Welcome to the Dollhouse
Krycek got up and stretched his aching back before
answering the call with a throatily growled, "Sasha's
spy school." He knew exactly what this tone of voice did
to his lovers, and the helpless groan from behind him
proved Krycek right.
Mulder, who had jumped down the stairs three at a time,
was standing at the bottom of the stairs and stared at
the younger man with glassy eyes, slightly panting,
obviously entertaining fantasies of bending his lover
across the next available surface. Krycek's smile turned
into a wicked grin. Which then faltered when he realized
the answering voice on the other end of the phone line
wasn't Skinner's.
"Uh, who? Jerry? Oh, Jerry! Hi! Fox, it's Jerry!"
They all loved Skinner's baby brother dearly, Jerry had
accepted not only the fact that "ol' Walt" was suddenly
gay but also living in a threesome relationship, all
without batting an eyelash. He was 39 going on 15, a
computer game programmer who was visiting DC due to a
one-day conference. They had all tried to meet but both
Krycek and Mulder were so busy, they knew they wouldn't
be able to make it.
Mulder smiled and gave a friendly wave when he heard who
was on the phone. Krycek grinned and solemnly reported,
"Hey, Jerry, Fox just made an obscene gesture and is
giving you a kissy face." Then he barely dodged the
pillow thrown his way. Mulder was never a good shot
anyway. "So, what are you doing with Walter's cell?"
"We're at the restaurant," Jerry reported. "He just went
to the little AD's room and I thought I'd give you a
call. My cell's running low so I had to use his."
Krycek chuckled. "Don't let him hear about your cell not
being in proper working order. He's a stickler for this
kinda thing."
Mulder chuckled while he packed the last of the props
for the school performance. The kids had voted for him
as parent volunteer—despite the fact he was neither a
parent nor volunteering initially—but he had readily
agreed, having enough time to help and enjoying working
with kids. Last but not least he grabbed his cell. He
knew all too well that Skinner liked to paddle the
importance of a working cell phone into his subs'
behinds if necessary. They had learned. Eventually.
"Yeah, well, I wasn't planning on telling him," Jerry
replied, grinning. "I'm sorry you guys can't make it.
I'm sure we would've had a lot of fun. Just us, having a
leisurely meal together..."
Krycek groaned. "Stop it already!" he whined. "Fox and I
really wanted to come but we can't, and you're only in
DC for a day and we couldn't just cancel our plans
and... Oh, just stop it!"
Jerry chuckled. "Hey, I'm not blaming you, I know it was
short notice. And anyway, we'll see each other next week
on Christmas, right?"
Krycek smiled happily. "Yeah, Christmas," he said
softly. The first time he had really celebrated
Christmas was the year before when his then new lover
Walter S. Skinner had dragged him and Mulder to Jerry's
house where the entire Skinner clan had met and had a
merry Christmastime. Both Krycek and Mulder had been
terrified by the mere thought but Skinner had insisted,
and soon they all had a funfilled day. Before, neither
Mulder nor Krycek had ever really celebrated Christmas
in style, not even as children, so decking the halls
with holly was a rather new experience for them.
The Skinner clan took turns hosting the Christmas get-
together, and this year it was Walter's turn. His
parents, Dorothy 'call me Dotty' and Jacob, his brother
Jerry and sister-in-law Gwen would drive up from
Pennsylvania for a day filled with food, presents, food,
Christmas cheer and food. Only Skinner's sister Susan
would stay with her Australian husband and the newborn
baby in Brisbane. Mulder couldn't wait to celebrate next
year's Christmas in Australia's summer heat when it was
Susan's turn to entertain the family.
Jerry's voice drew Krycek back to the present. "Anyway,
the reason I was calling is...well, I just wanted to
know if everything's okay."
Krycek frowned. "Uh, sure, yeah. Shouldn't it?" He
didn't even have a clue what the 'everything' was
exactly supposed to be.
"Well, I know Walt and I know he's a perfectionist... I
just thought he might drive you crazy with all the
preparations and stuff. He can be a pretty demanding
slave-driver."
Krycek spluttered at the mental image, thinking 'you
don't know the half of it, buddy!' They had been open
with Jerry and the rest of the family but they had
decided to keep their D/s relationship a secret. "No,
everything's fine. He's been planning that visit like a
grand field operation. We're even ahead of schedule."
They all chuckled at that.
"Decorations all up?"
Krycek looked around the living room and smiled at all
the Christmassy cheer. They hadn't bothered with that
the prior year, still being busy getting used to
themselves. Mulder and Krycek couldn't have cared less
about the holidays and Skinner hadn't wanted to bring it
up. But this year, he had dragged out tons of
decorations and had—with the help of his lovers—transformed the house into a winter wonderland. They had
to admit—they loved it.
"Yup, the tree is up, the stockings hang on the
mantelpiece, there are candles and lights and angels and
snowmen and Santas and gaily wrapped presents
everywhere. We even have the mistletoe!"
Jerry heard a muffled sound and concluded that Mulder
must have dragged his lover under said mistletoe for a
quick but deep kiss. He chuckled.
"That was Fox," Krycek reported a little breathlessly a
second later. "Sorry." He glared at his lover. "The same
Fox who's already ten minutes late," he added
meaningfully and glanced at the clock on the wall.
"I'm going, I'm going," Mulder muttered good-naturedly
before he raised his voice and yelled, "El, Daddy's
leaving!"
A second later, a fuzzy ball of black fur came shooting
down the hallway to say good-bye to one of his sub-
masters. Mulder knelt down and gave his beloved dog a
pat and a hug before grabbing his knapsack and turning
to the front door.
Krycek stared at the dog—the very same dog he had been
trying to find for the last thirty minutes — and
pleaded, "Fox, put the leash on him, please!"
