depended on the answer. "I tried, Fox." Alex stumbled over the words and Scully couldn't believe that she was listening to the same Krycek that she had known over the last several years. She had never heard his voice so filled with pain. "I swear I tried to get back to you. I was too late." A soft groan brought Krycek's gaze back to Mulder and he jumped up when he realized that his ex-partner was trying to get out of bed. "What the hell are you doing?" Alex demanded, "You shouldn't be getting up." "Calm down, Alex." Mulder told him quietly as he laboriously swung his legs over the edge of the bed and settled some of his weight on them. "I've been practicing. It's something to occupy my mind at night when the nightmares try to drive me insane. I can do this. You just have to give me a couple of minutes, okay?" "What's the deal, Fox? Why do you have to get out of bed at all?" Alex looked as puzzled as Scully felt as she watched her partner stand beside the bed. He had a death grip on the rail and she could see that he was already shaking with exertion. "There's something I want to do." Mulder answered without explaining anything at all. "Could you close and lock the door for me and then please sit back down?" Krycek hesitated for about half a heartbeat, then did what Mulder asked. Even with the door now cutting off the light from the hallway, there was enough moon light shining through the window to bath the room in a soft glow. When Krycek was seated in the chair again, Mulder grabbed one of the blankets off his bed and threw it onto the floor at the young man's feet. He stood there for a moment, pale skin almost glowing in the moonlight, black pajama bottoms blending seamlessly into the shadows. Bruises and all, he was breathtakingly beautiful at that moment. Scully heard Krycek catch his breath when Mulder looked at him. // What the hell is going on here? This wasn't Mulder and this wasn't Alex Krycek. The two people in that room were as alien to her as Mulder's little gray men. // "So what now?" Alex asked, "You gonna come over here and kick my ass?" The words could have been a tease, but they were weighted down with so much guilt that Scully found herself almost feeling sorry for the younger man. Mulder let out a derisive snort. "Yeah, Krycek. Give me about an hour and I should have enough strength to take a swing at you. But you have to promise not to laugh yourself sick when I miss and fall on my lame ass." Krycek winced at Mulder's words even though they were said in jest. He clenched his hands so tightly that his nails drew little half moons of blood. "I'm so sorry, Fox." He groaned as Mulder took slow, hesitant steps away from the safety of the bed. "If there was any way in the world for me to be able to trade places with you, I would do it in a heartbeat. If I could take all the pain away, I would." "I know, Alex. I know. I didn't mean to make you think that I blame you for all this. I don't. The thought of you and of Scully were the only things that kept me sane." Mulder stopped a couple of steps from Krycek and reached out for something—anything—that he could hold on to before the weakness made him fall. Scully had to grab the towel rack by her side to prevent her from running to help her friend. She should have known that Krycek would see Mulder's predicament also and move to help him. Mulder actually let Krycek hold onto his arm and lead him to his chair. "No, Alex." Mulder corrected, "The blanket. I want to sit on the blanket and I want you to sit with me. Okay?" "Sure, Fox. Anything." Scully watched as Krycek helped Mulder get comfortable on the blanket. Then he eased himself down behind the hazel-eyed man, being very careful not to touch him without prior warning. "Don't treat me like I'm going to break, Alex." Mulder sighed. "Everyone around here acts like I'm made of glass. I don't need you doing it too." When Alex still didn't make a move, Mulder inched himself between Krycek's outstretched legs and leaned back against his chest. Scully couldn't believe her eyes. Mulder hated Krycek, but here he was treating his worst enemy like he was a loved one. It bothered her that Mulder was letting Krycek touch and caress him like nothing was wrong. None of his friends could even get close to him without the man cringing in fear. Hell, she considered herself lucky when he allowed the infrequent hugs and here he was almost crawling into Alex Krycek's skin. What kind of fucked up relationship did the two of them have? Krycek slid his arms around Mulder's waist, hesitating for a moment when he felt Mulder tense and then pulling him close when the man relaxed once more. Mulder pulled away slightly though, so that when he leaned up against him again, his head rested on Alex's cotton clad chest. The two men sat like that for several minutes. Quiet... Still... Warm... Familiar. Then Mulder spoke again. Some of the anger was back in his voice, but not a lot. Enough though that Scully knew that Mulder was hurting and she hated Krycek even more for causing that hurt. "Tell me, Alex." He murmured, "Tell me why you weren't there when I needed you." "So we're just gonna jump right in, eh?" His tone was intentionally bland and Scully knew that it was to try and hide the pain he felt. "You don't pull any punches, do you?" Mulder didn't answer, and Alex shifted slightly to get comfortable and sat quietly for a moment. "Of course you don't." He answered himself and brought one hand up to lightly comb his fingers through the soft silk of Mulder's hair. "You never have. Why change now?" "Alex, you're stalling." Mulder chided, "Why?" "Because I failed you, Fox!" The younger man lamented, burying his face in the hair that he had been stroking. "I think I'm so fucking great. This bad ass killer that's always one step ahead of everyone. Not this time, Fox. This time they were playing me from square one. They knew. He knew. He knew I was trying to protect you and he tricked me." "Tell me what happened, Alex." Mulder had his head turned into Alex's chest and the words sounded muffled. "Calm down and talk to me." Scully shook her head in amazement. How did that happen? The victim had suddenly become the comforter. The killer—a frightened, angry child. Suddenly she knew that this relationship—if you could call it that—wasn't something new. It had been building for a long time. Why hadn't she noticed? Was Mulder that good at keeping a secret, or had Scully seen the clues but ignored them rather than face the fact that Krycek had been slowly becoming a part of her best friend's life? She couldn't even remember the last time she'd seen Mulder beat on Krycek, and that had been one of his favorite pastimes. She had a sudden, overwhelming urge to step out into Mulder's room. Once they knew she was there, they would pull apart. Stop talking. She even reached out her hand and grasped the doorknob, but she just couldn't force her body to cooperate with her mind and pull the door wide enough for her to be able to walk out of the bathroom. She knew she was intruding on their privacy, but she wanted to hear Krycek's words more than anything she had ever wanted in her life. She let go of the knob and slid soundlessly to the floor, curling her arms around her knees. Knowing it was wrong, she waited for Alex to talk. Krycek pulled Mulder tight against him for what seemed like forever, but then relaxed and resumed stroking his hair once more. Mulder sighed into Alex's chest and Scully saw him press his lips against the dark cotton. Krycek groaned, kept his hands firmly in the dark, silky strands and started talking. Hesitantly at first, then stronger as he got into the story. "After I came to you and told you about the threat on your life, I didn't dare contact you again. I didn't want Spender to know that I was trying to screw up his plans. I knew that he had ordered the hit on you, but I didn't know who was going to do it or when it was going to happen. I kept my eyes and ears open, but nobody was talking. I should have known then that something was wrong." Scully winced at how dead Krycek's voice sounded. She knew instinctively that he was trying to get through this without breaking down, so he just shut down his emotions. She had done the same thing to get through Mulder's examination and treatment when they had first brought him in a little over three weeks ago. "You can't know everything, Alex." Mulder rationalized, then sighed when Alex placed two fingers gently over his lips. "Don't talk, Fox. Not if you want me to get through this. Just sit there and listen, okay?" Mulder remained silent, respecting Alex's wishes, and a few moments later Alex continued his story. "I couldn't find out who he had contracted, so I decided to just keep you under surveillance. I didn't care how things went down, just as long as they didn't get a chance to hurt you. I watched you night and day, taking a few minutes here and there to eat or sleep only when you were safe with Scully. I couldn't let you out of my sight. Then that black-lunged son of a bitch called me and told me that he had a job for me. He told me that if I knew what was good for me, I wouldn't refuse it. He said that you had discovered some evidence against him and he wanted me to make sure you never got your hands on it or he would have Scully killed. He told me that you and your partner were going to Florida, and I was to get there before you and destroy everything. I accepted the assignment. I figured, hell, it would kill two birds with one stone. I could stay near you and also keep the Smoker from getting too suspicious as to why I was neglecting my responsibilities. This whole thing was just so fucked up from the beginning that I should've known that he was screwing with me. I called the airport and the only flight I could get was leaving in ninety minutes. I had to perform minor miracles to make it on time. I didn't even have time to call you and tell you that I was going to be in Florida with you. I tried your cellular after the plane was airborne but I couldn't get you. I figured I'd just hook up with you when you got to your hotel. I went straight from the airport to take care of the asshole's business, then went back to the hotel to wait for you. I ordered some food from room service, ate, and stretched out to watch a movie or two while I waited for you and Scully to arrive. That's the last thing I remember until I woke up around three in the morning. When I finally dragged myself back from oblivion, I panicked. I knew that somehow he had arranged for my food to be drugged and now I had no idea if you were safe or not. I went to your room and tried to get in, but the safety lock was set. I did get the door open far enough to see you asleep in the bed. At least I thought it was you. Imagine my fucking shock in the morning when I watched Scully walk into the hotel dining room with a total stranger. I freaked, then caught the first flight back to Washington. I sat on that plane and tried to figure out what the hell to do. I was out of my mind. I must have tried your cell phone at least a hundred times. You never answered. Finally I called Skinner. He wasn't too pleased to hear from me, but he owed me for saving his miserable hide when the Consortium infected him with those nanoprobes." Krycek's voice had grown harsh as he talked. He stopped and cleared his throat before continuing. "He told me, reluctantly, of the last minute change that had come down 'official channels' only forty-five minutes before your flight was due to leave. A different agent was assigned to the Florida case with Dana, and you were to stay in D.C. He didn't know who had originated the order but he could make a guess. So could I. Mine would be more than a fucking guess though. I was so pissed that I was seeing red. I was also as scared as I had ever been in my life. Then he informed me that you hadn't reported for work that morning. He wanted to know what I knew about it. I told him about the death threat and that I was on my way back to D.C. He said that he was going to recall Dana immediately and I thank everyone I can think of everyday that he did. If she had gotten home any later you would've died in her apartment." Scully tried to ward off the painful flashback but couldn't help seeing the image again. She saw herself entering her apartment. Her carry-on bag falling to the floor, forgotten. Running to Mulder's lifeless, broken body. Blood. So much blood. Searching for a pulse. Finding one. Barely. Faint. So damn faint, but there. She pushed everything else away, back to the locked part of her mind that was usually able to confine the horrible memories Krycek hung his head and looked away from the man cradled in his arms. "I'm sorry, Fox. I'm so, so sorry. I should have known. I made you a promise and I failed you." Mulder shifted, and Scully could tell that his body was stiff from lying on the hard floor. He groaned as he pulled out of the warm cocoon of Alex's body and turned to face the distraught man. He raised one hand and stroked the side of Krycek's face and tugged on his chin to get him to look at him. Mulder's hand was shaking badly, and Scully wanted desperately to get him back into his bed and get him something for the pain she knew he was in. "Alex, look at me." he ordered, and Scully was surprised when he was instantly obeyed. Mulder looked deeply into emerald eyes that reflected black in the moonlight. "You didn't fail me. You tried. You tried your best. I just had to know what happened. For my own peace of mind I had to hear your version of what happened. I don't blame you, Alex. I swear I don't and I don't want you to blame yourself . Do you understand?" Scully saw the two men freeze, their faces just inches from one another and she was surprised to discover that she was holding her breath. The picture they made was highly erotic. One man — fully clothed, dark and dangerous, sleek as a jungle cat. The other — bare-chested, lighter, more vulnerable, but still with underlying strength, as wily and slick as his namesake. She couldn't believe how much she wanted to see them devour each other. Never in her life had she thought she would get excited by seeing two men together, but here she was almost panting in anticipation and the two men in question hadn't even done anything sexual. All they were doing was staring into each others eyes. //Get a grip, Dana.// She told herself harshly. // How can you be thinking like this? You've never had thoughts like this in your life. What the hell is wrong with you? Mulder was just raped and here you are picturing him together with Alex Krycek of all people!// But, God, they were beautiful. She had always thought Mulder was great looking, but this was different. His absolute stillness... the shining moonlight... the almost shyness that had seemed to invade his usual aloof personality. She had to remind herself to breath. Then she added Krycek to the equation and forgot how to breath. For the first time, Scully actually took the time to study the man that had been her replacement for that brief period in their lives. Sable hair a little on the longish side that looked so soft it made your fingers itch to run through it, emerald eyes that were usually so cold but right now were so filled with emotion that it hurt Scully to look at them. Tall, well-built. He looked like an angel— a fallen angel—but an angel none the less. He was truly breathtaking. Scully made these observations in the few seconds it took for Krycek's expression to harden and become stone. One moment he was looking at Mulder with an expression that she was trying desperately not to categorize, the next moment he was the cold blooded killer that made her itch for the familiar weight of her Glock. Mulder noticed the change at the same time and he awkwardly scrambled backward, as fast as his aching limbs would let him. He pushed himself back until he slammed against the side of the bed. He never took his eyes off Krycek as the suddenly angry man got to his feet and covered the short distance between them. "What did they tell you?" Alex's voice was raw and almost breathless. Scully could tell that the question was important to him, but she couldn't figure out where the hell it had come from all of a sudden. "What — ?" Mulder's voice broke as he squeezed his eyes shut against the sight of Alex towering over him. He took several deep breaths and tried again. "What are you talking about, Alex? I don't understand." //You're lying , Mulder!// Scully screamed at him silently. //You know exactly what he's talking about. I can see it written all over your face.// "You said you needed to hear 'my version' of what happened." The cold deadness of Krycek's voice actually frightened Scully. God knows what it was doing to Mulder. Mulder opened his eyes and stared up at Alex, flinching at the expression he saw on the younger man's face. Krycek was facing away from Scully so she could only guess at the emotions that Mulder was seeing in his... friend's?... partner's?... lover's? eyes. Scully didn't know which one would describe Mulder's feelings for Krycek, but she was seriously leaning towards the last option. Mulder shook his head frantically and his breathing grew very shallow. "Alex, please." He begged. What he was begging for, he never made clear, but Scully could hazard a few guesses. Stop towering over him... Stop making him remember... Stop being angry at him... Any of these would be driving him crazy in his present state of mind. Scully could tell that he was starting to have a panic attack and, God forgive her, she wasn't going to do anything to stop what was happening. She knew in her heart that Mulder had to get through this in order to heal, and she knew—hoped—that Krycek would be able to help him. "What did they tell you, Fox?" Alex demanded again, squatting beside Mulder, who desperately tried to disappear under the uncooperative hospital bed. He placed his hand against Mulder's chest and, after stroking it softly for a moment, suddenly pushed the struggling man hard against the floor. "Stop! Just stop. Stop acting like I'm going to kill you—or worse. I'm not like those assholes! You know that, Fox. I just want to know what they told you. What doubts and fears I now have to fight against because of them." Mulder did stop struggling, but Scully knew that the panic attack was running full force through his system and would erupt soon. She hoped Krycek was prepared for the result of his actions. Scully wasn't sure if Mulder was going to provide an answer for Krycek or not, but then it was like something just snapped in her partner and the dam of emotions cracked wide open. "They told me that you were there in my apartment... In my room... Watching... Making sure that they did everything that you had told them to do!" "Fox..." "Do you want me to tell you that I didn't believe them? I didn't!" Mulder's breathing was coming in gasps now, like he couldn't drag enough air into starving lungs, but that didn't stop the words that poured from his lips. Once he started talking, it was like he couldn't stop. Couldn't control the words. He was clutching Krycek's arm and the emotionless mask had slipped from the killer's face, leaving only the fallen angel once more. He was hurting almost as much as Mulder. "I knew you weren't there. I knew you wouldn't—couldn't—do something like that to me, but I tried like hell to get to my room. I told myself that if I could just get there, then maybe you would be there and you would make them stop." "Fox, stop." Alex was holding Mulder against his chest now, trying to stop the violent shudders raging through the other man's body. Mulder didn't seem to hear him. He was too caught up in the words and the emotions that Alex had brought to the surface. "I tried to get to you. I tried so hard. It was something I could make my mind grab hold of so that I wasn't just lying there letting them... letting them... Oh God... if I could just reach you everything would be okay but you weren't there... I knew you weren't there, Alex. I knew, but I had to do something... anything." Mulder was struggling harder now, totally lost in the memories of one of the hardest things he must have had to face in an already devastatingly hard life. Scully was near tears and she could see that Krycek wasn't unaffected either. His voice broke repeatedly as he tried to talk Mulder out of the nightmare state he was immersed in. He fought Mulder's struggles and somehow wrestled him up into the bed. For someone that had been so weak not even fifteen minutes before, Mulder had become a wild man. He was going to be in agony when he finally calmed down. Krycek kept whispering to him, soothing nonsense just so Mulder could hear his voice and know he was there for him. Scully longed to run to them and pull Mulder into her arms, but she knew that she couldn't help with this. Alex kept this up for nearly twenty minutes until Mulder calmed down and started talking again. "I had to fight somehow, Alex." Fox was still now. Alex had his arms wrapped around him and absorbed the fear that radiated from the weary agent. "I couldn't stop them... I couldn't... I tried but nothing worked... my body... nothing worked... my room... just get to my room... they said that I wanted it... that I liked it... they said you were there... I didn't believe them, Alex. I didn't believe them... I didn't." "It's okay, Fox." Alex was rocking him now and the sight almost broke Scully's heart. Mulder looked so beaten. She had never seen him this desolate—this hurt. She hoped that she was making the right decision, letting Krycek have this time with Mulder. What if he just did more damage without healing him. Why, all of a sudden, was she trusting a known killer with her partner's well-being? Because it wasn't her choice to make. She reminded herself that he had made the decision himself when he got together with Alex. She was just a stowaway along for the ride. No matter how bumpy. "They said I liked it, Alex." Words uttered so softly. So much pain. Doubt. "Did I deserve it, Alex? Did I? They said I did." "No, moy