Empty II Courtship by Aries "...I don't want excuses, I want names." Alex sat in the darkness of his apartment, tapping a pen on his leg. "Who the hell's that? Are you bullshitting me? ...Because I never heard of him!" He listened for a few seconds more. "Fine. See what else you can find out about this Cecil." Disconnecting, he dropped the phone down and leaned back, sighing. For three months now, he'd worked at finding those responsible for the alien devices and had come up with very little. He'd called in every favor from old associates, even threatened a few people, and no one seemed to have any useful information. Maybe he'd never get to the bottom of it. Maybe he wasn't as...persuasive as he used to be. But he had to try. He needed something to do to keep himself busy. A month of lying around brooding could easily have turned into two then three if he hadn't picked himself up one day and forced himself to put the guilt over Tim and his crushing heartache over Fox to the side. So, now, here he was, three months into an investigation that was going nowhere fast. Alex sighed and looked at the name he'd been given. Cecil Robinson. There was no one in his memory by that name, and he guessed he'd have to start from scratch. It pissed him off that it was going to take more time, but on the bright side, it did give him something else to concentrate on. Studying the name for a few more seconds, he tossed the pad of paper aside and got up to find something to eat. As he was walking out of the pantry with two slices of leftover pizza and a half-eaten carton of fried rice, a soft knock sounded at the door. Alex stopped in his tracks and stared for a moment. The knock sounded again, and it prompted him to move. Placing the food down on the coffee table, he reached into the holster he had removed earlier and dropped down on the sofa, and he withdrew his gun. He hadn't carried a weapon in all the time he'd been with Tim, but as soon as he was alone again and had decided to check up on this new possible alien threat, he dragged his old Glock out of mothballs. Carrying the gun with him to the door, he checked the peephole and his legs nearly gave out on him. No. Fighting to regulate his breathing, which had become immediately erratic, he checked again to make sure he wasn't hallucinating. He wasn't. A clipped whimper rose from his throat as he leaned heavily on the door, trying to decide what to do. "Alex?" //Oh, God.// "Alex,...I know you're in there. I can hear you. Please, I...I'd like to talk to you... Alex, please." Alex closed his eyes as Fox's voice shook him down to his boots. How did he find him? Why was he here? //You're never going to know unless you open the door, are you?// Slowly, he reached for the knob, trying to give himself the chance to pull it together before removing the only tangible barrier between hjm and the one it seemed who's life would always be somehow intertwined with his. The door opened so slowly, Fox couldn't help but wonder if there'd be anyone on the other side. When Alex finally appeared, he released the breath he'd been holding. "Hi," he said softly, speaking to the down turned head. "What are you doing here, Fox?" Alex asked the floor. "How'd you find me?" "I uh...I didn't know where you were or what had happened until yesterday," Fox said, looking at the gun in Alex's hand. "I'm...I'm sorry about you and Tim." Alex found the courage to lift his head and meet Fox's eye. "How did you find out?" "....He told me." Alex cocked his head curiously. "Tim called me yesterday," Mulder explained. "He told me that you'd left, and he gave me your address." "I never contacted him after I left. He didn't know where I was." "You might not have told him, but he knows. Guess maybe he had someone track you down." Alex's brow creased. "And he called you?" "Yeah." "Yesterday?" "Yeah. Took him a while to get past the hurt of losing you, I guess." Mulder broke eye contact and looked down at the floor. "He loves you, Alex." "...Are you here to plead his case?" Mulder smiled at his shoes. "No." Alex's heart leapt. "S-so..." "I wanted to see how you're doing." Mulder shrugged. "Say hello." It occurred to Alex that they were still standing in the doorway. To invite him in or not to invite him in. That was the bone-jarring question. //Like you're really going to shut the door in his face.// "You want to uh..."Alex looked into the apartment , flipping on the ceiling light, then he looked back at Fox. "...you wanna come in?" Mulder hesitated for a moment then inched his way past Alex, looking around at the spartan furnishings as he walked into the living room. A couch, a table. One chair. A small television. Nothing on the walls or floor... "Looks like you were just about to have...dinner or...shoot somebody?" Mulder asked, eyeing the food on the coffee table then the gun still in Alex's hand. "If this is a bad time..." "No," Alex said quickly, lying to Mulder. "No, the food's been there since lunch." I just haven't picked it up yet." Quickly, Alex scooped up the leftovers and held up the weapon. "I'll go get rid of this. Make yourself comfortable." Mulder watched Alex disappear into the kitchen. Alex left food lying around? For hours? Not likely. One more look around and Mulder took a seat on the sofa, waiting for Alex to return. Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Alex chucked the cold pizza and fried rice into the garbage and leaned heavily against the counter. Okay, now what? Fox was out there in his living room, and he had no idea what to do next. //Go out there, asshole. Sit down and talk to him. Ask him about work. Ask how Scully is...// //Ask him what the hell he's really doing here!// But he didn't know that he could deal with the answer. Taking a few deep breaths, he made himself rejoin Mulder in the living room. He took a seat in the chair on the other side of the coffee table, and he and Fox stared quietly at each other. Alex was the first one to break eye contact, and he cleared his throat softly. "S-so, uh...h-how are you?" "All right." "Scully?" "Fine." "How's work?" "Kinda dull. I never knew how busy Smokey and the boys kept us until they were gone. Even the alien painting case has gone cold." "I know, I...I've been checking around. I do have one name, but that's all." Mulder sat forward, frowning at the other man. "You've been working on that?" Alex shrugged. "I needed something to do. That seemed like the likeliest project." "...Did you recognize the name you have?" Alex shook his head and lifted the pad up from the table. "Do you?" he asked, handing it to Mulder. "Cecil," Mulder whispered, visibly shuddering then placing the pad down. "No. I can run it through the Bureau database, though, and see if anything comes up." "'Kay." There was silence again, and it was Mulder's turn to clear his throat. "How've you been, Alex?" Alex averted his gaze. "Okay." "Can I ask you a question?" Alex waited expectantly. "...Why'd you leave Tim?" He knew it was coming. There was no way that Fox could sit there with him for any length of time and not ask that question. "It just...it...it wasn't working out," Alex explained simply, and Fox gave him a tiny smile. "Did he leave his dirty socks on the floor?" "He was very neat," Alex answered, knowing full well that that wasn't really what Fox wanted to know. "What?" Mulder said, mock surprise raising his tone. "Your dream come true, and still you left him? Daaaamn, you're tough." There was nothing funny about the way he and Tim had ended, but something in Fox's voice managed to break through his defenses, and he cracked a tiny smile. It was good to see...for the short time that it lasted. "Tim is an amazing man," Alex said. "But I've told you that. He deserves more than I can give him. I needed to allow him the opportunity to find someone who was worthy of him." "You don't think you were?" "Not by a long shot." "Why would you think that?" Alex hesitated then answered the question honestly. "I didn't...I couldn't love him. I tried. For a year I tried, and I couldn't." "Why?" "I just...I don't know. It just wasn't there." There was so much Mulder wanted to say, but he wisely left it alone. He changed the subject. "So, how long ago did you have lunch?" Alex's mouth opened and closed a couple of times before he answered. "Uh...around one." Mulder looked at his watch. "Well, it's almost seven now. You hungry? You wanna maybe go somewhere? Get some dinner?" "I...I don't know..." Mulder shrugged. "Just two guys grabbing a bite. Shooting the shit." He wanted to say yes in the worst way, but something kept him from it. "I don't think so." Mulder struggled to keep the disappointment from showing. "Okay." "Maybe another time," Alex said, giving him fresh hope, and he smiled again. "I'll hold you to that." Alex knew that he would. Somewhere deep down inside of him, he counted on it. "Well, maybe I should get going." Mulder got to his feet, slowly followed by Alex. "Don't want you to get sick of looking at me." //Sick of looking at you...// Mulder walked to the door, Alex following in his wake, and he stopped, turning to face the younger man. "I'm glad to see that you're doing all right," he said, meeting Alex's eyes. "Can I...stop by again sometime? If that's not good for you, I could just call." "Yeah," Alex breathed. "Yeah, that'd be fine. Call or come by. Whichever." Mulder nodded. "You got the same cell number?" "No. No, I...Alex walked away to get a piece of paper. Scribbling two numbers, he returned and handed the paper to Mulder. "The top one's my cell phone. The other one's my home number." "Okay." Mulder folded the paper and withdrew his wallet, placing it inside. "It was good seeing you. I'll...give you a call sometime. I guess that'd be better than just dropping by unannounced." Alex nodded, and the two stood there, not knowing what else to say, but neither really wanting to end the visit. "I'll let you know if I find out anything more about the alien devices," Alex murmured, and Fox nodded. "Right. And I'm gonna run that name and see what I get. If anything comes up, I'll fill you in." "'Kay." Mulder opened the door and stepped through it, stopping on the other side. "You have a good night, 'kay?" Alex nodded, unable to tear himself away from the green and gold gaze. "You too." After a long pause, Mulder made himself back up. "Good night." "'Night, Fox." Alex watched Mulder walk down the hall and stop at the elevator. In the twenty or so seconds that it took for the car to rise to his floor, he never turned to look back. When the door opened, he stepped inside, and it was only then that Alex shut his door. Hands splayed against the dark wood, he leaned his forehead against it and drew breath after shaky breath. Once again it seemed, Fox Mulder was in his life. It was like a never-ending road they were destined to travel. Sometimes the road split, sometimes it was rocky and full of pitfalls. Sometimes it went in circles, and they traveled it in opposition. But always, sooner or later, they ended up back together. Now was one of those times he supposed. But how long it would be before the road took them in different directions again? And how many times could he stand the pain of it? Mulder sat at the red light even after it turned to green. It wasn't until the car behind him beeped impatiently that he shook himself out of his thoughts and moved forward. Reaching his apartment some twenty minutes later, he walked in without turning any of the lights on and made his way directly to the sofa. Sinking down onto the leather cushions, he lay back and considered the last two hours. There was no doubt that Alex was shocked to find Mulder at his door, and was uncomfortable at his presence. But he had let him in. And talked to him. He'd even agreed, even if not in those exact terms, to see Mulder again. It was a start. //Start of what? Where is this going to go?// "Guess we'll know when we get there," he whispered to himself. "If we get there." "Cecil Robinson." Scully let the printout fall on Mulder's blotter, then she dropped into the chair in front of his desk. "Lifer at the Maryland Correctional Adjustment Center." "Supermax?" "Yep." "What's he in on?" "You name it. He's escaped from four other prisons in the past two years, killed one guard and three other inmates. The state had had enough, and finally shipped his ass to Maryland Correctional." "I hear some awful stuff about that place," Mulder said to Scully's agreement. "This guy's gotta be a real sweetheart." "Uh huh. So. You gonna tell me now why you wanted to check this person out?" "The name was given to me last night." "By whom? For what?" "By...Alex." He stopped there, knowing that would be a completely separate conversation. "Alex." Scully sat back in the chair, propping her feet up on the desk. "Okay...let's hear it. Where'd you see Krycek, and how come I'm just hearing about it now?" "...Tim Foster called me a few nights ago. He told me that he and Alex had broken up four months ago. He wanted me to know where Alex was living." "They...they broke up?" "Yeah. Well...it was Alex who broke things off. Then he left." "HA!" Mulder almost jumped out of his chair. "Jeez, Scully." "Sorry. But I knew it. I knew it was just a matter of time. I'm sorry for Tim, I really am. He does seem like a nice guy, but hell, Mulder; Alex never belonged with him, and...wait. So, why'd he tell you where Alex was? And why did he wait four months to do it?" "He told me that Alex loved me. And he said in so many words that he knew that I loved Alex." "I've been telling you that." "Yeah. Anyway, he basically just wants Alex to be happy, and he figures if we can work past whatever broke us up to begin with, that'll happen. He's a hell of a guy. I don't know that I'd be able to do what he did. It did take him four months to bring himself to it, though." Scully blew out a soft whistle. "You're right, Mulder. He's a hell of a guy." She shrugged. "Too bad he's gay. Well. Never mind that now. So, you what? Went to see Krycek?" "Yeah." "...And?" "To say he was surprised to see me would be an understatement. It's wasn't particularly comfortable, but he did let me in. We ran the old polite, watch what you say, don't push your luck routine, he gave me that name, and I left. Oh. He did agree to see me again sometime, and he gave me his phone number." Scully stared. Mulder cocked his head. "What?" "...That's it? That's all? No meaningful looks, no accidental brush of the fingers, no..." "No." Scully threw up her arms, making an irritated sound in the back of her throat. "What the hell's wrong with you two? How many times now does this make that you've been brought back together? Three? Four? Come on, Mulder, give me a break!" "I thought we men were supposed to be the impatient ones?" "I'm very patient," Scully argued. "I'm sure you'd agree that I must be, to be partnered with you all these years. But. When faced with such supreme idiocy, I do get a bit edgy, yes." "I'm not gonna tell you that I don't want Alex back, Scully. That'd be the furthest thing from the truth. But I won't push it. He's still feeling tremendous guilt over Tim, and I can't just jump in and try to force him into another relationship with me." "Who said anything about forcing?" Mulder continued. "It's gotta be slow, Scully. He's gotta see me differently than he did before. We've got to find more in each other than the little bit we allowed. He has to know that I'm willing to give a relationship with him everything I've got...of course, I may be jumping the gun by even talking this way. Maybe he thought about it last night, and the next time we speak, he'll tell me to get lost." "No way, Mulder. I'm as sure about Alex's feelings for you as I am my own name. You tell him you want to start over again and do it right, and he'll jump on board in a heartbeat." Mulder shook his head. "I don't know. I think I'd be a little more sure if he and Tim had never happened. He's got a taste now of what a healthy relationship is, and I wonder if he'll think that there's no way I'd be up to it." "Is it really Alex whom you think will question it?" Scully asked, "Or are you questioning yourself?" "This is something very new for me," Mulder admitted. "And I'm not entirely sure about what I'm doing. But I want this more than I can tell you. I want Alex back, and I'm going knock myself out trying to be the man he deserves." "What's that mean, exactly, Mulder?" "Just what I said." "Listen, Mulder, don't go trying to be somebody you're not. Don't go trying to be Tim. Remember, Alex didn't love him. He loves you. Opinionated, stubborn, annoying, you. God. When I put it that way, I gotta wonder why he does love you." Mulder gave her an exasperated look. "Sorry," Scully smiled. "He might love opinionated, stubborn, annoying me, but he doesn't like that me." "At times I'm sure that was true. But I also know that there were times when you didn't like parts of him, right?" Mulder shrugged one shoulder. "Sometimes." He scratched his head and gave her a trace of a smile. "Hell...at least half the time." "Right. It's those unlikable parts of you...both of you, that you have to work at softening. You get me, Mulder? Do not go turning yourself upside down and inside out. It won't work. You need to be yourself. Just a little more...understated." Scully studied her silent partner. "...Mulder?" "Yeah. I heard you." "I hope you have. Now. Let's get back to this Cecil Robinson character..." Six o'clock Mulder trudged into his apartment and flipped the lights on. Tossing his jacket over the back of a dining room chair, he walked directly into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water out of the refrigerator. Draining half the bottle, he walked into the living room and dropped down onto the sofa. Loosening his tie, he placed the bottle on the coffee table and looked over at the phone. He'd been wanting for hours now to call Alex, but he'd kept himself from it so far. The one reason he'd had, had gone down the toilet when he and Scully had visited the prison and found out that Cecil Robinson had been killed in an escape attempt only days before. Although... That was news he should share, wasn't it? Before he could completely talk himself into it, his cell phone rang. "Mulder." There were a few seconds of silence, then a soft, rough voice said his name. "Fox." "...Alex? Hi. I...I was just thinking about you." "Yeah?" "Yeah, I...I uh...Scully and I tracked that Cecil Robinson down to Maryland Correctional." "I know. That's why I was calling you. He was killed." "Yeah. Supposedly in an escape attempt." "I'm not so sure I believe that." "I know. I've been thinking that Scully and I are going to have to go back there, much as I hate the idea. You ever been inside a SuperMax?" "No, but I'm sure I've seen places just as bad, if not worse." A few seconds of silence fell on the line, then Mulder spoke. "Well, I...I just got in, so I guess I should go change and look for something to eat." "Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't realize you'd just come home." "S'okay. Uh...I guess I'll talk to you again sometime." "...All right. Have a good night." "You too....bye." Fox heard the click signaling Alex's disconnection, and he sat for a while with the phone in his hand, his thumb caressing the smooth surface of the receiver. Should he have asked Alex to dinner again? Should he have tried to think of something else to say to keep the conversation going a bit longer? He supposed not. The last thing he wanted to do was make anything seem forced. Another thought made him smile. Alex had called him. Two-way communication. It was a good thing, he thought. Alex lay awake, watching hour after hour pass, relentless thoughts keeping him from sleep. He'd begun to second guess himself only minutes after he'd hung up with Fox earlier in the evening, and he couldn't stop. What had Fox thought of his call only a day after his visit? Was he thinking that Alex was the lonely, pathetic wretch that Alex saw himself as? Would Fox pity him? Would it turn him off? He had hung up fairly quickly, and... //Didn't he say that he had just come in, and he needed to get settled? That's a reasonable explanation, isn't it?