Mulder, knowing how much trouble his lover had had,
getting the dog ready for their trip to the vet, just
smirked and gave a little wave. "Sorry, I'm already
gone," he chirped cheerily and closed the door firmly
behind him.
Krycek cursed under his breath and suddenly realized he
still had Jerry on the line. "God, I'm sorry, Jerry,
it's just that I've been trying to get Elvis ready for
his trip to the V-E-T and I couldn't find him, no matter
where I looked or how much I called, and all Fox has to
do is say good-bye and the stupid mutt comes running to
him." He glowered at the dog sitting only three feet
away from him. He knew Elvis would take off again before
he made half a step in the dog's direction. Elvis cocked
his head expectantly. Krycek could swear the dog was
laughing at him.
"The V-E-T? Oh, you mean the vet!" Jerry laughed out
loud.
"It's not funny. I swear to you, that dog understands
English. But at least he can't spell. Yet." Krycek gave
a cheery smile and crouched down. "Hey, El," he said in
a sing-song voice. "What do you think, we could go to
the park? Yes? Would you like that? A trip to the park?
Yes?" Elvis wagged his tail happily and gave an excited
bark. "Yes, you'd love that, wouldn't you?" Krycek
continued in the same tone of voice. "But you know the
rules, buddy, you gotta wear the leash when you want to
go to the park." Elvis yelped again and dashed off to
bring his beloved Alex the leash. Krycek grinned while
he fastened it on the dog's collar. "You are such a
silly little dog, aren't you, El?" he said cheerily.
"You believe everything I say, don't you? All I have to
do is use this voice and you're putty in my hands. But
never fear, we will go to the park. Right after we
visited the dear V-E-T." The dog seemed to be
unconcerned about that because all he did was pull on
the leash, obviously trying to get Krycek to move.
"You did so well, Alex," Jerry praised solemnly.
"You don't have to be so fucking condescending, buddy,
this is harder than it looks," Krycek replied, mock-
hurt. "Elvis needs his S-H-O-T-S from the V-E-T and I'll
make sure he gets them."
Jerry chuckled again. "Okay, okay, I won't stop ya. I
really only wanted to know if everything's prepared and
ready for the Skinner clan visit next week."
"Just about," Krycek replied, shouldering his way into
his jacket. Elvis, leash trailing on the floor, circled
his sub-master impatiently, finally wanting to get
outside and to the park. He really thought it was funny
that humans always had to don these fake fur things
during winter.
"Stockings up?"
Krycek frowned. Hadn't he just told Jerry they were? He
stared at the mantelpiece. "Yes, all four of them." He
smiled when he saw the ones for Mulder and himself:
Skinner's mother, half-blind and with a bad case of
gout, had crocheted them over the summer. The red one
with the green "Walter" embroidered at the top was
Skinner's original childhood stocking. The last one was
a wee bit tacky, Krycek thought, but Mulder had insisted
on the garishly colored stocking with a portrait of
Elvis for their dog.
"All four?" Jerry repeated, sounding excited. "Don't
tell me Walter actually did it!"
Krycek frowned. "Walter did what?" he asked, confused.
"We have four stockings up, for me, Fox, Walter and
Elvis."
"Oh." Jerry sounded disappointed. "I was hoping he'd
have the guts to-"
"To what?" Krycek asked, losing his patience. Jerry
seemed to know a secret about his lover that neither he
nor Mulder knew, and that just wouldn't do! "What?"
Jerry chuckled, knowing Krycek wasn't really mad at him.
"Well, see...back in the day, Walter used to hang up a
pair of pantyhose on the mantelpiece, stating he'd
really wish Santa would fill that up." There was a
second of silence, then Krycek burst out laughing out
loud. "Suffice it to say, the pantyhose remained utterly
empty every year. Talk about Santa checking his list
twice."
"What did your parents say?" Krycek was intrigued.
Skinner's folks were loving but old-fashioned, they were
simple coalminers and didn't strike him as open to that
kind of joke. Then again, they had accepted their oldest
son's gay relationship with two men. More or less.
"They thought it was funny. Made sure his normal
stocking was filled to bursting, just to emphasize the
emptiness of the pantyhose." Jerry chuckled. "My dad
always said he wouldn't mind Santa filling the pantyhose
either. Then Mom always decked him. In jest. I guess."
He chuckled again.
Krycek grinned. "But nothing ever happened?" He bent
down to pat Elvis who was starting to whine. Still, the
vet had to wait. This story was too good to miss.
"As far as filling the pantyhose goes, no. Walt got
married and stopped the joke. Actually, I think he still
hung up the pantyhose the first year with Sharon, out of
tradition, but she didn't think it was funny so he
stopped." Jerry mulled this over. "I'm sorry, I didn't
want to make you feel uncomfortable, I just thought you
guys would find this funny and not take offense. I mean,
I know Walt loves you and wouldn't really want to have
a woman..."
"Don't worry about it, Jerry, I think it's hilarious!
Gotta tell Fox! Maybe we'll get Walter to hang up that
pantyhose for old time's sake." They both chuckled.
"Oops, big man's coming back, gotta go," Jerry suddenly
said. "See you next week!"
Krycek, still grinning, stuffed the cell phone in his
jacket pocket and bent down to grab the leash. "Yeah,
yeah, stop whining, Elvis, we're now going to the vet,"
he mumbled, mental images of filled pantyhoses on the
mantelpiece distracting him.
Elvis heard the dreaded V-word and growled menacingly
once before he turned around and dashed off, leash
flying behind him, leaving a wildly cursing sub-master
behind.
On Christmas Eve, all three men were happily snuggled up
on the big white couch, enjoying the quiet time after
dinner, staring at the crackling flames in the
fireplace. Even Elvis had finally forgiven Krycek 'that
Vet thing' and regarded him as 'his beloved Alex' once
more, so he was curled up around the man's feet and took
a nap.