lyubov. No one deserves that. Especially not you." "I'm scared." "I know. I know you are, but you're safe now." Alex was still murmuring softly, "Safe. I swear. They can't hurt you anymore." "I'm not safe... They got me once... They can get me anytime... They told me they could." Scully's heart broke at their words. Mulder was so child-like right now. If she closed her eyes she could picture him as the hurt twelve year old that was left after his sister's disappearance. Would life ever treat Fox Mulder with kindness? It seemed like all he was ever given was pain and suffering. "No, Fox." Alex insisted, "No more. Never again." "You can't protect me forever, Alex." Mulder shuddered against the younger man's warm body and buried his face in the hollow of his neck. "I don't know what to do." "They're dead." Scully felt guilty at the jolt of pleasure that she felt at Krycek's words. "They can't hurt you anymore." Mulder pulled away from Alex and stared at him in amazement. "Oh God, Alex. You didn't. Please tell me you didn't." "What are you gonna do, G-man? Arrest me?" Krycek managed a small grin. "You killed two people because of me, Alex." Mulder's voice was barely audible to Scully. "What if someone finds out? I don't want anything to happen to you." "Fox, listen to me. I wouldn't have cared if every person working in the Hoover building had been in that apartment when I killed them. It wouldn't have changed anything I did. Those assholes were dead the moment they touched you. It just took me a little while to catch up to them and let them know it." This was the Krycek that Scully was familiar with. Cocky, arrogant, with the if-you-don't-like-me-you-can-fuck-yourself-and-go-to-hell attitude. The only difference was that he was usually denying a murder charge. What the hell was she going to do? The FBI had been trying to pin something on him for years, and he just delivered himself up complete with ribbons and bows and didn't even know it. Who knew that all it would take to get a confession from the man was to hide out in Mulder's bathroom. "Alex?" "Yeah?" "Tell me how you did it." "I killed them. They can't hurt you anymore. That's all you need to know." Mulder caught Krycek's eyes and held him with a look. All the pain inside him was reflected in those beautiful golden-green eyes. Scully watched Krycek ease himself off the bed and walk to the window. "Please, Fox. Don't ask me to put you through that. If I start talking about them, all you're going to do is remember everything they did to you." "What do you think I do now, Alex?" Mulder leaned back against the pillows and painfully stretched his legs out before him. Scully was surprised that he could move at all without screaming. "Every time I close my eyes I have to relive what they did to me. Every bump and creak makes me break out in a cold sweat because I think they're coming back for me." "Why do you need the details?" Krycek's smoky voice was tight. "Why can't you just trust me on this?" "I do trust you. You know I do. But I need this Alex." Mulder pleaded for understanding. "I need to get them out of my damn nightmares. I need something to replace the images of what they did. I need to know deep down inside that they're dead. If I can't picture it then it's not real to me." Krycek turned back to Mulder and looked at him for a long time. Finally he sighed and ran a shaky hand through his hair. "One condition, Fox. Non-negotiable." "What?" "I know you only pretend to take the pain medication that they bring you. I also know that you've been hiding the pills in the drawer next to the bed." Krycek ignored the incredulous expression on the other man's face and continued, "I want you to crawl under the covers and take two of those pills." "I don't want the pills, Alex, they make me sleep." Mulder tried hard to keep the whiny quality out of his voice. "That's the whole idea. You need to rest—especially after tonight. You'll have enough time to hear my little story before you zone out." Krycek shrugged. "Take it or leave it." "But ." "No buts. You want the bedtime story, you have to go to bed." "I'm hurt and in the hospital. You're supposed to be nice to me." The pout that never failed to get a reaction from Scully didn't even phase Alex. "Hey, I am nice to you. I took care of those two assholes for you. That's the Krycek equivalent of a hallmark card." "When you care enough to send the very best, eh Alex?" "Of course. Only the best for Fox Mulder. From your Armani suits to the brainy red-headed beauty you call a partner. Now you have your very own personal assassin with a raging hard on for alien- crazed FBI agents." Krycek's teasing voice was like silk caressing over-heated skin. "Alien-crazed?" Mulder sputtered around a small chuckle. " Alien-crazed ?" Scully shook her head to try and clear it. God! Listening to these two was like riding a conversational roller coaster. How could they switch emotions so quickly and easily? "Please don't tell me you're gonna try to deny it." Alex challenged, one eyebrow raising halfway to his hairline. "Humph!" Mulder crossed his arms over his chest, and Alex's eyes were drawn to the full, pouty lower lip that Mulder definitely knew how to use to his advantage. "Even if I did, you'd just laugh at me and hurt my already fragile feelings." Scully was amazed at the change in Krycek's expression. It only lasted a second and if she hadn't have been studying his face, she would've missed the look of utter longing that told her that the man wasn't as immune to Mulder's antics as he pretended to be. "Fragile, my ass." Alex snorted, "You're a lot stronger than anyone knows, Agent Mulder." Scully waited for her partner to make one of his smart ass comments, but he surprised her by beckoning Krycek over to the bed. "Sit with me, okay?" His voice was quiet again. Subdued. Scared. "Stop thinking about it, Fox. Don't let them keep on hurting you." Alex carried the chair to the side of the bed and straddled it, placing his elbows on the bed next to Mulder's thigh. He cradled his face in his hands and stared at the other man through veiled lashes. "So give me new things to think about, Alex." "I told you what my condition was." Alex turned his head and stared into the dark corner of the room. "I need to know, Alex." "I know." "I don't want to take those pills. I don't want to sleep." "I know that too." "What if I don't take them? Would you really refuse to tell me?" The question was hesitant, like Mulder thought he knew the answer but wasn't totally sure. "Don't you know by now, Fox, that I can't refuse you anything?" The answer was simple truth, uttered softly in the darkness. Even after everything Scully had heard tonight, the answer still surprised her. She had a hard time imagining Krycek 'bowing' to anyone—even Mulder. "So I don't have to take the pills?" Mulder's tone brightened considerably now that he thought he was getting his way. Alex turned back towards Mulder and locked green eyes with hazel. "No, Fox." Alex conceded softly. "If you really don't want to take them, I won't make you, but keep in mind that I do eventually have to leave here tonight." "I know you do Alex. So?" "So... I did just kill two of the Smoking Man's goons. He's looking for me and I'm pretty sure it's not so that he can pat me on the back and tell me what a bang-up job I did." "What does that have to do with the damn pills, Alex?" Scully could hear the impatience in Mulder's voice and she grinned in spite of herself. Now maybe Mulder would know how she felt when he took his sweet ass time getting to the point. "Give me a second. I'm getting there." Alex reached out and ran his fingers absently up and down Mulder's thigh, making the older man shiver. Scully waited, but Mulder did nothing that would make Krycek end the caress. She knew that jealousy was a petty, irrational emotion, but it still pissed her off that Krycek was able to invade her partner's space at will. "If you take the pills like a good boy..." Krycek got a glare for that one. "...then I can leave here secure in the knowledge that you're getting some rest. If you don't take them, then I'll know that you're sitting here in pain, remembering over and over what they did to you. Instead of concentrating on covering my ass, finding a safe place to stay and generally staying alive, I'll be worrying about you. And you know that the more I focus on you, the more careless I become. Just makes it that much easier for him to find me." Scully recognized the look on Mulder's face and knew that Krycek had won this round. It was almost scary, the way he could manipulate the older man. She would've been pretty worried if she couldn't see that Mulder had just as much, if not more, power over Alex. "I can't believe you'd stoop to blackmail, Krycek." Only Mulder could make a pout sound menacing. "Blackmail is such a harsh word to use." Alex's grin just made Mulder sulk that much more. "And pouting isn't going to make me feel guilty, Fox. You know that, so stop doing it. I know you don't want to take the pills, but you need to rest. The more you rest, the quicker you can get the hell out of here, and I want you out so bad I can taste it. I'm sick of having to sneak in here in the middle of the night just to see you. I want you to be able to come home." "Home." The word stuck in Mulder's throat as he repeated it. "That apartment isn't my home anymore. Not after what they did. I can't go back there. Maybe you could use it though. At least for today until you find something safer." "Safer?" Alex burst out laughing. "Standing on a crowded street corner, naked, would be safer than hiding in your apartment. The only thing that place is good for is keeping out the weather and sometimes it can't even manage to do that!" Mulder smacked Krycek lightly on the head and grinned back at the amused man. "Who the hell did I piss off to get saddled with your sorry ass?" "Piss off?" Alex countered, "Hell, you got lucky." "Yeah? Well, Mr. Naked-on-the-street-corner, I have a task for you. While I'm stuck in here, find me a new place to live." Scully didn't know who was more stunned—her or Krycek. Mulder just looked smug. It wasn't every day that you struck Alex Krycek speechless. "Find something over by Scully. I want to be near Scully. Apartment, condo, house—doesn't really matter, although a house would be nice. I've always wanted one that didn't come stocked with fucked up memories." "I don't even know what you'd like, Fox." Alex was starting to look panicked. "Just find somewhere you'd want to live. Odds are if you like it, I'll like it too. I trust you, Alex. Besides, who would ever look for you in a Realtor's office?" Mulder chuckled again at the picture that thought created. Krycek never gave Mulder an answer, but Scully would bet everything she had—and consider it a safe bet—that he would move heaven and earth to have things ready by the time Mulder walked out of the hospital. It was funny. An hour ago she would've scoffed at anyone that tried to tell her that Krycek could be a good person and care about anyone besides himself. Now, she found herself wondering what all their lives might be like right now if Alex had never gotten involved with the Smoking Man and if he had remained Mulder's partner. //It doesn't matter. This man is a criminal and it's your job to put him in jail—no matter how much your partner is going to hate you because of it.// "Okay, you had a good laugh. Time to decide. I need to get this story over with so I can get out of here before Scully and Skinner get here. If they find me, I won't have to worry about where I'm gonna sleep. I'll get an engraved invitation to either a jail cell or the morgue." Krycek pulled two of the discarded pain pills out of the drawer and held them out to Mulder. "What's it gonna be? Yes or no?" Mulder wordlessly held out his hand and Krycek breathed a sigh of relief as he relinquished the small capsules. He handed Mulder the small cup of ice chips, then added some water from the Styrofoam pitcher on the bed side table. Once the disagreeable task was done, Mulder sighed dramatically. "I'm not sure how long you have before these knock my ass out," He grumbled, "but I kept my part of the bargain, you better do a good job with yours. I want my bedtime story, Alex." "Knowing how often your body gets pain killers, you've probably built up quite a tolerance. I'd give you about thirty minutes to an hour." Alex glanced at his watch, making a mental note of the time, as he teased the other man. "That should be more than enough time as long as you don't interrupt me every two minutes with questions." "I won't say a word, okay?" "No." Alex shook his head as he uncurled his body from the chair and stood up. "You can ask questions if you need to. I want you to get it clear in your head so that you can get rid of those fuckers once and for all. After tonight I'm never talking about this again. I can't believe I'm telling you at all. You're a federal agent and I'm about to confess, in great detail, to a double murder. How fucked up is that?" //A lot more fucked up than you can know, Krycek.// Scully knew damn well that if Krycek knew she was here, he wouldn't be admitting anything to Mulder. She could just picture herself on the stand in court. //Well, it was like this your honor. I was in the washroom when the defendant first entered the room and I just decided to stay in there. Why? Um... I wanted to see what Mr. Krycek wanted with my partner. Excuse me? Why didn't I make my presence known when I overheard the confession? I didn't want to interrupt them. Why not? Um... well... I kinda got the feeling that something might happen and I didn't want to miss it. Yes, your honor, something sexual. Yes, I understand that that wasn't very professional of me but if you'd been the one watching the two of them together in the moonlight, you wouldn't have come out of the washroom either!// "Alex, you know I would never use anything you tell me against you." Mulder's tone was serious and he met Krycek's stormy gaze openly. "Especially not to have you arrested." "You're a fucking federal agent." Krycek reminded him—again—and started to put some distance between him and Mulder's bed. "You have loyalties ." "You're right." Mulder broke in, reaching out and catching Krycek's wrist before he could move very far. "I do have loyalties. I'm not disputing that. They've changed though. Ever since you came back into my life, my loyalties are to you first, the FBI second." "I'm sure if you were talking to Scully or Skinner right now, that remark would be totally different." Krycek's come back lacked his usual biting sarcasm, as if he wanted to believe what Mulder was telling him but wasn't sure if he could. "Alex, you just killed for me. Is it so hard for you to believe that I might be protective of you too?" When there was no immediate answer, Mulder linked his fingers through Krycek's and tugged him closer to the bed. "Has anyone ever told you that you have trust issues, Krycek?" The young man's head snapped up and he looked at Mulder like he was insane. Mulder just stared back at him, dead pan. Then Alex started laughing. Not a chuckle, not a giggle, but an actual laugh that started deep in his soul. He laughed so hard that Mulder had to join him. //God, they should do that more often. Makes them both look like children. Happy children.// Scully knew that Mulder didn't have a happy childhood. She wondered what Krycek's was like. Was his any better then Mulder's? Somehow she didn't think so. "Has anyone ever told you that you're a fucking lunatic, Mulder?" Alex shook his head, still chuckling. "Trust issues. What's that saying about glass houses? You don't have any rocks hidden in those blankets, do you?" "I'm not sure what's hidden in these blankets, Alex. Why don't you come find out?" There was a twinkle in the older man's eyes that Scully hadn't seen in a long, long time. "Fox ." Alex's voice was dark with need. "Don't start something that you're physically unable to finish." "Hey, what can I say. It's the stupid medication you made me take." Mulder's tone was still teasing but Scully could see—and hear— that there was something else running around in that brilliant, messed up head of his. "You took those pills five minutes ago, Fox." Alex informed him, patiently. "They haven't kicked in yet." "Five minutes, huh?" Mulder was thinking about something. Scully knew that look. That look always came before Mulder pulled some harebrained stunt. "How long is your story gonna take?" Krycek looked puzzled, but he told Mulder that it would probably only take him about fifteen minutes or so to give him all the details. "Okay, twenty minutes total. That should leave me plenty of time." He was almost talking to himself. "Plenty of time for what?" Mulder sat up straighter on the bed and slowly pulled his legs up under him with a groan. Scully saw that he was trembling. What the hell was he doing now? Mulder still had hold of Krycek's hand and he tugged again, pulling the other man so close to the bed that he had to sit or fall down. "What's the deal, Fox?" Alex questioned as he sat on the bed facing Mulder. He shifted, trying to get comfortable and ended up with his legs under him, Indian style. "You weren't really serious about searching the blankets, where you?" Mulder grinned slightly at the obvious teasing and played absently with the fingers of the hand he still held. "Will you do something for me?" "Anything." The total conviction in that one word shook Scully more than anything else she had heard that night. She knew in that instant that Krycek was speaking the absolute truth. He would literally do anything Mulder asked him to and some things that he didn't, if the murder was anything to go by. She wondered how power like that would effect her partner. Then she thought of something even worse. She wondered just how long it would take Krycek to turn the tables on Mulder and demand that same kind of blind devotion. "I know this is probably going to sound stupid to you, but bear with me for a few minutes, okay?" Mulder's eyes glittered uncertainly in the moonlight as he stared at the man seated on the bed with him. "I'm scared out of my mind and I'll most likely end up with the mother of all panic attacks, but I want to try something. I want to find out if I'm still able to touch you... to kiss you. I have to know if they managed to destroy everything . If I have anything left to build on..." "Just tell me what you want me to do." Krycek's words were whisper soft in the darkness. He reached out to touch Mulder's face, but the other man pulled back abruptly. "No!" Mulder's voice was harsh, although not from anger. Scully could tell that he was holding on to his illusion of control by a thread. "Please, Alex. Don't touch me. Don't touch me right now. The memories are so close to the surface right now... It's so hard... so damn hard..." "Fox?" Krycek's voice was strained, uncertain. Scully knew exactly how he felt. The rejection and pain that washed over you when you had to watch someone you loved pull away from you. She knew she was being petty again but she was glad that Krycek finally got a taste of it. It had happened to her too often in the last three weeks and Mulder's 'easy' acceptance of the triple agent had grated on her heart. "It's not you, Alex. I swear. It's not your touch that I'm afraid of. It's the damn memories. I do this to Scully too. It hurts her so badly but I can't help it. I just can't help it." Mulder's head fell forward almost as if he were praying. "You've been able to get so much closer than anyone else. That's why I want to try this with you. I want to see if I have a chance of getting things back the way they were." "You will, Fox." Alex told him forcefully. " We will. I'll do anything to help you. You know that. Scully will too." Mulder nodded his agreement. He looked back up into Krycek's eyes and Scully saw that there was a little more control in them now. A little less terror. "I guess if I want to try this I better get started, huh?" "Don't worry, Lisitsa, I'll make sure you get your story. I promised you I would tell you and I will." Krycek teased and was rewarded with a slight upward turn of those beautiful lips. "Do whatever it is that you want to do. If you pass out on me, I can always finish up for you tomorrow night." "I thought you said that you weren't going to talk about this anymore after tonight." Mulder brought his words back up to him. "I told you that I can't refuse you anything." He paused for a moment, then looked at Mulder through the fringe of hair partially covering one eye. Scully was having a hard time getting used to this new version of Alex Krycek. It was like she was spying on a dream. //Maybe if I pinched myself, all of this would just go away. I wouldn't be hiding in a hospital washroom at three in the morning, Mulder wouldn't be a physical and emotional wreck because of a brutal rape but most of all, Alex Krycek wouldn't be human. He would still be the cold-blooded, judas killer that Mulder and I both hated.// "Well, I was a little distracted when you first said that, but since you were kind enough to repeat yourself..." Mulder let the words trail off sounding excited but still a little unsure. "Come on, Fox." Alex whispered, leaning towards the other man, emerald eyes blazing with need. "Tell me what you want me to do. I want to feel you touch me." Scully bit her lip as she heard Mulder order Krycek to remove his shirt. As surprised as the young man might have been, it didn't effect his reaction time any—the shirt was on the floor within seconds of the words leaving Mulder's mouth. She was surprised to see metal gleaming on Krycek's chest. //Nipple rings? Krycek has nipple rings?// Scully didn't know why she was so surprised. Krycek had had so many holes in his body over the years, what was a couple more? At least these were self inflicted. And—if she was honest with herself—from what she could see, they were kinda sexy. //Lord, Dana! You really are losing it. Krycek... Sexy?... Damn!