// Alex sighed loudly and turned onto his side, staring at the clock. Maybe. Maybe not. four days later "Tight lipped bastards, aren't they?" Scully asked as she and Mulder exited the prison after their third visit. "If Robinson was killed in any way other than the one they're saying he'd been, I'm afraid the truth of it died with him. Even forensics supports the warden and CO's story." The pair got into their car and started back toward D.C. From the passenger's side, Scully watched her quiet partner. After ten minutes on the road, she slapped her hand against her thigh. "Okay, Mulder. What's up?" "Hmm? Nothing." "Bull. You've been damn quiet the last couple of days. Why? Your little game of patty cake with Krycek not going well or..." "I haven't talked to him in four days." "Ohhhhh, so that's it. You in withdrawal?" The crack failed to get a rise out of him. "Why haven't you talked to him since what? Monday?" Mulder nodded. "I don't wanna make it seem like I'm being pushy." "You don't wanna make it seem like you're not interested either." "No..." "Well, Mulder, four days is kinda long, don't you think?" "He could call me, and he hasn't. Maybe he's the one who isn't interested." "Are we back on that again? Call him, you dope, and you'll find out how stupid that last statement of yours is." Mulder took a deep breath and let it out. "I've got nothing on Cecil Robinson or this case. What'll we talk about?" "I don't know. The weather. Politics. Religion. Last night's football scores..." "It's not football season." Scully stopped to give Mulder an agitated glare. "Tell him about the ass kicking your partner gave you." "No need to get violent." "Well, stop being such a damn fool. Go home, call Krycek...ask him to dinner. Doesn't have to be anything fancy. Burgers. Pizza and a beer...you miss seeing him, don't you?" A couple of seconds passed, then Mulder nodded. "And he misses seeing you. I'll stake my life on it." "...By the time I get home, he'll probably have eaten already." "Then call him now." "...R-right now?" "No, tomorrow, now." "You're very pushy, y'know?" "I am what I have to be to get things done. Now call." Mulder fumbled in his jacket pocket for his phone then called Alex's home number. It picked up on the third ring, and Alex's soft hello set Fox's heart to pounding. "Hey, Alex. It...it's Fox." On his end, Alex closed his eyes and sank into the only chair in his living room. "Fox...hi." "Am I disturbing you?" "No. No, I...I was just organizing some information." "Oh. Uh...anything new?" "No. Which makes me even more sure that something stinks about Cecil Robinson's death. I was just trying to get everything I've got into some kind of order." "Uh huh. Umm...y-you need some help?" Alex paused, his breath catching in his throat. "Well, there's really not much to it. I'm almost done..." "Oh." Was that disappointment he'd just heard in Fox's voice? Before he could decide, he was talking. "But um...if you wanna talk about it. Y'know, put our heads together...make sure there isn't anything we've missed." "All right. I...have you eaten yet?" "No, not yet." "Got anything planned?" "Uh uh." "I can bring over a pizza and some beer." "That...that sounds good." "Okay. What time?" "Whenever you want." "All right. How about seven?" "That'll be great. I guess I'll see you then." "Okay. See you soon...bye, Alex." Mulder hung up and sent a tiny smile Scully's way. "We're gonna have pizza." "I heard. See?" "Yeah, yeah. You're right, and I'm an idiot." Scully displayed a smug grin. "Yup. Okay. Hurry up, now. Get home, get showered and shaved...unless your five o'clock shadow is sexier to him, put on some nice but subtle cologne..." "Scully, we're having pizza and discussing a case. Not going out on a date." "So? Does that mean you can't look and smell nice?" Mulder laughed softly. "You're gonna drive me crazy with this, aren't you?" Scully smirked at him then turned her eyes back to the road. "Sure am." Six-fifteen Mulder checked his appearance in the mirror for the hundred and seventh time. Close fitting, faded jeans, black, loose shirt, and the black leather jacket Alex had bought him almost two years ago for Christmas. Staring into the mirror, he ran his hand over his shadowed face. Scully had guessed right. Alex did think that the stubble was sexy. It drove him crazy whenever Fox would rub it against the insides of his thighs... Shaking off the cock-stiffening thought, he again considered his face. Maybe he should shave it. Maybe it would be just a little too obvious. He checked his watch again. No. Too late. He'd have to go as he was and just hope that Alex didn't make any connections. Grabbing for his wallet, he shoved into the inside pocket of his jacket, and he rushed out the door. Alex sat quietly in the corner of his sofa, eyeing the clock. Seven-ten //So? Ever hear of traffic? Or...or the restaurant could have been crowded...// Less than five minutes later, Fox knocked, and Alex practically fell over with relief. Willing his legs to stop shaking, he made his way to the door and pulled it open. And his legs started to shake again. God, it was criminal for any one man to be so beautiful. On the other side of the threshold, Mulder was thinking the same thing. Alex's medium length, sable hair, soft and in mild disarray, the way Fox had always liked it...his eyes glowing a deep green in the pale light...and while it was no surprise to see Alex wearing all black, the form-fitting, short-sleeved shirt just did Mulder in. Damn, it hugged him in all the right places, and the two undone buttons gave him just enough of a peek at the smooth chest to want much more. //Say something, stupid.// Mulder lifted the pizza box and six-pack of Corona and gave Alex a close-mouthed smile. "Your dinner." Taking a fast step backward, Alex gave Mulder a similar smile and waved him in. "It should be still pretty hot, since I had to wait for it almost ten minutes," Mulder said, entering. "The pizza's real good there, but they got a bit of a problem with punctuality. Guess you can't have it all." "Where'd you get it from?" Alex asked, staring at Fox's denim-encased ass as he moved into the room. His eyes quickly rose to the other man's when he turned around. "Calianno's." "Oh, okay. That's only about five blocks from here. You've been there before?" "Couple of times. And each time Scully and I had to wait forever for our food. Damn, it was good, though." Alex nodded. "Good. Well, uh...I'll go get some plates and stuff. Oh, I...you got Corona. I don't think I have any limes..." Mulder set the six-pack down on the floor and reached into his jacket pocket, withdrawing a little paper bag. He tossed it to Alex, who smiled and retreated into the kitchen. "Take off your jacket," he called to the man in the other room. "Get comfortable. I'll be in, in a minute." "Do you have something for me to put this box on?" Mulder called back. "It really is still pretty hot, and I don't want to put it down on your table without something under it." A few seconds passed, and Alex emerged, carrying two plates, some napkins and a small bowl with the sliced limes in it. Under his arm, he held two placemats, which Mulder took and laid out on the table before putting the box down. Getting everything settled, the men sat on the sofa with half a cushion's length between them, and Mulder opened the box. Alex smiled, looking inside. "Sausage, onions and green peppers," Mulder said softly, and Alex lowered his head, still smiling. "Yup." Picking up one of the plates, Mulder reached into the box. As Alex began to reach for the other plate, Mulder held the one he'd just laid two slices on in front of him. "Oh...thanks." Alex took the offered plate, then Mulder served himself. A bite later, Mulder pulled two bottles out of the pack and handed one to Alex, who slapped his knee and cursed softly. "I knew I forgot something. Bottle opener. Be right back." Within seconds, Alex had disappeared and returned with the bottle opener. Dropping down approximately the same distance from Mulder that he was before, he picked up Mulder's bottle and flipped the cap off. As he reached for his own bottle, Mulder's gaze followed, resting on the other man's gently flexing bicep as he opened the other bottle. Swallowing hard, he took a lime from the bowl Alex was now holding in front of him. He thanked the younger man softly and squeezed the little wedge against the inside edge of the bottle then let it drop inside. He waited until Alex had done the same then looked up at him through lowered lashes and held his bottle up. Almost shyly, Alex touched the neck of his bottle to Fox's. Raising the bottle only halfway to his lips, he stopped, frozen as Fox put his own bottle to his mouth and took a long drink. Son of a bitch, that mouth still got him all kinds of hot. He brought his bottle up the rest of the way and drained half of it, hoping the ice cold liquid would help douse the flames. Putting the bottle down, he picked up his pizza and took a bite. "This is good," he said after swallowing his mouthful. "Pizza isn't the only thing they do well," Mulder said. "Their manicotti is excellent, and so is their spaghetti and meatballs, and the lasagna." He closed his eyes and groaned. "Better than any I've had." "I'll keep that in mind," Alex said before taking another bite. "I don't do much cooking for myself, so..." "No? But you're a good cook." Alex shrugged. "I don't like doing it for just me. Too many leftovers." Mulder smiled and took another bite of his pizza. "Maybe one day I'll make Borsch for you." Mulder stopped in mid-chew, not sure he actually heard the softly uttered statement right. "You...you will?" Alex shrugged. "Sure. If you want." Mulder's eyebrows lifted. "Oh, sure! I'd love...I...haven't had Borsch since..." He stopped, pressing his lips together. "Not for a long time." Alex nodded and went back to his pizza. "So," Mulder said, changing the subject. "What are your thoughts on our dead friend?" "I don't know," Alex sighed, sipping at his beer. "He'd been incarcerated at the prison since last January, but that doesn't mean that he didn't have any involvement in this painting thing. I know how tight security is supposed to be, but I think we both know that it doesn't mean much if the right people need to get around it." "I know. Scully and I tried to track down his personal effects, hoping we could pick up some clues, but surprise, surprise. They seem to have disappeared." Alex grunted his acknowledgement. "I've tried to find any family he might have had." He looked over at Mulder. "Would you believe he's a single, only child of only children, and both his parents and grandparents are dead?" "I'd believe that," Mulder said, now working on his second slice of pizza. "Then again," he met Alex's eyes and grinned. "I believe anything." "Heard that about you," Alex said, and both men laughed. When they stopped, Alex looked down at his plate. "That felt good." Mulder nodded in agreement. "Yeah." "For a minute," Alex said softly, poking at the sausage on his second slice, "we almost..." He let the thought drop. Mulder watched him for a moment then asked, "Almost what?" Alex pressed his lips together and lowered his head, shaking it slowly. "C'mon," Mulder prodded softly. Alex took a deep breath and let it out. "I j...I was just going to say that we almost seemed like...us. You know, when we weren't fighting." Mulder blinked, saying nothing, and Alex's gaze fell to the table, and he immediately looked uncomfortable. Mulder tried his best to put Alex at ease. "I'd like it if we could be comfortable with each other. I mean, it's...we're trying to be friends here, right?" Alex met Mulder's steady gaze. "It'd seem so." "Well, wouldn't we accomplish that a lot easier if we were comfortable with each other?" "...Yeah." "So." Fox kept his eyes on Alex's. "Friends?" Alex gave the older man a tiny smile and nodded. There was a brief silence then Mulder nodded at the six-pack. "Hand me another beer, friend." Smiling fully, Alex grabbed two more bottles. Over two hours later, the beer and pizza were gone, and the two men sat in quiet conversation. "...and he asked me to move in with him. I knew I should have said no. We hadn't been seeing each other all that long, but...he was so...sincere. And I...I guess I was in a weakened state." Alex stopped and looked up at Mulder, who seemed to be listening with genuine interest. "I shouldn't be talking about this with you." "Why not?" Mulder asked. "It's something you obviously need to get off your chest, or you wouldn't be talking about it." "Yeah, but..." "But what?" Mulder gestured to the other man. "Go on." Alex studied him, not knowing what to make of this new, sympathetic Fox. "Uh...it took me several days to give him an answer, and he was so patient. It was just one more reason, I told myself, to take him up on his offer." He sighed, shaking his head. "It was...I made a mistake." "You had a good life with him, didn't you? You said you had." "Yes," Alex answered. "He couldn't have been any kinder or sweeter or more generous...he was everything anyone could want. But...I didn't love him. And he knew that. And still he was as good to me as he would have been to someone who was madly in love with him. I feel..." Alex stopped to take a shaky breath. "...so bad. I feel like...the worst person in the world. You know those heartless bastards who go around kicking puppies?" Mulder sat in understanding silence. "You should have seen his face the day I told him I was leaving. Four months later, I can still see it clearly. I can still hear the devastation in his voice. But I couldn't stay. I couldn't." "Are you sure that there was no possibility at all that in time you could love him?" Mulder asked after a long silence. "I'm sure." Mulder didn't ask why. "You did the right thing, then. When he tells someone he loves them, he deserves to have them look him in the eye and say it back...and really mean it." "That's almost exactly what I said to him." Alex's eyes fixed on Mulder's, seeking comfort. "Do you think he understands?" Mulder recalled the brief conversation he had with Tim that led him to this evening. He stared back, the clear green and gold of his eyes easing Alex's anxiety. "I know he does." An hour later, Mulder got up to go. Alex watched him stretch, then he slowly got to his feet. "It's after ten," Mulder almost whispered. "I should get going." Alex wanted to remind him that tomorrow was Saturday...ask him to stay a while longer. But he couldn't get the words past his lips. "Thanks for having me over," Fox said, reaching for his jacket. "Thanks for dinner," Alex responded. "And the talk. It was nice." His eyes locked with Mulder's, and he treated the older man to a warm smile. "Really nice." Mulder returned the smile "Any time." He hoped Alex knew that he meant it. The two stood staring at each other for a few seconds longer, then Mulder moved. "Okay, well. You have a good night." "I...I will. Thanks. You too." Alex stood at the door, watching Mulder like he did several nights before. But this time when Mulder reached the elevator, he turned to face Alex and gave him a soft smile. The left corner of Alex's mouth turned up slowly, and he watched as the door opened and Fox stepped inside. The elevator had probably reached the ground floor before Alex finally closed his door. Shutting the lights off, he picked up the last two empty bottles and walked out of the room. Mulder strolled into his apartment, fully intending to go straight to bed and enjoy his memories of this evening with Alex, but the flashing light on his answering machine drew his attention. Walking over to his desk, he hit the play button and listened to his only message. "Hey, it's me. If you get in before midnight, call me." Rolling his eyes, he picked up the phone and dialed Scully's number. "Hello?" "You rang?" "...Are you home?" "Yeah." "Why?" "S'cuse me?" "It's only eleven! What're you doing home already?" "What d'you mean, what am I doing home already?" "It's Friday night! You shouldn't have been home for hours yet." "So, why'd you leave a message telling me to call you before twelve?" "That was just in case you got home early. I didn't really expect you to." "Well, here I am. Sorry to disappoint you." "How'd it go?" "It...went well." Scully could hear the smile in his voice. "Let's hear it." "Anybody ever tell you that you're a nosy woman?" "Mulder..." Mulder laughed softly. "Okay. Let's see if I can condense this. I brought pizza and beer, we ate, we drank, we talked..." "'Bout what?" "The case, more precisely Cecil Robinson...Tim...the way Alex felt about what happened between them..." "Really." "Yeah. He feels so bad about it. Can't say I blame him. Tim was really good to him." "I understand," Scully said softly. "It never feels good to have to hurt someone. But he did the right thing." "He knows that. He just needed a little reassurance." "So...what about you?" "Me?" "Yeah. Did you say anything to him about how you feel?" "No. It wasn't...it just wasn't a good time, Scully. We really need to become friends first. That's something we never were." "Okay. Friends is good. You think you can do it?" "I think we have to. It didn't work the first time, the way things were between us. It's got to change. And I think it's gotta start with friendship. I can't tell you how nice it was to sit and have a conversation with him." "That's great, Mulder. I'm happy for both of you." Then she took on an amused tone. "So...was there any kissing?" "What'd I just tell you?" "Okay, okay...hand holding?" "Scully..." "What? Friends hold hands." "Scully..." "You're guys. You can't tell me that just because you're gonna be friends first, you don't want to jump each other." Mulder laughed soflty. "Okay. I won't presume to speak for Alex, but I did want to die when he opened the door." "Why?" "He was wearing this...God, this tight, silky black shirt. It had short sleeves, but he still had them rolled up a couple of times." Mulder sighed. "The way they hugged his biceps...and he smelled so good." "Sounds like he went out of his way to make himself attractive to you." "It worked." Scully laughed. "Oh, yeah. I can see this." "See what?" "You two killing yourselves trying not to act like the animals you know you both are. This should be entertaining." Mulder grunted in response. "I'll give it two weeks." "Two...for what?" "Before one of you snaps and attacks the other." "Nobody's going to attack anybody." "Oh. Yeah. Mmm hmm." "You don't believe me!" "Uh....no. You wanna know what I think you should do?" "No. But I'm sure you'll tell me anyway." "Call him tomorrow. Arrange to meet somewhere. Rock each other's world, then concentrate on being friends." "Scully, are you sure you're not a man?" "I've just hung around with enough of your kind long enough to know how...and with what...you think." Mulder said nothing. "You're going to drive each other crazy," Scully said, "until you do it. And you ever think that the frustration might actually work against you? What if you start getting aggravated over the littlest things? Start snapping at each other?" "We'll cross that bridge when and if we come to it. I just...I don't think it's a good idea to complicate things with sex right now. They're already complicated, and they're probably going to get a lot thornier once we start talking about us." "Okay," Scully sighed. "You know what's best." "Since when?" Mulder asked, amused. "Well..." Scully laughed. "You're going to play it whichever way you want, so the only thing I can do is tell myself that you know what you're doing." "Thanks for the vote of confidence." "Sorry, Mulder. I know that somehow it'll all work out. It might not always be pretty, but it'll work this time. You know what you gotta do. Just do it." "I'm gonna try. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to turn in." "Okay. I'd tell you to have pleasant dreams, but I'm sure you will." "G'night, Scully." Mulder hung up and walked into the bathroom, pulling off his shirt as he went. Relieving himself of the three beers he'd earlier consumed, he washed his hands and face, brushed his teeth then stripped off his jeans and fell into bed. He turned onto his side and looked at the empty side of the bed, remembering the time when he'd turned to see Alex lying there, hair sticking up in all directions, cheeks flushed with the satisfaction of their recent exuberant lovemaking...deeply asleep...so beautiful. Then he remembered the nights when lovemaking and sleep were replaced by yelling and the slamming of doors. There were times when one of them would storm out, leaving the other alone all night and sometimes most of the next day, and when they finally returned, the fighting would pick up right where it left off. They would finally either just tire themselves out or end the stalemate with a violent round of sex. Mulder smiled mirthlessly as he remembered those occasions, of which there were many, when he'd show up to work the next day to Scully's horrified gasps. She'd immediately begin to grill him, demanding to know the reasons for the visible bruises and scratches. It wasn't until after he and Alex had broken up that he finally told her the truth about them. She hadn't reacted as badly as he'd been afraid she would. In fact, she'd been surprisingly sympathetic. Even then she'd known that they'd loved each other...even if all the fighting and anger had prevented them from knowing it themselves. Mulder drew his hand over the empty space. Maybe someday Alex would be here again beside him. And things would be different. Alex picked up the remote, turning the t.v. on and idly flipping through the stations He stopped on what looked like an incredibly tacky horror movie on the Sci-fi channel, and dropped down on the sofa, pulling his basket full of washed and dried laundry in front of him. Ready for an exciting Saturday afternoon. As he neatly folded his towels, his thoughts went to his evening with Fox. In the seven months they had been together, he'd never had as pleasant an evening as that. It was so good to be able to sit and actually talk with Fox. They could never do that before without ending up in some sort of argument. Though he'd always loved Fox, now he could say that he actually thought he might be beginning to like him. Yes, it was only their first....what should he call it? Well, whatever it was, it was their first, and they'd only spent a couple of hours together, but Alex had the feeling that it was a very promising start. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so hopeful. He'd folded all the clothes and was getting ready to put them away, when the phone rang. He walked back to the living room and snatched it up, his heart pounding when he saw Fox's number appear on the caller ID. Taking a deep breath, he answered. "H-hello?" "Alex." He smiled. "Hey, Fox. What's up?" That sounded casual, didn't it? "The devices are gone." "...What?" "The reports from the two techs left alive state that three...beings...entered the facility housing the devices at two-thirty this morning. Security couldn't stop them. They had these baton type objects in their hands. Everyone they touched them to, went up in flames." "We've seen this before." "I know." "So, what then?" "They located the devices, but they didn't take them. They destroyed them." "Destroyed them," Alex repeated softly. "Why the hell would they do that?" he asked, whispering more to himself than to Fox. "Your guess is as good as mine. But when they finished, they just...according to the two witnesses, they just evaporated. Then the whole place went up." Alex fell silent, letting what Mulder had just told him sink in. Then he asked, "How did the two witnesses escape them?" "By merely staying out of their way." "No fear." "None." "...Now what?" "I don't know. Looks like yet another dead end. I've been there since four, and have come up with nothing." Alex looked at his watch. "You've been there for...ten hours?" "Guess so." "You must be tired. Have you at least eaten?" "No, I...I haven't had a chance." "Are you hungry?" "Haven't really thought about it." "I'll make you something." "You...no, Alex. It's okay. I'll find something in the fridge." "What? An egg and a dry piece of cheese?" Mulder smiled into the phone. "The cheese, maybe." "I'm making you dinner." "I...I don't want you to disrupt your Saturday for me." "Disrupt...you know what I'm doing? Folding clothes and watching some giant beetle wreak havoc on Los Angeles." Mulder laughed out loud. "Is that on Sci-fi?" "Mmm hmm." "I love that movie." "God. Well, it just started, so maybe you can catch most of it." "Cool." "I'll get some stuff and be there in about an hour." "Are you....Alex, are you sure? I really hate to put you out." "Bye, Fox." Alex disconnected, and Mulder put the phone down on the seat next to him. It took a minute for the end of their conversation to register, but when it did, a smile began to form on his lips. He drove all the way home, smiling. Alex pulled up to Hegal Place and stared up at the building. It'd been so long since he'd been here. The day he left, he thought he'd never return. Yet, here he was. With a trunk full of groceries and thoughts of a completely new and different relationship in his head. He got out of the car and removed the bags and, taking a deep breath, he headed up to Mulder's apartment. Mulder sat up, hearing the soft knock at the door. Jumping off of the sofa, he headed in that direction, telling himself to stay cool. Pausing for a moment, he opened the door and his lips twitched up into a smile. "God, what'd you do, shop for the week?" Mulder took two of the four bulging bags from Alex and stepped back to let him in. "Not the whole week," Alex said, walking past Fox and moving toward the kitchen. Shaking his head, Mulder reached into his back pocket. "What do I owe you?" Alex turned in time to see Mulder pulling his wallet out, and he held up a hand. "Oh, no," Mulder said, his voice insistent. "I feel bad enough about you being over here cooking for me. You're going to let me give you your money back." To avoid an argument, Alex decided it was better to let Fox pay him back. That out of the way, Mulder started to help unpack the bags, but Alex quickly shooed him out of the way. "You've been up since very early this morning. Go lie down. I'll take care of this." "But..." "Goooo." Giving in, Mulder started toward the door and stopped on the other side of it. "Alex?" Alex pulled a package of steak out of the bag and turned around. "Yeah?" Their eyes met and held, and Mulder gave him a smile. "Thanks." Alex leaned against the counter to keep himself upright, and he nodded then pointed into the next room. As Mulder disappeared from his sight, he turned around and gripped the edge. Holy shit, where'd that come from? While he'd seen Fox smile plenty, he'd never been treated to one like that before. It was a devastatingly sweet smile, and while it weakened Alex's legs, it also stiffened his cock. "Damn," he whispered, steadying himself then going back to work, putting the groceries away and getting organized. Out in the living room, Mulder lay on the sofa, listening to the sounds coming from the kitchen. It was surreal. In a matter of months, gone from terminally alone to having Alex back in his life...in his apartment...in his kitchen. He closed his eyes and gave thanks, promising to do everything in his power to always be the man that Alex was in there cooking for. Alex stepped out of the kitchen, having done all he could. Now he was just waiting for the food to finish cooking. As he was about to head into the living room, a knock sounded at the door. He glanced quickly over at Fox, who was sleeping soundly on the sofa. Alex went to the door and checked the peephole. Seeing that it was Scully in the hall, he opened up. Shocked blue eyes stared up at the man standing at the door who was not Mulder, and Scully opened her mouth, trying to say something. "Oh. I...uh..." Alex held a finger up to his lips and motioned her inside. Scully saw Mulder asleep on the couch, and she turned her attention to Alex. "He's been up since before four," Alex whispered, and Scully cocked her head, staring curiously up at him. "Uh...how come. Is he...is he sick?" "No." Moving Scully into the kitchen, Alex explained it the way Mulder had, and Scully stood shaking her head. "You have got to be shitting me." "Nope. Anyway, he was tired, he was frustrated, and he'd had nothing to eat, so I volunteered to come over and make something for him." Scully grinned up at him. "Isn't that sweet of you? Sooo. You and Mulder are getting pretty chummy, huh?" "We're trying to be friends," Alex answered. Scully folded her arms across her chest and leaned against the counter. "You sound like Mulder." "Yeah?" "Krycek..." Scully sniffed at the delicious aromas coming from the oven. "Buddies treat each other to fast food, not home cooked meals." "What're you saying?" "You know what I'm saying." Scully kept staring, waiting for Alex to say something. When he didn't, she shook her head, groaning softly. "Fine. Be like that." She turned to leave, and Alex followed. "Where are you going?" "Home. I came straight here from my mother's and I gotta get home." "You uh...you wanna stay and have dinner with him? It should be done in half an hour or so." "Nooo, no. I wouldn't dream of interrupting your...wait...what d'you mean, have dinner with him? Aren't you staying?" "I...I wasn't going to. I had just come over to cook." "Why? Has he got plans?" "I don't...not that I know of." "Do you?" "No." "Then why would you be leaving?" "Well..." Alex looked from Scully to the kitchen door and then to the floor. "We'd spent some time together last night." "And?" "I don't want to monopolize his time." "Krycek. It's Saturday. Were it not that he'd been called out this morning, he would have spent the entire day inside, doing nothing or pouring over some fifty year old files. I don't think you being here is monopolizing his time. You stay your butt right here. Keep each other company." She tossed him a look. "Isn't that what you...buddies do?" Alex said nothing. "Bye, Krycek." Scully slipped out quietly, leaving Alex alone again with his unconscious buddy. Mulder's lashes fluttered, then his eyes opened, and he looked around. "Mmmmmm." Stretching, he got up and shuffled into the kitchen, where he found Alex moving a casserole dish from the oven to the top of the stove. "Man, that smells good." Alex turned and smiled at him. "You're up just in time. This is done. Just let it cool for about fifteen minutes before eating. There's a salad in the fridge." Mulder listened, confusion creasing his brow. "Why do you sound like you're leaving?" "...I...I am." "Why?" "I told you I'd come cook for you. I have. Now, I'm gonna go and let you enjoy your dinner." "But...I'd enjoy it more if I had someone to eat it with." Alex's mouth opened and closed. "Umm, un...unless you've got other plans..." "No," Alex answered quickly. "No, I don't have...I just didn't want you thinking that just because I made you something to eat, you had to spend the evening with me." "But I want to." Mulder searched Alex's eyes, the beginnings of an irresistible pout pulling his mouth down. "If....if you do." Alex stared, chewing on his bottom lip then lowered his gaze to the floor. "Yeah," he said softly. "O...okay. I'd like to." The pout disappeared, immediately replaced by a wide grin. Alex returned a tiny smile and pulled another dish down out of the cupboard. Finding another cereal bowl, he set that down next to the other one. "Don't you have any salad plates?" "Did I ever?" "I guess I thought you might have acquired some over the past couple of years." "Nope." "All right, then. Uh, by the way, Scully was here." "She was?" "Yeah. Just for a few minutes. She stopped in on her way from her mother's. I filled her in on what happened." Mulder nodded. "I'll talk to her later." Going to the refrigerator, Alex pulled out the purple plastic bowl containing the salad and placed it next to the cereal bowls. "What," Mulder grinned, No comments about the Looney Toons bowl?" "Looney Toons?" Alex asked. "Well, would you look at that? I never even noticed." "Uh huh." Mulder took the bowls, grabbed some silverware, and exited the kitchen, leaving Alex to get the drinks. "Coke or Mountain Dew?" he asked, already reaching for the green bottle. "Mountain Dew," Mulder called from the living room, and Alex nodded, setting the bottle down and opening up the cupboard where he remembered the glasses were. Closing it up, he paused for a moment and shook his head. Opting to check the other cupboards first, he ended up back at the first one. Opening the door again, he looked in at the contents. "Jelly glasses," he whispered, pulling two down. "Okay." He went to the freezer to grab an ice tray and sighed, finding only half a cube. "What are my chances that the other one's full?" He pulled the second tray out. "Lousy. Okay, so, no ice." Mulder walked in as Alex was pouring the soda, and he cursed softly. "You know what? I don't think I have any..." He turned toward the refrigerator and saw the two empty ice trays on the counter beside it. "Oh. I guess you found that out." "Yeah." Alex handed the two glasses to the other man. "Sorry. I was gonna refill 'em, I just..." "You never refilled the ice trays," Alex reminded Fox, and the other man gave him a sheepish grin. "Oh. You remember that, huh?" "Clearly." Alex picked up the trays and filled them then returned them to the freezer. "Okay. Get lost. I'll be in there in a minute." Mulder let Alex shoo him out of the kitchen, and the younger man filled their plates before joining him at the dining room table. Halfway through the meal, Mulder stopped eating long enough to look up at Alex. "This is good." Alex grunted at the older man. "Guess so. You've hardly come up for air." Mulder put his fork down and locked eyes with Alex. "Thank you. For dinner, and...and for staying...." He smirked. "...And for not saying anything about my jelly glasses." "What can I say?" Alex asked. "They go with the serving bowl." After dinner, both men pitched in to clean up then Alex again suggested that he leave, and again Mulder protested. "But if I went, you'd probably go back to sleep." "And be awake at two in the morning." Mulder gave Alex an imploring look. "Please stay?" Alex stared into gold-streaked eyes, captivated. "Are you sure?" Mulder nodded. Alex looked down, unconsciously licking his lips, and Mulder bit back a moan. "Okay. I...I guess if neither one of us has any other plans, there's no sense in spending a Saturday night alone." "So...you want to, uh...to rent a movie or just see what's on t.v. first?" Alex shrugged. "Why don't we check the listings first?" The men agreed on a movie on one of the pay channels, but it wouldn't air for over an hour. "I really liked talking to you last night," Alex said, as they took a seat on the sofa. "We could maybe just talk some more until the movie." "'Kay," Mulder agreed willingly. "What do you want to talk about?" Alex shrugged. "I don't know..." He smiled. "What happened to all your drinking glasses?" Mulder's gaze lowered to the space on the sofa between them. "...Broke 'em." "I never knew you to be clumsy." Mulder hesitated then shook his head. "No, uh...I uh...sorta...tossed them a...against the wall." The smile fell from Alex's face. "Oh. Wow. You must've been pretty pissed about something." Mulder again shook his head. "Not pissed. Not...really." Alex studied the other man for a moment. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." Mulder was quiet for a moment then looked up into the younger man's eyes. "Friends can talk about anything, right?" Alex nodded. "...The night you left. I...I know it was a mutual agreement, but..." Fox pressed his lips together. "I guess I was kind of upset, and I needed to get rid of some frustration." "Must've been a hell of a mess to clean up." "I was picking up glass for weeks." "Did you break them because I had bought them?" "They were the only things left of you in the apartment, and at that point...in that state of mind, I..." Mulder went quiet, shaking his head. "S'okay," Alex said softly. "It wasn't exactly a relief for me, either. I...I never wanted to fight with you like we did." "Me either," Mulder admitted. "But we couldn't seem to stop it, could we?" "No. I'm sorry about that, Fox. I really am." "Me too." "You know," Alex began, "when I left, I never would have thought that...well, first of all, I never thought we'd see each other again, but if we did, I never dreamed we'd ever be able to be friends. I think that was a good part of our problem, don't you? We weren't friends. We just sort of...fell into this turbulent, physical relationship, and it never really progressed far beyond that." Mulder lifted his gaze to Alex's. "...I think you're right about that. "Hard to have a healthy relationship with someone you can't even be friends with. But we're changing that, right? I mean, we're friends now. Or at least moving toward it." Alex gave Mulder a tiny smile. "This is the third time we've been in each other's company and not had any fights...what the hell did we fight about, anyway?" "What didn't we fight about?" Mulder asked, coming more to the point. "Why d'you suppose we did it?" Chewing on his lower lip, Mulder exhaled heavily. "I don't...I'm not sure. Could it be we just needed to mature some?" "Maybe. I...I feel a little more grownup these days. A little more in charge of my life. Even though living conditions with Tim were very comfortable, I didn't feel...there was just something missing. Some part of me." "...Have you found it, now?" Alex dropped his gaze, watching his hand slowly rub up and down his thigh. "I don't know, I...I think...maybe." "I hope you have," Mulder said softly. "You deserve to have the life you want." "What about you?" Alex asked. "Have you...found yourself?" Mulder smiled, and it faded quickly. "I think I'm a wiser man than I used to be. More patient. Less self-centered. I'm thinking that this is a better me than the one you used to know." He shrugged. "But I'm not sure. Maybe you can tell me...after you've gotten to know this me a little better." "It...hasn't been very long at all, but I can tell you that so far I'm liking this you a lot...how do you feel?" Mulder turned onto his hip, facing Alex and rested his head in his hand. "Calmer. Not so wound up. I feel like maybe life hasn't passed me by. Like I haven't wasted it all." Alex listened, taken with the hope he heard in Fox's voice. In the new tranquility he found in the eyes he'd once only seen turbulence in. And so very enraptured by Fox's nearness. The warmth of him...his scent... "It's an amazing feeling. To see the life that you once thought was closed forever, open back up before you...I won't let it close up again." "Fox?" Alex whispered, afraid to ask his next question but pressing on anyway. "What...what are we talking about?" Mulder kept his gaze fixed steadily on Alex's. "Life. Growing up...knowing what we want and being smart enough to hold on to it once we've got it." One side of his mouth slanted upward. "Learning to be friends first." The two stared for a while longer, then Alex's mouth curved up into a warm smile. "That movie on yet?" Mulder's eyes dropped to his watch. "In a little while. Want some coffee?" "We gonna be drinking it out of those jelly glasses?" "No, I think I've got some mugs." "'Kay." "I'll go put it on." Mulder got up to leave, and once he was in the kitchen, Alex laid his head on the top of the sofa cushion and closed his eyes. If he was unsure of where he and Fox were heading before, he wasn't now. //Just...easy. Nice and slow. Don't fuck this up. You can have each other again. Better. Always. Just don't push it.// A few minutes later, Mulder emerged from the kitchen carrying two mugs. Setting Alex's down in front of him, he fought the very strong urge to drop a kiss in the younger man's hair. He settled down in the corner of the sofa to Alex's right and picked up the remote. For more than two hours they sat in relative silence, and when the movie was finally over, Alex stretched and shrugged, smirking at Mulder. "That was actually pretty good." "Yeah," Mulder agreed, turning the sound down a bit and leaning his head back against the cushion. "Why don't you go get some sleep, now? It's late enough that you shouldn't be up at two." Mulder's head snapped up, and he blinked at Alex. "I'm not tired." "Your eyes are all red and glassy," Alex pointed out. Drawing the corner of his lower lip into his mouth, Mulder stared at the other man. "Okay, I'm a little tired." Alex nodded and lightly tapped Mulder's leg. "Get some sleep," he said, rising from the sofa. When he looked back down, Mulder was looking up at him with that knee-weakening pout. He took a deep, calming breath then let it out slowly. "Do you...do you think it's a bad idea to spend too much time together?" Mulder shrugged. "Guess it all depends on your idea of too much." "I don't know what that would be." "Me either." "How do we find out?" Mulder couldn't help smiling. "I guess when we're ready to choke each other, we'll know." Alex laughed softly. "G'night, Fox." Mulder got up and followed Alex to the door. "Talk to you soon. Thanks again for dinner and for the shopping." Alex nodded, using the words Mulder had said to him the night before, on him. "Any time." When Alex was gone, Mulder shut all the lights off and went in to bed. He fell asleep a lot easier than he thought he would. Six weeks later Mulder's knee bounced up and down impatiently as the plane circled the airport for the fourth time. Drumming her fingers on the arm rest, Scully watched intently as he kept looking at his watch. "Got a hot date?" "Hmm?" "You keep looking at your watch." "Well, we've been up here how long?" "They've got to wait for the fog to lift, Mulder." "I know, I know." "Where're you boys going tonight?" Mulder drew the edge of his finger back and forth along the underside of his chin. "No place special. Just dinner and a movie." "You're spending an awful lot of time together." Mulder shrugged. "You haven't even held his hand yet, have you?" "What makes you say that?" "I just know it. Mulder, do something or before you know it, you're going to be too scared too." "I'm already scared." "See?" "I'm just...I'm scared of taking it too far." He turned to look at his partner, the expression in his eyes touching her. "I don't want to screw this up, Scully. I can't." "If you haven't messed it up yet, I doubt you're going to. You don't think he wants just as much as you do to take this at least a little bit further?" Mulder gave no answer. He probably feels the same way that you do. Afraid to screw it up. But one of you has got to make the first move or you're just going to be going round in circles." "I know. You're right." "Well, let's get on it, shall we?" Snapping his partner a loose salute, he finally gave her a smile. "Yes, ma'am." Half an hour later, the plane landed, and Mulder hustled Scully out of the terminal and to their garaged car. Fortunately, traffic was with them, and he got Scully home in record time. Promising to let her know how things went, he roared off, heading back toward Alexandria. The minute he pulled up to his apartment, he jumped out of the car and raced inside. Once inside his apartment, he dropped his bag by the door, peeled off his clothing and ran into the bathroom, turning the shower on. While the water ran, he whirled around the bedroom, pulling out clothing and underwear, then jumped into the shower. Twenty minutes later, he was dialing Alex's number. "...Hello?" "Hi....it's me." "Why do you sound all out of breath?" "Long story. You ready?" "Yup." "I'll be there in twenty." In twenty-two minutes he pulled up to Alex's building, and before he could call up to him, Alex appeared in the doorway of the lobby. Smiling, he exited the building and got into Mulder's car. "Hey." "Hey." "You look nice." "Oh. Thanks. You too," Alex said, his voice husky and low as he looked Fox up and down. Mulder smiled and ran his hand over his cheek. "I didn't even have a chance to shave." It was true, but even if he'd had the time, he probably wouldn't have. "You get in late?" "Yeah. Fog at the airport. I just barely made it home in time to shower and change." "Fox, you should have called me. We could've done the movie another time and just had dinner or something. You didn't have to break your neck trying to make it on time." "But I was really looking forward to it," Mulder argued softly. This is the first time we've really been out." "I know." Alex smiled. "I'm glad you made it." Mulder returned the smile and pulled out into traffic. "So, how was New Jersey?" "Jersey's Jersey. As far as the case goes...we could've called it in." "Yeah?" "Uh huh. A ten year old could've figured out that it was a hoax." "So. No scaly, eight foot monster living under the high school's bleachers?" "Uh...no." Alex laughed softly. "Sorry you went out there for nothing." "Yeah, you and me both. Scully gave me shit all the way back." "I'll bet." "I'm kinda glad it turned out to be nothing." "Why?" "If we did find an eight foot scaly monster, I might still be there." Fox snuck a glance at Alex then looked quickly back to the road, and Alex smiled, understanding his meaning. They reached the theater ten minutes later and walked side by side into the building. "You wanna get the tickets, and I'll go get us some popcorn?" "Sure," Fox said then separated from Alex. The line moved quickly, and he bought the tickets then walked over to the concession stand, waiting only a few seconds before Alex stepped out of line with a bucket overflowing with popcorn and two large drinks. Fox took one of the cups from the younger man, and they proceeded to the second theater. They sat in the stadium section, toward the back, and as they settled into their seats, Mulder looked around. "Y'know, I think the last time I went to the movies, it was to see E.T." "Big surprise," Alex chuckled. "Wasn't that the early eighties?" "Yeah. Eighty-two, I think." The couple watched as more people filed in, and when the lights finally dimmed, and the previews began, the house was only about a third full. Taking a few kernels of popcorn, Mulder tossed them into his mouth and turned to grin at his companion. "Extra, extra butter?" "Of course," Alex answered, taking a sip of his drink. What good is popcorn if it's not drowning in butter?" "Remember we'd melt like, a whole stick of butter and pour it all over microwave popcorn?" "Yeah. I think it's been two years since I've eaten it this way. I didn't know how much I missed it until just now." Alex dove back into the tub, coming up with a handful. "Hope you got a lot of napkins," Mulder said around another mouthful. Alex looked to the other man. "...Oops." "You forgot the napkins?" Alex nodded. "I'll go get some." "No, I'll go," Mulder said, already getting up. "Be right back." Alex watched the older man move smoothly down the stairs and across the front aisle, and he smiled to himself. A movie and greasy popcorn with Fox. Conversation. Laughs. The comfort and ease of it amazed him. This was something he never would have imagined. Certainly not anything he would have dared to hope for, yet they had it. And it led him to seriously wonder what else it might be possible for them to have. His gaze fell on a young couple seated two rows ahead, just beginning to make out, and he smiled. //Ah, young lust.