Mulder and Krycek exchanged a look, knowing they had to
talk to Skinner but hoping the other one would take the
first step. Finally, the big man had enough and gruffly
said, "You guys are up to something, so just spit it out
already. I'm too stuffed to spank it out of you."
They knew it was an empty threat anyway and everyone
chuckled.
"Well, Walter, I don't know how to tell you this but..."
Krycek turned huge innocent green eyes up, knowing them
to be a lethal weapon. He was right. Skinner melted
visibly and couldn't help but bent down to deposit an
encouraging kiss on the broad forehead.
"Tell me what, Alex?"
"I'll tell you if you kiss me!" Mulder piped up, pursing
his lips exaggeratedly and making smooching noises.
Skinner chuckled and rolled his eyes, then dropped a
kiss to the tip of the large nose. "And now spill it,
boys," he growled mock-stern. Elvis gave an answering
growl in his sleep.
After another long moment and a final shared look with
Mulder, Krycek bravely nodded in the direction of the
fireplace. "I think there's something missing there," he
stated.
Skinner was immediately alarmed. Missing? There couldn't
be anything missing! They had used every single piece of
decoration they had! He wanted the house to be perfect
for his family the next day! "What's missing?"
"Well, don't you see? Look closely, Walter. There, on
the mantelpiece," Mulder explained helpfully.
No matter how hard he looked, Skinner couldn't detect
anything wrong. The blank expression on his face
intensified.
"Well, is that stocking all you want Santa to fill for
you?" Krycek finally asked.
After a long moment, the penny finally dropped. "Oh, I
am so going to kill that babbling weasel of a bastard
baby brother," Skinner growled, burying his head in his
hands. "I can't believe he told you this."
"Hey, come on, Walter, we think it's great!" Mulder
exclaimed, slightly shocked by Skinner's reaction. "In
fact, we were a little disappointed that you hadn't
told us already. We think it's funny."
"Yeah, and we think you should hang up that pantyhose. I
mean, you're always talking about traditions and
such..."
"This isn't a tradition anymore, boys, I haven't done
this in over 15 years so it couldn't possibly still be a
tradition. And besides, I have everything I could
possibly want, so why would I want to hang up a silly
pantyhose?" He squeezed the two younger man meaningfully
and was rewarded by twin high wattage smiles.
"Tell you what," Krycek offered. "Next year you can hang
up a pair of tights and see if Santa doesn't fill that
one for you." He waggled his eyebrows meaningfully.
"Yeah, or two pairs! Then you'd come downstairs early in
the morning and find two attractive young men stuck in
those tights but otherwise naked," Mulder whispered
throatily, his eyes sparkling. "We could play Robin
Hood."
"Oh yeah," Krycek enthused, climbing on Skinner's lap.
"I could be Robin and you'd be the evil Sheriff of
Nottingham trying to make me tell you where I hid the
beautiful Maid Marian of Foxley." He shot a grin at
Mulder who protested loudly. Krycek ignored him and
began to nibble on Skinner's throat instead. "You would
torture me slowly and exquisitely, stretching my bound
body, using feathers and paddles..."
Skinner groaned helplessly and felt his dick harden. He
really liked that idea. Tights most definitely were an
option!
"Why can't I be Robin Hood?" Mulder whined.
"Because I look better in green," Krycek deadpanned.
"And anyway, the way you bitch sometimes, you must have
major PMS so you're destined to be a woman. Don't deny
it, Fox, you have a feminine side a mile wide."
Mulder scowled and pouted a little but then saw the
perfect opportunity to bring the conversation back where
it belonged. "Speaking of females, Walter still has to
hang up the pantyhose." He grinned, pretty proud of
himself for the way he had handled the situation.
Skinner's erection withered away. "I don't want a
pantyhose because I don't want a woman," he wheedled. "I
don't want you guys to think I'm hoping for something
other than-"
"Nonsense, Walter, we know it's just for fun. But I'm
sure your family will expect that pantyhose on the
mantelpiece, and Fox and I sure do!"
"Sorry, I don't have one handy right now," Skinner
countered.
"Never fear, Fox is near!" Mulder exclaimed and produced
a brand new pair of pantyhose out of nowhere. "Alex and
I bought this a couple of days ago when we did the
grocery shopping. Always be prepared, is my motto."
The older man realized he was quickly losing. Staring at
the pantyhose in his hands, he couldn't help but smile
fondly. It was obvious that he was indulging in
nostalgic memories. "Did Jerry also tell you how all of
this started?" he asked, fingering the pantyhose.
The younger men shook their heads silently, realizing
they would be treated to a precious family story.
Skinner smiled and gathered his lovers into his arms,
cuddling them.
"I must have been 15 or 16 tops," he began, lost in
memory. "I was a pretty shy guy back then, didn't have
much luck with girls. I had a crush on a girl in my
class but it was a hopeless case. I think her name was
Marcia or Marsha or something. Anyway, I must've been
pining away so badly that Jerry, around five years old
back then, solemnly suggested I'd hang up a pantyhose so
that Santa would fill it with the girl. Everyone had a
good laugh but Jerry was serious, so I hung up the
pantyhose to indulge him. We all knew nothing would
happen, of course, and we all hoped Jerry wouldn't be
utterly disappointed when he'd see the pantyhose wasn't
filled, but instead of blaming Santa he merely turned
around and informed me that I had obviously not been
good enough the past year."
Everyone laughed at that.
"Well, and somehow, I just hung up that pantyhose ever
since. It became a running gag. Nobody cared that little
Jerry soon afterwards stopped believing in Santa. He
still believed in me not deserving a buxom blonde
though, apparently."
The men laughed again.
"Well, come on then, big guy, hang up that pantyhose for
Jerry's sake, huh? He'll be thoroughly disappointed if
he can't tease you tomorrow," Mulder wheedled.