// "Listen to me, Alex. This is important to me. I want to try this, but you have to sit there and not move, okay? I have to know that you're not gonna try to grab me or touch me." Mulder looked miserable as he made his request. He had a hard time meeting Krycek's eyes. Scully's heart went out to him again. "It's okay, Fox." Krycek murmured softly, "It's okay. I understand what you want. You need to feel in control. If that means that I can't touch you, so be it. I can do that. I can do whatever you need to make everything better." "Promise me, Alex. Promise me that you'll hold on to the bed rails and not let go, no matter what. I'll feel safer that way." Mulder was a little better now. A little more in control. "I'll do better than that for you, G-man." Alex grinned and hopped off the bed. He walked past the still locked door of Mulder's room and grabbed the familiar black leather jacket off the floor where he had tossed it when he had arrived. He pulled something out of one of the pockets and turned back towards the bed, dangling silver bracelets in one hand and a small key in the other. "Cuffs." came a whisper from the bed. "Yeah. Cuffs. Instant control." Alex moved back to the older man and, after placing the handcuff key within Mulder's reach on the night stand, sat on the bed once more. "You don't have to worry about anything now. You'll be able to do anything you want and I won't be able to interfere. Will that help?" Mulder's eyes were wide and scared. Scully silently cursed Krycek for putting her friend through this. She knew that the little scene they were going to play out was Mulder's idea, but why couldn't Krycek ever play the game by Mulder's rules. All he had asked was for the Russian to hold on to the bed rails. Why did he always have to try and drag Mulder a step further than he was prepared to go? She knew that Mulder had been cuffed at some point during his... his... ordeal because his wrists had been nearly mutilated when she had found him. He had obviously fought the restraints with little regard for pain , or it had happened at a time when other, more intense pain had paled the deep cuts to mere insignificance, because the damage he had done could have lost him the use of both hands. He had been incredibly lucky. His wrists were pretty much healed now, but you could still see the scars and that's what her partner was staring at intently... remembering. Krycek also stared at Mulder's wrists and Scully saw, just for an instant, knowledge and pain flood the traitor's face. //He knows! Oh God! He knows exactly what happened to create those scars. He's responsible just like those men told Mulder. All this is his fault.// Scully felt sick to her stomach. What kind of sick, twisted animal was Alex Krycek that he could sit here and comfort Mulder and cry in front of him and pretend to care about him, when he was the monster that hurt him in the first place? She should just go back into Mulder's room while the element of surprise was still on her side and arrest Krycek. She had heard him confess to two murders. It would be so simple. The only thing stopping her was Mulder. She couldn't make herself take that lying bastard out of here with her partner looking on. She would have to wait until the medication knocked him out. "Hey G-man, they're not for you." Krycek teased the disturbed man. "Do you honestly think that I'd let you have all the fun here? These are for me." Mulder looked up to find Alex reaching behind him and quickly cuffing both hands to the bed rail. "The ball's in your court now, Fox. I'm here for you. Half naked, helpless and damn near out of my fucking mind wanting you. Whatever you want to do, do it." Mulder just looked at the image in front of him with wonder on his face. "Go for it, Fox." Alex whispered. "You said you wanted to try some stuff. Now's your chance. I'm here for you. All for you." "You hate being cuffed, Alex. Hate being restrained." "But I do it for you, don't I, Fox? You know how you make me feel. You can turn me into a child with one glance..." Krycek's eyes were almost glowing in the moonlight and his voice was a throaty growl. "...into an animal with one touch." Mulder licked his lips and tentatively moved closer to the form that was sex incarnate. "Do you remember what you did to me the last time I wore these cuffs?" Krycek watched Mulder move closer to him and the intense expression on his face turned feral. He looked so savage, so hungry that Scully was glad that he was locked to the rail. Mulder, on the other hand, looked like he wanted to sink right into the other man's eyes. Scully saw red. Krycek's words and tone of voice seemed to make the older man forget everything. Everything, that is, but the bastard sitting in front of him "Yeah, these are yours. The ones you left me in. Do you remember how you made me beg, Fox?" Krycek was still growling and the sound seemed to make Mulder purr. "You made me beg for everything. Everything you did to me until finally you made me scream." Mulder groaned, the sound being dragged from deep within his psyche. "You remember those screams, don't you, Fox?" Krycek was relentless. Mulder was trembling on the bed, staring. Just staring. He was lost in the images—memories—that Alex was weaving around him. Hell, Scully was getting hot just listening to the sound of the lying traitor's voice and the words that he spoke. She wanted to shoot him so bad, she could taste it. "You remember hearing your name ripped out of me as you made me explode. Your mouth... your hands... your body all over me. Just being with you now makes me want to beg. I'm yours, Fox. Your slave. You own me. Body and soul, you own me. Touch me. Kiss me. Beat me. Whatever you want, I'm here." The longing crashed over Mulder in waves. "Use me, lover. Use me to banish what those fucks did to you. You're the one in control. They can't hurt you anymore. No one is going to hurt you like that ever again. Touch me, Fox. Take your life back. Use me to do it." Scully knew what Krycek was trying to do. He was trying to make his ex-partner so hot and horny that he totally forgot his fear. That would never work, would it? On a normal person, probably not, but it was Mulder they were dealing with here. Who knew what would work on that beautiful, screwed up mind. Obviously Alex Krycek, because, as she continued to spy on the two of them, Mulder reached out and ran his fingers down the younger man's chest from nipple to navel. The caress was feather-soft and hesitant, but it was as if Mulder had run an electric current through Krycek's body. He threw his head back and hissed through clenched teeth as his back arched, thrusting his chest towards Mulder like an offering. Mulder bit his lower lip hard enough to draw blood but extended his hand again and touched Alex's cheek. "Oh God, Lisitsa." The young man moaned, "Touch me... Please touch me..." "Look at me." Alex immediately lowered his head and gravity played with his hair, making his over-long bangs fall into his eyes again as he met Mulder's gaze. He shook his head to try and clear his vision but the hair was stubborn. "Leave it." Mulder told Krycek before he had a chance to try and flip the offending strands again. "You look cute." "Cute?!" Krycek rocked back on his heels and actually sputtered. "I'm kneeling in front of you half-naked and hand-cuffed, talking dirty and you tell me that I look cute ?" "Alex." The throaty growl sounded just as sexy coming from her partner as it had from Krycek, and Scully found herself wishing, not for the first time, that it had been directed towards her instead of a hired assassin. "On you, 'cute' has the very real potential to send my brain and my body into nuclear meltdown." "Okay. I can deal with that. Cute is good!" Krycek's laughter ended up somewhat breathless as he watched Mulder lean forward and run his tongue teasingly around the silver ring in his left nipple. "Did I ever tell you how sexy those rings are on you?" Mulder murmured as he placed erratic kisses across Krycek's chest. "Yeah." Alex grinned, "Right after you got off on the fact that I let you do the piercing." Scully shivered as Mulder moaned against the hollow of Krycek's throat. His eyes were closed and she assumed that he was once again remembering an event that Krycek had just reminded him of. The scene in front of her made it seem like her partner was in control of things, but knowing her partner as well as she did—or was she finding out that she didn't really know him at all—she could see the tell-tale signs of just how stressed and out of control he really was. His body, instead of being loose and liquid the way Krycek's was, was taut and trembling, and the hand that wasn't running over the younger man's leather-clad thighs was gripping the bed rail so tightly that his knuckles were whiter than the sheets. Scully wanted to rush over to her partner and shake some sense into him. What the hell was he trying to prove? He was putting himself through hell for a cheap thrill with Krycek, and she wondered seriously if Mulder's life had finally taken the ultimate toll on his mind. And Krycek. Good Lord. She didn't even want to know what Krycek's story was. Instead of giving in to her urges, Scully forced herself to stay silent and hidden on the washroom floor. She focused on the two men again and saw that Mulder had picked up the handcuff key from it's spot on the nightstand and released the restraints. Without saying a word, he motioned for Krycek to get up. Mulder inched down, past the rail and sat on the edge of the bed so that the waiting man was standing between his legs. He re-cuffed Alex's hands behind him and then turned his attention to Krycek's neck. She watched Krycek shiver as the older man slowly licked the hollow of his bared throat. Short, hesitant touches of his tongue that slowly gained intensity as Krycek angled his head away from Mulder, giving him easier access. Mulder responded to the silent surrender with a snarl and sank his teeth into Krycek's neck hard enough to draw blood. He swirled his tongue over the wound, tracing the pulse of his lover's racing heart, licking up the few droplets of blood. Krycek whimpered softly but didn't move an inch as Mulder bit down again—even harder—in the soft spot behind his ear. "Fox?" Krycek's voice was straining with the effort Scully knew it was taking him to stay still under Mulder's attentions. "Shut up, Alex." "Fox, please." Alex tried again, hesitantly. "Stop." "What if I don't want to stop, Alex?" Scully couldn't believe the change that had come over Mulder. The whispered words were calm and deadly but she could see the fear running rampant in those deep hazel eyes. His hands were clenching and unclenching so much, she expected to hear the bones crack from the strain. "What if I want to hurt you and devour you until you're writhing at my feet like an animal?" "If that's what you want, Fox, then do it." Alex offered. "As long as you realize that all you're going to get from it is my pain. 'Becoming them' is not what you need. It's not going to make what they did to you go away. It's not going to make you feel any better. But if that's what you want, I won't stop you. You're the one in charge." "They hurt me, Alex." The out-of-control quality to Mulder's voice was scaring Scully badly. She wasn't sure what her partner was capable of at this particular moment in time, and Krycek wasn't helping matters any. He wouldn't even try to defend himself against what Mulder was doing to him. Even now, after he tried to get Mulder to stop hurting him, he was letting the older man add another mark to his rapidly bruising neck. "I know they did." Krycek whispered then cried out when Mulder suddenly pulled away and backhanded him across his face. "Don't you say another word, you fuck." The growl was back, but it was like someone else was speaking through Mulder's lips. "Damn it, Fox!" Krycek was as close to a shout as he could come without actually raising his voice. "You're not 'experimenting' anymore. You pushed yourself too far. You've got to stop." "I told you to shut up, Alex." Mulder warned, grabbing hold of Krycek's abused throat and squeezing just enough to make him flinch. "You're profiling them." Krycek forged on, fighting with the cuffs. Fighting for breath. "You're in too deep and you're profiling the assholes that hurt you. You need to pull back!" Scully watched as her partner did the first thing that seemed familiar to her that night. He drew back and slammed his fist into Krycek's jaw. Unable to defend against the blow, Alex took it full force and Scully saw him go down. His head smacked the corner of the night stand and drops of blood scattered around him. "Fox, please..." "Sidyet, Lexi!" The words were harsh in the darkness and the tone of Mulder's voice made the hairs on the back of Scully's neck stand at attention. Then she realized what Mulder had done. The words must be some sort of signal or order or something, because Krycek was now a person she had never seen before. As soon as the words left Mulder's mouth, Krycek had forced himself upright. Knees spread wide, buttocks resting lightly on his heels, arms still cuffed behind him of course, and head bowed in total subjugation. Scully had thought that the two men couldn't throw her any more curve balls, but this? Scully held her breath and waited to see what would happen next. Krycek was trembling slightly, but whether it was from fear or pain, she didn't know. He was also murmuring softly in a language that she didn't understand but assumed to be Russian. From what she could make out, he was repeating the same thing over and over again. Scully was so intent on studying Krycek that she actually forgot about Mulder for a minute until he rearranged his position on the bed. He was looking down at Alex with cold contempt in his eyes. She had never seen him this deep in a profile, and he was taking it all out on the man in front of him. "English, Lexi." Mulder ordered, running his bare foot mockingly over the rock-hard erection straining against the black leather. The younger man shivered violently but kept his head bowed, showing no other reaction to what was being done to him. He dutifully repeated what he had been saying. "I didn't do anything wrong... Please... I didn't do anything... I'm sorry." Scully got the distinct impression that at least a little piece of Alex was no longer in this particular reality. She knew that Mulder had his own personal demons, but somehow she had never thought that of Krycek. As much as she had always hated him, she had never thought that he had any weaknesses. Certainly nothing that would turn him into the creature kneeling five feet from her. What had happened to make him like this? Who had done it to him? And an even better question: how did Mulder know about it? Mulder reached down and ran his hand through the dark silk of Krycek's hair. He stroked him gently and smiled when he heard the soft sigh. The smile didn't quite reach his eyes though, and Scully wasn't surprised when he closed his hand around a large patch of hair and pulled Krycek's head up sharply. "I know you didn't do anything wrong, Lexi." Mulder mocked. "I just wanted to have you kneeling at my fucking feet." Krycek looked into Mulder's eyes for a moment and then jerked his head away, ripping a few hairs out in the process judging from the slight grimace that flashed across his face. He hesitated, then rested his forehead against the older man's knee. "Why are you doing this to me?" The question held so much anguish that Scully felt dirty for eavesdropping on such a private moment. "Because they would." For once, Mulder was the emotionless one. The coldness in his tone easily matched the expression she had witnessed in his eyes only moments before. "But I'm not with them, Fox. I'm with you. I know we screw with each other's minds and we both get off on the domination thing, but what you're doing right now isn't a game. This is my life. You're doing the same thing to me that those assholes did to you. What... what he did to me and I can't take that from you. I won't. Not from you. When I looked at you just now, I saw the same things in your eyes that I used to see in his every day. The anger. The contempt. I can forgive you for today, but never again, Fox. I'll slit your damn throat before I watch you look down on me like that again." Krycek never looked up—not even once—during his 'speech' to Mulder. Scully couldn't imagine the self-control he possessed to be able to stay there—on his knees, submissive—at the feet of the one man with the power to destroy him, trusting him to do the right thing. Little by little, Scully saw the madness in Mulder's eyes fade as he stared at the man at his feet. Recognition set in. Then guilt. "Oh God, Alex. I'm sorry... I'm sorry." Mulder buried his face in his hands and apologized again but Krycek remained on his knees, head bowed. Mulder reached out and gently ran his hand over Krycek's cheek until he was able to cup his chin, then tugged slightly. "Please, Alex. Get up." Scully watched Krycek rise, awkwardly, to his feet. His balance was off because of the cuffs and, more than likely, the bump on his head. He kept his head bowed, but moved as close to Mulder as he could get. "Alex, please. I'm so sorry. I promised you that I'd never do that to you and I fucked up." Mulder's voice was full of anxiety as he pleaded with the younger man. "I'll make it up to you. I swear, I will. As soon as I get out of here, I'll make it up to you. I can't lose you again, Alex. I can't!" "Uncuff me, Fox." Krycek asked, quietly. "Get these things off me." Mulder fumbled for the key on the night stand, almost dropping it in his haste to do as Krycek asked. As soon as the cuffs were unlocked, Krycek wasted no time in working them loose and throwing them as far away as possible. They landed right outside the bathroom door. "Alex—" "It's okay, Fox." Krycek murmured, as he hesitantly slid his arms around Mulder's waist, waiting to see if he would be rejected. Obviously, Mulder's guilt and remorse outweighed his fear. As soon as the older man felt Krycek's loose embrace, he pulled the assassin's body against him in a tight bear hug, murmuring apologies repeatedly. "Ya tebya proshayu." Krycek tilted Mulder's head up so that they were face to face and he moved closer until their lips just barely touched. "I forgive you." He repeated softly, his lips moving against the pleading man, but not dominating. Scully's breath caught in her throat as Krycek took advantage of Mulder's distraction to move even further into his personal space. For a few moments, it looked as if Krycek would be content to just hold his lover, but Scully should've known better. Krycek slowly unwrapped his arms from around Mulder's body and entwined them behind his back to give the other man the measure of control that he had pleaded for earlier. His tongue darted out to lap at that irresistible bottom lip, making it glisten in the bright moonlight. Over and over, Krycek gently attacked Mulder's mouth, licking here and nibbling there until it was swollen from the attention. Soft moans filled the room and Scully squeezed her eyes shut. If she knew her partner at all, he was so guilt-ridden right now that he'd let Krycek do anything he wanted—whether it terrified him or not. Leave it to that rat bastard to take advantage of Mulder's vulnerability. Scully was about thirty seconds into an impressive litany of curses directed at Krycek when, to her utter surprise, the young man pulled away from Mulder before the fear could affect him. "You okay?" Alex whispered, stepping back a little to give the other man some breathing room. "More than okay." Mulder answered just as softly as he reached out and ran a hand through Alex's unruly hair. "Thank you." "You'll forget them, Lisitsa." Alex promised. "One day soon you'll wake up and what they did to you won't be the first thing you think of. You'll get through this. Just like... like everything else you've ever been through." Scully saw the misery that clouded Krycek's face as he turned away from Mulder—unable to meet the other man's eyes. "Please, Alex. Promise me you won't walk out of here tonight and leave me." "Leave you?" Alex's head whipped around so fast that Scully wondered if he'd sprained something. "What would make you think I'd even consider leaving you?" "Because I fucked up." Mulder admitted sadly. "I always fuck up. Everyone ends up leaving eventually." "God, Fox." Alex took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes wearily before speaking again. "Nobody's perfect. Everyone screws up at one time or another." Krycek looked deep into Mulder's eyes and managed a small grin. "You just manage to do it on a grander scale than most people." "Very funny, Alexei ." Mulder glared. "I'm serious. Every relationship I've ever been in has ended with me driving the person away. I'm not good with people. Look what I did to you tonight after I promised you that I'd never abuse your trust in me." Mulder sighed heavily as he slammed his fist against the bed in frustration. "Scully is the only one, besides you, that has stood by me for any length of time and now I'm afraid that, once she finds out about you and I, this might be the last straw with her. I'll lose her and eventually I'll lose you too." The sadness in Mulder's voice tore Scully apart. It broke her heart to think that the only people Mulder had in his life were her and Alex Krycek. Alex Krycek. The man she had a duty—an obligation— to arrest. Mulder was never going to forgive her. "Fox, I will never walk away from you. The day I leave you, is the day they bury me six feet under. I mean, hell, if being stranded in Tunguska and almost losing an arm didn't make me give up on you, a bump on the head is nothing." Krycek quickly placed two fingers over Mulder's lips before he could speak. "You don't have to apologize to me." he told Mulder softly. "You know I'd forgive you anything. Don't waste your breath. About Scully. I can't say that I'd know exactly what she would do if she found out about us. I'd like to think that she wouldn't