// Such a powerful, all-consuming thing... He lifted his eyes to Fox as he returned, and he drew a relaxing breath. Hell, it was a pretty intense thing at his age, too. Fox dropped down beside Alex and offered him half of his napkins. "Thanks. You wanna offer them some?" Alex asked, smirking as he pointed to the couple in front of them, sucking and licking at each other's mouths. Mulder directed his attention to the young man and woman, and he laughed softly. "Making out in the movie theater. Guess some things never change." The movie began, and the men went silent. Every once in a while, Alex's attention unconsciously drifted to the young couple, who were now more heavily involved in their activity. Once, he cast a sidelong glance at Fox and found the other man's eyes glued to the screen. Stamping down an undercurrent of disappointment, he turned his attention back to the movie. Over an hour later, he and Fox had had their fill of popcorn, and he placed the bucket down on the floor, leaving nothing between them but the shared arm of their chairs. He rested his left arm along the hard plastic, hand draped over the edge, and several minutes later, he felt something brush his fingertips. The sensation was so light he almost disregarded it until he felt it now caressing his knuckles. Instead of looking down, his eyes went to Fox's face, which was still turned to the screen until Fox felt his stare. The golden-brown head turned, and Fox met his eyes for a brief moment then looked down at their hands. Alex followed the older man's gaze and watched as Fox's hand lightly stroked over his. Swallowing hard, he moved his hand, slowly turning it palm side up, and as he looked back up at Fox, their fingers interlocked. Fox continued to look at their hands, now joined together, an expression of pure awe washing over his features. He looked up and directly into Alex's eyes, and his heart skipped two beats. Gently, Alex squeezed his hand and gave him a soft smile, and he all but melted into his chair. He hadn't anticipated that when he'd reached for Alex's hand. He hadn't expected an outright rejection exactly, but he thought that maybe Alex would just sit there, unmoving, and simply allow his touch. //Okay. You're holding hands. Good. That's...that's good.// //Good. God, it's incredible.// The warmth of Alex's flesh. The smoothness of his skin. The very idea that he wanted physical contact shook Fox to his shoes. He returned the smile, his lips trembling with the effort, and in time, he tore his gaze from Alex's face and returned it to the screen. Alex followed suit, accompanying the action with a soft sigh, and Fox bit down on his lower lip to hold himself in check. The movie ended an hour and ten minutes later, and as the lights came up, Fox grudgingly released Alex's hand, and the two exited the theater in silence. It wasn't until they'd begun the walk to the car, that Alex spoke. "Pretty good movie." "Yeah." They reached the car, and once they were inside, Fox turned a wary gaze to the younger man. "We probably shouldn't have eaten all that popcorn, huh?" "Why? Are you not hungry now?" "I think I can still put a pretty good dent in some dinner, but I didn't know about you." "Don't worry about me," Alex murmured. "I can do some serious damage to a grilled Porterhouse." "Okay then," Fox chuckled and headed for the restaurant. "Let's go do some serious damage." The server placed her hands on her hips and smiled down at the two men. "So. Dessert?" "Oh, God," Alex mumbled, leaning back in his chair. "I don't think so." Fox held his hand up and shook his head as the woman looked to him. "I got no place to put it." "All right, then." The server put the check down on the table between the men. "Take your time." As she bustled off, Fox reached for the slip of paper, encountering Alex's hand as he did. "I got it." "Fox..." "Who asked who out?" Fox argued. "You ask me out next time, and you can get it." Alex sighed and released the check. "Promise?" Fox grinned at him. "Maybe. Maybe not." Alex's gaze lowered to the table, and he said nothing. The smile faded from Fox's face, and a small frown creased his brow. "What...did I say something?" "No," Alex whispered then looked back up at the other man, "Nothing." Fox studied the younger man for a few seconds then pulled out his wallet and paid the tab. The ride back to Alex's apartment was a quiet one, and when they arrived, Fox parked and turned to his passenger. "Alex, are...are you sure everything's all right? I can't help feeling that I've done or said something wrong." "No, Fox, you just..." Alex took a deep breath and released it. "That exchange we had over the dinner check just reminded me of an evening out with Tim. He never let me pay for anything. He had to take care of everything, and I just...I've got my own money, y'know?" "I know that. Maybe Tim didn't." "He knew. He just had this gallant streak a mile long, and...and you just reminded me of him earlier." "But he was a great guy though, right? Is it a bad thing for me to remind you of him?" "You were never like Tim." "Yeah. Sorry about that." "I don't want an apology." "Well, what do you want?" "Nothing," Alex said, beginning to get frustrated. "I was just making an observation. I didn't ..." "It wasn't just an observation," Fox argued. "It bothered you. I could see it all over your face. I don't understand." His eyes left Alex's face and scanned the street. "I wasn't trying to be like Tim. I was just trying not to be like...me." "What's wrong with you?" "The me who drove you away two years ago?" "I had as big a part in our break up as you did, Fox. I was just as stubborn, just as combative..." "Yet, Tim seemed to manage just fine with it." "I wasn't like that around him." "You're proving my case, Alex. I brought out the worst in you. You got together with a kind, caring man, and your whole life changed. You found peace and gentleness...and love." "It's true, things did get very quiet. There was no more fighting and yelling." Alex smiled absently. "No flying household appliances. I suppose there was a certain amount of peace in that. "Tim was gentle. Very gentle. And he loved me. As much as I tried, I couldn't love him back. And there was no peace in that. I felt like shit every time he did something sweet...which was often." Fox stared straight ahead, silent for a long while, then he spoke. "Which brings us to why...Alex, we've been dancing all around something, here," he said softly. "Scully's thrown it in our faces, and we've just ignored it, but...maybe we need to talk about it. Just...just talk about it, you know?" He turned to the other man, meeting his wary gaze. "You think we should?" Alex stared for a moment before dropping his gaze. "M-maybe." "When you're sure, let me know." "You didn't sound too sure either," Alex pointed out. "Because I didn't know how you would feel about it. But if you want to talk about it, so do I." "What about if I don't?" "Then we won't. We've gotta both want it." Alex went quiet for a minute then said, "I want to talk about it...you wanna come up?" Not waiting for an answer, he got out of the car. Fox followed and joined him on the sidewalk. Meeting the older man's eyes for a just a moment, Alex turned and walked into the building, Fox staying close behind. When they reached the apartment, Alex walked in, turning on a couple of lights. "You want something? Coffee? Beer?" "I don't think alcohol is such a hot idea," Fox said. "Coffee, maybe?" "'Kay." Alex disappeared into the kitchen and came back a short while later, carrying two mugs. "Thanks." Fox took one mug and waited until Alex made himself comfortable. Taking a sip of the steaming liquid, he set the mug down and turned to Alex. "I think...well, I won't presume to speak for you, but...I think there's something happening here. I think we're looking to build something beyond friendship." His eyes remained fixed on Alex's. "I know that's what I want." Alex stared, mesmerized by the beauty of Fox's eyes and the low murmur of his voice. "It's what I want too," he rasped. "I've never stopped wanting it. I never stopped wishing that we could've worked it out. Even all the while I was with Tim. I mean, I...I lived with it. I learned to manage it and accept the life I had. After a while I got pretty good at suppressing it, and at times I could almost fool myself into believing I was over you." Alex shook his head. "The day I saw you in the gallery shot it all to hell. And it was just a matter of time before Tim and I fell apart." "I really was sorry about that," Fox said. "I wanted what was best for you. I'm still not sure that Tim isn't it." "I'm sure," Alex said confidently. "I hope he finds someone else. Someone who can love him and really appreciate all that he has to give. But it couldn't be me. It could never have been me. He's not the man for me. There's only ever been one." Fox stared intently. "Even with all the fighting and..." Alex nodded slowly. "I know it wasn't healthy. I know we couldn't go on that way, and I'm not suggesting by any stretch of the imagination that we could or should go back to it. But I...I need to be with you, Fox. If you feel the same, we have to agree to work hard at changing the bad stuff." "That's what I was trying to do at dinner, when you accused me of trying to be like Tim." "I didn't accuse you," Alex replied, lowering his head. "I said that what you did reminded me of him. I'm sorry now that I said anything." "Why? If it was how you felt, there was nothing wrong with saying it." "Apparently there was, because you haven't left it alone yet." Fox leaned over, putting his head between his knees. When he rose, he took a deep breath and reached out to touch Alex's hand. "I'm sorry. That's...that's one of the bad things we have to change, huh? I've always had that habit of harping on a subject I just should let drop." "We should talk about the things that bother us. But we need to do it without being sarcastic and hurtful." Fox nodded. "I don't want to hurt you, Alex. I never did. It just...it just seemed to always happen." "I never wanted to hurt you either," Alex said. "I've been thinking about why we did it." "And what did you come up with?" "I'll tell you what I'm sure of." Alex breathed deeply then went on. "I was afraid. Terrified, really. I...I'd never been in...love...before. Never even came close to it. The day I realized that I was..." He stopped, licking the corner of his mouth then continued. "...was in love with you, I freaked. I didn't know what to do with it. I couldn't tell you...I didn't think you felt that way about me at all, and..." Alex went silent, looking into his coffee. "I think I was afraid too," Fox said softly. "...For the same reasons you were." He moved closer to Alex and took the younger man's hand. "Alex..." Deep green eyes rose to meet gold-splashed, and Fox brought the captured hand to his lips. "I love you," he whispered against Alex's knuckles. "It's something I've always known, but like you, I didn't say anything because I didn't think you felt the same. I provoked you into fights to piss you off...drive you to violence, so I could tell myself that I could never love somebody like you. It never worked, but it didn't stop me from trying. All I succeeded in doing, I guess, was make an asshole of myself, and ruin what could have been an amazing life." "I always took the bait for the same reason," Alex said, letting his thumb travel lightly over the swell of Fox's lower lip. "When we were fighting, I didn't have to torture myself with thoughts of my 'unrequited' love. We were both pretty stupid, huh?" Eyes closed, Fox nodded. "So," Alex said softly. "What do we do now?" "I..." Fox opened his eyes and met the intensity of Alex's gaze. "I still think we should take it slow. Get to know the people we never knew before. I don't want to screw this up. Not this time. I can't...there's way too much to lose." After some thought, Alex nodded in agreement. "We've taken a big step tonight, though, huh?" Fox gave the younger man a full, beautiful smile. "I think so, yeah." Alex pulled Fox's hand to his chest and held it there. "I love you, Fox. I didn't think I'd ever have the chance to say that to you." "I love you," Fox returned. "And I promise that I'm going to do everything I can and then some, to make it good this time." "Me too." There was a brief silence, and Fox smiled again. "So, I guess we're really doing this." "Guess so." Fox leaned back against the sofa cushions and pulled Alex into his arms. Sitting quietly, the two embraced, soaking in each other's warmth. Alex turned his face into Fox's throat, inhaling the other man's scent and letting the roughness of the stubbled jaw excite his already over-stimulated senses. His cock awakened quickly, pressing uncomfortably against his jeans, and he had all he could do to keep from pushing Fox onto his back and attacking him. Fox opened his eyes as Alex lifted his head, and he trained a hazy gaze on the younger man. "How slowly are you thinking we need to take this?" Fox cracked a tiny smile. "Why?" Alex's dropped his gaze for a moment then lifted it, giving the older man a timid smile. "I know," Fox breathed, lifting a hand and stroking Alex's hair. "Me too. But do you agree that we really need to get this right?" "Yeah. I just wanted to know that I'm not the only one suffering right now." Fox inhaled and let it out in a deep stuttering breath. "No, you're definitely not the only one suffering." Alex sighed softly. "I guess I'll live through it. Knowing that you love me, and that we're going to work this all out is plenty enough for me to process right now, anyway." Fox nodded. "I didn't expect this conversation tonight. I knew it had to happen at some point, but I didn't think it'd be now, so yeah, I agree that it's a lot to cope with." He looked at his watch and sighed. "I guess we should sleep on it." Alex lowered his eyes. "What is it?" Fox asked. "Tomorrow's a long way away." "...I know. But we need to just keep telling ourselves that this is for the greater good. We need to get right with each other." "You're right." Alex drew back and studied the other man. "Okay. Get out." Smirking, Fox drew himself to his feet and waited for Alex to do the same before starting toward the door. "Wanna go out for breakfast?" Alex asked, leaning against the wall as Fox opened the door. "Sure." Fox moved closer. "You got anything to do after that?" "Nope." "Maybe..." Fox took another step, stopping just millimeters away from the younger man. "Maybe we can spend the day together?" "Maybe," Alex whispered, staring at the succulent mouth. Slowly, Fox leaned forward and brushed Alex's cheek with his lips then moved away. "Call me when you get up." Alex nodded and watched Fox step into the hall. "Good night." Fox turned and moved down the hall, and when he stepped onto the elevator, Alex closed the door and fell back against it, his eyes squeezed shut. He felt so many things at that moment, he didn't know which one to react to first. Fox loved him. He'd admitted it. And Alex had confessed his love also. And now they were set to work past the problems that had separated them two years ago. Incredible. He'd never dreamed...never imagined that a second chance was possible, but here it was, staring him in the face. And Fox was right. They had to take it slow and easy this time. They had to know and respect each other and let this new relationship they were trying to build, grow. The rest would come in time, and it'd be so sweet when it did... Alex closed his eyes and felt the still steady throb of his cock. So, what did they do in the meantime? It was going to be damn tough. Two years later, Fox was still a startlingly sexy man, and Alex found himself just as attracted to him as he had ever been. Peeling himself away from the door, he walked into the bedroom and undressed. He slipped into bed and lay there, his erection tenting the sheet, and he wondered if Fox would have given in if he had asked him to stay a little more...nicely. //Never mind. Just cut it out. Soon,// he promised himself. //You've gone two years without him. You can last a few more weeks. Until then...