"Yeah, show him you've been too naughty again this year,
Walter," Krycek chimed in, sending a smoldering look in
his lover's direction. "And we all know you've been
naughty, very naughty indeed," he added, growling in his
sexiest voice.
Skinner, images of several very explicit and funfilled
scenes with his lovers shooting through his mind, stood
up and deftly attached the pantyhose to the mantelpiece
with a flourish. His lovers applauded.
"Cool," Mulder enthused, sounding like a five-year-old.
"And now I think we should all go upstairs and make sure
the naughtiness factor is increased by at least ten
points!" Said it, jumped up from the couch and sauntered
over to the stairs in such a provocative, hip-swaying
way that he was tackled from behind before he had
reached the first landing.
Mulder and Krycek had made sure that Skinner was worn
out and wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night when
they crawled out of the bed. True to their plan, they
snuck downstairs, giggling like schoolboys, and pulled
the inflatable doll out of her hiding place. They had
gone to the sex shop a few days prior, discussing for
hours whether to buy Lustful Lucy or Sexy Sandy. Mulder
didn't know whether to be stunned, delighted or outraged
when he found a Dashing Dana doll while Krycek partly
had a thing for Amazing Anastacia. They finally settled
on Fiery Fiona. They didn't really know what was so
fiery about her, she looked a little plain — "pathetic"
Mulder called it—but she was on sale and it was
supposed to be a gag gift anyway.
So, pumping up Fiona in the garage—to make sure
Skinner didn't hear anything—they then went into the
living room to stuff her into the pantyhose. Mulder
couldn't suppress the surprised gasp when he saw that
Santa had already visited because the stockings were all
filled to bursting.
"How the hell did he do that?" Krycek whispered. They
had thought Skinner was out for the count; instead, the
big man had apparently gone downstairs to fill the
stockings without the younger men waking up.
"Talk about stamina," Mulder muttered. "That man is
good." He smirked. "That's why Santa will finally fill
his pantyhose, right?" He and Krycek snickered and then
proceeded to stuff Fiona's legs and butt in the waiting
pantyhose.
After a long look with critical eyes, Krycek nodded to
himself. "Looks good to me," he announced. "What do you
think?"
Mulder grinned. "I think," he replied thoughtfully.
"That Walter will have a laughing fit and will then
proceed to spank us for being naughty."
Krycek's grin broadened. "Well, let's hope!"
Shushing each other on the stairs, they made their way
back to the huge bed and their peacefully sleeping
lover.
Once a Marine, always a Marine.
Skinner woke up at oh-six-hundred, just like every
morning. He groaned, still tender in places, and then
smiled happily when he realized it was Christmas. He
looked down at Mulder's head, safely nestled on his
broad chest, and his smile widened. Mulder was a cuddler
in bed, he usually draped himself over the big man.
Krycek, on the other hand, didn't like to be cuddled, he
needed space. So it was no big surprise that he had his
back turned to his lovers, hugging the edge of the bed.
Still, he did always need some kind of connection to
the big man, and Skinner smiled a little ruefully when
he discovered which way of connection Krycek had chosen
in his sleep this time: placing his right foot against
Skinner's shin.
His ice cold foot.
The big man grimaced and shook his head. Krycek's body
always felt feverish, that man was hot in every sense of
the word. Why in hell did that man still always have
cold feet?
Skinner decided it had to be an X File and left it at
that.
Slowly pushing himself up and resting his back against
the wall, he decided to indulge in some lover-watching.
It was one of his favorite pastimes, just watching the
younger men sleep.
Mulder's head was now nestled safely on Skinner's
abdomen, and his hot breath was just shy of stimulating
the big man's morning erection.
Skinner let his right hand slowly travel up and down
Krycek's smooth back, gently combed the ruffled sable
hair with his fingers. He had to be careful with this
one, Skinner knew, because Krycek tended to strike out
and ask questions later when startled, but he also knew
just how to handle his dangerous sleek panther. The way
Krycek's body unconsciously stretched and shifted closer
in his sleep, proved Skinner right.
He let his left hand curl around Mulder's stubbly cheek,
caressing the face and then tenderly stroking the soft
underside of the chin, the way he tickled Elvis
occasionally. He had found out quite by accident that he
could pet Krycek like a cat—sensuously, worshippingly—and Mulder like a puppy—playful and a bit rougher—
and both subs were putty in his hands.
Enjoying the sight and feel of his lovers for a few more
minutes, Skinner thanked whoever deity had smiled upon
him the day he had found his true happiness. Then he
realized that the big cat on his right was beginning to
stir.
Krycek slowly turned around on his back and looked up at
Skinner with sleepy green eyes. A lazy smile broke out
on his face, and he turned into the caressing hand
cupping his cheek.
"Good morning," Skinner whispered, not wanting to wake
his other sub.
"Morning," Krycek replied with a voice still husky from
sleep. It did wonders to the big man's dick. From the
way the lazy smile turned into a slightly wicked grin,
Krycek seemed to be well aware of that particular fact.
"Merry Christmas," came a soft comment from somewhere
close to Skinner's groin, and the big man looked,
startled, at the back of Mulder's head.
"You've been awake all along and didn't tell me? I
would've stopped petting you," he exclaimed.
The answering snort from Mulder made it clear that
this was the reason he had pretended in the first
place. "I'm not talking to you," Mulder muttered. "I'm
talking to him." And he poked Skinner's erection with
one long finger. "Hiya there, my little friend. You seem
to be in a very good mood this morning, up all early."
He breathed a little harsher and was satisfied when he
heard Skinner's helpless groan in response to the hot
puffs of air on his dick.