give up on you just because of me. She cares about you too much to just abandon you like that." "I hope you're right, Alex. I hope you're right." "Of course I am, lyubov." Alex reassured him. "I'm always right." "You know, you do that a lot." "Do what?" "Mix Russian in with English." Scully was amused to see Krycek blush. "Yeah. I do. Sorry." "No, don't be sorry." Mulder was quick to correct the embarrassed man. "I love it. I just wish I knew what you were saying sometimes." "I'll make a deal with you. You keep me around for a while, and I'll teach you Russian." "Really? I've heard Russian is a hard language to learn. It might take me years." Mulder teased. "Then I'll just have to stick around for a long, long time, won't I?" Even Scully could recognize the warmth and longing in Krycek's drawled words. "Hey, will you teach me those words that you gasp out whenever I slide into you really, really slowly?" "You kinky bastard!" Krycek accused, laughing. "I'll teach you those first ." "Then I guess we have a deal then, eh? Why don't we seal it with another kiss?" "I really think one was enough for now, Fox." Alex said reluctantly. "Why don't you just get comfortable and we'll seal it with your story instead, okay?" "No more kisses?" Mulder asked, giving Alex a mock pout, even though his body language clearly showed relief at knowing that he wouldn't have to try to fight his fear again so soon. "No, slut. No more kisses. I'll give you a rain check though. You can collect when I know you're not gonna deck me again." Mulder was silent for several moments until Scully saw him sneak a guilty glance at Krycek. Then he snorted in exasperation as Krycek gave up on trying to hold his laughter in. "You are such a dick sometimes." He scolded. "That's one of the things that you like about me." Alex grinned evilly. "You know—my big dick." "The biggest thing on you is your ego. Not your dick." "Hmph! It's big enough to make you scream." "In your dreams, Ratboy." "Sometimes." Alex admitted. "But I've been told that I figure more prominently in yours." "Someone's been lying to you." Krycek cocked an eyebrow and stared at Mulder, who actually had a small smile on his face as they bickered with each other. "You think? This guy is usually pretty reliable. He's really big into this 'truth' thing." "Truth, huh? This guy sounds like a real flake." Scully watched Alex grin broadly, then move away from the bed to pick up his T-shirt and tug it over his head. She knew she wasn't the only one watching. Mulder's eyes drank in every ripple of skin... every flex of muscle as the white cotton slid slowly over smooth, hairless flesh. His eyes followed the feline movements as the younger man walked back over to the edge of the bed. "Well, flake , why don't we get you settled down for the night just in case you fall asleep on me during the story." Scully wondered just what Krycek's motives where as he gently tucked her partner into bed. Here he was, being so comforting, so loving when, in reality, he was nothing but a lying, back-stabbing bastard. What the hell was he after? What more did he want from Mulder? Scully barely heard the trivial bantering that continued as Krycek made Mulder as comfortable as possible. She should be the one smoothing the blankets around him and holding the cup steady as he drank. After all, she was the one that had stood by Fox Mulder for the past six years. All Krycek had done, time and again, was hurt and betray him. Life just wasn't fucking fair sometimes. Mulder's throaty rasp brought her back to 'reality'. "Alex?" Mulder's hand stilled Alex's fussing and his eyes locked on questioning green ones. "Promise me. Promise me that what you said was true. Promise me that we'll stay together this time." Scully was shaken by the intensity and desperation behind Mulder's words. //God. He is never going to forgive me if I take Krycek away from him. Never .// Scully was saddened by that certainty, but then her anger surfaced again. //Damn it! I am the one in the right here. It's my job to bring him in. I'm right.// //Aren't I?// "I promise you, Lisitsa. What I told you before is the truth. The only way I'll leave you is if I'm dead. I swear." Alex looked at Mulder with concern. "Why, all of a sudden, are you stuck on the idea that I'm going to leave you?" "I just have a bad feeling." Mulder mumbled, turning away and closing his eyes as the embarrassment showed on his face. Scully knew how often he was ridiculed because of his 'spooky' hunches. "Hey." Krycek's voice was gentle. "Look at me, Lisitsa." Mulder rolled back to face Krycek again and Scully could see how exhausted he looked. The adrenaline that had carried him through his little 'experiment' had obviously run it's course and left the man totally spent. "I promise ! Alex stressed and was rewarded with a beautiful smile that lit up Mulder's face. "I want to believe." Mulder returned softly, still smiling. Scully reasoned that the phrase must have some special meaning for the two men other than the poster that graced Mulder's office wall, by the way Alex almost busted a gut laughing. "Asshole!" he swore affectionately and walked away from the bed once more, still chuckling. "Takes one..." Mulder returned as he watched Krycek drag the chair he had sat in earlier, over to the side of the bed. "What do you say we get this show on the road before you pass out on me, okay, babe?" "I'd say it's bad enough that I let you call me Fox, don't start in with 'babe'." Krycek grinned again and settled into the chair—tilting it back so that he could rest his head on the night stand. He took a deep breath and let it out in a long, heavy sigh. A few minutes went by without a word from Krycek and Mulder got impatient. "Come on, Alex, wake the hell up. I'm gonna be out cold before the first word ever leaves your mouth." "Quiet, Fox." Alex murmured, amused. "I'm getting my thoughts together." "Shit, I'll be dead by the time you do that ." Alex just tilted his head and stared at Mulder, eyebrow cocked, sporting an indulgent smirk. "Smartass." "Better than a dumbass." What are you, back in the third grade?" Mulder blushed—again. "Has it been long enough, now, for me to be able to blame everything on the medication?" Krycek just shook his head in amusement and Mulder waited patently this time, turning on his side and curling up in the blankets. He stared at his lover intently and, in a couple of moments, Krycek started speaking. Scully would have given her left arm for a tape recorder. "After you were hurt, I spent every waking moment trying to find the men that did it. I didn't have much luck until three days ago when a friend slipped me a piece of paper with two names on it—Milton and Tines." Krycek ran his hands repeatedly over his eyes and face and sighed once more. Scully realized at that moment that he looked just as exhausted as Mulder—if not more so. "They're relatively new to the game. Spender's little two man 'fear squad'. He would send them on assignments when he wanted to terrorize someone. They called themselves 'Intimidation Specialists'. I just called 'em fucking morons. Anytime they saw me, they hit on me. I don't know whether they knew I was bi-sexual or if they just thought it would be fun to try and freak me out. Either way, I figured I could use that to my advantage. I found out where they were going to be that night and I went there." Three Days Earlier Demee's Place 9:42 PM Alex sat at the end of the bar with his back to the wall and his eyes on all the exits. Milton and Tines were regulars which meant that they wouldn't be in before 10:00 PM, but Alex had wanted to be here early to settle in and 'get into character'. //Those fuckers are gonna pay for what they did to my Fox.// Alex's rage was white hot and had been building since his first glimpse of Mulder's wounded body in the hospital though none of it showed on his deceptively angelic features. After all, he was a professional. He was thinking about Mulder when he noticed a shadow fall across the White Russian he was nursing. Looking up, he grinned. "Well, well, well." Alex drawled. "Hey there, DeeDee." "I told you not to call me that, Shalava. DeeDee is not my name. It's Demee. D—E—M—E—E. In case you forget, it's right above the door." Alex laughed at the tall blonde and downed about half the liquid in his glass. "You're so easy, DeeDee." He teased. "My name isn't 'slut' but you don't hear me whining about it." Demee leaned in close to the beautiful man and playfully nipped the tip of his pert nose. "That's because 'slut' describes you so much better than 'Alex' does." She taunted. "You can't whine if something's true." "You wound me, my love." Alex protested. "I am as pure as the driven snow." "Pure, my ass!" Demee snorted with a twinkle in her eye. "You, Shalava, probably lost your virginity in kindergarten." "I guess I should be grateful that you thought I'd kept it that long." Alex pouted, which earned him another nip. Before Demee could move away from him, Alex grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her close again. Leaning in, he placed a hard, searing kiss squarely on the surprised bartender's mouth. In contrast, when he teased a trail along her cheek up to her ear, he barely let his lips touch her soft, cool skin. Alex's hand on the back of Demee's neck made her shiver as he slowly kneaded the tender skin before sliding up to grasp her hair. Tugging slightly, he turned her head granting him easier access to the earlobe he was busy licking and tugging on. Demee moaned involuntarily when Alex abandoned his current 'snack' and moved on to run that talented tongue over the whorls and valleys of the rest of her ear. She was so intent on the delicious sensations that Alex was creating inside her, she almost missed his taunting, laughter filled words that he seemed to whisper directly into her brain. "You know, if you're that intent on attacking me with that smart mouth of yours, I have something a hell of a lot better than my nose for you to nibble on." A small shiver ran through Demee. She smiled and whispered back. "One day, Shalava, I'm going to take you up on one of your tempting offers and then what would you do? Take me hard like you keep promising to, or laugh and run away?" Demee's smile grew bigger. "Knowing you, handsome Alex..." The blonde straightened and reached for a vodka bottle. Not the Vodka she sold to the customers, but the good Vodka. Russian made and very expensive. The Vodka she saved for her friends rare, unexpected visits. She poured a shot of the clear liquid and knocked it back. Still smiling, she wiped her full mouth with the back of her hand. "If you had to choose, I think you'd go high-tailing it right back to that sexy government agent of yours." She chucked Alex underneath his chin, poured him a shot of Vodka, then another for herself. The pretty bartender and the assassin raised their drinks in unison. "Here's to love, darling Alex." Alex relished the smooth, icy burn of the drink as he slammed the shot glass onto the bar just a split second before Demee did. Alex laughed and started to return fire after the 'hits' the teasing woman had scored, then Demee saw those beautiful emerald eyes close to mere slits. Instead of laughter, Alex was growling softly and staring at the door. Demee followed Alex's cold gaze and saw two 'regulars' walk in. One, a tall blonde that looked like he'd be more at home on a football field than in the small dance club/bar, and the other, a smaller red head that had a thick body and a nose that looked like someone had used it for sparing practice. "DeeDee, listen to me." Alex hissed under his breath, but still loud enough for her to hear him without making it obvious she was listening. "I'm here for a reason tonight and that reason just walked in the door. I'm gonna play drunk and helpless and you have to go along with it, okay?" At his friend's hesitant nod, Alex continued. "The two guys that just came in are going to come over here and try to pick me up. I'm going to put up a little drunken resistance, but, in the end they'll get what they want. You can not , under any circumstances, mention my relationship with Mulder. Not a word, DeeDee." Alex's face became a dead mask as he watched Milton and Tines work their way through the crowd. He was seated at the back bar, so they hadn't spotted him yet. He had time. Not a lot of time, but a little. Enough to pull his head together and work around the burning rage he felt when he looked at the men that had hurt Fox so badly. "They might say some things. Things that I wish you didn't have to hear. Sick things about Mulder... and about me." Alex kept his eyes downcast, playing with the shot glasses in front of him. "These guys are assholes. They're going to do things that you're not going to like, but I need to know that you'll back away from it, DeeDee. Just let it happen, okay? I don't want you to get hurt, but I can't protect you tonight. I need them to think that I'm so out of it that I can't even protect myself. Promise me that you won't jump on that moral high horse of yours." "Alex, why?" "Just promise me, DeeDee!" Alex growled, his eyes coming up to track the two goons around the room. "Promise me or I'll just get their attention and let them pick me up in the fucking street." "Damn it, Alex. Don't take that tone of voice with me!" Demee snarled right back. "I'll kick your tight little ass right into next week. I promise that I won't piss them off but I want to know why you're going to serve yourself up to them. What the hell is going on?" Alex felt Milton's eyes fix on him from across the crowded bar and knew that playtime was over. He leaned over the bar, grabbed Demee's neck again and pulled her head to his. Whispering in her ear was becoming a nice habit. "They hurt my Fox and left him for dead. Now I'm going to return the favor, but first I have to get them alone. They're on their way over here right now, so be careful." Alex started to release the slightly pissed off woman, but pulled her back at the last second. "Give me more Vodka, DeeDee." He ordered. "And remember—I'm a drunk asshole. Keep giving me a hard time, okay?" One more seductive swipe of his tongue and Demee was free. She looked at her friend as the two men flanked him. She shivered as she saw the cold fury settle on his angelic features. In one short moment he had transformed from her playful, teasing Alex to the sadistic, murderous Krycek. Alex saw the sadness that filled Demee's eyes when he slipped into what Mulder called 'ruthless assassin mode'. He had tried so hard to keep this side of him away from his friendship with Demee. The side that kept him alive. That made people fear him. That, for the longest time, had kept him so very alone. She knew a little about his past. Hell, Demee had found him half dead in a back alley, took him in and bullied him back to health. When she had started asking questions he had, for some unknown reason, actually told her the truth about his life. Well... some of his life. Some things were just better left unsaid. This was the first time, though, that she had to see him as the rest of the world saw him and it pissed him off. //One more strike against you, boys.// Alex watched the enticing girl grab the Vodka bottle once more and pour him a double shot. He ignored the two men who had joined his little 'party' uninvited, but exactly as planned. Tines—the red haired Howdy Doody looking one—sat on Alex's left, but kept an empty stool between them. Milton, on the other hand, got right up in Alex's space. He slid between the stool and the wall so that he was literally breathing down the back of Alex's neck. Alex forced himself not to react to Milton's nearness. Instead, he concentrated on the drink in front of him and the big blue eyes that were bathing him with concern. Both men watched him as he tossed back the drink and slammed the shot glass down next to the two empty ones already decorating the bar in front of him. "More!" He ordered, giving Demee a blinding—if slightly off center - grin. "No, Shalava." Demee's words caused the smile to falter and then turn rapidly into a full blown pout. "I think you've had enough." "Nyet. Not enough." He protested, shaking his head hard enough that Demee was surprised she didn't hear his brain rattle. "I want more." "Don't test me, Alex." Demee warned, sending him a stern look as she placed the bottle back into the small freezer. "You heard what I said!" "Oooooh. She said no to big, bad Alex Krycek." Milton's voice was like a spike piercing Alex's brain. //This prick's voice was the last thing Fox heard before they left him to die. I'm going to enjoy killing him.// "You must be off your game tonight, Krycek." Milton's voice was mocking as he got right up in the younger man's face. "Fuck off!" Alex struck out at the larger man, his eyes wild and glassy. Milton easily batted the fist away and his smile got a little more calculating. "Alex, Alex, Alex." He crooned. "You never should've gotten drunk. Didn't your momma ever tell you that you drop your guard when you get drunk? I think that instead of 'fucking off', I'll just fuck you ." Present Mulder's Hospital Room 3:13 am "Alex! Please, please tell me you didn't let those assholes touch you." Scully cursed softly to herself as she watched Krycek try to calm the agitated man. //Better lose the details, Krycek. Too much information and your audience is going to freak.// "Just a little, Fox." Alex told him as he held the other man in his arms once more, rocking him slowly. "Just enough to wet their appetites. I wanted them over-confident. DeeDee kept them from getting too... um... forward in the bar." "So, they didn't... they didn't...?" Mulder trailed off. Unable to voice the thought that made his skin crawl. "Nyet, moi lyubov. Nyet." Krycek smoothed Mulder's hair back, off his forehead and pulled him closer against his chest. "No one touches me but you. You know that." Scully watched as Krycek showered feather light kisses on her partner's head. She fumed silently at every touch... every caress. What the hell was Mulder thinking? He was crazy to get involved with a bastard like Krycek. Krycek's voice took on a teasing quality as he continued talking to Mulder. "We can't let anyone touch your property, can we?" "My property." Mulder whispered, "You're so full of shit, Alex. You know that?" "Yeah, I know." Krycek grinned. "Doesn't make it any less true though." Mulder was settling down again. Krycek kept on rocking him and whispered continuously in his ear. Scully saw Mulder sigh and finally relax. Mulder stared intently at Krycek as he settled against the stark, sterile sheets. The younger man waited until he was comfortable then acknowledged the look. "What do you want to ask, Lisitsa?" He queried softly. "I know there's something. You have that look in your eye." "You really haven't let anyone touch you?" Mulder's words were hesitant, but happy. He already knew the answer, he just wanted to hear it from Alex. "You know there's only two people I've willingly slept with in my life. Do you really think I'd add any of the sleezebags around here to that list?" Mulder shuddered, presumably at the thought of his attackers—or someone like them—touching Krycek. His expression cleared quickly though and Scully was surprised to see a full blown 'Mulder leer' sweep across his face. The kind that always made her think that he had a permanently looped 900 number playing in his head. "Speaking of your mysterious Colonel, when do I get to meet this other lover of yours? Is he into extreme possibilities?" "Behave, Fox!" Krycek groaned. "He's not a kinky bastard like you are. Besides, I haven't seen him in over a year." Scully squeezed her eyes closed and shook her head before re-opening them. It was still there. Krycek was actually blushing. Mulder observed the slow burn and his smile grew. "You're amazingly cute when you're guilt-ridden, Alex." Mulder teased and was rewarded by an even deeper blush. "Why haven't you seen Jack in so long?" He asked softly, stroking Krycek's warm cheek. "I thought you visited him every couple of months, or so." "I always have, but... well... since we got back together, I figured... well... you know." Scully couldn't believe how tongue-tied Krycek had become. If she wasn't sitting here, seeing this first hand, she would never have believed it. "I told you, Alex. I understand about Jack. I don't mind if you see him and I don't mind if you still do things with him. I meant that. Just don't do it behind my back." //What the hell?!