"Alex, I'll be at the motel in 20 minutes." Mulder's voice was soft and
secretive but Alex was used to that.
"I'll be there." Alex hung up the phone and wondered for the hundredth time
what the hell he was doing. He should've said no, he shouldn't have even
picked up the phone. By now he knew that the only person calling him at
1:00am on a Tuesday night would be a horny Mulder.
He slowly dragged himself out of bed and rummaged through his drawers for a
pair of jeans, socks and underwear. Grabbing a shirt out of the laundry
basket he slipped it over his sleep-rumpled hair and headed into the
bathroom. Looking at his reflection in the mirror he couldn't help but
notice the utter blankness in the face that stared back at him. He was
going to have a secret rendezvous with his lover, shouldn't he be excited?
Instead he just felt tired.
He brushed his teeth and ran a comb through his unruly hair before grabbing
his coat and heading out the door. Getting into the car he was once again
hit by the absurdity of this secret meeting. He liked Mulder, he liked him
a lot. When the older agent had come on to him one night after a difficult
case and a few drinks, he was thrilled to be taken to his bed. They'd had
sex that night in a nondescript hotel in whatever bum-fuck little town that
the case had led them to.
He smiled a little as he remembered that first night. They sex had been
extraordinary even if Mulder had seemed a little cold and distant afterward.
The next day everything seemed to go back to normal including his annoying
habit of putting Alex down and treating him like an errand boy. They didn't
talk about the night before or make any move in that direction again until a
few weeks later when Mulder called late at night and asked Alex to meet him
at a hotel.
At first he had been thrilled that Mulder actually wanted him and with
visions of a relationship dancing in his head he'd driven to the hotel, but
those hopes had been dashed. It was the same hotel he was driving to
tonight and he was sure the results tonight would be the same as that night
a few months ago.
The lights would be off, he would strip, they would have sex, he would go
home. No words, no affection, nothing but meaningless sex in the dark with
a warm body.
Alex pulled into his "usual" parking spot at the rear of the building, next
to Mulder's black Ford and just sat in his car with the lights off. Never
had Mulder acknowledged their relationship in public or even been nice to
him outside of this hotel. Why was he doing this to himself? Shit, love
could make you such a fool.
This whole "affair" made him feel dirty. Dirty deep down to his soul. But
isn't that what he was? A dirty white boy from the wrong side of the tracks
who had always been used by rich and powerful men? His mind drifted to the
shadowy men who had plagued most of his career since college. They had
offered him quick advancement, intrigue and money. For a boy who had been
raised by a poor lower-class family in New York it was the chance of a
lifetime. Now he wasn't so sure their motives were pure. Life was getting
complicated.
He got out of the car and made his was to the hotel door then just stood
there and stared. He knew that if he used the key and went in he would lose
another piece of himself, a piece of his already damaged soul. What was
wrong with him? Was he such a bad person that he didn't deserve to be
loved, to be acknowledged in public or to be an equal partner at work?
Are you worried what your friends will see, Mulder? Will it ruin your
reputation if you get caught loving me? Fuck, not like you have much of a
reputation to protect in the first place. I guess adding faggot to your
spooky reputation was not on the schedule this week.
The Consortium had approached him about an assignment, an assignment that
would forever turn Mulder against him if he found out. They wanted that
redheaded bitch out of the way permanently and had given Alex the orders to
do it. He was to help her "disappear" and make it look like Mulder was to
blame. Alex knew what that would do to Mulder, how much it would hurt both
his cause and his heart. Sadly, at this moment he couldn't bring himself to
care.
It would be the end of any hope Alex had for a real relationship with
Mulder. Fuck, like he had that now. As he put the key in the door and
turned the lock he knew that he would accept the assignment, he would end
these games with Mulder and save his own soul.
Dirty White Boy
Hey, baby, if you're feelin' down
'Cause I'm a dirty white boy
Don't drive no big black car
I'm just a dirty white boy
Well, I'm a dirty white boy
I been in trouble since I don't know when
'Cause I'm a dirty white boy
C'mon, c'mon boy
Title taken from "Blonde and Blue" by the Headstones off the CD Nickels
for Your Nightmares.
Pulling Off His Wings
by Hammerhead
Startled out of a deep sleep, Alex Krycek reached out from under the warm
blankets to grab the ringing phone. "Krycek"
(Mike Jones/Lou Gramm)
I know what's good for you all day
Are you worried what your friends will see
Will it ruin your reputation lovin' me
A dirty white boy
A dirty white boy
Don't like no Hollywood movie star
You want me to be true to you
Don't give a damn what I do to you
Dirty white boy (3)
Dirty white boy (4)
I'm in trouble now and I now somehow I'll find trouble again
I'm a loner, but I'm never alone
Every night I get one step closer to the danger zone
Dirty white boy
I'm a dirty white boy
Dirty white boy
White boy
I'm a dirty white boy
Dirty white boy
Well, I'm a dirty white boy
I'm a dirty white boy
Dirty white boy