Krycek chuckled and wiggled a little lower to give
Mulder a quick morning kiss. They shared a grin, hardly
able to wait and find out what their lover would say
about Santa's Special Stocking Stuffer, and then decided
wordlessly that a happy Dom was one less likely to spank
naughty subs. So, after another kiss, Mulder dove under
the covers to get better acquainted with Skinner's dick
while Krycek proceeded to thoroughly lick the big man's
tonsils clean.
An embarrassingly short time later, Skinner lay, utterly
boneless and totally satisfied, in the middle of their
huge bed and tightly hugged his lovers as thank you.
"You guys will be the death of me yet," he announced.
"But what a way to go." They all chuckled, and Skinner
squeezed the younger men's erections teasingly. "Tell
you what! That little performance of yours just bought
you a Skinner Special breakfast!"
Both younger men whooped with joy. "Really?" Mulder
enthused. "Including apple pancakes and blueberry
muffins?"
"Yes," Skinner replied solemnly. "And after a leisurly
breakfast, we'll all come back upstairs and share a long
soak in the hot tub before we have to get ready for the
rest of the Skinner clan. What do you think?"
Krycek nodded enthusiastically and began to push Skinner
out of the bed. "Well, at 'em then," he ordered. "Wanna
have my Skinner Special!"
The big man give him a leery wink over his shoulder
while he put on his sweatpants.
"Not that kind of Skinner Special, Walter! God, you're
insatiable. I'm hungry!"
Skinner's leery grin was the only answer. Krycek rolled
his eyes.
"For food! I'm hungry for food! Jesus. And stop
laughing so hysterically, Fox."
Mulder was rolling on the bed, laughing so hard tears
were running down his face. "Maybe we could eat the
Skinner Special on Walter," he suggested.
Skinner grinned. "Good idea. Maybe some other time
though. I don't think my parents would appreciate it if
they found us playing with our food." A knowing wink,
and he left the bedroom, followed by Elvis who was happy
that finally someone was going to let him go outside.
Humans!
"You know, Elvis, I'm sure your two other masters will
come rushing down the stairs as soon as I'm in the
kitchen," Skinner told the dog. "They'd normally take
care of their woodies first but somehow I have a feeling
they're too excited about Christmas and what Santa
brought them." He gestured towards the darkened living
room on his way to the kitchen. "I can't wait to see
their faces light up with joy. I'm glad we're all here,
celebrating together."
Skinner opened the back door for Elvis and was surprised
to find the dog hadn't followed him. Shrugging mentally,
he decided to leave the door open just a bit so Elvis
could run into the garden whenever he was ready, and
started to prepare breakfast.
Elvis, in the meantime, decided something was wrong. He
had watched his master-master and then his two sub-
masters sneak out of their bedroom in the middle of the
night and then return with a Cheshire grin on their
faces. He had wanted to come along and protect the men
from whatever nasty evil things could happen, but they
all forced him to stay inside the bedroom.
He wasn't a stupid dog. He knew something was up.
So Elvis bravely walked into the living room and sniffed
about. He still got confused by all the lights and
strange decorations his masters had set up but he knew
they weren't dangerous. Well, except for that weird
Santa figure that would start to sway its hips and break
into a song whenever someone walked by. He still didn't
trust that fella!
His beloved Alex had deftly set the jolly figure on the
top shelf, way out of reach of every person and every
dog, after Elvis had spent an entire afternoon racing
back and forth in front of that Santa, trying to tire
him out. At the end of the day, Santa was still caroling
while an exhausted Elvis had to be carried to bed.
No, he really didn't like that fella.
But something new was wrong, he just knew it! Slowly,
all senses alert, Elvis snuck into the dark living room
and crawled around until he found the something that was
bothering him. A human that looked and smelled
strangely, and didn't in the least bit seem to be
intimidated by his barking.
His loud, penetrating, eardrum-piercing barking.
Skinner almost dropped the skillet when he suddenly
heard Elvis break out in a barking session. Thinking
something must be wrong, he raced to the living room,
which was only illuminated by the lights from the
Christmas tree, and tried to make out in the semi-
darkness where Elvis might be.
He saw the slight figure in front of the fireplace,
jumping up and down and apparently trying to impress
someone or something. Knowing the darned Singin' Santa
was well out of reach, it had to be something else.
And then he saw a figure lurking next to the fireplace.
Mentally cursing, he made a grab for his hip—and
realized he wasn't carrying his gun. Quickly trying to
come up with a new weapon, he hit the light switch and
bathed the room in glaring white.
It took Skinner a second to realize what he was seeing,
and then he burst out laughing.
Holding his sides and wiping away tears of mirth, he
made his way over to Elvis and tried to calm him down.
"Elvis, it's okay, buddy. Stop it. This is, um, this
is..." Skinner cleared his throat and desperately tried
to make his voice serious enough for the dog to believe
him. "This is friend," he enunciated carefully,
knowing the well-trained dog would respond to the
command.
Elvis stopped barking immediately but cocked his head,
obviously in doubt. His master-master didn't really seem
to be too serious about all this, he was still
chuckling, and Elvis knew the strange noise humans made
when they 'chuckled' usually also meant they were either
making or having fun. So, maybe the whole 'friend' thing
wasn't true after all.
The dog gave an experimental growl in the direction of
that strange human in front of him, but his master-
master immediately scolded him. "No, Elvis. This is
friend." Elvis still doubted that but obediently sat
down and held up one paw in greeting, giving a friendly
bark to say 'hello.' "Good boy," his master-master
praised him, and Elvis wagged his tail happily. He
really liked praise, and he gave another friendly bark
when the big man bent down to scratch him behind the
ears as a reward.
Skinner, still chuckling, suddenly felt a new presence
in the room and looked over his shoulder. His two subs
were standing in the doorway, desperately trying—and
failing—to keep broad grins off their faces and look
innocent at the same time.