// Closing his eyes, he grasped his cock and began to stroke. Fox entered his apartment and saw the red light flashing in the dark of the living room. Smiling, he sauntered over toward his desk and groped around for the answering machine's play button. "It's me. You know the drill." Laughing softly, he stopped the tape and picked up the phone, calling his partner. "...How'd it go?" "You're getting very blunt in your old age," Fox said to the woman on the other end. "Yeah, whatever. How'd it go?" "Not like I expected." "Is that good or bad?" "It wasn't bad." "Details." Fox dropped down on his sofa and rested his feet up on the coffee table. "We shared popcorn at the movie...we held hands." "Oooh." "Dinner went well, but at the end of it, I thought I'd screwed up." "How?" "We had a...thing involving the check, he said I reminded him of Tim because I wouldn't let him pay, I got a little defensive, and I thought we were going to end up in a fight. Instead, we talked." "About?" "Us. Where we were, where we are...where we want to be." "Yeah?" He could just picture her bouncing up and down. Well, she ought to love this... "We admitted that we love each other." "You did??" "We did. And we agreed to take it slow, do things right, and make it work this time." "Mulder, that's fantastic!" "I thought so." "So, are you getting together tomorrow? Stupid question. Of course you are...you are, aren't you?" "For breakfast. And we'll probably be spending the day together." "What about the night?" "No, Scully." "Oh, come on!" "Not yet." "Why the hell not?" "We need time together. We need to get used to each other again, and..." "God, you're being annoying." "Look, do you want us to have a good relationship this time or what?" "Yeah..." "All right, then. We gotta do it this way." "Fine. When do you think you'll be done with your little courtship?" "Four o'clock on Tuesday...how the hell should I know?" Scully sighed heavily. "Look...all I can tell you is, when it's right, we'll know it." "Let me remind you yet again, Mulder...you're men! It's always right!" "I'm not talking physically." "Yeah, I know, I know. I just like giving you a bad time. I really do understand. And I'm happy for you guys. You belong together, and you do whatever you feel you need to do to make sure that it works out the way you want it to." "Thanks, Scully..." Fox paused for a moment, then added softly, "...It was hard leaving him tonight." "I'm sure it was." "He can still knock me on my ass with just a look." "You're dyin', huh?" "Like you wouldn't believe." Scully chuckled. "You're gonna be a couple of very frustrated boys by the time you figure out that it's...right." The low groan on the other end told her she was right. "Well, I guess I'll let you go to bed and...suffer." "It's not funny," Fox whined. "I know." Scully tried to keep the amusement out of her voice. "I'm sorry. You go ahead and get some sleep. Then before you know it, it'll be morning, and you'll be back together for the whole day." "Yeah," Fox breathed. "Yeah. Good night, Scully." "G'night." Fox hung up and went straight into the bedroom to start his very long, very sleepless night. "Hello?" "Good morning." "Morning...you just get up?" "No. Been awake since five, but I thought that was a little too early to call you." Fox laughed softly. "I've been up since four." "Oh. Well...you want to make breakfast lunch instead? Maybe you can go back to sleep." "No, I...the reason I've been up since four is because I woke up with you on my mind, and I couldn't stop thinking about spending the day with you." "Yeah?" "Yeah. So, if you don't mind, I'd like to hurry up and get our day started before I explode." The statement earned Fox a hearty laugh. "We wouldn't want that. I'll leave in a few minutes." "Okay. See you soon." Grinning, Fox hung up and walked into the bathroom, whistling. "So...you woke up thinking about me?" Fox grinned at Alex over his apple juice. "I went to sleep thinking about you, too. I'm amazed I got to sleep at all." "I know," Alex murmured. "Me too." Fox studied the other man, shaking his head almost imperceptibly. "This is real, right? I mean...I'm not gonna wake up and find out that the whole thing was a dream." "Want me to pinch you?" "That probably wouldn't be the best idea." A low chuckle met the observation. "Why not?" "I might want to pinch you back." Alex gave the older man a smirk and took a bite of his toast. "So, what d'you want to do today?" Fox sighed and rested his chin in his hand. "Don't know. We could...pack a lunch and go for a hike. Or...rent some movies and be couch potatoes...ooooorrrr......" "I like the idea of the hike and picnic," Alex said. "It's a really nice day." "Okay then," Fox agreed, shoveling scrambled eggs onto his fork. "Hiking it is." "Then maybe later we can fall out with some DVDs." Fox smiled. "Sounds good." The two finished their breakfast and headed off to start their day. The dry pine needles crunched under the men's feet as they trekked up the narrow path in silence. Less than a quarter of a mile later, the path opened up into a wide expanse of land. Fox blinked as the canopy of evergreens gave way to brilliant sun, and he looked back at his companion, smiling. "Think over there's a good place?" Alex looked to the small group of trees and nodded. "Sure. God, I'm starving. Must be all this fresh air." "Did you not spend much time outside?" Fox asked as the two moved toward the trees. "Not really. All my exercising was done in the gym, and...and, uh...Tim had allergies, so..." "That's gotta suck," Fox murmured, setting the food basket down as Alex unfolded the blanket. "My mother had seasonal allergies." He helped smooth the blanket on the ground then dropped down on it. "She sneezed and sniffled through both spring and summer, and most of the fall. I can't imagine..." Fox turned to face Alex and stopped talking. Alex stood at the edge of the blanket, looking down at a spot just beyond Fox's thigh. A troubled frown darkened his features, and Fox sucked in his breath. "Alex?" The soft call of his name snapped his head up, and he met Fox's concerned gaze. "S...I'm sorry. Guess I zoned out for a second." "...Where were you?" Alex took a deep breath and let it out quickly, lowering himself to the blanket. "Nothing. It was..." he shook his head and pulled the basket toward them. "Let's eat. I really am hungry." Fox's hand gently covered Alex's, stopping him from lifting the lid. "Alex?" Alex froze, his hand covered in the warmth of Fox's. "Please tell me." The quietly uttered plea brought Alex's eyes up to Fox's. "I was uh...just...I'm feeling kind of guilty, I guess." "About Tim." Alex nodded and averted his gaze. "Here we are, out together, smiling, having a nice time, and...I just...I'm just seeing his face...like it was the day I left. I hurt him so much." "When you love, you hurt," Fox said softly. "He loved you. He loved you enough to know that he had to let you go. He loved you enough to finally bring himself to call me and let me know that you had left." He kept his tone soft and even. "I never told you the details of our conversation, not that there was much, but...Tim said he knew that you loved me, and he asked me to go to you and do everything I had to do to get you back and make it work. He knew we should be together, Alex, and he loved you enough to want that for you." "I've never known anyone like him," Alex said, looking at the ground. "He's so damned unselfish." He continued to stare. "Yet I couldn't love him. It's crazy when you think about it." "Yeah," Fox said almost inaudibly. "It is." Alex glanced up and saw the look of dejection that Fox was trying hard to disguise, and he groaned softly. "I'm sorry, Fox. I...I didn't mean to..." "No. You're right. When you think about it, it's nuts. Tim's like...every man's dream." "Not every man. As wonderful as he was, I couldn't...I just...he wasn't the man for me. And while I felt like such a shit for having to tell him that, I knew I had to." "But now you're feeling guilt over it." "I feel guilty that I had to hurt him, yes. I don't love him, but I do care very much about him, and if there had been any way to keep from hurting him..." "The only way you'd have been able to do that, Alex, would've been to love him." Fox paused, taking a breath. "I know I've asked you this before, but...are you absolutely sure that that wouldn't have been possible in time?" "I'm sure," Alex said quietly. "I can't give to him what's always belonged to someone else." "But you can't stop feeling remorseful. Anyone with a heart would. It's only natural." "But you don't need to keep hearing about it," Alex murmured. "It bothers you. If talking to me helps in any way, why shouldn't you?" Alex said nothing. Fox moved closer. Almost close enough to kiss. "I want you to be able to talk to me if something is bothering you. No matter what it's about." Alex lifted his gaze and looked directly into Fox's eyes. "You're different from before." "Good different or bad different?" "Good," Alex almost whispered. Fox nodded. "I don't want to screw up. I don't want to be the jerk who drove us apart." "Don't put that all on yourself," Alex said. "I was as responsible as you were...and for the record, you weren't a complete jerk. There were things about you that I'd never want to change." "Yeah?" Fox gave the other man a soft smile. "You're going to have to tell me what they are so I'll be sure to leave them alone." Alex returned the smile. "I'll make out a list." "List. C'mon. Can't be more than one or two things." "You'd be surprised, I guess, to know that there's much more than that." "I guess I would be. Toward the end, I didn't think there was a thing about me that you liked. And I didn't blame you." "You keep talking about yourself," Alex said. "What a jerk you were, how unlikable you thought that I thought you were. What about me? You couldn't have liked me none too much either." "I won't tell you that you didn't piss me off royally a lot of the time," Fox answered honestly. "But after you were gone, I could see that you were only reacting to the way I was." "And therefore shared none of the blame for what happened to us?" Fox shrugged. "No. Don't go around telling yourself that I was innocent. I wasn't. I was a prick." "Alex, you weren't..." "I was," Alex insisted. "You know...Tim thought I was the greatest thing since sliced bread...maybe that was my fault. I should have made him see me as I really was...I don't know. But...you knew the real me. I know you did. Don't start turning me into some poor, put upon child because you think taking all the blame on yourself is the gallant thing to do." "I'm not trying to be gallant," Fox argued. "I know that we provoked each other. But ...I can't help thinking that if I weren't such a damn idiot, you wouldn't have felt the need to...you would have been more secure in our relationship, and..." "Why does it have to be that way?" Alex asked. "Why couldn't it have been the other way around? Maybe if I'd stopped being such a bastard, we wouldn't have fought the way we did." "No," Fox said, shaking his head. "No, Alex..." "It was both of us," Alex maintained. "Not just you. Not just me. You and me. We screwed us up." His voice softened. "We did." Fox was silent for a moment then met Alex's eyes. "Can we fix it?" "...I think we're heading in the right direction. We...we could never talk this much before without having a knock down, drag out fight." "I thought maybe we might have been heading for one just now," Fox replied softly. "I know. It's amazing, the difference communication makes. We had none of that two years ago, and we failed." "I don't want to fail this time," Fox murmured. "Me either," Alex whispered back, staring intently at the other man. "Then we won't," Fox resolved. He lifted the lid of the basket and reached inside. Smiling, he withdrew some of the contents and held it out in offering. "Drumstick?" The crystal clear blue sky gave way to thickening clouds, and a breeze whipped up, rustling through the tender mid-spring leaves. Alex opened his eyes and looked up then turned his gaze to his companion. Fox lay quietly, eyes shut, looking very much like he was asleep. It wasn't until he felt Alex shift that his lashes lifted, and he turned to look at the man lying a few feet away. Their eyes met, and Fox gave the younger man a serene smile. "Was it supposed to rain?" Alex asked softly, his eyes drifting from Fox's eyes to his mouth then back again. "I didn't hear anything about it," Fox answered in a similar tone, then he looked up at the sky. "Looks like it's gonna do something though, doesn't it?" "Yeah. Maybe we ought to start back." Both men sat up and gathered the remnants of their picnic lunch then folded the blanket up and started back in the direction of Fox's car. Halfway back, it began to drizzle. "Couldn't have waited fifteen minutes, nooooo," Fox said, grinning at Alex as they slowly got wet. Alex smiled then began to laugh. "Remember that night I picked you up at the airport and we wound up in a big fight because I was late, and you had to wait?" Fox smirked. "Yeah. You had to stop at a light, and I jumped out of the car. I was so pissed, I was going to walk home." "Yep. I was all set to let you too, but then the sky opened up. I parked and ran after you, and we fought out in the rain. After a few minutes of trying to get you to come back with me, I said to hell with it and stormed back to the car to find that I'd locked the damn door and left the keys in the ignition." Fox broke into laughter. "I thought you were gonna kill me that night." "So did I," Alex cackled. "I couldn't believe I had to break into my own car." The car came into sight just as the rain fell harder, and the couple broke into a jog. Falling into the vehicle, Fox ran his fingers through his damp hair. "How many hours did we go at it that night?" "God," Alex sighed. "Until dawn, almost. I don't know how you made it through work the next day." Quiet settled in on the compartment as Fox started the car and started down the path, then he spoke. "Anger kept me going. I literally fed into my own rage. Every time I started to settle down, I'd purposely work myself back into an angry state so I wouldn't have to admit to myself that what I really wanted was to go home and put my arms around you and apologize and...I wanted so much to be sweet and loving with you, and I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to it. After that particular fight or any other. And I think...I think it was all fear based." Alex nodded his agreement. "I had no idea what to do with my feelings for you. As far as I could see, you didn't feel the same, and so I felt like I could never tell you. It was frustrating and confusing and...and I guess I was scared. I handled it all wrong." "I guess we both did," Fox answered. "Amazing how things can get so needlessly screwed up." "I know. When I think about all the pain that we could've prevented..." Alex stopped talking and looked out the passenger's side window. "You thinking about Tim again?" "Yeah, I...it wasn't just us that got hurt." "You ever think about calling him?" Fox asked. "See how he's doing?" "I don't think that'd be such a hot idea, do you?" "Maybe not," Fox said. "I guess I was just thinking about what might make you feel better." Alex continued to stare out the window. "The night I left...he wanted to help me find someplace to live. I told him no. I said that we needed to make the break clean. I thought that dragging it out wouldn't be good for either of us. He can't forget me if I call and talk to him." "Alex, I...I don't think you realize something." Alex turned his head and looked at the other man. "That phrase, 'out of sight, out of mind' is a load of crap. Look how long it'd been since we'd seen or spoken to each other. I never forgot you. I missed you every day. I really don't think lack of contact is going to change Tim's feelings." Alex sighed. "I don't know, I...I understand that it isn't true in a lot of cases. I never stopped missing you either. But maybe it'll be different for Tim. Maybe when he's had enough time to think about it and realize that he was wasting his time on a man who didn't love him, he'll be okay." "You thought I didn't love you," Fox pointed out. "I thought you didn't love me. Apparently it didn't make any difference to either of us. If...if you don't want to talk to him, don't let me change your mind. I just want you to understand that Tim might never get over you." "In which case, it definitely wouldn't be a good thing to talk to him. I don't want to cause him any fresh hurt." Fox nodded. "I understand what you're saying. But...would you feel better knowing that he's doing okay?" "I suppose I would, but..." "What if Scully talked to him?" "Scully?" "Yeah. I'd do it, but I don't think it'd be any better for him to see me than it would be to see you...in fact it might be a little worse. But if Scully accidentally bumped into him..." "I don't know, Fox. I..." "Okay, well, think about it. I'm sure she'd be happy to check on him if you'd like." Alex was quiet for several minutes then shifted in his seat so that his upper body was facing Fox. "I don't...I don't understand. Why are you so concerned about me knowing that Tim is okay?" "He was very good to you," Fox answered. "I'm grateful that you were able to have a decent life. I feel like...I don't know. He's someone I could see being friends with if it weren't for the fact that he'd been your lover for the past year. More than that, I want you to be happy and at ease." Sable lashes lowered for a moment then lifted, and Alex stared at the other man. "Thank you, Fox." "What for?" "For being so..." Alex stopped, searching for the words. "...plugged in to me." He smiled in the increasingly dim light. "So much about you is the same, but like I said earlier, there are some things that are so different. I know you, and I don't." Fox nodded at the observation. "I think that about you too. And I'm really looking forward to knowing the Alex that I never gave myself the opportunity to know before." Almost half an hour later, Fox pulled up to Alex's apartment, and the younger man gave him an inviting smile. "Care to see me inside?" Shutting off the engine, Fox tossed a smirk in Alex's direction. "You gonna let me walk you to your door then turn me away?" "That wouldn't be nice," Alex answered. "After such a long elevator ride, the least I can do is invite you in for a drink. Besides, I though we were gonna watch some videos or something?" The couple left the vehicle and walked together into the building, riding the elevator in silence. Reaching Alex's floor, they stepped into the hall and made their way to Alex's door. Unlocking the door, Alex stepped inside and flipped on a light. Fox followed, shutting the door behind him then trailed Alex into the living room. "So, what'll it be?" Alex asked as he removed his jacket and hung it up. "What'cha got?" "Uh..." Alex smirked. "Good question. "Let's see." Fox followed the younger man into the kitchen and watched as he opened up a cabinet door and looked inside. "Ha. Not much. Gran Marnier, Kaluha, Vodka..." Fox's eyebrows lifted. "Got orange juice?" "Yup." "That'll work." Alex mixed Fox's drink then poured a straight shot for himself, and the two adjourned to the living room, where they sat side by side on the sofa. "So," Fox said, turning to Alex and giving him an inviting smile. "Talk to me. Tell me things about yourself that I don't know." Alex released a surprised laugh, not expecting the request. "Uh...really?" "Yeah," Fox breathed, little boy excitement sparkling in his eyes. "I wanna know. I don't care how little or silly you think it is. I want to know it...if you want me to," he added. "Yeah, I..." Alex stopped to take a breath then started. "Wow." Alex thought a minute then smiled and lowered his head. "This is harder than I thought it would be. Maybe you could ask me some stuff." "Okay...what don't I know....uhhhh...did you ever have any nicknames?" "I don't know. Would you call Alex a nickname? It's just short for Alexei." "I don't know either," Fox mused. "But that's something I didn't know. So, what else? I already know your favorite color is black...I know what you like to eat...how about family? You've never mentioned family at all." "Not much to mention, I guess," Alex said. "My mother is dead, I think my father's still alive, not that I care...no brothers or sisters that I know of. I have one aunt and a couple of cousins...if they're all still alive, and the grandmother who was alive when I left is now dead." "Where are they?" "Russia." "Are you in contact with them?" "I tried once. My aunt went nuts and hung up." Fox tilted his head curiously. "See," Alex explained, she's very, very superstitious, and apparently, my father had told her that I was dead..." "Why the hell would he do that?" "He was always very abusive. After my mother died, he got worse. When I turned twelve, I'd had enough, and I ran away. Rather than tell my maternal grandmother what had happened, he lied and said that I had fallen from his fishing boat one night. He told her and my aunt that he'd searched and searched, but he couldn't find my body." Fox listened, horrified. "I don't...how did you know this?" "I'd been hiding out around town, and I heard a woman who'd been good friends with my grandmother, telling someone else in front of the bakery." "Jesus. Why didn't you go to your grandmother so she'd know that your father was lying?" Alex shook his head. "You don't understand, Fox. I wouldn't expect you to, but...I couldn't. It...it wasn't done." "Wasn't done." "I couldn't dishonor my father." "You...he was abusive, and a liar." "He couldn't tell them that I'd run away." "More of that dishonor crap?" Alex shrugged and said nothing. You're right," Fox said softly. "I don't understand. So, what did you do then?" "Made my way to England. Took me seven months, a lot of odd jobs, and some stuff you really don't want to know about, but I made it. I lived on the streets for a while...not long, actually, and I was picked up by a very well-dressed, well-to-do man." Fox eyes grew wide. "The...the Brit?" Alex nodded. "He cleaned me up, fed me, gave me a warm bed. I was grateful. So grateful that when he introduced me to his American friend one day and told me that I was to go to work for him in the U.S., I did so without question." "That's how you got started with the Consortium?" Alex nodded. "You were just a child." "I grew up fast. Didn't have a choice. They educated me. Trained me. A couple of the European members took a uh...an interest in me, and whenever they were in the country, the Smoker loaned me out to them. American hospitality, he called it." "Christ," Fox muttered through his teeth as he tried to close his mind to the images that had suddenly begun running through it. "You sorry now that you wanted to know everything about me?" Golden-brown lashes lifted, and Fox met the other man's eyes. "No. I want to know. No matter how hard it might be to hear, everything that's happened in your life has had some part in making you who you are." He moved closer, stroking one hand over the back of Alex's head. "And I want to know all of you." Mesmerized by the soft light in Fox's eyes, and the gentleness of his touch, Alex sat motionless for long seconds. When he finally composed himself, he cleared his throat and spoke. "I...they gave me my first job when I was just seventeen. I had no idea who the mark was. They never gave me his name. I was supplied with his location, the best time to catch him, and the necessary tools for the job, and I did it." Alex paused for a moment then continued. "I...I did it." His eyes fell away from Fox's. "I was cool. Professional...just like they'd taught me. Later, when I was alone, I threw up. Then I crawled into bed and stayed there. Three days later, they decided to come looking for me. Even though I'd done the job well, they were...concerned...with my reaction. They had me dragged out of bed and brought to one of their facilities where I was placed in a more intensive training program." Alex didn't explain, but he didn't need