And still.
So still, I can feel the beads of sweat as they roll one by one off of him and
drop onto me.
He's so still, you'd almost think he was dead.
I remember the first time he did that to me. I was scared shitless. I lay there
on top of him, staring, watching for the rise of his chest, flutter of an
eyelid...something. And I was thinking, shit. I'd just had the most
mid-blowing sex of my life with the man I'd wanted for years, and goddammit,
I'd killed him.
And then he took a breath, and the blood drained back into my body.
I wanted to kill him for scaring me like that, but instead, I fucked him again.
And I got used to it.
And now I lie here beneath him, just as still.
Frozen, in fact. Trying to decide if the words I heard him screaming just
before he went comatose on me were what they sounded like.
I don't know, he screams so many things, and not all of them are intelligible.
In my own delirium, I could have so easily misinterpreted what he said.
I don't know what to do. I want to respond, but what if I'm wrong? What if that
isn't what he said at all? I'd look like a damn fool. Not that it should make
such a big difference. I'm actually very used to looking like an idiot. Would
probably start to think something was terribly wrong if one day everyone
started to take me seriously.
But something tells me this'd actually hurt. Bad.
If he laughed at me, or worse, if he said nothing at all and just slipped
quietly away while I slept, never to be seen again, I couldn't take it. I'm so
used to him just dropping unannounced into my bed in the middle of the
night...expect the unexpected, I've learned that with him. He can sneak in
here, crawl into bed waking me from a sound sleep, and we'll just start fucking
as though we'd spent two hours on foreplay. God, I love that.
That. I said I love that. I'd miss it so much if it were gone.
Okay, so ignore it, whatever he said. It was nothing anyway...
His eyes are open now. Beautiful, hypnotic pools of green.
They look a little funny...confused, almost. Like he's wondering about
something.
Maybe he is.
He looks up at me and I smile, sending out all the receptive vibes I can...you
know, just in case. He stares quietly.
Come on, Alex. Tell me what's on your mind. Say it...
He turns his head to the right so I'm now looking at the side of his head.
Maybe he just needs a little prodding. Say something.
"You okay?"
Oh yeah, that's good. That'll get him chatting.
"Yeah."
"You sure?"
"Mmm hmm."
Now we're cooking with gas.
So, now what? Let him just go to sleep and forget that there's definitely
something odd going on here? Maybe if I just asked innocently...
"Alex?"
"Hmm?"
"What were you saying?"
....Saying?"
"Yeah. A little while ago...when you were coming."
Shit. He heard it. I wasn't even sure I'd said it, but now...
"Uh. I don't know...why?"
"You were...you were just saying things, and I couldn't understand some of it."
"Oh...who the hell knows?"
No response.
Good. That's it, Fox. Just let it drop.
He wouldn't believe me if I repeated it, anyway. I mean, sure we're sleeping
together and it's the best fucking sex either of us have ever had, but that
doesn't mean he's going to believe anything that comes out of my mouth. Shit,
I'm not so sure I'd believe me.
He's closing his eyes.
I can almost hear his brain working...shifting gears, trying to figure me
out.
I've spent years and years perfecting that 'unreadability', if that's a word.
That blank stare, that toneless voice, and no one has been able to crack it.
Except him. The man isn't psychic, he can't read my exact thoughts, but he
comes pretty damn close. Too close, sometimes. Fucking spooky is what it is.
Shit, he's more dangerous than I am.
He knows something's up, now. Though he'd never believe the truth.
The truth.
That's a funny, funny word for me to be associating with myself. I don't even
know if I'm capable of telling the truth to myself.
So, give it a shot. Go on, no one can hear you but you.
I'm looking at him right now. I don't know if he can feel my eyes on him.
God, he's so fucking gorgeous.
That's the truth.
Christ, his mouth. Sexiest lips I've ever seen. And when he wraps them around
my cock, I forget my own name.
No lie there.
His eyes. They change color not only with his clothes, but with his emotions.
When he's happy, they're a sparkling green. When he's fired up about something,
the green is streaked with gold and blue. When he's scared or unhappy, they
turn some deep, almost brownish shade. On those nights when I can't stay,
they're that color. He tries so hard not to let me see, but I do. And I ache.
Not just for him, but for me too. I can't stand anymore to wake up without him
next to me.
Fucking truth.
Shit, I did say it. And I meant it.
Didn't I?
Say it again. To yourself. He doesn't have to hear...