// Scully was having a heck of a time rationalizing all the shocking revelations she had learned tonight. Not only did she find out that her partner, whom she had thought she knew so well, had a male lover, she found that said lover was none other than the person she had believed to be their most hated enemy. Now, to top it all off, Mulder was giving the rat bastard permission to cheat on him. This was getting way the hell out of hand! "I know what you told me, Fox, but I don't want to screw this up. I love you too much to lose you again. I don't think I could take it this time." The anguish in Krycek's voice puzzled Scully. How could he sound so damn sincere? Was he that good an actor? If it was anyone else... anyone other than Alex Krycek, she would be so happy for Mulder. But it was Krycek. How could Mulder trust him again? Krycek had betrayed him and hurt him so many times. He had hurt both of them. Scully watched Krycek hug Mulder tightly for a moment, then climb off the bed. He slumped back onto the uncomfortable chair and stared at the older man as he pulled the light cover up, over his body. She watched the two men gaze at each other and she could literally see the desperate longing that seemed to join them over the few feet of space that now separated them. "You won't lose me, Alex. Never again. I swear." Mulder whispered. "But I won't make you give up a friend. I can count on one hand the number of people you're comfortable with... that you trust. I will not take one of those people away from you." "Ya tebya tak lyublyu." "I know you do, Alex. I know you do. That's why I trust you to be with Jack." He grinned suddenly. "That, and the fact that I'm very secure in the ownership of my 'property'." "You are such a jerk." Krycek grinned back, shaking his head. Green eyes sparkling. "One day soon, I'll take you to meet Jack, okay? I promise." "I'd like that." Mulder's voice was getting that breathy quality that meant he'd be in a different world soon. It was a voice that Scully knew very well. She swore that, if age depended on the person actually being conscious to happen, Mulder would still be in his twenties. "You're going to be out soon, lyubov." Krycek murmured. "I'll finish this quickly. "Demee never did give me any more alcohol but that was okay because Milton was convinced that I was sloshed. I threw a couple more punches at him—stuff that he could easily deflect—and he took it for granted that I was harmless. "They took me. I made sure I went back to the bar later so that Demee knew I was okay. If I hadn't, I think the look on her face as tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum dragged me out of there would've haunted me for life. "We ended up at Milton's house. As soon as they got me inside, I knocked them both out. It was way too simple. They dropped their guard because they thought I was drunk. "Morons! You never drop your guard. No matter what. That's the first thing you learn or you die." "Not everyone is as good as you, babe." Krycek looked at Mulder and snorted. " No one is as good as me, Lisitsa. "Anyway, when they woke up, they found themselves tied to a couple of chairs. Milton went insane. I expected that... It was fun. Tines was an odd one though. He hardly said a word. He just sat there and stared at me and let Milton rant and rave. "I stared back. I sat there for a while just staring at them. I could tell that they were trying to work themselves loose, but there was no way they would succeed. I was way too pissed when I tied the knots. Hell, they were lucky if they could still feel their hands. "I could tell that Tines was getting spooked. Milton, on the other hand, was telling me in great detail what he was going to do to me when he got free. "It was pretty funny actually. Some of the things he said almost made me laugh out loud. I even found myself trying to remember some of the things he said so that I could tell you and you'd get a kick out of it too. Then I'd remember where you were—and who put you there." Krycek ran a shaky hand through his hair and smiled ruefully at Mulder. "Eventually I got bored. It was play time. I pulled a small roll of piano wire out of my jacket and went over to the assholes. "I started talking to them. Told them what a huge fucking mistake they had made when they agreed to hurt you. Told them that it was the last mistake they would ever make. As I spoke, I wrapped the wire around their necks just tight enough to hug the skin. Not tight enough to bite. Not yet. "Unless they fought. If they fought, the wire would cut in and they would bleed to death." Krycek cocked his head to the side and gazed at Mulder. "I really wanted them to fight, Fox. I wanted to watch them bleed. I wanted them to suffer. "They had bragged about what they did to you. They enjoyed how much they hurt you. I looked at them and all I could see was you lying in the hospital. How broken you looked. "I did Tines first. I grabbed the hunting knife from my boot and walked over to him. Neither one of them had even thought to search me for weapons. "Sloppy. "I cut his pants open and I heard him catch his breath. He couldn't look down to see what I was doing because the wire would cut him. Milton could see though, and I stared at him as the sharp blade cut through my target like... well... like a knife through butter. The knife was so sharp that, at first, Tines didn't even feel anything. I smiled at him as I held his dick in front of his face. "The pain hit about the same time realization did. He started screaming and the wire bit into his bulging neck. I let him scream for a while then shoved his useless dick down his throat. "I moved over to Milton and stood behind him as he watched his partner die. I have to hand it to him, he stayed still. He was determined not to let that wire get him. "When I whispered in his ear that it was his turn, I actually saw the blood drain from his face. He held out for a while. I didn't castrate him like Tines. He deserved a different treat. I took the knife and skinned his cock. "Slowly. "Strip by strip. "He whimpered like a child but he didn't scream. I was glad that he didn't. That meant that I could play more. He was sweating like crazy and I thought his eyes were going to bulge out of their sockets, but he kept himself under control. "Barely. "It was funny though. For a guy that delighted in torturing people, he was disappointingly susceptible to pain. "I went to the kitchen, found what I wanted and returned to that piece of human garbage. I showed him what I held in my hand and he actually pleaded with me to let him go." Scully was shaking. Krycek was so matter of fact about his story and Mulder was just lying there listening without so much as a token protest. She knew that these men had hurt Mulder, but murder was murder. Was Krycek that good in bed that Mulder would overlook anything? It definitely looked like it—and Scully didn't like it. "I couldn't believe that he would ask me to spare him. I really couldn't. I asked him what his response had been when you were begging him and Tines to let you go. "He didn't answer me. I hadn't really expected him to, but it did get him to shut up. "I looked down at his bloody cock and whistled tunelessly and I let the salt slip through my fingers. He panicked for a few seconds, then succeeded in pushing the agony to the back of his mind before the bite of the wire got too deep. "I watched him pant to keep from hyperventilating. His eyes never left mine as I slowly raised my hand to my mouth. I waited until I saw the confusion clear from his eyes and new terror take it's place, then I blew across my palm. Hard. "He closed his eyes but he had waited too long. There had only been a small amount of salt left in my hand but it was enough to set his eyes on fire. Tears flowed freely down his face but he still didn't scream. "He wanted to though. I could tell. "His vision was so screwed up right then that he didn't see me walk away. I went into his garage and, amazingly enough, found what I wanted rather easily. I returned to Milton determined to end this quickly. I'd been in the house over thirty minutes and I wanted out. I wanted to get back to you. "Three seconds. That's how long it took to grab his balls, apply the vice grip and squeeze, bursting his left nut like an overripe grape." Scully was pleased to see that that, at least, got a reaction from Mulder. He winced at the image that Krycek's words brought to mind and Scully could see the lower half of his body shift under the blanket. "Needless to say, he didn't hold that scream in. I crushed the right one also just so he'd have a matched set, then, as I watched him bleed out, I gathered up everything I had touched and shoved it into a small bag to take with me. By the time he died, his neck was just a mass of meat. "I didn't feel even the slightest bit of guilt or regret. The only thing running through my head was that you'd be safe now. When they hurt you, they weren't even human to me anymore. I had to kill them. I had to. "I went back to the bar to let Demee know that I was okay then I came to the hospital to check on you. That's it. That's what happened. They can't hurt you anymore." The room was quiet when Krycek finished speaking. Scully could see that Mulder's eyes were closed but his hands were clenched in the sheets. He wasn't passed out yet, but Scully could tell that he was getting close. She knew that he had taken Krycek's words and painted a picture in his mind so that he could see them die. He was the genius profiler. He could probably see everything perfectly—even hear their screams. He was more than likely playing everything over and over so that he could stop jumping at shadows. So that he could start to heal. Krycek just sat there, staring at Mulder. He didn't touch him. He just left him alone to process the visions his words had spun. Scully wondered about the rest of the story. Something else had to have happened before Krycek had left Milton's house. Something that had set him off because, when the police had found the bodies, they had been barely recognizable as human. Something had pissed Krycek off so badly that he had taken a baseball bat and beat both men to a bloody pulp—after they were dead. //I've got you, you rat bastard. I've finally got you. You will not slip out of this one.// Scully saw that Mulder was almost gone. The medication had finally taken over—hard and fast. She saw him fight to keep his eyes open Fight to speak. "Thank you, 'Lex." Mulder's voice was slurred... sleepy. "For what, Lisitsa?" Krycek leaned forward and rested his chin on the edge of the bed, gazing at the beautiful man wrapped in the tangle of sheets. "For taking care... of them. Making them pay... for... what they did. For making me... safe." Mulder was almost mumbling now. Scully could only make out a word here or there as he continued speaking. "Go... someplace safe... don't... hurt... love you." Scully looked at her partner lying on that hospital bed, peaceful for the first time since the assault. It tore at her heart to know that Krycek had brought about that peace. To know that her Mulder loved this man. Had professed his love repeatedly over the past hour or so. Could she arrest Krycek and destroy that peace? //It doesn't matter. I have no choice.// Scully watched Krycek as he remained at Mulder's side—watching the older man sleep. He gently brushed several stray chestnut locks out of Mulder's face and kissed him on the temple, allowing his lips to linger for several long seconds. "I love you, Lisitsa. I've loved you since the day I was born and I'll love you until the day I die." //That day might come sooner than you think, Krycek.// Scully slowly eased her weapon from the holster, trying to remain silent as the assassin tucked the blankets snugly around Mulder. She was just about to rush the room when Krycek abruptly grabbed his leather jacket and walked out. Scully cursed for a moment, grabbed the discarded cuffs from the floor and swiftly took off after Krycek. Alex walked out into the parking lot cursing himself. He had been so distracted by thoughts of his lover that he barely remembered getting here from Fox's room. It was a good way to get killed. He had to pay attention. His quickly scanned the darkness but couldn't detect anything that could be considered a threat. When he was satisfied the way was clear, Alex made his way towards his car. Of course, he went straight back to thinking about Mulder. He had only been able to see him about four or five times since he'd been admitted and tonight had been the first time Fox had been awake and able to talk to him. This had been both a blessing and a curse. It had been good because it let Alex find that Fox didn't blame him for what happened and he was reassured that he was still loved. It had hurt, though, to see the man's fear and pain up close. He never wanted to see Fox like that again. Alex hadn't been lying when he told Fox that he couldn't lose him. He would do anything to keep him safe. To make sure that he never stopped loving him. Alex was so intent on his thoughts that he didn't really register the voice shouting his name. The bullet ricocheting off the light pole to his right got his attention though and he glanced around behind him as he drew his own gun. "Shit! Shit! Shit!" //Scully! Damn it! What the hell is she doing here this time of night?// Alex was desperate. He couldn't shoot the red-head. Fox would never forgive him. He was in the middle of a nearly empty parking lot, no fucking cover and his car was still over thirty yards away. He had no choice. He had to run for the car. Either that or surrender. //That's not and option!// He ran. He heard her shout again, then the sound of her gun. //Almost to the car. Almost there.// Alex felt a sharp pain. Felt himself stumble. //Fox!// The ground came up to meet him and everything went black. Part two Secrets Unkept September 2000 Scully's Apartment 5:43 am Darkness. Pain. Alex woke to both. Groaning softly, he made a mental note to switch 'pain' to 'agony'. His head felt like he had gone a couple of rounds with a sledgehammer—and lost. He tried to open his eyes and met with little success. //What the hell?// He panicked for a minute until he realized that the agitated state was making his head throb even more. //Come on, Alexei. Come on. Get a grip. Freaking out is not going to do you any good.// Alex forced himself to calm down and assess the situation. The last thing he remembered was Scully shooting at him in the parking lot. Judging from the amount of pain he was in, she must have succeeded. //Shit! A gunshot added to the knock I took in Fox's room would definitely account for the fucking haze I'm in right now.// Alex shifted slightly, sending a fresh bolt of agony through his body. When he tried to raise his hands to cradle his aching head, he realized he was cuffed to the chair he was slumped in. "Fuck!" "Watch your mouth, Krycek." The voice came from close behind him and Alex barely stopped himself from swinging his head around in surprise. "Screw that!" Alex growled. "You fucking shot me!" "I didn't shoot you. I shot at you. One of the bullets ricocheted off a light pole." Scully corrected. "Well gee." Alex mocked. "That just makes all the difference in the world." Scully just snorted and stepped closer to the bound man, She pushed his head back and was surprised when he screamed in pain. She watched as every bit of color drained from Krycek's face and he almost bit through his bottom lip to keep from screaming again. "Sounds like you're in a little pain there." "Ya think?" The gasping quality of Krycek's voice ruined a lot of the intended sarcasm. "Always have to be a smartass, don't you?" Scully's voice was harsh as she laid a warm cloth over Krycek's face, causing him to jump once more. "Why shouldn't I be? You shot me!" His voice was still breathy but a little stronger now. "I told you, it was a ricochet." Scully insisted as she, not so gently, tried to clean the dried blood off his eyes. "That doesn't make my damn head hurt any less." Alex argued. "Straight bullet or ricochet, you were still to blame for me taking a header into the pavement." Scully removed the blood-stained cloth and Alex breathed a sigh of relief as his eyes slowly fluttered open. The soft light hurt the sensitive orbs, but he didn't care since he was finally able to drag himself out of the darkness he despised. "Well, Krycek." Scully spoke as she walked to the bathroom to put the cloth on the sink. "If you're going to blame me for your injuries, you might as well blame your boyfriend too." The restrained man froze. Not even a hair on Alex's head moved as Scully came back to stand in front of him. "I don't know what you're talking about." The words were quiet, calm and utterly believable—as long as you didn't notice the furious tension radiating from Krycek's body. "Oh, I think you do, Krycek." Scully spat. "That was quite a crack you took on the corner of that table. Of course, you got to your knees pretty quickly when he told you to." //Oh shit, she knows. Shit! Shit! Shit!// "How long?" "How long what?" "How long were you there? How much did you see?" Krycek's voice was soft. Resigned. "I was in the washroom when you walked in the door. I saw—and heard—everything, you piece of shit!" Scully looked down at the man in front of her and felt her anger grow. How could Mulder love this man? How? "So, Agent Scully, is this where we go through the whole 'I'm going to arrest you and put you away for life' bit? It's been tried. You have no proof that I've done anything." Krycek looked up into Scully's cold blue gaze. "The best you could hope for is for me to be killed while I'm waiting for the cops to turn me loose." "I could live with that." "You could, but could your partner?" Krycek sneered. "People have tried to kill me before and I'm still here. Granted, someone might get lucky, for once, and get to me, but mark my words, Scully. Before that happens, I'd make damn sure Mulder knew it was you that put me there. How do you think he'd react to that bit of information?" "You son of a bitch!" Scully was infuriated with the assassin for homing in on her fear so quickly. "He'd never forgive you and you know it." "You have a high opinion of yourself, Krycek." "Not at all, Scully." He argued, a small smile shining through the pain still etched on his face. "You said you heard everything. You tell me if I'm exaggerating." "Krycek, you're a backstabbing, double-talking snake in the grass. I don't know how you drew him into your web, but from your little show at the hospital, I'd venture to guess that it's a method that's tried and true." Scully stalked back and forth in front of her 'captive', her arms folded tightly in front of her chest. "How many other men have you played your games on?" She asked, her voice cold and calculating. "Did you even listen to anything we said in that room tonight? This isn't a fucking game. Not to me and not to Fox. I would die for him. Can you say the same?" Krycek glared at the angry woman, fury making the emerald eyes even darker. He didn't give her any time to answer his question before he spat on the floor at her feet. "No! You can't, can you, Scully? Well, until you can, don't stand there and tell me that I'm just using him 'cause I don't want to hear it. Now if you're going to arrest me then get on with it. But remember, Mulder will hear everything." Scully was furious! Rage whirled through the petite woman like a tornado and she unleashed her fury on the restrained Krycek. She lashed out and with one creamy white hand and slapped him sharply across his face. Alex drew in a ragged breath and held it to keep from howling. He could feel the nausea try to rise through the haze of pain and fought against that particular loss of dignity. "How dare you!" Dana seethed. "You don't know the first thing about me! I'd do just about anything for him and he knows it. He trusts me. If I told him to get rid of you, he would. And by the sounds of things, I think Mulder would be better with you out of his life." Scully looked down at the man she had been ranting at and hoped she had kept the doubt out of her voice. What would Mulder have to say about this? Whose side would he choose. She looked back at Krycek, what if Fox chose him? What would she do then? Alex choked down the pain and looked at the angry woman. His eyes were tearing up but he refused to give her the satisfaction of letting them fall. "You can try to break us up if you want, Scully, but you're the one that'll lose. Fox will not give me up on your say so." Alex took a deep breath and wished, desperately, for the pain to go away. It was getting so hard to think. "You say that you'll do just about anything for him. That's the big difference between us. I don't have a limit. I would do anything for him. Anything in the world. He's your partner and he values you and your friendship, but he's my life —and I'm his. If you don't believe me, then ask him." Another deep breath. More pain. "Be prepared though, Scully, for an answer you don't want to hear and don't condemn him for it. If you hurt him, you'll have to deal with me. And I won't always be chained to this damn chair. Keep that in mind." "Don't threaten me, asshole!" Scully hissed. "I don't make threats, Scully. I'm just telling you. Don't hurt him." They were quiet for a minute. Assessing one another. Both of them trying to control their anger before things got way out of hand. Scully was just about to speak again when Krycek's weary voice rang out once more. "What's up with you anyway, Scully." he sighed. "Why do you hate me so much? I can understand Fox, but what the hell did I do to you?" Scully's jaw dropped...she was astonished that Krycek had the audacity to ask that question. "What did you do to me?" She shook her head and stepped back a pace, and studied the man before her. His face was clear of everything—nothing showed. Either he was genuine in his naiveté , or he was a superb actor. "Okay." Scully said, her voice calm and devoid of the angry emotions she had felt a few minutes ago. "Why don't we start with my sister. Killing her kind of pissed me off!" She finished, her voice laced with exaggeration. Krycek opened his mouth but Scully cut him off. "Then again... Maybe murdering Mulder's father was what really got me going. Oh wait! No, I know, it was the part you played in my kidnapping, which led to my cancer and sterility that started my vendetta. "Feel free to stop me anytime, Krycek, cause I could mention beating Skinner in the stairwell and kidnapping Mulder and forcing him to go to Russia, for good measure." Krycek no longer looked quite so smug, and she was pleased to have been able to knock the green-eyed demon down a notch or two. While she was silently gloating, a visions of Mulder and Krycek passed through her mind. Alex cuddling Fox close, comforting him through the anxiety attack. All the words and gestures of comfort. The way Mulder clung to him with a eerie familiarity. Those moments - and more—between the two men puzzled and bothered her. "Tell me Krycek, how come Mulder let you hold him? Let you touch him? No one else can even get close to him. What the hell makes you so special?" Scully felt the rage bubble up inside her once again. "You disgust me! I'd bet anything that you did set him up. That you told those goons where he'd be and when, and I'd also bet that you were in that bedroom the whole time Fox was being hurt... laughing at him... reveling in his despair..." "Ty suka!" Krycek screamed, beyond pain as he struggled against the shackles that held him. "You fucking