to. "It's amazing how you can be taught to become inhuman. I mean, I...I guess my father would have to get the credit for starting me down that road, but the Consortium finished the job. "I started to feel again that day that I thought Augustus Cole had shot you. For the first time in I couldn't remember how long, I was scared. It took me a while to figure out why, but when I did, everything started going to hell. In their words, I became hard to handle. Finally, they tried to get rid of me, and that's when I bolted. The rest is...you know the rest." "So," Fox began, "you're saying that I was what made you..." "Yeah," Alex broke in. "You brought me back from total darkness, and you never knew it." Alex gave Fox a tiny smile. "Then a few years later, I actually was stupid enough to wish that the blackness had swallowed me." "I'm sorry, Alex," Fox whispered, his hand tenderly massaging the back of the younger man's neck. Alex shook his head. "Don't apologize any more. I know you're sorry, and you know I'm sorry." "I know, but...I just...it kills me now to think of how much I'd hurt you." "I understand. I feel the same. I hate all the things I did and said to you." Alex's hand lowered to Fox's knee and his thumb stroked it slowly. "But look where we are now." Fox nodded and smiled. "Yeah." "Sssooo," Alex whispered, his eyes on Fox's mouth. "What else do you want to know?" Fox licked his bottom lip then clamped down it with his teeth before answering. "Do you really want to hear?" "Yeah." "I...want to know if I was just imagining it that day you took me by surprise in the gallery, or if you're even better a kisser than you used to be." Alex lowered his eyes and said nothing. "I'm...I'm sorry, Alex, I shouldn't have..." "No." Alex stopped Fox. "No, I..." He lifted his eyes, and they locked with the other man's. "I don't think I'd ever had an impulse as strong as I did that day in the gallery. I couldn't...I...had to. It'd been so long since I'd...and you were so close, and..." He lowered his head, not knowing how to say it. Fox's hand slid around to Alex's cheek, and he tipped the younger man's head up. He heard Alex's breath catch as their lips brushed, and when they met fully, a soft, uncontrollable moan sounded in his throat. Alex wound his arms around Fox, his hands moving tentatively over the older man's back as he opened his mouth, and their tongues met in a gentle caress. An irrepressible tremor ran through his body and passed to Fox, who drew him closer and deepened the kiss. Fingers curling in the other man's hair, Alex opened fully to Fox, offering that which had always been his. Fox's tongue danced over his, teasing it for a short while before scouring the interior of his mouth, re-learning every crevice and ridge, remembering his taste...re-claiming his man. Reluctantly breaking the kiss but not moving far enough away to lose contact with Alex's mouth, Fox whispered against them. "I'm so afraid that this isn't real." Gingerly, Alex licked Fox's lower lip then dusted it with a light kiss. "I was thinking the same thing." Stroking the younger man's cheek with his fingertips, Fox came in for another kiss. When they parted, Fox emitted a shuddering breath. "I think it is." Before he could inhale, Alex pulled him into another kiss, this one more demanding than the previous two. Grunting deep in his throat, he clutched at the younger man, devouring the mouth moving over his with such passion. It was real. It was. He was sitting here on Alex's sofa, in Alex's apartment, feasting on the lips of said man, and though it had always felt this good, it had never felt this right. As if reading Fox's feelings, Alex pulled away and, panting softly, studied the other man. "This feels..." "Different," Fox finished. "But...not entirely." Alex nodded. "I like the way it feels." "Me too." The younger man looked down in the direction of Fox's mouth, whispering hoarsely. "What...what do we do now?" Fox closed his eyes briefly, waiting for the sudden, violent rush of blood to settle. "Which part of me do you want an answer from?" Alex smiled at the question. Then the smile faded. "I guess it'd be wrong to fall into bed now." "Not wrong. Maybe just...a little soon." Fox searched Alex's eyes. "Do you think?" "I...you sound like you're not sure." "Well, we'd just talked about this yesterday, and..." Fox averted his eyes. "I guess I'm not sure." "I'm not either. Then, I guess if we're not sure..." "I know," Fox murmured, looking downward for a moment before lifting his gaze to Alex's face. "We'll both know when it's right." Alex nodded, then a concerned wrinkle formed between his brows. "What if we..." Fox tilted his head curiously. "What if we what?" "What if we don't know? Or one of us thinks so but the other doesn't? Or..." "Alex?" Fox interrupted, a grin beginning to form. Alex stopped rambling and blinked up at the other man. "We'll know," Fox said, softly and confidently. Alex returned the grin. "Okay. But umm...what do I tell the uh...the rest of me in the meantime?" "I don't know," Fox said, breaking into a full smile. "But when you come up with something, let me know, huh? If it works, I can use it on the rest of me." Alex laughed softly. "This is gonna be tough, I think." Fox stroked the younger man's cheek. "But worth it. You're so worth it. I wish I'd realized that two years ago." Alex nuzzled Fox's hand and turned an adoring gaze on him. "You keep saying sweet stuff like that, and we're gonna have a problem." "Why?" Fox smirked. "That turn you on?" "Just a little," Alex whispered, gently licking the side of Fox's thumb as it drifted over his cheek. Fox moaned and moved his thumb closer to Alex's mouth. His eyes closed, and his lips parted on an aroused sigh as Alex opened his mouth slightly, allowing him to push it inside. "Ohhh, this is bad," he gasped, his cock throbbing as he remembered plunging it in and out of the hot mouth now teasing his thumb. //Christ.// "Alex...ah...oh...oh, shit," Fox whispered breathlessly as the younger man sucked greedily. "It...I...baby, please..." Did that sound as desperate as he thought it did? Alex wrenched himself away, the realization of what he was doing dawning on him as the anxiety in Fox's voiced reached him. "I'm sorry," he gasped. "I'm...I'm sorry..." Fox's eyes rolled up into his head, and his lashes dropped down over them. He breathed heavily in an effort to regain control. When he relaxed a bit, he opened his eyes to find Alex slumped in front of him, looking guiltily at their touching thighs. "Alex..." "I couldn't...I...I couldn't..." Alex stammered then stopped and took a shaky breath. "I'm sorry. I forgot how easy it is to get carried away." Fox caressed the younger man's cheek. "Don't be sorry. God. My God, Alex, you...I've missed you so much. I've never stopped wanting you, and...this is going to be harder than I think either one of us realized." Alex nodded and lifted tormented eyes to Fox's. "What're we gonna do? 'Cause I don't...all I can think about right now is how much I don't want to wake up tomorrow morning without you beside me." "I know," Fox breathed, pulling Alex in and resting his forehead against the other man's. "But...we need to make a decision and stick to it. I'd been thinking that if we gave in and slept together, it would just overwhelm us and take the focus off of the relationship we want to build." He backed up a bit and met Alex's eyes. "I don't know. What d'you think?" "I think you're right," Alex readily agreed. "It's what I've been thinking. But you gotta help me, Fox. My willpower is shot. I spent so long wanting you. Even when I shouldn't have...especially when I shouldn't have. I rarely went more than a few days without something reminding me of you...without remembering how we..." Alex stopped for a minute, debating whether or not he should continue. He decided to. "...If Tim knew all the times that I'd be thinking of you when we were..." He blinked up at Fox. "I tried not to. I didn't want to. But so many times, it was the only way I could...you know." Fox listened quietly. "Does that make me a terrible person? Using memories and fantasies of you to get through sex with him?" "Just makes you human," Fox murmured. "He never knew, right?" "No, I...I don't think so." "Then it didn't hurt him. But it hurt you. And for that, I'm so sorry." "It...I just felt so bad about it. He didn't deserve what happened. I never should have started a relationship with him. I should have stayed alone." He stared intently into Fox's eyes. "I should've had the guts to be by myself." "I don't think it's a matter of bravery," Fox answered softly. "If someone that wonderful had come along and wanted me, I probably would've done what you did. No one wants to be alone." Alex lowered his eyes. "I wonder if Tim's lonely now." "I hope not," Fox sighed. "It's a terrible thing, being lonely." Alex leaned into Fox, and the older man's arms came up around him as Alex laid his head on his shoulder. "Let's not be lonely any more," Alex said impetuously, wrapping his arms around Fox. "Stay with me." "Alex, I..." "We don't have to do anything," Alex promised. "I just want you there next to me when I close my eyes tonight." Fox's lashes fluttered, and he inhaled deeply as he imagined falling asleep in the warmth of Alex's arms. For a moment he thought he could do it. Then his mind started to wander. Warm, smooth skin, bare beneath his hands. Alex's intoxicating, unforgettable scent...the hard, velvety length of his cock, rubbing against Fox's thigh as they lay pressed together... "You think my willpower's any better than yours?" Fox breathed unevenly as his cock strained against his pants. "There's no way in hell I could lie in bed with you and just go to sleep. Especially after so long." His hands began to travel over Alex's back, and he tried hard to suppress their trembling. "I'd never be able to control myself." Alex's hands clenched in the back of Fox's shirt, and he turned his head, nuzzling the other man's neck. "Then you don't have to," he whispered. "I don't want you to." "But," Fox swallowed, "We just talked about it...you just said we didn't have to..." "We don't. But...we want to," Alex moaned against Fox's ear, making him shiver. "Don't we." Fox nodded, unable to say anything at the moment. Alex brought one hand around to Fox's chest, stroking it gently through his shirt before undoing one button. "I'd lie awake nights," he whispered, "thinking about the things you did to me. I wanted you so much, I thought I'd go crazy." He undid another button. "I tried not to think about you...I really tried." His hand slipped inside Fox's shirt and stroked briefly over a nipple, sending an electric jolt through the older man. "I couldn't stop. Some nights when it was really bad, I'd sneak into the bathroom, lock the door and lie down on the rug and jerk off." Fox sat clinging to Alex, shaking uncontrollably. "If I concentrated hard enough, I could feel your hands on me...your mouth...God, that mouth, Fox. I need it." Alex lightly pinched Fox's nipple, drawing a harsh grunt from the other man. "I think I'll lose my fucking mind if I can't have it wrapped around my cock tonight." So much for waiting. Emitting a breathy growl, Fox speared his fingers through Alex's hair and jerked him into a hard kiss. Alex clutched at Fox, his long suppressed hunger now unleashed. He devoured the other man's mouth, sucking and biting at the generous flesh, unable to get enough. The sudden touch of Fox's hand at his crotch drove him into a frenzy, and Alex shoved him onto his back and began to tear at his shirt as Fox tugged at the button and then the zipper of his jeans. As the older man's hand worked its way inside his underwear, a cell phone rang. "Shit." The phone rang again. "It's mine," Fox gasped as Alex's mouth latched onto his throat. "I...damn...I gotta check it." Understanding that Fox had to see who was calling but nevertheless frustrated at the interruption, Alex drew back with a soft whine. Fox snatched the phone up and looked at the small screen. "Scully." He looked up at Alex. "She knows where I am tonight. If she's calling..." Taking a deep breath, Alex nodded his acknowledgment. "Yeah, Scully." "Mulder, I'm sorry. I know you're probably still with Krycek." "Yeah," Fox breathed. "I am." "You sound out of breath...did I interrupt something?" "Kinda, yeah." "Damn," Scully hissed. "I'm sorry. You know I wouldn't bother you if it wasn't important." "I know." Fox raked a hand through his hair and gave Alex a remorseful look. "What's going on?" "Skinner called a little while ago. There's been a murder downtown." "Since when are we in homicide?" "There's more. An eyewitness has identified the killer as an eight foot, translucent...thing that kinda just drifted away after it had killed the guy." "Drifted away." "Yeah. " "Anybody do a drug test on this eyewitness?" "I know, Mulder. That was my first question. He's clean and sober. Skinner wants us down at the coroner's office," she finished regretfully. "Christ. I'll...I'll meet you there." Alex bowed his head and closed his eyes. Fox disconnected and turned his attention to the quiet man. "Alex, I'm s..." "I know," Alex rasped then looked up at Fox and gave him a pained smile. "Think it's somebody's way of letting us know that we were about to make a really big mistake?" "No," Fox whispered, reaching up to stroke Alex's jaw. "I think it's just really, really bad timing." Alex lowered his eyes. "I could come back, but...it's probably going to be pretty late." Alex shook his head and shrugged. "You don't want me to come back?" "No, I...it's just...I can't help thinking that this wasn't coincidence." "I don't understand. You don't think I planned to..." "No," Alex broke in. "Of course not. But I do think it might be some sort of sign. We're not supposed to do this now." "Alex," Fox whispered. "Nobody's a bigger believer in signs than I am. But I don't believe that fate's keeping us apart tonight." He anchored his fingers in Alex's hair and pulled him down into a soft kiss. "Let me come back when I'm done downtown," he murmured against the younger man's mouth. "And we'll pick this up where we left off." The gentle vibration of Fox's words against his lips, lulled Alex into a dreamy state, and he opened to the other man, pulling him into a deep kiss. Unwillingly, he broke away and lifted himself from the heat of Fox's body. "Make it quick." Smiling, Fox rose from the sofa and straightened his clothing. "As quick as I can." Less than a minute later, Fox left with another passionate kiss and the promise to return as soon as he could. From the sofa, Alex watched him walk out the door then fell over onto his side and buried his face in a pillow, attempting to drown out his loud, frustrated groans. Several seconds passed, and he fell silent, pulling the pillow away from his mouth. Turning onto his back, he closed his eyes and waited. "Look. I know what I saw, 'kay? It was big. Dark but sorta see through." "And it killed Mr. Harmon." "Yeah. It was over him. On him. And he was screaming and thrashing around. Then he just...stopped. A few seconds later, it left." Scully looked down at the report. "Your words to Officer Nelson were, '...then it just drifted away. Like a cloud." "That's what I said." "And what were you doing all this time?" Fox asked, tapping two fingers on the file cabinet he was draped over. "Frozen in my tracks, shitting my pants!" "Was there anyone else around? Anyone you saw?" "Not that I saw." "Fine. We're gonna let you go now, Mr. Harmon." Fox pulled a card from the inside pocket of his jacket. "But if you think of anything else, give us a call." The agents watched the man leave the room then turned to look at each other. "He seems really sure, doesn't he?" "He does," Fox agreed with his partner's observation. "There definitely is something weird going on. That residue that was left on the body speaks to that." He looked at his watch and moaned softly. "We haven't had time to talk about it," Scully said, "but uh...what was going on with you and Alex tonight?" Fox closed his eyes and rubbed at the corners. "Let's just say that your call couldn't have come at a worse time." Scully smirked. "Mulder. Did I drag you out of bed?" "No. If you had waited a little bit longer, though..." "What happened to all your talk about waiting and making things right?" "That was our intention. Right up until the time I kissed him. It was all downhill from there." "I'm sorry, Mulder. I really, really am." Scully looked at her own watch. "Damn. It's later than I thought. Did you tell him you'd go back there?" Fox nodded. "As soon as I could. He's gotta be asleep by now, though." "I'm sure he won't mind if you wake him." Fox smiled. "No, I guess he wouldn't." He pulled out his phone. "I'll call him first." Before he could hit the first number, his phone rang. Checking the incoming number, he frowned. "Ah, what the hell...Mulder...are you kidding me? When? Where?" He banged the back of his head against the wall. "Any witnesses this time?" He mouthed the word 'fuck' and sighed heavily into the phone. "Yeah. Yeah, all right. We're leaving now." Scully waited while her partner shouted his intense frustration and pounded and kicked the same file cabinet he'd only just been leaning over a few minutes before. "Not another murder," she said when Fox had ceased his tantrum. "Oh, yeah. Just a few blocks away from the first. Same type of residue all over the body. No witnesses this time." "Damn," Scully whispered. "So, we're heading down to the scene?" "Skinner's orders." He cast a sharp glare at the woman. "Doesn't that man sleep?" Scully looked at her watch again. "No, but I'd sure like to. Do you realize that the sun'll be up in just two and a half hours?" "I'm more than aware of it." Emitting a long groan, Fox hit Alex's number. "He's really going to think he's right, now." "About?" "About this being a sign that we shouldn't...Alex." His tone softened to an affectionate purr. "Were you sleeping? I'm sorry. Listen, I...we're done for now with this case, but we just got called down to a very similar scene. I don't know what the hell's going on here...yeah. I don't know how long we're going to be...it's not okay. I wanted so much to...no it isn't. It isn't. Listen to me. I don't care what time we get done here. It's the weekend, and we can..." Scully watched Fox's determined expression fade. "Yeah. Yeah, okay. I guess...I don't know. I guess I'll see you whenever, then...bye." Fox shoved his phone into his pocket and stalked out of the room with Scully hot on his heels. "Mulder...Mulder." "What?" "I know that look. I know that tone. Knock it off." "He told me to forget about tonight. He said I should go home after this and get some sleep. In fact, he insisted." "And?" "And what? That's it." "He's disappointed, Mulder. Like you are. And like you said, he's probably convinced now that it just wasn't meant to be. Not tonight, anyway." "And that's reason to push me away? It's not my fault that this happened, but I feel like he thinks it is." "He does not think that you're to blame," Scully insisted. "Come on, Mulder, cut it out. Let's go check out this other murder. Then, when we're done, you get your ass over to Krycek's apartment. I don't care what he said; he wants to be with you. You know he does." "No," Fox murmured as the pair walked out of the police department and toward their car. "...I don't know." Six-ten Alex lay staring at the clock, unable to sleep a wink since Fox's call a few hours earlier. //He must've gone home.// //Well, you told him to.// Alex turned onto his back and stared at the ceiling. It should have been an earthshattering night. After hours of mindblowing sex, he and Fox should have been soundly asleep right now...wrapped around each other. Satisfied. Blissful. Back where they belonged after two endless years of separation. Instead, he lay alone. Tired, irritated...craving that which he was deprived of last night. But Fox must have been home by now. Asleep. //He could have been here asleep, you jackass. But noooo. You had to pout and sulk and tell him to go home.// "Now what the hell do I do?" he asked himself. //Call him.// //Can't. He was up all night. He needs to sleep. Wait until later.// He closed his eyes. //And while you're waiting, try and get some sleep yourself.// "Hey, it's me." "Hey, Scully." "Am I interrupting anything?" "Nope." There was a brief silence, then Scully's exasperated voice sounded again. "Mulder?" "Hmm?" "Where's Krycek?" "I don't know. Home, I guess." "Why?" "Because he lives there?" "You know what I mean, wiseass. It's six o'clock in the afternoon. Why aren't you together?" Silence. "You didn't go there this morning, did you?" "He told me not to." "Mulder..." "Well, he did." "He told you to go home and get some sleep. I'm sure he wouldn't have kicked you out if you'd gone there to sleep. In fact, I'm sure he'd be a lot happier than he is right now. And by the way...have you slept?" "Not really." "Why not?" "Because I...wait a minute. Somebody's at the door." "Bet it's him...Mulder?" "Hang on a sec." Scully waited several seconds before Fox returned. "I'm back." "Is it him?" "No. But..." "But what?" Fox paused for a moment, and when he spoke again, the edge had gone out of his voice. "Flowers." "Huh?" "He sent me flowers." "Awww! What kind?" "I don't know. It's a big vase of all kinds of different flowers. It's beautiful." "God, that's so sweet. What's the card say?" Fox's heart skipped a couple of beats as he read the card to himself. 