"What is it?" he asked, absently, not even looking up from the book
he was reading. When I didn't say anything, he raised his eyes to me as
if to say 'Well, what now?'
I couldn't look into those smoky, green pools without losing my nerve.
The way he fixed his gaze on me made me want to cry with frustration and
promise myself I would never tell him. I knew I couldn't do that though.
He needed to hear this. I didn't care if I shouldn't feel this way about
him.
"I was... I wanted to tell you..."
The phone rang. It was probably him . I answered it.
"Hello?"
"Hey, hon." Shit. "Is Alex there?" I had grown to hate the sound of
that voice. All it did was remind me of what I could never have.
I didn't say anything, just handed the phone to Alex.
"Hello?" He smiled when he realized who it was. I wanted to tear the
phone out of his hand and crush it under my boot.
"Just reading a book. Nothing important." I flinched when he said 'nothing.'
I knew that's the way he saw me. Nothing. Not even worthy enough to be
acknowledged.
"Sure, that sounds great... Okay... Yeah... Yeah. Me too. Bye."
He turned off the phone and looked at me, smiling. The anger I had just
been feeling slid away leaving only the empty longing I felt everytime
I looked at him.
"Big plans for tonight?" I asked, forcing myself to sound anything other
than devastated.
"Yeah. He's going to pick me up in about an hour and he's taking me
to that new blues club on Montero. I think it's called 'The Jazz Joint."
"It's 'The Gin Joint'." He looked at me. "The name of the club is 'The
Gin Joint', not 'The Jazz Joint'."
"Whatever. He's taking me there. I need to get ready."
I knew that if I didn't tell him tonight I'd lose him forever. I don't
know why but something in my gut was screaming that tonight was my last
chance to make him see. To make him know that I loved him and I didn't
want him to leave me to be with him .
I knocked on his bedroom door and entered before I got a reply. I had
caught him undressing to take a shower. He was standing there wearing nothing
but a shocked expression on his face. I couldn't stop staring at his perfect
form. The smooth, almost hairless chest, the rosy nipples that I'd dreamt
about kissing and biting. My eyes moved downward. His long, straight cock
seemed to jump under my gaze. I knew it wasn't me. It was probably just
the surprise of being caught naked.
"What do you want?" he asked, making no move to cover himself. His voice
was low and almost feral. I imagined that anticipating being with his lover
was creating a need in him that was struggling to be restrained.
"Alex, I'm... sorry." Why the fuck had I apologized to him? He looked
at me as if he expected me to turn around and close the door behind me.
I did turn around, but instead of leaving his bedroom, I closed the door.
I rested my burning forehead against the cool wood and closed my eyes,
praying for the strength I needed to do this.
"What's wrong with you tonight?" His tone was edged with anger. I knew
that he was reaching his boiling point. It never took much to push him
over the edge and I loved him when he was furious and vicious and uncontrollable.
I turned around and leaned against the door.
"The same thing that's been wrong with me since we've been roommates."
I started walking toward him, never taking my eyes off of his. "The same
thing that sends me to bed every night to satisfy the need that I really
want you to take care of."
He frowned, then realization hit like a fist from above.
"You know damn well I'm serious about him."
I nodded. Without a word I placed my hand on his chest. I knew that
if he didn't want this, I'd lose that hand. I didn't care.
He grabbed my wrist and pulled my hand off him. Instead of letting go
he moved it down and placed it on his erection. My skin burned at the contact
and I moaned. He didn't let go of my wrist.
"Is this what you want?" he sneered, moving my hand up and down his
length. "Is this all it will take to make you happy?"
I shook my head. "I want all of you, Alex."
His hand stopped. "Well, this is all you're going to get. On your knees."
He released my wrist and pushed me down.
Grasping my head with both hands, he moved his hips until the tip of
his cock touched my lips. I kissed it and licked the pearly drops that
had appeared. The sharp, salty taste was almost enough to make me come.
I had to have more of him. I opened my mouth and put my lips around——
His fist flew before I knew what was happening. His other hand supported
me so I didn't fall over.
"You don't do that." His words were slow and deliberate. "Keep your
head still. Don't fucking move."
I stayed perfectly still. "That's better. Now open your mouth." He again
placed his hands on my head. "I'm going to fuck it."
I obeyed and he slid his hot cock into my mouth, over my tongue, until
he touched the back of my throat. I closed my lips around him and started
to suck. He slapped me.
"Don't."
I waited. He started moving his hips, slowly. I closed my eyes as he
filled my head. Each time he hit the back of my throat I felt my eyes start
to tear. He picked up speed and rammed his dick into me so hard and fast
I was afraid I would pass out. Too soon, my mouth was filled with his hot
cum and he withdrew. Before I swallowed, I relished the feel of it on my
tongue and burned the taste into my memory. I looked up at him.
"I'm going to take a shower. I don't want you here when he comes to
pick me up."
I nodded and stood up. He walked to the bathroom.
"Alex."
He stopped but didn't turn around. "What?"
"If you want me to move out—"
"No one's asking you to move out." He turned around. "I just think you
shouldn't be here when he comes to get me."
"Why? I won't say anything."
"Fine. Stay." He walked into his bathroom and shut the door.
I sat in the living room, waiting for Alex to come out of his bedroom.
The doorbell rang. My stomach clenched at the thought of having to see
him . I got up to answer the door and tried to paste a welcoming smile
on my face. All I could think about was what had just happened. And how
I needed it to happen again. I opened the door.
Smile. Little hug. He comes in and sits down. Alex comes out dressed
in a white, silk shirt and black jeans. He's wearing the loafers I gave
him for his birthday. He doesn't look at me, just goes over to his lover
and sits next to him. The kiss is purely for my benefit. The loud smacking
noises and tongues glistening as they search each other's mouths are a
show just for me. Only Alex knows this.
"Wow, Alex, that was quite a greeting."
"I'm just glad to see you."
They stand to leave. Alex smiles at me as he goes to the door. He turns
to his lover. "You've got a great family, you know?"
He smiles. "I know." He looks at me, then leans in to kiss my cheek.
"Goodnight, Sis. Don't wait up."
I close the door behind them.
end
Unrequited
by Frankie
"Alex, I—" I didn't know what I wanted to say to him. I knew he was
in love with someone else but that didn't make me want him any less. If
anything, it made me want him more. It wasn't just a cliché that said people
want what they can't have. It was my fucking life.