bitch! I would never let anyone do that to him! If I had been there, I would have prevented it! You say that to me again and I will kill you." Scully backed away from the force of Alex's rage until, all too soon, she found herself pressed against her bedroom wall. She couldn't believe how insane Krycek became in just a couple of seconds. She stared at the incensed man as he went wild. Both of them were shocked when a sickening 'crack' left Alex sprawled on the floor. In an instant, the assassin had freed himself from the broken chair, maneuvered his restrained hands so they were in front of his body and launched himself at the petite agent. Scully felt the air leave her lungs with a sharp gasp as the large body pinned her in place. Alex's hot breath brushed her ear. "Looks like things are a little more equal now, Scully. Wanna try to hit me again?" The rage was still rampant in his voice but Scully could feel how tightly he had his body restrained. The angry man was trying so hard to hold back that he was shaking. For the first time tonight, Scully was afraid. "Let's get a few things straight, Scully." Alex whispered coldly, staring straight into Scully's eyes. "First. I didn't kill your sister. I didn't plan to kill your sister. As far as I knew, we were there looking for the DAT tape. Cardinal killed Melissa before I could even blink. As soon as I had a second alone, away from that lunatic, I called an ambulance for her. "Second. Fox's father deserved to die. You didn't know him. He was a first class bastard and if he hadn't died that night, he would've engineered Fox's death. I killed him to keep Fox safe. "Third. I wasn't in the loop about your abduction. I didn't order it and I didn't carry it out. As good as I am at what I do, I never had any fucking power within the Consortium. If the truth was told, the exact opposite was true. They had all the power over me . Not any more though. I made sure of that. "Fourth. Skinner. That asshole. I would've loved to watch him die but Mulder needed him in the bureau. I beat him senseless in that stairwell—and enjoyed it whole heartedly—because, if I hadn't he would've followed us. Cardinal had orders to kill him if he did that. "Last, but not least, I wasn't the one that got the bright fucking idea to trot on over to Russia. Fox dragged me along because I knew the language and I almost lost an arm for my troubles." Krycek swayed slightly but didn't move anywhere near enough for Scully to be able to break free. "Anymore sins I need to atone for?" He growled. "Any other accusations you want to throw at me?" "Get the hell off of me, Krycek." Alex grinned slightly. "Don't worry, Red. You're not my type. I will let you move though. Get on the bed." "What?" Scully demanded. "What the hell for?" "It's your turn in the cuffs but I'm not hooking you to something breakable. The iron head board you have there looks really sturdy, Scully. Into bondage much?" Scully just glared as she walked across the room under Krycek's watchful gaze. When she sat on the king size bed, Alex was right there beside her pulling the handcuff key out of his pocket where Mulder had slid it earlier. Krycek quickly released his aching wrists and fastened both of Scully's through the wrought iron design to her left. When he was satisfied she was locked up tight, Alex moved across the room again and slid to the floor in the corner. Cradling his head in his hands, he gave in to the relentless pain. Scully lay there, staring at Krycek, wondering what the Russian was going to do now. She could see that he was almost unconscious. The concussion, mingled with anxiety and adrenaline, had to be causing one skull splitting headache. This could play out one of two ways. He would fly into a rage, as he had done just moments ago, or he would pass out. And if he did pass out, what then? How easy was it do dial a cell phone with your toes? While she studied the dark haired man, Scully was suddenly stricken with a moment of clarity. The only reason she wasn't dead right now was because Krycek knew what it would do to Fox should anything ever happen to her. Perhaps, due to the love—and Scully almost choked over that word—Alex felt for Mulder, he just couldn't bring himself to harm her. She shook her head. Despite the pain and nausea, Krycek had escaped his bonds and subdued her, but did he really harm her? No. Instead, he backed away and allowed himself to finally surrender to the agony of his injuries. Dana didn't want to, but she let the possibility that Krycek was telling the truth creep up into her thoughts. Alex had treated Mulder with nothing but respect the whole time he was in that hospital room. Hell, he had even submitted at Mulder's command. Picturing him there like that, subservient at Mulder's feet sent a small shiver through her and other, more lewd images bubbled up, unbidden. She shook them away. Maybe it was time to listen to Alex. To find out his side of the story. She couldn't deny that she had always been curious about the former agent's life. To discover what made the man tick. She would hear him out, then go to Mulder to hear what he had to say. Twenty minutes later, she was still lost in thought. Her heart was telling her one thing, while her head told her another. The question was, which one to listen to? Krycek eventually woke. Groaning softly, he tried to massage the ache in his head away. Other than his gorgeous face and body, Scully wondered what it was that her partner saw in the man. The sullen Russian definitely had the looks, but what was on the inside? Who was the 'real' Krycek? The remorseless killer she had always believed him to be, or the complex man she had observed in Mulder's room tonight. She had the feeling that he was an equal measure of both. Scully cleared her throat and waited until Alex looked at her. He slowly raised his eyes until green met blue. Scully licked her lips nervously and whispered, "How about we call a truce?" "A truce?" Krycek hated the tremor in his voice. "Yeah. You know. Try to get passed the hatred and the lies. Try to get along—for Mulder's sake." "I know what a truce would entail, Scully." Krycek drawled. "I just have a hard time convincing myself that I could trust you not to arrest or kill me." "Mulder trusts me." Scully argued. "Why shouldn't you?" "You don't despise Mulder. He's your best friend." Krycek explained slowly. "I don't have the distinction of those qualities. You've made it quite clear over the years—and tonight, by the way—how you feel about me. Although, now that I think about it, you did shoot Fox also. And I thought I was special." "Do you want to try this or not, Ratboy?" Scully groused. "You make it so tempting, Red." Krycek's smirk was more of a grimace. Scully's only response was to cock her eyebrow, giving Krycek 'the look' that always made Mulder cringe. Alex studied the petite woman for several minutes and, just when Scully was ready to give up and try to get some sleep despite the uncomfortable position she was in, he surprised her with his answer. "Yeah, Scully. I wanna try." Journal of Alex Krycek—September 23, 2000 I can't believe that I'm still writing in this damn thing, but so much has happened in the last couple of days that it's hard for me to keep track. Fox told me that keeping a journal would help me sort out my thoughts and curb my overactive emotions. God forbid I ever have to tell him that he was right. Scully has been really good about respecting my privacy regarding this. I know she sees me writing in it, but she never asks or snoops. I've been staying at her apartment for the past two days. It's Saturday and I promised her that I'd sit down with her tonight and tell her about my life. About how I got involved with Spender and the Consortium. God, that scares the hell out of me. What the hell do I think I'm doing? I've never told anyone about my life. No one knows what a fuck-up I've been. (Well, okay. That's not entirely true. Fox knows all of it and Jack knows a little.) Who knew things would work out like this when she shot me on Wednesday night (or should that be Thursday morning? Shit, who cares. Damn! Even in my journal I'm babbling.) Maybe I should just write it all down, give her the book and then go hide for three days or so. It would be a lot easier than having to face her and tell her the facts of my screwed up life. Oh well, I'll deal with all that when she gets home. Ya know, I'm really surprised. It's been sorta nice, staying here with Scully. We've been getting to know each other. I didn't think we'd make it past the first day. Thursday was a royal pain in the ass. I don't think we spoke ten civil words to each other the whole evening. We just bickered back and forth. 'You bastard' this and 'You bitch' that. My head felt like it was going to crack open from the tension. Things got better though. I think it was when Scully overheard me on the phone with Fox. I had told him that I found a safe place to hole up for a while and that I'd see him late Saturday night. It seemed that the middle of the night was always our favorite time. I can't explain it. Anyway, Scully heard me on the phone and the fact that I didn't tell him about her shooting me (even though she keeps insisting that it was a ricochet so it didn't count) actually made her happy. Don't ask me to explain the logic, but she started treating me better after that. It was only good manners to return the favor. (And quit the fucking laughter. I have manners. I'm not a total heathen.) Neither one of us told Mulder that I was bunking with his partner. (And get that thought out of your head. I said 'bunking' not 'boinking'!) I think both of us wanted to spare his feelings just in case Scully and I found that we just couldn't work things out between us. Getting back to the gunshot. I ended up releasing Scully from the cuffs that morning and she helped me into bed and gave me something for the incredible fucking pain I was in. I actually slept for thirteen hours straight. I don't think I even moved. It's a good thing that Scully was serious about the truce . She had the perfect opportunity to bag and tag me, but took care of me instead. Sometime during my marathon 'nap', she cleaned up as much of the blood in my hair as she could and bandaged my wounds. When I finally woke up, she joked me, saying that I looked like a reject from a Frankenstein experiment. I reminded her that it was her handiwork that she was poking fun at. Maybe the whole trust thing isn't overrated. She went to see Fox every day and she'd come home and tell me everything that happened since she'd seen him last. She was really happy last night because Fox was looking better. He was able to sleep now (I guess the story really did get rid of his nightmares) and he was eating without being forced. He actually had an appetite and he'd been begging everyone he knew to sneak him in some 'real' food—instead of the disgusting science experiments the hospital tries to force on helpless patients. (His words—not mine.) I don't know. I think I'm looking forward to this little chat I'm going to have with Scully. It scares me, but sometimes it helps to get things off your chest. I've held all this in for so long. How will she take it? What if she looks at me differently? (Yeah, like you're so great in her eyes right now, Alex. Moron.) What if she looks at Fox differently? Fuck! Wondering about this shit isn't going to change anything. Whatever is going to happen, is going to happen no matter what I write in here so I'm just gonna take a nap while I wait for her to get home. Maybe I'll get lucky and dream about Fox. Scully watched Krycek watch her. She was nervous. By all rights, he should have been the uncomfortable one. He was the one lying damn near naked in her bed while she was standing nearby fully dressed. But no. Not Krycek. Ever since she had woken him up, he had been literally buzzing with sexual tension. It would have been quite fascinating to watch if all that emotion hadn't been directed straight at her. Alex's eyes closed but she knew he wasn't going back to sleep. She wondered what was going through his mind. "Alex?" A heartbeat. Two. Three. "Yeah?" "Who made you like that?" "Like what, Dana?" Voice quiet and steady. Trying to play it off. She could almost hear the thought. 'Maybe if I pretend I don't understand, she'll let it go.' //Fat chance, Krycek.// "Who calls you 'Lexi'?" Her voice stayed soft. Unthreatening. Curious. Heartbeats again. More this time. She could almost feel him trying to shut himself down. He recovers quickly though. "Fox does." Alex's voice dropped. Gravely. Sexy. The sound of it made Scully's stomach do flips. "You saw that. I will admit that you didn't get a very good show. We can do soooo much better, given the chance. You should see some of the things we do." Alex sat up, the sheet falling away from his chest and Scully found her eyes drawn directly to the rings hanging innocently from the dark brown nipples. //How the hell did I never notice how beautiful this man was? // "You should watch us sometime when things are a little more interesting, Scully." He drawled, too sexy for words. He moved one foot closer to his body so that his leg tented the sheet and he wrapped his arm around his thigh, resting his chin on his knee. His eyes narrowed slightly as he studied her. "I think we can safely say that you enjoy watching us. Don't you?" She couldn't answer and her eyes widened unconsciously when Alex threw the sheet back and crawled slowly over to meet her at the edge of the bed. She stood her ground thinking that Alex looked nothing like a mere human right now. He was some exotic emerald-eyed jungle cat. A panther stalking his prey. Prey that just happened to be her at this particular moment in time. She swallowed, trying to moisten a mouth that had suddenly gone dry. Alex rose to his knees in front of her and Scully desperately tried not to look at all the naked flesh only inches from her heated body. She noticed that the jet black boxer-briefs molded his hard thighs perfectly and, she couldn't help it, her eyes automatically went to the very impressive bulge that he was stroking teasingly with his fingertips through the soft material. "What the hell are you doing, Alex?" She silently cursed the fact that her voice was almost breathless. Alex smiled. A raw, animalistic smile that made her shiver. She couldn't figure out when she had reached out and placed a proprietary hand on Alex's hip. His skin was satin smooth and warm to the touch. When she noticed, she drew away with a gasp but Alex struck with a quickness that surprised her after the lazy quality of his movements. He drew her hand up to his mouth and placed a soft kiss in the palm. It tickled and Scully curled her hand reflexively, making it that much easier for him to draw one of her fingers into the burning heat of his mouth. His tongue swirled languidly around the trapped digit and Scully found herself wondering if this was how good his mouth felt when he went down on Mulder. //Oh God! Mulder... Alex and Mulder... Shit!// She jerked her hand out of Alex's grasp and pushed him backwards, away from her. He fell onto his back and bounced a couple of times before settling into the welcoming mattress. The look of surprise on his face was buried in an instant and he grinned at her again. "What's the matter, Scully?" he asked. He spread his legs in silent invitation and stretched languorously reminding Scully, more than ever, of a beautiful feline. "Don't you want me?" "Don't you want to find out what makes Fox want me so much?" //Oh God!// "Do you think you could make me submit?" //Hell. Who knows? But, man, the fun I could have trying.// "What would you do to me?" //What wouldn't I do?// "Could you control me, Dana?" //God, woman. Get control of yourself ! This is your best friend's lover and the man you've hated for years. What the hell are you thinking?// His hands were teasing his cock again and she could see the straining outline through the snug underwear. She summoned every ounce of clinical detachment she had in her and just stared at the writhing man in front of her. He moaned, eyes sliding shut with need, and under his breath she could hear him whispering his lover's name over and over the only interruptions coming when he spoke to her. Then the mantra would start again. She wondered if he was aware of his actions or if it was his subconscious declaring ownership. "Do you think you could make me scream like Fox does?" His jade eyes were fixed on hers again and he ran one last lingering caress over his quivering shaft before moving his hands up his body and over his head. Locking his hands around the bars of the wrought iron head board, he let the heat of his gaze seer her body. "Wanna try?" The questions bombarded her one after another until she thought her brain was going to over-load. She understood what he was trying to do. She knew that he was just trying to distract her so that he didn't have to answer her questions. She knew that he had never spoken about his life to anyone, and promising to share everything with her had, presumably, scared him shitless. Unfortunately, knowing the reason behind Krycek's actions didn't make it any easier to turn him down. "The presentation is earth shattering, Alex, but I'll have to pass." Scully was relatively sure she got the words out with some semblance of control. "You told me I could ask you anything and you would answer me honestly. Are you going back on your word?" Alex sighed, rolled onto his side and let the intensity drain from his body. He pulled a pillow close and curled around it. "No, I'm not. I just really expected you to ask how I got involved with Spender, ya know?" "Somehow, I get the feeling that the whole submission situation had a greater impact on your life than Spender ever did." Scully saw the pain that her words evoked and wished she could take them back. Krycek flinched, squeezed his eyes shut then took a deep breath before speaking again. "Before we get to what you want to know, I guess I should give you a little background first. Is that okay?" "However you want to do this, Krycek, is fine. This isn't a test. I just want to understand." "Sometimes I don't even understand. How can I expect you to?" Krycek's words were a mere whisper. Scully didn't think they had been meant for her to hear, so she just waited quietly for him to start his story. "Did your parents love you?" Krycek queried, out of the blue, his eyes searching hers then darting away again. "Of course they did." Scully exclaimed. "What the hell kind of question is that?" Another flinch. "It's an honest question. Not everyone lives like the fucking Waltons, Scully!" "Oh, for goodness sakes, Krycek. Please tell me your not going to blame your screwed up life on your parents." "No. I'm not trying to blame my parents." Alex spat. "I know exactly where the blame belongs. I'm just trying to give you the whole story. Now, do you want to hear this or are you going to jump down my throat for every little thing I say?" Scully moved away from the edge of the bed and leaned against the armoire. She ran her hand wearily through her hair. Was she really ready for the truth about this man? "I'm sorry." She apologized. "I want to hear this, Krycek. Really." Krycek rolled onto his back and stared at Scully for a moment before nodding slightly to acknowledge her apology. He blinked a couple of times then fixed his eyes on the pristine ceiling above the bed. "My parents had been Russian spies before I was born. The Consortium found out and turned them. Once they got all the important information out of them that they could, they lost interest in my parents and, surprisingly enough, let them live. "From the first memory I can recall, they hated me. My father was a cold, cruel man. My most intense memory of him was him screaming at me for hours in Russian—a language that I didn't learn until my teens, by the way. When I couldn't understand what he was saying to me, he would get pissed and beat me. My mother wasn't as bad as my father. She would be nice to me at times, which made her normal indifference hurt that much more afterwards. It was like it hurt her to even look at me. When I was very young I asked her why I made her so sad, but she wouldn't answer. My father was livid when he found out so I never asked again." Scully could hear the catch in Krycek's voice when he spoke of his mother. He and Mulder were so much alike. Two lost little boys wishing for their mother's love. "Did you ever find out why she was sad?" "Yeah." He was back to that dead voice he had used in the hospital. "Yeah, I found out. Spender got a lot of pleasure out of informing me of that one. It turns out that my mom had an affair and the man I spent my childhood deathly afraid of wasn't really my father." Krycek grinned humorlessly. "I guess all the times you and Mulder called me a rat bastard, you were right on the money. My mother couldn't bear to look at me because I reminded her of him ." "Do you know who your real father is?" "Yeah. I found out. But that doesn't have anything to do with my story right now." Krycek took a deep breath. "I was telling you about my childhood. I was a very shy, quiet child. My parents were great fans of the old saying that children should be seen and not heard. They took it one step further though. They didn't want to see or hear me. When I was at home, I had to stay in my room. The only time I was allowed out, was to go to the bathroom. The only time I was allowed to speak was when they spoke to me first—which wasn't often, let me tell you." "How could they treat you like that? Didn't anyone notice?" Scully was shocked. She couldn't even conceive of parents treating their children with such abandon. "Why would anyone notice? I was just some quiet child in school. I never caused trouble, so the teachers never suspected anything. I hardly spoke to the other kids and definitely never brought anyone home. I didn't want anyone to know how I lived. To know how much of a fuck up I was that my own parents couldn't even love me." Emotion was