'I screwed up last night. I'm so sorry, Fox. Can you forgive me? I miss you. A' "Mulder? You there?" "Yeah. Uh...he apologized." His tone softened further. "He misses me." "'Course he does, ya dope." "Scully, I gotta go." "To Krycek, I hope." "Yeah." "'Bout time. You two go make kissy face, and I'll talk to you later." "'Kay. Later, Scully." Shoving his cell phone into his pocket, he set the huge vase of flowers down on his dining table, then he read the note once more before snatching up his keys and rushing out of the apartment. Alex sat slouched on the sofa, picking at a cold grilled cheese sandwich and looking at his watch for the sixth time in the last half hour. //You fucked this one up but good, didn't you?// he asked himself, tossing the paper plate onto the coffee table.// It's almost seven-thirty, and you haven't heard a word from him. He probably took the flowers and dumped them out the window. Not that I could blame him.// //Okay, so let's say he did. Let's say he isn't going to call you. What're you gonna do? Sit here all night brooding? Or are you going to do what you know you should?// "We're not going down the same road we had before," Alex muttered, snatching up the phone and began punching in Fox's number. Before he could finish, a knock sounded at his door. He stared wide-eyed for a second then bolted for the door. Throwing it open, his heart sank when he found no one there. But his eye was drawn downward, and he found on the floor in front of him, a small stuffed animal with a card propped against it. Squatting, a hint of a smile formed on his lips as he realized that the animal was a Beanie Baby fox. He lifted the fox and the card, and carefully tore the envelope open. The front of the card was light blue in color, and the simple print read, 'I'm sorry'. Alex opened the card and read the inside, written in Fox's hand. 'I'll forgive you if you forgive me. I miss you too. F' A full smile bloomed, and as he started to put the card back into the envelope, he felt someone approach. A pair of New Balance sneakers that at one time might have been white, and faded denim-encased legs moved in front of him, and he looked up into green-gray, puppy dog eyes. Warily, Fox watched Alex rise to his feet, and when they were eye to eye, there was a slight pause before Alex spoke. "No one's ever given me a stuffed animal before." "No one's ever sent me flowers before," Fox replied softly. They stared a while longer before Fox lowered his gaze. Alex's hand lightly grasping his brought his attention back to the younger man's face. "Come in." Fox followed Alex into the apartment, waiting as the younger man let go of his hand to shut the door. Setting the Beanie Baby and card on the coffee table, he returned to Fox and hooked his index finger around the other man's, leading him into the living room. "I really blew it last night," he said softly, stopping in the middle of the room and turning to Fox. "I lay awake all night wishing that I hadn't insisted that you go home. I don't...I don't know why I did it. I wanted so much to wake up with you this morning, and I messed it all up." "I didn't help," Fox said, taking a step toward Alex. "I immediately jumped to the conclusion that you were mad, and you just didn't want me here. So I spent the whole day brooding at home and refusing to call you. I should have come straight here this morning when I was finished downtown. I should have known to do that." "How could you know?" Alex asked. "If you had told me to go home, I would've done it. I wouldn't have taken a chance on being rejected...again." Fox looked down at the floor. "Truthfully, that is how I felt." "I'm sorry," Alex whispered, closing the distance between them a bit more. "I reacted all wrong. It's just...I wanted you so much. Even after we'd just agreed to wait, and...and when you had to leave...it drove me crazy. I'm sorry, Fox. I'm so..." Fox pulled Alex into a long, tender kiss that left the younger man breathless. "I love you." Alex shuddered at the words so softly uttered against his lips, and he brushed his open mouth over Fox's. Fox licked at Alex's lower lip, then his tongue swept inside the other man's mouth, finding it's willing mate. The vibration of Alex's moan traveled the length of his body, settling in a pool of fluid electricity in his groin. Alex felt the growing hardness in Fox's jeans, matching his own. He wrapped his arms around the older man, pulling him in tightly, and as their denim-covered cocks pressed together, a hard spasm shook his body. Fox smirked as Alex cried out into his mouth. "So," he said, pulling away. "I drive you crazy?" Cloudy, green eyes stared into sparkling hazel. "Huh?" "You said you wanted me so much, it drove you crazy when I had to leave." "Oh," Alex whispered, then he gave the older man a languid smile. "Insane." "Well," Fox whispered back, tracing his finger along the opening of Alex's shirt, "In the interest of keeping you out of the nut house..." Alex waited, his eyes never leaving Fox's as the older man took his time about undoing the first button. When he stopped, Alex tipped his head curiously. "Just gotta check. You still really want to?" "Really...really want to." Treating Alex to a full smile, Fox moved in for another kiss. And another. And another until he'd worked them both into a minor frenzy. "If your phone rings this time," Alex panted between kisses, "I swear, it's going out the window." "I shut it off before I got here," Fox answered, undoing another button on Alex's shirt. The statement was met with a smile, and as Fox undid the third button and bent to lick the exposed skin, Alex moaned deep in his throat and clutched at the back of his jacket. There was a side of him that wanted the slow, teasing touches. The one that just wanted to drown in them, but the other side of him; the one that had gone so long without the man he'd craved, wanted...needed all of him. Now. Hot and hard and out of control. Fox allowed Alex to pull his jacket off, and the moment it hit the chair Alex was wrapped around him, rubbing suggestively against him. "It's been way too long, Fox. I can't...I want to, but I don't think I can..." Fox shushed the other man. "It's all right. I know what you need." Alex's eyes rolled up in his head as Fox fastened his mouth to the side of his neck. A soft whimper fell from his lips, and his head rolled to the side, giving Fox better access. Fox bit down on the sensitive flesh, incurring a low groan and a hard jerk of Alex's hips. Alex was right. It had been such a long time, and he was hungrier than he could have imagined... Alex let out a low grunt as Fox yanked his shirt out of his jeans and pulled the fastenings apart. Fox's hands and then his tongue on his now bare chest seared his skin and set off a raging fire inside him, and when the older man bent lower to suck a hardening nipple into his mouth, his knees nearly gave out. Fox held Alex in a secure grip, continuing to torment the puckered flesh, then he moved to the other nipple, pulling none too gently on it with his teeth. "Ah! Shhhh...Fox....you know...", he whispered breathlessly, confirming Fox's earlier statement. "Baby, you know..." As Fox continued to tease Alex, his hands moved down to the other man's jeans, making quick work of the button and zipper. He pulled roughly, jerking the denim downward and exposing the solid outline of Alex's cock, straining against his black underwear. Literally falling to his knees, his respiration doubled, and his hands stroked reverently over Alex's quaking hips as he stared at the concealed bulge. Alex was his again. All his. And as he knelt there, ready to worship the nearest thing he'd ever had to a god, he swore on his life he'd never let him go again. Alex struggled to keep his eyes open. He wanted so much to watch Fox's hands pulling his underwear down and touching his cock for the first time in two years. And then his lips...covering the head, sucking gently before parting to take him all the way in... Fox watched Alex's cock twitch within the confines of his shorts, and his mouth began to water as he imagined it pulsing inside his mouth. Hooking his fingers in the cotton waistband, he pulled the underwear down past Alex's knees then stroked his hands up the backs of the younger man's legs, over the tight muscles of his ass and back down again. He moved in close, his breath flowing over the rigid shaft as he spoke. "Beautiful." His tongue pressed against the base and licked slowly upward, and Alex stumbled forward, his legs unable to hold him up any longer. Fox caught him around the waist then propelled him backward, letting him fall onto the sofa. He was there instantly, burying his face in the younger man's crotch, licking and sucking while Alex squirmed uncontrollably, sobbing his name. "Fox...F...God...ah, Christ..." Alex's chest heaved as Fox swallowed him whole. His hips bucked up off of the sofa, and one hand clenched in Fox's hair as the other squeezed the cushion beneath him. "S...yeah...oh, God, that's it...suck me..." A grimace wrinkled his brow as Fox drew upward, sucking him hard then fell back down on him and repeated it. "Shhhit....shit!" He bucked harder as his fingers tightened in Fox's hair and forced the other man to move faster. Again and again the thick organ filled Fox's mouth, hitting the back of his throat, and his own cock screamed for release. Thoughts of pinning Alex down and burying himself in his ass drove him on, kicking his arousal into overload, and Alex benefited from it most spectacularly. Alex's cries grew louder and more desperate as Fox sucked voraciously at him. He pumped erratically in and out of the older man's mouth, and when Fox's hands found their way under his ass, squeezing the tensing flesh and urging him to move faster, he came apart, screaming and shuddering. Fox swallowed the rush of semen and continued to suck at his lover's exhausted cock, greedy for more. When he'd drained Alex dry, he released the slowly softening organ and laid his head on Alex's trembling thighs. Alex moaned wearily, lifting a hand to weakly pet the golden-brown head in his lap. He managed a hint of a smile as Fox gently licked at him, and when the pleasurable tingles subsided, he opened his eyes to find Fox watching him, a predatory, golden glint in his eyes. Before he could even attempt to speak, he was pulled down to the floor, shoved flat on his back, and quickly rid of his rumpled lower garments. Now naked except for his open shirt, he stared up at Fox through half-closed eyes, watching as the older man rose to his knees to remove his shirt. "I don't think I'm gonna last but two minutes once I get inside you," Fox panted, pulling his shirt off and slamming it to the floor. "We got all night," Alex replied, writhing under the heat of his lover's stare. "You can fuck me again and again and..." He gave Fox a feral grin. "Then I can fuck you again and again." A low chuckle answered his offer, and Fox reached for his zipper, but Alex's hands stopped him. "Let me. Stand up." Fox rose to his feet and stood, teeth and hands clenched as Alex removed the rest of his clothing and lightly teased his cock with his tongue. "I'd love to return the favor, but..." He looked up at the older man through wickedly thick lashes. "I know what you want." Fox nodded and dropped to his knees. "Maybe later." He rubbed his thumb over Alex's lips. "Definitely later. Lie down." Alex obeyed, and Fox reached down, drawing a hand over the nearly hairless chest. "Tell me you got some lube around here." "You didn't bring any with you?" Alex smirked. Fox shook his head. "Thought I'd jinx it if I did." "I see. There's a tube in the bedroom. Top drawer." He smiled again. "I bought it after our first kiss. I wasn't thinking about hexes and jinxes and whatnot at the time." Fox laughed softly and leaned down for a hard, deep kiss. "Don't you move." Alex watched Fox stalk out of the room, moaning at the sight of the long, muscular body he remembered so well. When Fox disappeared, he closed his eyes, smiling as he felt his cock beginning to stir. "Only you, baby." "Only me, what?" Alex opened his eyes and grinned up at Fox, who was now kneeling beside him. "That was fast." "Uh huh." Fox unscrewed the cap and squeezed some gel into his palm. "Only me, what?" Alex ran a hand up and down Fox's thigh. "Only you can get me hard again so soon afterward." Fox looked down at Alex's filling cock and raised and eyebrow. "Yeah?" "Yeah," Alex whispered, licking his lower lip as Fox stroked the lube onto his own cock. "And only you can make me come until I black out." "Really." "Really." "Let's see how true that is," Fox growled, straddling Alex then lying on top of him. Their mouths met, open and hungry, their hands, restlessly stroked every inch of skin they could reach, and when Fox finally hooked his hands under Alex's knees and pulled him into position, the younger man's cock was rock hard again, and he was pleading for release. "Can anyone else make you beg?" Fox asked, biting the flesh at the base of Alex's bared throat. "No," Alex sobbed. "No. Never. No one. Just you. Just you...please. Please, Fox. I need you. It's been...been sooo long..." "I know," Fox gasped, guiding his cock between Alex's cheeks and pushing home. His head fell back, and a loud groan left his throat as slick heat enveloped the head of his cock. "So long..." Alex emitted a sharp cry as Fox's hips snapped forward, driving all the way inside. His hands clenched in Fox's back, digging into his skin, and he cried for more. "Yes...baby...fuck me...want...want it...make me feel it." Incapable of coherent speech, Fox moaned and snarled as he set a ferocious pace, slamming into Alex with all his strength while he pumped the younger man's cock in an identical rhythm. In less than a minute Fox was taken over by a thunderous orgasm. His head fell back, and a deafening roar sounded then faded into a choked sob as he collapsed on top of Alex. He managed to squeeze Alex's cock a few more times, bringing his lover to a second screaming climax, then both men went quiet. Several minutes passed before Fox lifted his head and focused a misty gaze on Alex, who lay deathly still. Smiling softly, he stroked the hair away from Alex's forehead and dropped half a dozen tiny kisses over his face. "I love you." The beginnings of a tired smile twitched at Alex's lips, and his lashes slowly lifted to reveal sparkling eyes. "Love you too." Fox read the words more than heard them, and he grinned down at the other man. "Need a minute?" Alex held up two fingers, and Fox laughed, lowering his head to the younger man's shoulder. "Okay." Almost fifteen minutes went by before Alex drew a deep breath and uttered a soft moan. Fox lifted his head and smiled sleepily at the other man. "You back amongst the living?" Alex nodded then sighed happily. "Never thought I'd feel like this again." "Me either," Fox whispered, tenderly stroking Alex's chest with the tips of his fingers. "No regrets?" Alex asked, looking just a bit wary. "Absolutely not. You?" Alex shook his head. "Happy?" Fox asked. "Happier than I can tell you," Alex murmured, rubbing his hands over Fox's back and shoulders. Cocking his head, he studied the other man's face. "You look tired...did you sleep when you finally got home?" Fox shrugged, giving Alex a sheepish smile. "Not much." Alex let out a long sigh then pushed against the other man's chest. "Up." He followed Fox to his feet then took his hand and led him to the bathroom. "What're we doing in here?" Fox asked, looking around. Alex reached into the shower and turned the water on. "You're gonna take a nice, warm shower, then I'm putting you to bed." Fox smirked at the younger man. "What happened to again and again and..." "That was before I realized that you haven't slept." Testing the water, he motioned Fox inside. Fox stood his ground and shook his head. "Why not?" "Not unless you're getting in there with me." Alex chuckled softly. "You gonna behave?" "Would you believe me if I said yes?" "Probably not." Alex removed the shirt he still wore then led Fox into the shower and watched, mesmerized as the water ran over him. He lifted his hands to Fox's chest, stroking the wet skin. "Wonder how long it's gonna be before I stop thinking that I'm going to wake up and find out that none of this ever happened." Settling his hands on Alex's hips, Fox moved in and covered his mouth with his own. When they parted, Alex moved in and licked the water away from Fox's chin. "I'm going to wash you. Any objections?" Fox shook his head. "But I get to wash you." Alex grinned and looked over Fox's shoulder. "There's only one sponge." "I'll use my hands," Fox said, drawing his palms over Alex's ass. Chuckling, Alex stretched around the older man and grabbed the bash wash and sponge. Squeezing a healthy amount of gel into the sponge, he held the bottle out to Fox. As he began to work up a lather over Fox's shoulders, Fox pointed the bottle at Alex's chest and squeezed, watching the thick, white fluid splash onto him. "You got a dirty mind," Fox said, watching the lascivious grin that spread over Alex's face. "Apparently I'm not the only one," Alex answered, "since you seem to be thinking the same thing." The two washed each other thoroughly, teasing unmercifully, and just before they would have rinsed, Alex spun Fox around and shoved him against the tiled wall. "Before we finish," he purred into Fox's ear, "there's one thing I gotta do." "What's that?" Fox gasped, feeling Alex's erection poking his ass. "I gotta fuck you." Fox closed his eyes and whimpered softly as he spread his legs. "Thought you were gonna put me to bed," he teased breathlessly as Alex spread his cheeks. "I am. In just a few minutes." "A few minutes," Fox laughed then gasped as Alex breached his entrance. "Yeah. You're gonna get it like you gave it to me," Alex moaned, bucking hard against the other man. "Mmhh!" Fox hadn't had a cock up his ass since Alex had left, and the shock of his lover surging into him now was overwhelming. He scratched at the slick tile, his whole body tightening, but he urged Alex on. "Harder," he panted, his whole body throbbing. "Harder..." "Gonna make you scream," Alex grated against Fox's shoulder before clamping down on it with his teeth and mouth. His hips worked like a piston, slamming Fox against the wall again and again. Fox cried out each time, his cock squeezed between his body and the tiles. The suction on his shoulder was just as great, and as Alex's teeth bore down a bit harder, he screamed. Alex released the pressure then, grunting against his ear. "That's it," Alex grated, still pounding into him. "Oh yeah, baby, that's so good..." Alex began to shudder, then he groaned harshly into Fox's ear as he came. When it was finished, he slumped against Fox's shoulder, not drawing a breath for long moments. When he finally did, it came in a rush, and he lifted his head, moaning softly. A few more seconds passed, and he straightened his body and turned the exhausted man around. "Time for bed, now," he purred quietly, rinsing them both then leading Fox out of the shower. "How d'you feel?" he asked, patting the older man's body with a fluffy white bath towel. "Like I've been run over by a truck," Fox mumbled, head hung low. "Mmmm, poor baby." Alex finished drying Fox then wrapped a towel around his own waist and led the other man into the bedroom. Pulling the covers back, he motioned to Fox. "C'mon, get in. You'll feel much better after a good long sleep." Fox obeyed the command, snuggling down into the cool softness of Alex's bed. He inhaled, detecting the faint scent of lavender and vanilla. "Smells good." "Helps me sleep," Alex answered, unwrapping the towel and drying himself before dropping it to the floor then climbing in next to Fox. "Mmmmm, God, he gasped, wrapping Fox in his arms, hugging him tightly. "You know how often I'd lie here and fantasize about going to sleep and waking up with you in my arms?" No answer. "Fox?" Nothing. A soft smile curving his lips, he kissed the side of Fox's head and closed his eyes. Fox felt himself rising out of sleep and into consciousness, and he began to smile as the warm body pressed against his reminded him of the night he'd just spent having blinding sex with Alex. He moved slightly, and his protesting muscles reinforced the memory. Luminous green eyes watched the small grimace that creased Fox's brow, and a soft, husky voice bid him good morning. Fox rubbed the sleep out of one eye then blinked at the smiling man. "Morning." Alex chuckled softly. "Actually, it's closer to afternoon." "God, really?" "Mmm hmm. You were pretty tired. You fell asleep as soon as your head hit the pillow." "Wow." Fox turned onto his back and stretched, wincing some more, then he returned his attention to Alex. "How long have you been awake?" Alex shrugged and reached out to stroke a finger over the other man's stubbled jaw. "Half hour or so." "Were you tired too?" "I didn't get a whole lot of sleep that night either." Fox nodded and smiled at Alex. "This feels incredible." He looked around the room he'd never been in before last night then turned his gaze back to Alex. "I wish I could find the words to explain to you how happy I am. I mean...I know we have a ways to go, but this morning I just feel so strong and so much more confident that this is a done deal." "I know," Alex whispered, nuzzling Fox's jaw. "And if you're as happy as I am, I understand." Fox leaned in for a tender kiss and grunted as he backed off. "God, I'm sore." Giggling, Alex rose to his knees and turned Fox onto his stomach. He straddled the older man's waist and began to massage his back and