"You," he thundered, pointing a stern finger at the
younger men. "Come here!" And he pointed at the floor
directly in front of him.
Mulder and Krycek exchanged a worried glance, suddenly
not sure whether Skinner was really mad or not. They
swallowed nervously and slowly made their way over to
the big man.
"Look what Santa brought you," Mulder said with an
angelic smile. "Wow, who'd've thought, huh?"
"Shut up, Fox," Krycek whispered out of the corner of
his mouth, concerned that his lover was only making it
worse.
They came to a halt in front of Skinner and looked down
to the floor, like two contrite little schoolboys.
"Yes, let's look at what Santa brought me," the big man
said ominously, doing just that. He had a hard time
keeping a straight face while he looked at the rubber
doll that was invitingly stretching her arms out, the
blonde wig a little askew on her head, the mouth open in
a wide and inviting 'O'. "So, who's the lady? Alex?
Fox?" He raised an inquiring eyebrow.
The younger men felt like rookie agents during a
dressing-down from old Stone-Face Skinner. They
squirmed. Visibly.
"Um, this is...her name is Fiery Fiona," Mulder finally
mumbled.
When silence was the only answer, Krycek bravely looked
up through long eyelashes and ventured, "Merry
Christmas?"
Skinner crossed his arms over his broad chest. "Merry
Christmas indeed," he growled, sending a stern glare at
his lovers. When he saw that they were thoroughly
chastised, he broke out into a huge grin. Since their
eyes were still firmly on the floor, the younger men
didn't see it and jumped when they felt Skinner's arms
wrap around them in a bear hug. "You boys will be the
death of me yet! Fiery Fiona! Jerry will have a coronary
when he sees her! Did he put you up to this?"
Relieved that Skinner wasn't mad, Mulder grinned. "Nope,
he just told us about the pantyhose. Alex and I came up
with the idea of filling it," he reported proudly.
"What smart lovers I have," the big man announced to
nobody in particular. Then he steered the younger men
towards the kitchen, arms around their shoulders. "I'm
sure you'll be able to figure out a place to sleep then,
I guess."
Krycek exchanged a confused look with Mulder. "Uh, what
do you mean, Walter?"
"Well, pardon me for being blunt, gentlemen," Skinner
deadpanned. "But Fiona and I would like to have a little
privacy tonight."
Patting their behinds just a tad too hard to be
considered erotic, Skinner gave them both a wink and
went to cook the best breakfast they had ever had.
Breakfast was great, the soak in the hot tub even
better.
The men were happy and sated when they made their way
downstairs to the kitchen to prepare the food, chatting
and teasing, feeding each other tasty morsels and
exchanging caresses and kisses.
Afterwards, they exchanged their private gifts, deciding
the rest of the family didn't necessarily have to see
chocolate flavored lube, an alien-headed dildo or that
wonderful suede flogger Krycek had been begging for.
Extremely happy with themselves, the men settled down to
watch The Grinch on DVD, drinking hot cocoa with
marshmallows and nibbling on cookies.
Skinner couldn't suppress the occasional chuckle
whenever his eyes drifted to the roaring flames in the
fireplace and he saw Fiona hanging on the side of the
mantelpiece, now wearing a velvety red Santa hat, thanks
to Mulder. He shook his head and couldn't wait to see
his baby brother's look of total astonishment.
Soon enough, they heard a car pull up outside.
"Yay, more presents!" Mulder yelled happily and jumped
up to greet their visitors. Krycek chuckled and rolled
his eyes at the juvenile way his lover acted, then made
a quick dash to the entryway as well, wanting to be the
first one to give Dotty a loving hug. That woman had
stolen his heart away, accepting him as a surrogate son.
Among hugs and kisses and cheery greetings, the hosts
and visitors welcomed each other. Skinner squeezed his
brother lovingly—or so it looked on the outside—and
whispered in his ear, "You are a dead man, Jerry." But
before he could explain the threat to his dumbfounded
brother, Dotty dragged him to the kitchen, wanting to
make sure the food was truly edible.
"What was that all about?" Jerry asked, confused.
Mulder opened his mouth to reply but was dragged outside
by Gwen who wanted help bringing in the presents. Krycek
grinned broadly. "May I introduce you to Fiery Fiona?"
he asked, leading the way into the living room.
Elvis, on the verge of a nervous breakdown due to the
total excitement of all the visitors, increased his
hysterical barking when he saw the strange human at the
fireplace again. No matter how many times his masters
told him this was a 'friend', he still knew something
was wrong here. When he watched Jerry walk up to the
strange human and then burst out in a belly laugh, he
was convinced something was wrong. He barked even
more.
"She's willing, she's wanting, she's waiting," Krycek
quoted what had been written on the box. He shared a
grin with Jerry.
"I can't believe you did that," the young Skinner
enthused, wiping tears of laughter off his face. "This
is incredible." Then he remembered his brother's threat.
"Hey, I hope you didn't say this was my idea?!"
"Um, no. Fox was too proud of the fact that he found
Fiona, he wouldn't let anyone else take credit for it,"
Krycek replied laughing. Then he finally snapped and
grabbed Elvis by the collar, dragging him away from the
fireplace and over to the couch, trying to calm him
down. The barking was really starting to get on
everyone's nerves.
Jerry, in the meantime, stared contemplatingly at the
rubber doll. Walter really is a good sport, he thought
to himself. I can't believe he's brave enough to leave
her out like that.
Then he felt a presence near him and he turned around to
see his father standing a couple of feet away. Jacob was
leaning heavily on his walking cane, the cold weather
making his rheumatism even worse. The old man was nearly
blind, having only ten percent of his eyesight left. He
squinted behind the thick glasses. "Who's that, Jerry?"
he whispered with a nod in the doll's direction.
"Um, that's Fiona, Dad."