creeping back into Krycek's voice. He couldn't hide the grief that filled him just by talking about these memories. "When I was 9, the person that would become my best friend moved in next door to me. The first time I saw him, my breath actually caught in my throat. I was way too young to know what I was feeling but, looking back, I think I fell in love with him at that moment. "I watched him for weeks, afraid to talk to him. I found out that he was 14 and lived with his father. I didn't know where his mother was, but he always looked so lost. I stopped worrying about my parents and just concentrated on him. I followed him around everywhere . "I was surprised to find that he avoided people just as much as I did. I know I must've driven him crazy. After a while, he just started including me in whatever he was going to do. It became natural for us to be together. When I eventually got up the nerve to say more than one or two words at a time, we would sit and talk for hours. "One day, about 4 or 5 months into our friendship, I went over to his house and went up to his room. I knew he wasn't home yet from an errand that he was supposed to run but I had told him that I'd just take a nap or something while I waited for him." Alex stopped for a minute, eyes closed once more and Scully could see how hard this was for him. "Forget I asked, Alex." Scully quickly walked over, sat down on the edge of the bed and reached out to run her hand gently through the silken tangle of his hair. It was so much longer than she had ever seen it. Life had so many little ironies. The killer with the consummate image of innocence. "It's really none of my business." Alex had flinched when he had realized what she was going to do and now, as he stared at her through hooded lashes, he made an effort to relax his body. Scully found it mildly amusing that, now that Alex wasn't in 'slut-mode', her touch actually made him nervous. In fact, now that she thought about it, she had never seen him let anyone touch him. Except Mulder, of course. Ever since they were first paired together it had seemed like the younger man craved Mulder's touch. Interesting. "No, Scully. I told you that I would answer anything you asked me and, contrary to what everyone thinks of me, I keep my word. Hell. Maybe this will be good for me. Someone to talk to, ya know? Before, when the memories would get really bad, I'd find some dark, out of the way hole in the wall and curl up there for days. North Dakota put an end to that. After the silo I can't last an hour in the dark without wanting to eat my gun." He looked away but pulled himself a little closer, giving her stroking hand access to more than his hair. She ran her nails over his throat with the barest of touches and was rewarded with a shudder and then Alex was moving closer still. Now that the threat of sex was out of the way he seemed to be, in his own way, looking for comfort. His next words confirmed her feelings. "Are you going to be my hiding place now, Scully?" The words were mocking but the woman had no trouble hearing the underlying sadness and longing in his voice. "Are you going to listen to my sad little story and feel sorry for me?" "Who knows, Krycek." She shrugged, striving for a nonchalance she didn't feel. "Stranger things have happened." Her answer must have passed muster because he glanced back up, caught her eye and winked. "Knowing who you run around with, I'm inclined to believe that statement." "You're wicked, Krycek." Even as she was chastising him, she couldn't help chuckling. Mulder did have his own special knack for coming up with the strangest things imaginable. As she laughed, she felt herself slide slightly closer to the edge of the bed. Adjusting her position, she found a more comfortable place against the headboard and stretched her legs out in front of her with a sigh. Alex had shot her a look of dissatisfaction when she had moved and now that she was settled, he quickly moved up with her and laid his head uncertainly in her lap. When she made no protest, he seemed to relax. She waited patiently for a few minutes, running her hands through his hair once again, but he stayed still and silent so she gently prodded him. "Okay. You're 9 years old and you're asleep in your friend's bed. What happened next?" "His father happened." Alex whispered wrapping his arms around Dana's thighs and holding on tight. "My friend hated being home with his father and he would never let me come over unless it was just going to be the two of us. Fortunately, his father worked a lot. He was almost never home." Deep breath. Mental preparation. His anguish was almost a tangible thing. She moved her hand from his hair down to his back. She stroked softly and he seemed to relax slightly. "That morning though, he came home from work to get something that he'd forgotten. I never knew he was there. Not until it was too late. When F... when my friend came home, he was just in time to see his father's car pull away from the house. He told me later that he had been terrified when his father had passed him. He had stood there on the sidewalk staring after him confused by the satisfied gleam he had seen in the older man's eyes. Then he remembered. Remembered that I was supposed to be waiting in his room. He told me that he had burst into the house, screaming my name but I never heard him. I was in shock when he found me. I was right there on his bed where I had told him I'd be but the circumstances were so different than either of us had pictured." He took another deep breath and she wanted to opened her mouth to tell him to stop. Tell him that she didn't want to hear any more. He pressed on and the moment was lost. "He cleaned me up the best he could and put some of his clothes on me. We couldn't bring ourselves to get back on the bed so he threw some blankets onto the floor, pulled me into his lap and rocked me all day and long into the night. I don't think either of us slept but we never said a word to each other. We didn't have to. He knew exactly what his father had done to me because he had been doing the same thing to him for years." Scully could feel the tremors tearing through Alex's body but his face was void of all emotion. He looked utterly blank. "Four years." His voice was getting colder. The perfect assassin voice once more. "Four years the bastard played us off one another. Both of us doing whatever he said to try to protect the other but we were just digging ourselves deeper and deeper. It was during the final year that he got the idea to 'program' me. After everything he had done to us, I still fought him when I could. He was obsessed with the thought of total control. He didn't start anything then though. He waited until I had no desire to fight him any longer." "You gave up? I find that hard to believe, Krycek. What made you give up?" "I had nothing left to fight for." The words were harsh. Final. "He took the only thing I cared about. In the space of a few moments, my life was utterly destroyed. Shattered into a million pieces at my feet. A couple of months later I was his ." Alex sat up abruptly, denying himself the comfort of Scully's touch, and moved to the other end of the bed. His knuckles were white were he gripped the foot board. "You're not going to get many details, Scully." He informed her, his voice tight. "I can't handle the details right now. Maybe one day. Who knows." "That's fine." She tried to soothe him, even though she knew it wouldn't make a difference. "You don't have to say anything if you don't want too." "No. I want to tell you. Maybe it'll let you understand things better. Maybe one day you'll forgive me for... well... you know, all the things you hate me for." Scully didn't say anything. She didn't know what she could say. She didn't know if anything would make her completely forgive Krycek for everything that had happened because of him. She was still amazed at this new side of him but she wasn't so dazzled by it that she actually trusted him. Not yet. "No comment?" His voice was mocking but she got the feeling that it was directed at himself, not at her. "Oh well, here we go. My friend and I had finally had enough. His father was getting worse. He was bringing the pain to new levels. I was barely 13 but it was time for my friend to go off to college. He wanted to go as far away as possible so he accepted a scholarship to Oxford and he planned to take me with him. He had a trust fund and as soon as I could I was going to get a job. We would tell people that we were brothers. We had it all worked out." Alex paused and took a deep breath. Scully watched his reflection in the mirror across from the bed and she saw a look of profound sadness in his eyes. In a moment, he spoke again. "The morning we were supposed to leave, I was sitting on a large tree stump that separated our yards. When my friend came out of his house, his father was with him and I watched as they shook hands to say goodbye. I thought that was very strange because he never willingly touched his father. I was starting to get a bad feeling but I wasn't prepared for what happened next. I guess that's why I took it so hard." Alex slid off the bed and wandered around. He stopped next to a little shelf of knickknacks and picked one up, turning it over and over in his hands before placing it back on the shelf and repeating the process with a different figurine. Scully wondered if he even saw what he picked up. "He had to walk past me to get to his car. I stood up when he came near but he just looked at me like I was a stranger. He gave me this little nod like you give to someone who passes you in the street. He got into his car and drove off. He didn't even look back. Not once. I sat back down on the stump. I was numb. So fucking numb and that bastard let me sit there until I knew, without a doubt, that my friend wasn't going to come back for me. He came out and stood in front of me and I just got up and went with him. What the hell did I care? I didn't exist anymore." "Didn't your parents object to him taking you?" Alex turned at the sound of Scully's voice and stared at her for a moment before he answered. "Are you kidding? They were glad to get rid of me." "Why did your friend leave you behind?" "I eventually worked up the nerve to ask his father but he just laughed at me. I did find out the reason, but it was years later. By then it was too late." "What did his father do to you?" "He was a player in the Consortium. He was doing experiments concerning human programming. I was his favorite toy. He used everything on me. Drugs... Shock therapy... torture. All to one end. I was made to respond to a specific command with total unquestioning obedience. He was the only one that knew the command so, essentially, I was his slave. He did everything he could to hurt me. Even the command he used was painful. "You heard it tonight. 'Sidyet, Lexi.' Sidyet means 'sit'. He used a Russian word so it wouldn't be something that might come up in normal, everyday conversation. He laughed when he told me that he chose that particular word because it was a dog command and he remembered how I would always follow his son around like a puppy. He also figured that 'Lexi' was a safe bet because his son was the only one that called me that. He thought it was beautiful irony that every time he took control of me, I would be reminded of the one person that I would never have. After he was finished he informed me that I was now property of the Elders. I did whatever they told me to do because I knew that with two little words he could make me do it anyway." Alex walked back over to the bed and crouched by the side. He settled his crossed arms on the edge about a foot from Scully's hip and looked up at his confessor. "I was a good kid, Scully." He sighed. "I really was. He turned me into an animal. It wasn't my choice. All I wanted was to be with my friend. To be with the only person that cared about me." "What happened to him? Can he still control you?" "No. Not any more." Alex hesitated and she saw a flash of uncertainty flit across his features. "I killed him. He's been gone a couple of years now." Alex knew that Scully wasn't stupid. He could see her trying to fight the realization that was creeping up on her. Oxford... An abusive father... The fact that his father was murdered. "And your friend...?" "He hated me. He hated me for killing his father but he hated me for lots of other things too." "I don't believe you." Scully was shaking her head, trying to deny what her heart was telling her was true. "He didn't know you. When they put you with him, he had no clue who you were." "Come on, Scully." Alex retorted bitterly. "Fox Mulder's mind has been wiped more times than a chalkboard. He thought that the first time was at Ellen's Air Base, but it wasn't. The first thing they ever took from him was me. The day he left for Oxford, he had no clue who I was and that destroyed me to the point where I let Bill Mulder turn me into a monster. A monster that he was, one day, going to unleash against his son. When that day came, I killed him before he could give me the order. I did it, not to save myself, but to save Fox. He was the only thing that mattered." "How did you two get to this point? How did Mulder remember?" "He found his father's journal. The son of a bitch had written everything down. All the abuse when we were growing up. The mind wipe. Everything he did to me during programming. It was all there in black and white. There were even a couple of pictures of me and Fox when we were young. I don't know where Bill Mulder got them but I think those got to Fox the most. Actually seeing how close we were, yet he couldn't even remember posing for the pictures. "Once he knew certain facts the wipe started to crumble or something. I don't know exactly what happened but he remembered everything. The next time I broke into his apartment, he confronted me. I was shocked but I confirmed his memories. He told me that he understood now why I had killed his father and that he forgave me. He asked me to stay. He wanted me to stay. That's it. That's the basic story. We've been together ever since." "How long has that been?" "A little under a year. Fox wanted to tell you, but he was afraid you'd leave him—or have him committed." "Not funny, Krycek!" Scully snapped, remembering when she and Skinner had done just that and almost got Mulder killed. Scully had to admit that Krycek actually looked contrite when he apologized. He also looked exhausted. Scully moved over and patted the space next to her. To her surprise, the assassin crawled onto the bed without comment and curled around one of the pillows again. Krycek stared at Scully, waiting for her reaction. Wondering what was going through her head as she watched him watch her. They were both silent for a long time, then Scully spoke, her voice laced with sadness. "Both of you... his father... he really?" She couldn't finish any of the thoughts but Krycek knew exactly what she was asking. How could he not? "Yeah, he really did. Bill Mulder was a sadistic, perverted asshole who got off on abusing his own son." The disgust was evident in every word. "How could he do that to him? And to you? You were just children." Alex could hear Scully's agony. Even after everything she had seen as an FBI agent, she still held onto the naïve belief that children were somehow immune to life's cruelties. To Scully, children were loved by their parents and sheltered from harm. He hoped she never lost that belief. He wished he could have believed it in the first place. "I tried to keep him safe, Scully. I did everything I could to keep his father's attention on me instead of him. It worked most of the time, but there were times when I just couldn't keep him away from Fox. Afterwards, he was always so quiet and sad. I used to hold him for hours. Just like he did for me that first time." "That's why you were able to interact with him so easily in his room the other night, wasn't it? He's used to you holding him and touching him after he's been... after he's been..." "Yeah. We've had a lot of practice." Krycek grimaced. "Although, not anytime lately, thank goodness." They were both quiet again and Alex was almost asleep when he heard Scully's voice once more. "Krycek?" "Yeah?" "After Mulder's father programmed you..." //Fuck!! She's not really going to ask me this, is she?// "Did he stop..." Scully stopped and took a deep breath. "Did he stop abusing you?" "Don't go there, Scully. The topic is not open for discussion." "But..." "No!" Krycek swore, turning over. Scully watched as he tried to control the harsh tremors that racked his body. For once in her life, she had no idea what to say or do to make things better. Could she trust what Krycek told her? Was it the truth? Her heart was telling her yes, but her head still had doubts. Alex Krycek. Triple agent... Assassin... Thief... Liar. He was all those things, but he was also a shy, quiet, scared, abused child who had only ever known the love of one person. He was Mulder's friend. Mulder's lover. Could she change her prejudices and accept this man? She honestly didn't know... but she wanted to try. She ran her hand softly through his silken hair once more, happy when he didn't flinch. Sliding from the bed, Scully grabbed the down comforter from the foot of the bed and tucked it around the silent man. "Why don't you take another nap and I'll wake you when it's time to go to the hospital. We'll visit Mulder together and surprise him, okay?" Krycek nodded slightly. On impulse, Scully leaned over and placed a feather-soft kiss on his forehead before quickly leaving the room. Once she was gone, Alex pulled the blanket around him as tight as he could and whimpered softly. He stared, dry eyed, at the wall for a long time before finally turning out the light. Then, alone in the darkness, he waited for the nightmares to return Part Three Alex's Journals From the Journal of Alex Krycek—September 23, 2000—11:04 p.m. God, Fox. I need you. I need you so badly, but all I have is this stupid journal. What good is it to write down what I'm feeling? All it does is make me seem like a pathetic fucking loser. You asked me to do this, though, so here I am. I wish it was actually you that I was talking to, but I guess this will have to do for now. I did something tonight that I swore I'd never do. I talked about our childhood. I told Scully about us growing up with each other... about my parents... about your father. I told her a little bit of what we went through. I didn't go into a lot of detail, but it was enough. Enough to rip open poorly healed wounds. Enough to knock down the barriers that I thought were so fucking strong and impenetrable. That was a big joke. I can't even close my eyes right now without feeling his hands all over me... his breath hot on my neck... his voice rasping in my ear. I'm sitting here in the dark, staring at the walls. They're closing in on me, Fox. I feel like screaming, but I know that, if I do, I'll never stop. Scully would have a field day with that. She'd have me committed so fast my head would still be spinning a week from now. I can see him so clearly, babe. I keep flashing on the first time he... the first time... Fuck! Why the hell is this so hard? I'm just writing here. I'm not even saying it out loud. I'm just writing... I'm just writing. The first time he raped me in front of you. There. I said it. I keep seeing you cuffed to that damn doorknob, watching. I can hear you screaming... screaming for him to leave me alone, when I couldn't even force a moan through fucking frozen lips. I can still feel you holding me when it was all over. I wish you were here to hold me now. I need you to wrap your arms around me and tell me everything is going to be all right. It's been so long since I've been able to wake up in your arms. You've spoiled me this past year. We were hardly ever apart and now you've been away from me for almost a month. I need you, Fox. I need you to take away the feel of his hands... the sound of his voice. I need you. Shit! I just want to break something. I hate this! What the hell was I thinking? Why the hell did I promise Scully that I'd answer her questions? Why? I should've known that she'd home in on the most important fucking secret I've got. That's the way she is. She's been hanging around you too long, babe. You're rubbing off on her. I hate this... I hate this... I hate this. I have to stop thinking about him. I'm going to go crazy if I don't. I need you. It's been so strange. Staying here with Scully, I mean. Her place is so different from your apartment or the shithole I used to call home. She has so much stuff . Little things. Pictures... figurines... books. All this stuff that reminds her of her past. All these memories surround her, while I'm trying to forget I ever existed before last year. Funny how things work like that. I never thought these words would come out of my mouth, but I think I could get to like your partner. After we got through all the ‘I hate you, you scum-sucking piece of shit' stuff, she was actually kind of nice to me. She even tried to comfort me while I was spinning our little history lesson for her. She held my head in her lap and played with my hair. If I closed my eyes, I could almost convince myself that it was you that was holding me. For a little while, I felt good... felt safe. God, I miss you. I wish she'd wake up already. I want to come see you. I'm tired of waiting. I want to get out of here. I wonder how angry she'd be if I left without her? Very angry, probably. Hell, I can't leave her. I promised her we would go see you together. Damn! I'm so fucking pathetic! I can't stop shaking... can't get rid of these god awful images. I never should have told Scully about your father. Never ! I need you, Lisitsa. I need you. I need you. God, get a grip, Krycek. Just pull yourself together and act like a man. I wish he was still alive. I wish he was somewhere that I could get my hands on him and rip his sadistic fucking heart out. I'd give anything just to be able to kill him over and over and over again. I'd draw out the pain so he'd feel just a little of what he put us through for so many years. Did I ever tell you that I smiled when I shot him? Did I? I looked him straight in the eye and grinned at him as I pulled the trigger. I hope he's rotting in hell right now for what he did to us... For what he did to every person he came in contact with. I don't care if I end up there too, as long as he got there first. There's Scully's alarm. Finally! I guess we'll be able to leave soon. I love you, my Fox. So much. I can't wait to be there... in your arms. I'll be there soon. I promise. Sunday—September 24, 2000—9:18 p.m. Hey babe. It's me again. Don't ask me why I'm treating this damn book like it's you. All I know is that it makes it easier to write down what I'm feeling. It makes me feel like you're here, with me. Like I'm not so alone. You better not laugh at me when you read this. Fair warning though – if anyone else gets their hands on this thing, they will be shot. And, no babe... I'm not kidding. I wish I knew what you were doing right now. Hell, whatever it is, I wish I was there doing it with you. I miss you so much. I know I was just there with you, but I'm so sick of that damn hospital room. I want you home. I'm sitting here in Scully's living room watching some crazy-ass show on Fox. The main character kinda reminds me of you. But, then again, everything reminds me of you. I'm babbling, huh? I guess I need to stop stalling. I have to tell you about Sasha. I'm so bad at explanations. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about her earlier, but I really thought she was dead. Sasha. Aleksandra Renard Frost. A whole fucking United Nations in one name. I guess Spender and your father thought they were being funny when they named her. Aleksandra for me, Renard for you and Frost for whatever reason their fucked up minds thought of. I guess they wanted to make her a cold hearted bitch or something. She's 21 years old. She was just a baby when I first saw her. It was a couple of months after your father started programming me. I remember thinking that it was strange to see a baby in the labs, but I had too many problems of my own to worry about before I could think about anyone else's. I forgot about the baby for a while. I found out later that she was another assassin – trained from birth to be, and do, exactly what they wanted. I used to sneak around and talk to her while she was growing up. I think I was the only one there who did talk to her. I mean, there were the doctors and trainers who poked and prodded, hurt you and ordered you around all day, but as far as simple human contact went... I was it. And she was it for me. That's so fucked up, isn't it? Anyway, I knew how they were training her so I used to try to countermand some of the bad shit they were drilling into her. I kept her from believing the lies, and she kept them from finding out what I was doing. She swore that she was on my side, no matter what. Even when I was helpless in their grasp, I kept her out of it... kept feeding her the truth. Oh, they thought she was a good little foot soldier. She was superb at what she did and she had a perfect kill record. Don't get me wrong, she did kill people but she was more of an internal cleaner. Spender sent her after errant employees. What Spender and the others did not know, was that Sasha never went anywhere without wearing a wire. Every job she was given, every kill order, every conversation that she was in the same room for, was recorded. Part of the evidence and records that you and I gave to the Director was information that Sasha had gathered over the years. She used to help me a lot. Especially with keeping you and Scully out of trouble. You'd be amazed at how many goons didn't get to you because of Sasha and I. A couple of years ago, I found out some new facts about her. Things that made her name make sense. If anything the consortium does could make sense. They created her, Fox. They played with DNA and created a human being. One guess as to whose DNA they used. Aleksandra Renard. Alex... Fox. She's part of us. Kinda like our child, I guess, but not. Ya know what I mean? There's more though. (As if that's not enough.) They used another strand of DNA also. Here's where it gets a little freaky. You remember the alien fetus? The infant gray? You guessed it. Sasha is part alien. She was an experiment. They used the gray's DNA to see if they could duplicate any of the alien abilities that they've come across. It's funny. I warned her when she was young that if she ever showed signs of being different, she should keep it secret at all costs. If not, she'd be a fucking guinea pig for the rest of her life. At that time, I didn't even know about the DNA stuff. I'm just thankful that she listened. Like I told you before, she's smart. Very smart. I'm pretty sure she got your brains. Your brains, but my sense of caution, thank God! She fooled them for years. The only thing they knew for sure, was that she was a lot stronger and quicker than normal humans. Other than gaining an expert assassin, they concluded that the experiment was a bust. After they had disbanded the group studying her, she confided in me. You'd be surprised at what she can do, babe. She can do that radiation thing like the oiliens and she can heal like Jeremiah Smith. That particular talent has come in handy a few times, believe me! She can also create some sort of force shield. I don't know where the hell that one came from, but with all the damn tampering those scientist did to her, I'm surprised she didn't come out purple or something. You're going to love her, babe. Really. She has my coloring. You know, skin tone. Hair color. She has your eyes though. Those beautiful intense eyes that change from green to hazel to gray and back again. I used to look at her eyes and get lost in memories of you. Of course, that was before we got back together. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about her, babe. I really did think she was dead. Spender had told me that he had had her killed for disobeying him. I should have known better than to believe him. She was even better at staying alive than I was. I did believe him though. Enough so that once you and I were together again, I chose not to tell you about her just for that reason. I figured that, once you found out about the DNA thing, knowing about her would have just been one more person that they took away from you. One more part of you, that you'd never have. I thought it would be less painful to keep you in the dark. I'm sorry. When I found out that she was alive – which was only a week ago, by the way – I was just waiting for a good time to tell you. You know, once you were a little stronger. I had asked her to meet me outside your room last night so we could visit you together, but with all the shit that happened with Scully, I totally forgot. She took one look at your partner and took off. I tried to catch her, but she's a hell of a lot faster than I am. I know she'll contact me soon. She always does. I promise I'll bring her to you as soon as I hear from her. No more hiding things, either. No matter how much I think I'm protecting you. I'm so sorry you had to find out about her this way. I really am, babe. It's funny. We used to talk about you. We used to have these long, intense conversations in the dark. She wanted to know everything about you. She used to beg me to tell her about all those off the wall theories you always came up with. I think she believed every one of them. You really have to introduce her to those screwed up friends of yours. They'll go nuts over her. I know it's still kinda early, but I think I'm going to hit the sack. Too many things have been running through my head today and I'm wiped. I'll try to write more tomorrow. I love you, babe. I'll dream of you. I'm sorry. Monday—September 25, 2000—11:49 p.m. This is becoming a pattern, babe. Me writing you right before I go to bed, I mean. Not that I'm complaining, but it does leave me aching and longing for you when I finally lay down to sleep. You'll never guess what I did all day today. I went fucking house hunting. Scully even took the day off to go with me. I was really touched until I realized that the only reason she went was to laugh at me! I swear, Fox, she was almost in tears by the time we scared off the first Realtor. Mrs. Graham. She was an older lady that just would not accept that Scully and I were not a couple. The first thing she did when she got us out of the real estate office was show us three million pictures of her kids and grandkids. I'd try to ask her questions about the houses we were going to see and she'd talk about engagements and weddings and kids. So, of course we needed a large home with lots of rooms to fill. Scully was loving it – the traitor! She egged the damn lady on. She kept making kissy faces at me and she held my hand constantly. She was always touching me. I wanted to smack the crap out of her, and she knew it. I can honestly say that I've never seen this side of Scully. She was driving me crazy and loving it. I guess I can't really blame her. If the situation was reversed, I'd probably do the same to her. [snicker] Anyway, I thought I was going to die of embarrassment when Scully really threw it into high gear. Mrs. Graham was showing us this house that we both absolutely hated and Scully, all of a sudden, started gushing over everything. I know I looked at her like she had lost her mind. Luckily, that damn real estate agent had to be the most oblivious person on the face of the earth. She totally missed my reaction. Besides, she was focused on Scully. Scully kept saying how ‘Fox was going to love this.', ‘Fox was going to love that.' I swear, your name came out of her mouth every ten seconds. Mrs. Graham, of course, wanted to know who ‘Fox' was. Do you want to know what your innocent little partner said? Do you? God, I thought the floor was going to open up and swallow me. Or maybe I just hoped it would. Probably that second one. Your partner looked that old lady right in the eye and said: "Fox is my fiancé 's lover. Alex here is such an insatiable slut that, without Fox, I don't think I could keep him satisfied." I don't know who's jaw dropped the hardest. But, wouldn't you know it, she wasn't finished. She got really close to the shocked woman and continued in this exaggerated whisper. "This would be their house and you know how guys are. I wouldn't be surprised if they... you know... christened every room on the very first night." By this time, I was starting to see the humor. The lady was looking from me to Scully and back to me again. She looked like a fish out of water. Her mouth was moving but nothing was coming out. Kind of like she was gasping for air, or something. It was hysterical. I couldn't resist now. I moved over to Scully and pressed my body against the length of hers and started nuzzling her neck. I told her not to be jealous or anything because she knew that we always loved it when she watched. Speaking of that, I really, really get the impression that Scully would have no problem watching us together. Now, don't get all protective or anything. Nothing has happened to make me think that. It's just an impression that I get. You know, the way she looks sometimes when I'm talking about you. I could be totally off base here, but I don't think I am. Anyway, We were trying so hard not to laugh that I don't know how we made it out of that house without hurting ourselves. When we got into my car, we sat there for a good twenty minutes getting it all out of our systems. Then I reminded Scully how Mrs. Graham had literally rocketed out of the house and we went into fits again. I'll be honest with you, babe. Scully and I still have our moments when we can't forget the past and we're both just itching for our guns and we still get on each other's nerves, but I think we're also becoming friends. It's odd to think that I have a new friend. I can't shake the feeling that it's just something else for them to rip out of my life. A way to leave me a little emptier than before. I know that's not true anymore, but old habits are hard to get rid of, you know? I am glad that she went with me today. She managed to make a potentially unbearable day into something halfway fun. Too bad she can't go with me every day. [sigh] I don't think I'll be going back to that particular office again. I'll have to try a different one tomorrow. Oh well. I love you, babe. I'll see you soon. Dream of me. Thursday—September 28, 2000—8:27 p.m. I swear I'm going to hurt you for making me do this, Fox. Have I ever mentioned that I hate house hunting? No? That's because I never fucking knew it until now!! I have come to the conclusion that the real estate community is out to get me. If they keep it up, I'm declaring war on them also! I went through three different agents today and I wanted to kill every single one of them. The first agent found out that I was going to be living with another man and turned into a homophobic asshole. In hindsight, I guess telling him that I liked women also, didn't really help. He drove straight back to the office and passed me on to this agent named Christian who was glaringly gay. I swear I was patient, Fox. I was nice to the guy when all I wanted to do was strangle him. Christian decided, after an hour, that he was madly in love with me and couldn't live without me. Five minutes in an empty room with me soon showed him the error in his judgment. He realized that he just wanted to live – period. Needless to say, we went back to the agency for yet another round of musical agents. [sigh] The next guy was just as bad. He was this aging surfer type guy who decided he knew what was best for me. I told him what I wanted in a house, and he told me that I was all wrong. He knew just the perfect house for me. I swear I would have given my left arm just to be able to pull my gun out and shoot him. He didn't even last an hour. When we arrived back at the agency ( didn't you just know that would be the next stop) I stormed into the owner's office and gave him a piece of my mind about the fucking imbeciles he hires. To be honest, I seriously considered just killing off every one of them. I was on my way out the door when I noticed this young girl sitting at a cluttered corner desk. She reminded me of Sasha so I grabbed her hand and dragged her out of the office with me. I ended up buying two houses from her. In cash. I told her to rub the commission in the other agent's faces. Dumbasses. Oh yeah. You're probably wondering why I bought two houses, huh? Well, I could just say that I liked both of them and couldn't decide which one I wanted (which is true, by the way). I couldn't decide which one I wanted to live in, so I told Scully to pick one for herself and we'd take the other one. [grin] Well, you did say that you wanted something near Scully. I aim to please, babe. She is now, officially, our next door neighbor. Anyway, I hope you're happy. I really do because you, moi lyubov, are going to pay. You're going to pay long and hard. And Scully? She gets to watch! Thursday—October 5, 2000—11:15 p.m. Hey, babe. I'm sorry I haven't written anything since last Thursday. It's not that I haven't been thinking of you – I have. I've just been busy. I know we didn't get much of a chance to talk about the move while I was there. I had planned on bringing you up to date, but then Sasha showed up. I thought it was more important for you two to get to know each other a little. Scully got the Gunmen to help us move. Once they came to the conclusion that I wasn't going to murder them, we actually got both apartments packed up and moved in less than a week. How's that for quick? It's amazing how fast you can get a house when you pay cash for everything. Thirty days ‘til closing, my ass. [chuckle] I've been helping Scully unpack her things. You know how I said before that she had a lot of little stuff saved? I didn't know the half of it. Good grief, that woman has more knickknacks than someone's grandmother! I've pretty much left our stuff alone. I want us to be able to do it together when you get out next week. Next week. Friday the 13th. Your birthday and the day you get to come home. I can't wait. I'll be nice and give you a little time to settle in, but be warned, babe... Your ass is mine! I'm going to erase every memory you have of those motherfuckers. I'm going to drive you so crazy that you won't even remember your own name. Shit! I can't talk about this right now. I'm driving myself crazy. God, I want you so much. [groan] Let's talk about Sasha instead. Did you love her, or what? She is so crazy about you. I knew she wouldn't be able to stay away. She's wanted to be a part of your life for so long. Just like me. At least this time when she showed up, she let me explain about Scully. I knew that, once you two got together, you'd have a lot to talk about but did you have to spend a whole hour just talking about extreme possibilities? I think Scully and I were just about ready to give up and go get something to eat when you started in on her... um... talents. The whole conversation was worth it just to see the look on your face when she laid her hand on your chest and started healing you. Granted, you didn't have too much to heal anymore, but I'm sure she got rid of a lot of aches and pains that were lingering. It was pretty amazing wasn't it? I can't believe that she was able to keep it all a secret for so long. Wouldn't Spender have a fucking fit if he found out? I'd love to be able to tell him... right before I kill his sorry ass. Oh well. I'm sure your doctors are going to freak when they find all your lingering injuries suddenly gone. It's a good thing that Scully told them that you're a fast healer. Although, one day to the next is awfully fast. Maybe they'll submit you as an X-file. [snicker] Sorry. I really couldn't resist. Teasing you is just so much fun. I'm glad that we all had a chance to talk. I think Sasha will be around a lot more now. At least I'll have some help trying to keep an eye on you. Lord knows I need it. Well, as usual, I'm tired again. I'm sleeping a little easier now. Not as many nightmares. Maybe your father is finally losing his grip. I'll say goodnight now, moi lyubov. Friday—October 13, 2000—2:08 a.m. Eight hours. After waiting for almost a month and a half, I have only eight more hours before I get to bring you home. Home. I really hope you like it. Our home, I mean. I've walked through these rooms every night... wondering if you're going to like them. Wondering if you'll want to share them with me. I hope so. Scully keeps telling me that I worry too much. She keeps reminding me what your apartment looked like. She says that, compared to that place, this house is a palace. I really have to agree with her, but the important question is if you'll agree. One thing you should know, though. I refuse to ever go house hunting again. If you want a new place, you have to deal with the damn Realtors! Anyway... I know I'm rambling. I'm sorry. I didn't plan on being awake this early. I was hoping to sleep late so that I wouldn't have a lot of time until I could come get you. My brilliant plan didn't work very well. Yeah... nightmares again. I really thought I had pushed him back out of my head, you know? I was fooling myself. You're the only one that can get him out of my head. The only one. I can't wait until I have you in this bed with me. Need you, babe. Hell, I might as well get up and get myself ready. Maybe I'll go over and cook breakfast for Scully. I have a key and she'd probably have heart failure to find me cooking in her kitchen. She thinks I don't notice, but I see the amazement on her face every time she catches me doing something domestic. It's really funny. Or, at least, it would be if it wasn't so damn sad. I'll see you soon, babe. Get ready for me...

Title: Out of the Darkness Author: Lexi Krycek Fandom: X-files Pairing: Mulder/Krycek Rating: I'd say probably a strong R. Warning: Definite Male/Male relationship, though no blatant sex. Mentions of rape. Violence. Language Spoilers: Vague sentences here and there but nothing that you would catch if you hadn't seen a particular episode. Summary: A late night visitor forces Scully to look at her partner in a new light. Beta thanks: Big, wonderful heartfelt thanks go to two special people. Demi-X for helping me thrash things out and for the encouragement to get this part finished and posted. Teresa for putting up with hearing "So what do you think Alex would do if..." constantly. I love you guys. Also, thanks to Jean for giving me a great opinion and info for future parts. Here's to friends—both old and new...! Peace guys! Note: Mulder is subjected to a severe beating and rape approximately three weeks or so before the time frame of this story. This is not a graphic rape story but there are some flashbacks and conversations about the abuse. I'm not a doctor and I don't have a lot of medical information about his condition and treatment. I apologize for this lack of knowledge but this story isn't really about the rape. It's about what happens afterwards. I know Mulder seems to get over the worst of his condition fairly quickly and I'm not trying to minimize the seriousness of such a terrible crime but just forgive me this once. This story doesn't really follow canon and it's definitely AU. Krycek has both of his arms and he will stay that way (no thanks to CC) because this is my little world. Disclaimer: Fox Mulder, Dana Scully and Alex Krycek all belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. I've begged until I was blue in the face but the best I could do was borrow them for a little while. Demi belongs to herself and she kindly let me use her too because I told her a little white lie. [Demi, I'm sorry, you don't get to take Alex home with you when I'm done.] Absolutely no money was made from this story. It's all done in fun. September 2000 back to top

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