....I love you, Fox.
God, my heart is pounding all of a sudden.
Damn, his eyes are opening. Can he feel that? Sure, why not? I'm lying on top
of him.
Quick. Off.
"Alex, are you sure you're okay?"
Too late.
"I told you, I'm fine. Why do you keep asking me?"
"I can feel your heart pounding, and you've gone pale."
Great. Next, he's going to tell me my palms are sweaty...and they are.
Quick, distract him.
"You're not exactly an easy lay, babe. You wear me out."
He's giving me that 'I'm flattered but you're trying to bullshit me' look.
I move off of him and turn onto my side.
Okay, plan B.
"I can stay the night..."
He's doing everything he can think of to throw me off track.
"Yeah?"
"Yep."
He said it. He said it in the heat of the moment, and now he's trying like hell
to bury it. He didn't mean it, so be smart and let it lay.
He drapes an arm over my chest and tucks his head under my chin, and my hand
automatically comes up to rest on it...
His hand is stroking my hair. Feels so good. I love how affectionate he is.
Never would have imagined that about him...that he'd be the type who liked to
cuddle and kiss, and touch...outside of sex, I mean. He's always touching me.
Sort of unnerved me at first, but now I like it. I miss it when we're not
together. No one ever touches me unless they're violently motivated.
Like he used to be.
That's how this all started. We were going through one of our typical things,
and while he had me pinned to the floor in the filthy back room of the bar he'd
trailed me into, something happened. He stopped between threats to take a
breath, and I took my life in my hands and yanked him down to me. Before he
could regain his balance, I laid a hard, fast kiss on him. It stunned him for a
minute, and I took that time to kiss my ass goodbye. But instead of pulling out
his gun and blowing my face off, he kissed me. And this one was longer and
gentler, and it completely fucked me up. When he pulled away and brushed two
fingers over my mouth and asked me to come home with him, I nearly came in my
jeans. I don't even remember the drive here, all I remember is falling into the
apartment and him backing me into his bedroom while he sucked on my mouth.
Foreplay was impossible. There was no way in hell either of us was going to
wait even five more minutes. We ripped each other's clothes off and got down to
it.
That night I learned what fucking was. In my arrogance, I thought that I was
going to teach him a thing or two, but I found out that everyone I'd ever
done before was junior league. The man. Fucked. Me. I don't know how else to
say it. I would have been shocked if I hadn't been so busy screaming. I came
like I had never come before, and I remember hearing him too, but then
everything went sort of reddish, then black.
Next thing I knew, I was looking up at him...three of him. I blinked a couple
of times, and my vision cleared. I looked up again and saw relief in his eyes,
but at the same time he looked pissed. He mumbled something about me scaring
the shit out of him, then dropped his head onto my shoulder. We lay quietly for
a while, then started kissing. The kissing led to groping, and before I knew
it, he was fucking me again.
That was about seven months ago.
And here I am.
Still excited at the thought of seeing him. Still incredibly turned on by the
sound of his voice. Still wanting to be with him every second that I'm
not.
Oh, God.
Ohhh, my God...
It's three thirty-eight, and I've been watching him sleep for almost three
hours, now. He'll be getting up in about two hours to run. Doesn't matter how
little sleep he's had, he's still up at five-thirty, every blessed morning.
He says, though, that he sleeps better and longer with me here. I don't know if
that's the truth or just a way to get me to stay more often. Either way, I take
it as a compliment.
He's turning onto his side and snuggling against me. God, even in his sleep, he
knows how to get to me. He does so many things, but it's the tiny little
unconscious gestures like this that go straight to my heart.
I don't know how he'll take it. Don't know if he'll kick me the hell out,
throw his arms around me or what, but I have to say it. I'll regret it for the
rest of my life if I don't let him know. Shit, I'll probably regret it if I
do."
Come on, Krycek. Since when do you ever take the chicken's way out?
"Fox?"
He's in such a deep sleep. I should leave him alone.
"Fox?"
Or not...
"Hmm?"
"Babe, I need to talk to you."
"What about?"
He's tipping my head up...making me look at him. It's mostly dark, but I can
see his eyes glittering in the little bit of light that there is. I can feel
the tension in him, and now I'm starting to wonder...
"Fox...I....I love you."
Well, wonder no more.
He's quiet. He's not saying anything, he's just...Christ, Fox, say
something...hit me...laugh at me. Something." Don't just leave me twisting in
the wind, here.