Jacob hmm-hmmed knowingly and took a shuffling step
closer. "And who is she?" he asked again, sending a
friendly smile her way.
"Oh, she's, uh...she's Walter's friend," Jerry replied,
grinning inwardly. "But she's very shy, that's why she's
all the way over here, near the fireplace. I don't think
she really likes strangers. They make her nervous."
"I see," Jacob nodded. "Well, we ain't strangers, we're
family. And we're friendly folk, that's what we are!" He
shuffled even closer and made a small bow, introducing
himself to the doll.
Jerry was about to inform his father exactly what
Fiona was when his wife came bursting into the room,
followed by Mulder, both laden with gaily wrapped gifts.
"Jerry, I want you and Alex to come and help me bring in
the rest," she ordered resolutely. "It's bad enough our
hosts have to help me but it's even worse that you are
too lazy to do your share."
Mulder and Krycek shared a knowing look. It sure was
obvious who was wearing the pants in that marriage, they
thought grinning.
Gwen took one look at Fiona and burst out laughing. She
had heard all about the pantyhose tradition when she had
first gotten together with Jerry. She had liked Sharon
but could never understand why Walter would have chosen
a woman with no sense of humor. So she was glad to see
Walter's new lovers had encouraged him to restart the
tradition...and reward him for it, or so it seemed.
"Men," she muttered good-naturedly and gave each of her
three helpers a kiss. "You are like children. Always
wanting some new toy to play with."
"Oh, Walter has enough toys to play with," Mulder
replied while they pulled the last of the presents out
of the station wagon. "But they're too naughty to
display." He gave a leery grin, causing Krycek to blush
guiltily when he thought of his new suede flogger, and
Jerry and Gwen to laugh out loud.
They laughed even louder when they went back inside and
realized Jacob was now all-out flirting with Fiona and
refused to listen to the explanations why she wasn't
replying.
Fiona was just very shy, and that was it.
Dinner was delicious, and they stuffed themselves like
Christmas turkeys. The family tried to catch each
another up on everything important and not so important,
talked about sports, the weather and everything in
between, complimented the hosts on the decorations and
the food. Mulder entertained everyone with an intriguing
monologue on the different ways Christmas was celebrated
all over the world and ended up telling them about the
nativity play he had volunteered for in the local
elementary school.
"So, Brian, the boy playing Joseph, was late again and
finally Miss Tanner snapped and told him he would have
to switch roles. Brian was furious and came running to
me, bawling his eyes out. But I told him that Miss
Tanner was right, we couldn't risk the play to start
with him always late, and it wouldn't be so bad, now
that he was playing the innkeeper since that role came
later in the play, right? Besides, poor Brian just
couldn't remember his lines. Never. It was sad, really,
all the other kids knew his part after a while, only he
didn't."
Mulder shook his head and popped another bit of sweet
potato in his mouth.
"So anyway, Brian's now the innkeeper and Taylor, the
former innkeeper, now plays Joseph. It was a better
choice, to be honest, and the play seemed to be going
well. Of course, Brian wasn't too thrilled with the way
things were going and he threatened to not show up at
all. We all thought it was just him having a temper
tantrum. Until...well, until..."
Mulder shook his head again and Krycek giggled. All
three men had been there, watching the play. The
neighborhood kids loved them and had begged them to come
and see them. They couldn't say no and had thoroughly
enjoyed the play. Especially the bit with Brian, or so
it seemed from the way Krycek kept hiding behind his
napkin to stop the fit of giggles.
"Well, you must know that Brian is sweet on the girl
playing Mary so he was all distraught when Miss Tanner
switched him and Taylor. Apparently, Taylor is a direct
rival for the girl's affection." Mulder stared into the
distance for a second. "They really start young, don't
they?" he mused out loud, then shook himself and went
back to the story at hand. "So anyway, it's the big
night, and we all think Brian's finally okay with his
role as innkeeper. I kept telling him it's the small
roles that are important, and I thought he'd believe me.
He was all cheery and gave thumbs-up, so we started the
play, Miss Tanner and I crouching behind the scenes in
case one of the kids got stuck with their text. Which,
I'm happy to report, didn't happen. At least not with
the official text."
That comment caused Krycek to burst out into another fit
of giggles. It was strange for Skinner and Mulder,
watching him giggle like a school girl, it was so
uncharacteristic for their tough-assed lover, but they
loved the sound of it anyway and vowed to do everything
to make him giggle some more.
"Anyway," Mulder picked up after the worst of the
giggling was over. "Mary and Joseph walk up to the
innkeeper, asking if there was room for them to spend
the night. Miss Tanner and I are already congratulating
ourselves backstage, thinking we've made everything
right, when we hear little Brian say loud and clear,
'Mary, of course I have room for you, but Joseph, you
can just go piss off and die.'"
Krycek's giggling turned into a hysterical laughing fit
as he remembered that particular scene. He knew right
then and there that he really liked that Brian kid.
The Skinners gaped at Mulder for a long moment, then
burst out laughing as well.
"No way," Gwen wheezed after a few seconds. "He really
said that?"
"Actually, he used the F-word," Skinner replied. "It's
shocking, hearing that from an eight-year-old."
"What happened then?" Jerry asked, still chuckling.
"Well, the audience was shocked into silence," Mulder
explained. "Except for Alex who was laughing his ass
off." He glowered in the direction of his lover, then
realized what he had said. "Oh, I'm sorry, Dotty, I
meant his bottom."
"That's quite all right, dear. Alex has a very cute ass.
It'd be a shame if he laughed it off, though."
Krycek blushed a fiery red and ducked his head while the
others laughed.
"Anyway, Miss Tanner and I were stunned speechless and
had no idea what to do. But Susan, the girl who played
Mary, matter-of-factly informed Brian, the innkeeper,
that she would stay with her Joseph. She thanked him
kindly and left the stage, Joseph on her arm, looking
for another place to stay."
"Susan was brilliant. She saved the whole play," Skinner
commented.
"Yeah, and backstage she kissed Brian long and hard,
thinking the way he fought for her in front of an
audience was very heroic and romantic. They're a couple
now." Mulder shook his head again. "Jeez, they're both
eight! And going steady! All I was interested in when I
was eight were matchbox cars and baseball."
That comment started a discussion on what their favorite
toys had been during childhood—including some
innocently asked one-liners about Skinner having had a
dinosaur as pet when he was a kid—which all ended when
there was a strange hissing noise coming from the living
room.
"What the hell was that?" Krycek muttered, body
immediately tensing, obviously poised for a fight, or at
least to defend his family, while the others just looked
puzzled.
They turned around to look into the living room and saw
Elvis, howling madly and diving under the coffee table
in obvious terror, while Fiona, having lost enough air
to flop out of the pantyhose, shot through the air and
circled the room twice before landing in a sad heap on
the floor. The blonde wig hung in the Christmas tree
while the Santa hat was now lying right in front of
Elvis who attacked it with gusto, deciding it was safe
to wrestle that enemy into submission.
Jacob, in a stunning show of agility, threw his walking
cane away and ran over to the deflated Fiona to give her
mouth-to-mouth, yelling for an ambulance in between
breaths. Dotty didn't find that even remotely amusing
and threatened to go outside and wait in the car. Only
Krycek was able to calm her down by charming her into
trying a piece of the mince pie he had made especially
for her.
Skinner, giving his brother and Mulder a murderous look,
walked over to his father and tried to tell him that he
couldn't possibly do anything for poor Fiona. Jacob
didn't want to listen though, he kept trying his best
until he finally had to admit that his hip was killing
him, crouching on the floor like that. Skinner helped
the older man up and walked him back to the dining room
table where he ordered Mulder to finally stop laughing
like a maniac and take care of the frightened Elvis
instead. Then he deftly grabbed Fiona and carried her
into the garage.
The rest of the evening was uneventful. Stuffed to
bursting, the guests promised to take home leftovers.
They all drank eggnog and hot cocoa and Jacob had a
healthy swig of brandy, "for my joints, Walter, only for
my joints, you know." Skinner didn't have the heart to
tell his father he knew exactly why he wanted the
brandy.
They exchanged gifts and watched the snow dancing
through the air outside. Elvis, finally calmed down, was
now proudly wearing Fiona's Santa hat and collected pats
and belly rubs from everyone in the room.
Life was good, and nobody mentioned the Fiona
incident...until the guests were leaving and Jacob
conspiratorially leaned in close to Mulder to whisper,
"Tell the nice lady I'll call her when I get a chance.
Hope she'll feel better soon. That sure was one heck of
a nosedive she took back there."
Mulder solemnly promised to deliver the message and
waved good-bye, watching the Skinner family slowly drive
down the street.
Back inside, he immediately turned towards the
connecting door to the garage. "I have a message to
deliver," he announced and gave Skinner a wink. "Your
father is a dog, Walter," he said with a grin.
Skinner shook his head and joined his lovers in the
garage. They inspected Fiona closely and soon found the
reason for her timely demise: apparently, a hot amber
from the fireplace had hit her left leg, causing a small
hole. It was easily and quickly repaired with some duct
tape, and Skinner himself did the honor of pumping Fiona
up to her full buxom self.
"You two are naughty boys," he mock-scolded his subs who
looked none too contrite. "Causing my poor dad to lose
his heart to a young woman like that. A woman he can't
have because she's mine!" he added dramatically.
Mulder and Krycek grinned. It had been funny, the way
Jacob had reacted to Fiona. The man was still sharp as a
knife and had a cutting sense of humor, but his eyesight
was so poor, he could hardly recognize his own hands
anymore.
"I hope Dotty's not too angry with him," Mulder
commented while they went back inside the house.
"Oh, don't worry about that. I gave her another mince
pie, just for herself. She's in heaven right now,"
Krycek replied, grinning.
"You gave away the last mince pie? I only ate one piece,
and you gave away the entire last pie?" Mulder sulked.
"I'll make it up to you, Fox, I promise," Krycek
whispered throatily while he opened the back door for
Elvis. The dog gave a friendly bark of thanks and raced
into the garden.
"Would you boys please lock up and set the alarm?"
Skinner asked without waiting for a reply, and vanished
upstairs.
Mulder and Krycek did as told, made sure Elvis had
enough to drink in the kitchen and then went upstairs as
well, undressing on the way.
When they entered the bedroom, they were greeted by the
sight of their lover—with Fiona next to him in the
huge bed. They scowled.
"Hey, I told you boys that Fiona and I would like to
have some privacy tonight," Skinner said with an
innocent smile.
"Well, Fiona can go up in flames for all I care," Mulder
muttered, sulking.
"Yeah! Or blow up," Krycek added, pouting.
Skinner pretended to think things over long and hard.
Finally, he offered, "Well, I'm feeling very generous
tonight. You could try and earn the privilege to share
the bed with me instead of Fiona. But I'm warning you, I
have high standards!" He grinned when he saw the delight
on his lovers' faces. They loved a challenge. And they
knew exactly how to turn Skinner into a boneless heap of
sated jello.
Which was what they proceeded to do.
Twice.
Elvis received a belated Christmas gift the next
morning: a huge inflatable chew toy in human form.
Sub-Urban Legends V
by Gaby
The cellphone rang while Krycek was crawling around on
the floor, desperately looking for his dog. Scowling, he
fumbled for the phone and muttered, "I don't have time
for this shit." Then he saw the caller ID stating it was
"Walter's cell" and a big smile broke out on his face.
He always had time for his lovers!