He's reaching for the lamp. Shit. Don't do that...
The sudden glare of the light hurts our eyes, but I have to see his face.
"Why'd you say that?"
"'Cause I wanted you to know."
His eyes have turned that brownish shade.
"Don't fuck with me, Alex."
"I'm not..."
"This is nothing to screw around with..."
"Why? If I were lying, would it upset you?"
"....Yeah."
Should I ask?
I've taken it this far, I guess I have to.
"Why?"
If you say it, Mulder, there'll be no turning back...
"Because I love you."
He's shocked, I can tell. Then a little smile forms on his mouth.
"You do?"
God, he looks like a little boy staring at me like that. All wide-eyed and
hopeful. The only thing I can do at the moment is nod. We reach for each other
at the same time and start kissing.
"I love you, Alex. I love you, I..."
He swallows the rest of my words along with half of my tongue, and my brain
turns to mush. Nobody kisses like my Alex. His mouth is amazing. It can do
things to my cock that I never would have imagined a mouth could do.
He shifts so that he's lying on top of me and grinds his cock against mine. No
surprise to me that we're both already hard. All it takes from either of us is
a look or a word and the other is good to go.
Saying I love you has gotten a serious reaction.
Oh, Jesus, he loves me.
And my cock is like stone.
I pull back as far as the pillows under my head will let me, and look up at
him.
"Tell me again."
No hesitation.
"I love you."
I feel my insides tighten
and my cock jerks against his.
"Show me."
Goddamn, I love that evil grin of his.
"Only if you promise to go back to sleep afterward and stay in bed with me all
morning."
"You want to keep me in bed? Fuck me till I can't stand up."
All of the green in his eyes disappears.
"Can do."
In an eyeblink, his mouth is on mine, and his tongue is slithering inside. My
fingers tangle in his hair, and I hold his head still while I close my lips
around his tongue and begin to suck on it...
God, he knows what it does to me when he sucks on my tongue like that. I
have to shift position a little to take some of the pressure off my cock.
Bad idea.
Ever the opportunist, he slips his hand into the little space I've created and
squeezes both of our cocks together. I pull away from his mouth to moan, and he
catches my lower lip between his teeth and begins to chew on it.
I'm going to come. I swear to God, if he doesn't knock that off, I'm going
to...
"Oh no, you don't."
He lets go of me and drags his tongue across my mouth. His hand loosens and
strokes us both very gently.
"If you had kept that up, I would've."
I regain control and kiss him softly while my hand unwraps his from our cocks.
I pull back for a second to look at him, and my heart skips two beats. His eyes
are only half open, but I can see brilliant splashes of color beneath them. The
heavy stubble shadows his jaw, making that indentation beneath his lower lip
look even deeper, and there's a flash of white that's just barely visible
behind his slightly parted lips.
Jesus, he's more beautiful than any man has a right to be.
I feel it bubbling up inside me. I'm going to say it again.
And again, and again probably, till he gets sick of hearing it and tells me to
shut the fuck up...
"I love you."
His eyes close and he arches up, gasping as if I'd touched him. I smile down at
him, a bit confused.
"What?"
"I'm sure I'll get used to it in time but right now, it just does things to
me."
This is good information to have.
"Wow. So, like..." I lower my head and bring my lips to his ear. "...if I
whisper it in your ear, you'll really go nuts?"
His soft whimper is all the answer I need. So I say it again. In that low, sexy
tone that drives him up the walls.
"I love you, baby..."
Oh God, now he's moaning it in my ear. My muscles tighten another notch, but my
insides are melting like butter. He takes my hands in his and brings them up to
either side of my head, pinning them there. Then he comes in for another kiss.
So sweet and gentle. It's more than kissing, it feels like...worship. Hardly
the prelude to down and dirty fucking that one would expect, but that's my
Alex. Contradiction from beginning to end, and I wouldn't have him any other
way.
Only when he's damn good and ready does he move away from my mouth. As he does,
his tongue strokes over the dip between my lower lip and my chin, then across
my cheek, and down the line of my jaw. He approaches my neck, and I can feel
his teeth now, grazing the skin. He nips gently here and there, and when he
reaches the curve between my neck and shoulder, the nips get more insistent.
Naturally, my moaning only serves to encourage him, and he begins to suck at
me. I moan louder and I try to break from his grip, which excites him even
more. He tightens his hold on my wrists and sucks harder.
Oh, fuck, I love it when he puts up a fight. Yeah, it's kinky, but kinky is my
middle name. Okay, one of my middle names.
My cock is screaming and I really, really want to be fucking him blind about
now.
In a few more minutes. This is too good to waste. He's twisting and struggling,
but I've got the leverage, and besides, he doesn't really want me to stop...
Finally he lets up on the pressure, but only for a second. He moves to a spot
only a few inches away and clamps his mouth down on me again. There's more
flesh where he is right now, so he's able to get better suction, and God, does
he. I arch upward because it's the only direction I can move in, and I strain
against his hands, but he's got a good grip, and he's not letting go.
When he's made sure that I'll be walking around with these marks for at least
two weeks, he draws back and admires his handiwork. He gives me a smile that's
a cross somewhere between sweet and purely evil, then dives for my nipples.
"Oh, shit!"
I'd ask him what was wrong, but I'd have to let go of his nipple and since I
just sucked it into my mouth...
"Alex....oh, God, please, baby..."
Oh, I love it when he begs.
I bite down on the nipple in my mouth and smile at the yelp that it produces. I
pull up, stretching it beyond reasonable limitations, and all he can do is lie
there and whimper, because any movement on his part will only increase the
pressure.
The whimpers turn to a low whine, and I hear my name, followed by a soft plea
for mercy. So, I let go of that nipple and move on to the other...
God, I'm gonna die. If he doesn't stop torturing me and fuck me right now, I'm
going to die.
Thank you.
He's licking my nipples gently. Soothing them I suppose, but I'm too sensitive
right now to feel anything but overwhelming lust.
"Alex...I'm begging you..."
Yeah, I know, my cock is begging me, too.
I let go of his hands and reach into the nightstand drawer, pulling out the
tube that's always there, and he begins to squirm with anticipation. I squeeze
some out onto my fingers, let them slide down between his ass cheeks, and work
one inside. He's back to whimpering again, and rocking back and forth on my
finger. I add the second, and he goes crazy, screaming curses and pulling the
sheets away from the mattress. He drives me out of my mind when he's like this.
I can't wait anymore.
I pull my fingers out of him, listen to some more curses while I'm lubing my
cock, then pushing his legs up and over my shoulders, I give him what we've
both been dying for.
He lets out a shriek, and the curses fade into incoherent sounds as I grab onto
the headboard, practically bending him in two, and begin to fuck him.
Hard.
The bed is a little too close to the wall, and it begins to make this faint
thunking sound as I slam into him. For some reason, the sound of it combined
with his cries makes me crazy. I'm gripping the headboard so tightly that I'm
starting to lose feeling in my fingers, but I don't let go. It gives me the
leverage that I need to fuck him harder and deeper than I've ever done, and
damn, that feeling of power is fantastic.
Can't....think, can't....oh, God....ohhh, fuck.
Please........Alex.....please......
His body is tightening. He's ready, right now.
I grab his cock and start pumping hard and fast, and I can hear the scream
building in his throat. I know he loves it when I talk dirty to him as we're
coming, but I just can't compose myself enough to speak right now. Every bit of
my energy is focused on doing exactly what he asked me to do before we started
this...fuck him till he can't stand.
It's harder to balance myself with only one hand on the headboard, but I do my
best and keep ramming into him as my hand works his cock.
I can feel myself slipping. It's impossible to hold back anymore, much as I'd
like to, and I jerk him faster, hoping that we finish together. I'm going to
collapse right after I come, and he'd be pretty damn pissed if he wasn't taken
care of first.
My concerns are washed away with the burst of warmth I feel flow over my hand,
and the screams that bounce off the walls. I'm right behind him. Shit. It's
coming...oh, God, it's coming...
He's still fucking me. I can't move, I can't even whimper, and he's still
fucking me. I hear his moans, though. They're getting more desperate and his
movements, more erratic. Then there's a long, wild scream, and I feel a heat
pour into me. He shudders once, then collapses on top of me. His cock falls out
of me, and my legs drop to the bed. I lie there, weak but becoming more alert
as he falls into his routine coma. He's heavy on my chest, but I don't mind. I
rub my hand up and down his sweaty back and kiss his damp hair. And though I'm
not even sure he can hear me in this state, I press my lips to his ear and
whisper my new favorite words.
"I love you, Alex."
Loves Sweet Rewards
by Aries
It's quiet now.