shoulders. Fox groaned with pleasure and a little pain. "Sorry. I should've gone easier on you." "No," Fox sighed. "You gave me just what I needed." "Me too," Alex answered. "Nobody can do me like you do." Fox's eyes opened slightly. "Nobody?" Alex paused as a bit of discomfort crept in. Well...he started it with that comment. "...Nobody. Tim was very sweet and very considerate and very..." Fox lifted his head and turned it so he could see Alex's face. "Very..." "God...boring. I hate saying that. I feel like such a creep." "But he loved you," Fox said. "If you told him what you wanted..." "He'd faint. Once, toward the end, I'd been thinking about you, and I got a little carried away. Freaked him out. Later, he tried...he asked if that was what I wanted, but...I couldn't ask him to. It wasn't him. Even if he did try..." Alex leaned in and kissed the purplish mark he'd left on Fox's shoulder. "...it'd never be the same. He wasn't you. He could never be you." Fox closed his eyes for a moment then reopened them and smiled a bit. "Lucky me." "What d'you mean?" "Imagine him the same in every way but like me sexually. I'd never have gotten you back." "I told you that there were more things about you that I wouldn't want to change than you thought, Fox, and I meant that. It's not just sex that's got me so hooked on you." "Yeah, I remember you said that. Okay, so what else can't you live without?" Alex smiled as he worked on Fox's upper back. "Some of this might sound corny, but if you laugh, I'll shut you off for the rest of the day." Fox pressed his lips together then twisted two fingers against them as if locking them together. "And night." "I'll behave, I'll behave!" Fox promised. "Okay...I love your smile...your completely dry sense of humor..." "I'm not dry." "Shut up and listen. That thing you do with your mouth..." "What thing?" "You scrunch it up and kinda twist the bottom lip. It's sexy as hell." "That's sex. This is supposed to be non sexual." "Okay, okay. Uh...your total lack of fashion sense really gets to me..." Fox rolled his eyes and said nothing. "Your intelligence, your intensity...your magnetism. There's like this...aura around you. It's brilliant, and I...I can't help but be drawn to you. Do you know I'd sit and listen to you read the phone book just to hear your voice?" Fox lifted his head. "Oh, come on!" "What'd I say?" Alex warned. "I'm not laughing," Fox argued, "but seriously, Alex..." "I am serious." "Okay...you done?" "No. Where was I? Oh, yeah...the way you cheat at cards...Tim was so honest it was frightening. And I love your sense of adventure. You're not afraid to try anything. And before you say it, I'm not just talking about sex. I mean everything. You don't always play it safe. You know that the only way to get things done sometimes is to take some chances." "Tim can't be that big a chicken. He owns his own company. You don't get to be a successful business man without learning to take a few chances." "Tim never took any leaps, especially in business...at least not while I knew him. He researched and re-researched and took every precaution and then some before doing anything." "Well, that's a very commendable quality...boring, but..." "That's what I'm saying." Alex tapped Fox's shoulder. "We're getting off subject here." "There's more?" "Told you. There's your fear of fire..." "My...how is that appealing?" "Okay, let me rephrase it. It's not your fear of fire exactly. It's that you told me about it. While we were together, you so seldom let me inside. I don't remember what had gotten into you that particular day, but it meant a lot to me." Fox listened quietly. "And...I don't know anyone else who shares my love of fried calves' liver and onions...or Road Runner cartoons." He thought a minute. "I love your complete ineptitude in the kitchen. Remember that cake you tried to bake?" "That was hard!" "It was Betty Crocker, Fox. The directions are pretty straight forward." Fox grunted. "I loved watching you get all worked up over a case. Your face would light up, and you'd get so excited. I imagined that I got a glimpse at those times, of what you might have been like as a boy. Still innocent...before all the crap." Fox's eyes opened part way, but he said nothing. Alex continued. "I love that you do your thing, and you don't give a shit what anybody thinks of you." "I care what you think." Alex leaned in and kissed the back of Fox's neck. "I love your sensitivity, your stubbornness...your confidence, your fire..." Alex went silent, but his hands never stopped, kneading and soothing Fox's aching muscles. "All that, huh?" "Mmm hmm." "And I didn't even laugh." Alex smiled. "You were a very good boy...mostly." "Do I get a reward?" "This is gonna be a loaded question," Alex muttered then asked Fox sweetly, "What would you like?" Grinning, Fox answered. "Breakfast. I'm starving." "You got it," Alex said, lightly slapping Fox's ass as he swung off of the other man. "I'm gonna go take a shower, then I'll get something started." "We could go out," Fox replied, turning onto his back. "I didn't mean I wanted you to cook." "If you want to go out, that's fine, but..." Alex looked down at the floor then up at Fox through his lashes. "I'd kinda enjoy having you sitting at my kitchen table while I make you breakfast." "Okay, you can cook for me; I'm not gonna argue with you," Fox said, throwing the blanket off. "But if you think you're getting in that shower alone, I got news for you." He chased Alex into the bathroom and did indeed get into the shower with him. Over half an hour later, the two emerged from the bathroom, dry except for their hair and thoroughly aroused from the constant teasing they inflicted on each other in the shower. Alex withdrew two pair of underwear, jeans, socks, and two t-shirts from his dresser and threw them on the bed. He began to get dressed, wrestling his jeans over his erection and watched as Fox did the same. "You want to remind me why we didn't do something about this in the shower?" Fox got the zipper up then grabbed for one of the t-shirts. "Because we'd still be in there, and I'm hungry." He tossed Alex a sly look. "Why? You suffering?" "Aren't you?" "Jeans are a little tight." Fox pulled the shirt down over his head then sat on the rumpled bed to put on the borrowed socks. "So, what's for breakfast?" Alex sighed heavily and exited the bedroom with Fox right behind. "Dunno. Let's see what I've got." Fox leaned against the counter and watched as Alex moved to the refrigerator, pulling out a carton of orange juice and some eggs. He placed both down and turned to find Fox staring at him. "What're you doing?" "Watching you. Not believing I'm actually standing here in your apartment, in your kitchen, wearing your clothes, watching you." Alex smiled softly. "Sit down." Fox took a seat at the table, and Alex poured a glass of juice and handed it to him. "Be right back." He left the kitchen and was back in less than a minute, carrying a newspaper. He handed it to Fox and, running his fingers through the older man's hair, he dropped a kiss on the crown of his head and went back to his task. "So...let's see..." Alex rummaged through a few cupboards then went back to the refrigerator. "How about french toast and bacon?" "I haven't had french toast in ages," Fox answered, taking a sip of his juice. "Sounds good." Smiling, Alex went to work. Ten minutes later, Fox hadn't looked at the paper at all. His attention remained fixed on Alex, and when the other man finally turned around, he found Fox watching him. "What?" Fox said nothing for a moment then motioned Alex to him. Alex set down the eggs and walked over to Fox's chair, and Fox ran his palms up his legs, stopping at his hips and pulling him forward. The golden-brown head rested against Alex's belly, and Fox closed his eyes. "I love you." Tears pricked Alex's eyes, and he blinked to hold them back as he hugged Fox to him. "I love you," he whispered then bent over to lay his cheek to Fox's head. "I can never be grateful enough that we've got another chance at this. I can't...I can't stop looking at you." Fox lifted his head and looked up into glazed, green eyes. "I have to keep touching you to remind myself that this is real." He gave the younger man a tender smile. "I hope I don't get annoying." "Are you kidding?" Alex asked, kissing Fox's head again. "I could never get tired of you touching me." He rubbed Fox's shoulders. "In case you hadn't noticed, I kinda like touching you, too." He tipped Fox's head up to meet his eyes. "We can touch each other a whole lot after breakfast. What d'you say?" Grinning broadly, Fox hugged Alex tightly then released him. "'Kay." Swiping at his eyes, he watched Alex return to the counter. A few minutes passed, and he glanced down at the paper, half-reading an article on the first page. Quickly losing interest, he picked his head up and returned his attention to Alex. "Did you do a lot of cooking when you were with Tim?" "Uh..." Alex checked the bacon then set the microwave for another two minutes. "...Not a whole lot. There were so many meals and whatnot with clients and friends and friends of clients and clients of friends and...now that I think about it, he did almost as much P.R. as he did building." "Was that your only form of recreation?" "No, we did movies and dinners alone and..." Alex smiled. "He took me skiing once. It was one of the few outdoor activities he could do without his allergies acting up. That was an interesting weekend." "Alex on skis," Fox murmured. "That must've been a sight. How'd you do?" "I'll never get on skis again." Fox tried to conceal a smirk. "Okay, but how'd you do?" "It's impossible to maintain one's cool while wiping out on the beginner's slope." The grin faded, and Fox lowered his head. "Are you laughing at me?" Fox looked up and met Alex's gaze. "No. No, I...it's nothing. Did you have some fun?" "It wasn't anything I'd be looking back at fondly." "Not even the nights at the lodge, in front of the fire...watching the snow come down..." "...It's not what I remember." "...What else did you do?" Fox's quiet curiosity gave Alex pause. "Umm...n-not much." "What's not much?" That same unsettling, soft tone. "We spent a week in Bermuda." "Nice." //Oh boy.// "You have good weather?" "Yeah. Very nice." "See a lot?" "Uh huh." His voice got softer. "Was it romantic?" Alex put the food in two plates and served them. He sat down and shrugged. "I guess." Fox picked up a slice of bacon and studied it. Crisp. Just the way he liked it. "It was or it wasn't." "Yes, it was romantic." Fox nodded and took a bite of the bacon. "Fox..." "Can you pass me the butter?" Alex picked up the butter dish and handed it to the other man. "Just because I can recognize romantic surroundings, it doesn't mean that they had me swooning." "A week in Bermuda?" Fox asked. "Tropical breezes, starlit nights...the sounds of the ocean." "It was beautiful," Alex argued quietly. "There's no doubt about that. And I tried, Fox. I won't lie to you. I tried hard to feel what I thought I should be feeling, and I think I might have fooled Tim into believing it. But I wasn't feeling it. Any of it. The hotel, the beaches, the nights out, spectacular as they were, did nothing for me. Except maybe make me feel pretty bad because I knew I was faking it, and Tim didn't deserve it." Fox finished drowning his toast in butter then cut into it, lifting two pieces to his mouth. "One night," Alex went on. "The first night, actually...I uh...I gave Tim a good show...wore him out. First, because I felt I owed him something for the trip, and second, because I needed some time to myself. Anyway, he fell asleep, and I got out of bed and went to sit on the terrace where I could be alone with my thoughts. Know what I was thinking about?" Warily, Fox lifted his eyes to the other man's. "I was thinking about how perfect it would be if things had been good for us, and it was you asleep there in that bed. I sat there and let my imagination run. I ended up jerking off there on the terrace then crying after I came because I was there with a perfectly wonderful man, and I should have wanted him. I should have loved him and been happy as hell to be there with him. But all I wanted was you. Even though in my mind, I knew that we were done and had been for a while, but my heart..." Alex paused and stared down at his untouched breakfast. Fox watched Alex for a number of seconds then spoke softly. "Your french toast is going to get cold." Alex looked up at him. His tone had changed again. "Sorry," Fox croaked. "I guess I'm just feeling a little jealous." "I understand," Alex whispered, finally beginning to pick at his food. "I probably would be too if things were reversed." The two got almost three quarters of the way through their breakfast when Fox asked another question. "Were you never happy with him?" "That's a tough question. I'd be lying if I said to you that I never felt any happiness. I did. We had some good times together. And there were times when I could actually get through a day, sometimes two, without thinking about you. Those were the best days. But inevitably, something would happen. I'd see something or hear something to bring you back to mind. Those weren't good days. I never brooded...not outwardly. I could never let Tim know what I was thinking about. I couldn't hurt him like that, but I couldn't completely stop thinking about you. I couldn't stop wishing that things hadn't happened the way they had. I couldn't stop missing you." "I missed you too," Fox murmured. "So much, it was an actual ache." "Did Scully know?" Fox nodded. "We were together every day, eight, ten, twelve hours a day. I wasn't as good at fooling her as you were at fooling Tim." Fox paused. "Of course, I didn't have nearly as much reason to try and hide it, so..." "She seemed to be pulling hard for us." "She knew there was more to us than I guess we even first realized. She's a smart lady. I couldn't ask for a better friend." Fox smiled softly as he spoke of his partner. "She felt so bad about calling me out the other night. Especially after she found out what she'd interrupted. And she was pissed with me when she realized that I hadn't come back to your place after she thought she'd talked me into it." "She tried to convince you to come back here that morning?" "Yeah. She didn't give a damn what it was you'd said; she knew that you would have been glad to have me back." "Guess she's smarter than us. Maybe we ought to make it a point to listen to her." "She'd love to hear that," Fox said. "If I had listened to her, last night would have happened weeks ago." Alex raised his eyebrows, and a surprised grin curved his lips. "Oh, yeah?" "Yeah. She kept telling me we needed to get it out of the way or we were going to drive ourselves and each other crazy." Alex laughed softly. "I did spend several long, sleepless nights over the past few weeks." "You and me both," Fox agreed. "But uh...there were lots of times when I couldn't control it. I had to..." He looked down at his half eaten breakfast. "...get a little relief." "You jerked off?" He could hear the smile in Alex's voice. "Yeah." Alex's voice went lower, taking on the sweet, sand papery quality that made Fox's dick go hard. "I'd love to have watched that." "Would you?" Alex shifted in his seat to make adjustments for his filling cock. "Yes, I believe I would." "Well," Fox whispered. "Maybe we arrange that. Finish your breakfast while I think about it." A short while later, both men ate all they were going to. Fox shooed Alex into the living room, insisting that he wanted to clean up. When he finished, he stole into the next room to find Alex half-sprawled on the sofa, one arm draped over his eyes. He approached quietly and stood in front of the other man, smirking at the highly visible bulge in his jeans. "You asleep?" The soft voice drew Alex out of his fantasies, and he removed his arm from his face with a soft groan. "No." "What're you doing?" "Thinking." "'Bout?" Alex's eyes went down to Fox's crotch then traveled back up to his face. "Thinking about you lying in your bed, touching yourself...moaning my name..." The right corner of Fox's mouth twitched upward, and one hand moved, brushing over the impressive mound in his pants. "Show me," Alex whispered, watching intently. "I want to see." Glowing with internal heat, Fox's eyes remained focused on Alex as he slowly undid his jeans. Alex sat up and moved almost to the edge of the cushion so that his face was no more than a foot from Fox's crotch. "Ringside seat?" Alex laughed softly and nodded. Fox pulled his jeans down only to the tops of his thighs, then the underwear followed, and Alex bit down on his lower lip as he groaned deep in his throat. He forced himself to keep from touching the solid length of cock now temptingly close to his face and waited. "I thought about us almost every night," Fox murmured, lifting his hand to his cock and gently stroking his fingertips over the velvety surface. "We were explosive, weren't we?" Alex swallowed hard. They were. Holy shit, they were. Fox's voice held him mesmerized. "Remember the night I tied you to the bed and teased you until the sun came up?" Fox's hand closed around his cock and he began to pump it slowly. "God," Alex panted. "I remember. Do you remember what I did to you when I got loose?" Fox's eyes rolled up into his head, and he whimpered softly. "I was sore for a week." Alex breathed heavily and sat on his hands to keep them still. "I still have one small scar," Fox continued, moving closer and brushing his cock over Alex's lips. Gasping Fox's name, Alex licked at the head. "You were such an animal." Alex nodded. "And so kinky...are you still?" "Been a long time," Alex answered, sighing as Fox's hand sped up. "But...but I'm sure I remember a few things." "I'm sure you remember more than a few," Fox panted, running his free hand through Alex's hair. When he reached the back of the younger man's head, he closed his fingers in the sable strands and pulled his head back slightly. "Don't you?" Breathing heavily, Alex nodded. "Are you hard too?" Fox asked, tapping his cock against Alex's mouth. Again, Alex nodded. "You want what I've got for you?" "Yes." Fox stroked harder, and his eyes closed for a moment before opening them again, halfway. His fingers tightened in Alex's hair, and his lips parted on a hard gasp. Unable to move his head, Alex opened his mouth and lashed at his lover's cock each time it bumped his lips. Fox gritted his teeth and pumped harder. Harsh groans escaped his constricted throat, and the tight coiling he felt inside snapped. A gush of warm, thick fluid hit Alex's mouth and cheek, just barely reaching his lower lashes. It ran downward as he licked his lips, cleaning away all that his tongue could reach. Taking breath after shuddering breath, Fox opened his eyes and looked down at Alex. He gasped softly, taking in the wild expression in almost black eyes and the coating of semen running from the left side of Alex's flushed face, down to his chin. He lowered himself to his knees, kissing the younger man deeply before moving to the side of his face and beginning to lick all traces of his orgasm away. Trembling, Alex clung to Fox as the older man finished his task. "Fox...baby, I...I need you. I..." "Yeah?" Fox whispered, gently rubbing his hand over Alex's swollen, denim-covered cock. Alex nodded, and Fox rose to his feet, hauling him up with him. Pulling the younger man into the bedroom, Fox shoved him down on the still un-made bed and shed his clothing. Quickly stripping Alex, Fox straddled him and snatched the lube up from the bedside table. Carefully applying the gel to the squirming man, he held his cock at the base and impaled himself on it. Alex let loose with a loud wail that morphed into a grating sob as Fox slammed down on him and rode him hard. In less than a minute he exploded, screaming as he came, then he fell silent, slipping into a near coma state as Fox slumped over him, panting heavily. He closed his eyes, and when he finally opened them again, he found himself lying beneath Alex, and the younger man was heavily involved in licking and sucking at his throat. He moaned and arched his neck, and Alex bit into the sensitive flesh. "I can't get enough," Alex breathed, having released his grip. Saying nothing, Fox grabbed a handful of hair and pulled Alex in for a ravenous kiss, and it was on again. In minutes, Alex had Fox on his hands and knees, begging for more as he drove into him at a relentless pace. Each forward thrust drove a hard cry from the older man and took Alex closer to the explosive climax that was already well within his reach. Reaching around in front of Fox, Alex grabbed his cock and began to quickly stroke it. Fox tipped his head back and howled as he blew, and his body's violent spasms carried Alex straight over the edge. He bucked erratically, emitting choking sobs as he came, then he and Fox fell to the mattress. "Christ," Fox gasped, trying to breathe. "Alex...oh, God." He tried to turn over, but Alex's dead weight kept him in place. "Baby...babe..." ".......Hmmm..." Fox smiled despite his inability to take a complete breath. "You...you're gonna crush me to death." There was a long moment of silence, then Alex groaned and moved off of Fox, dropping heavily to the bed. Fox scooted alongside him and wrapped an arm around him, planting a kiss on the side of his head. "We keep at it this hard, and I don't think I'm going to have the strength to make it in to work tomorrow." "Good," Alex said, coming back to life and snuggling against Fox. "Then you'll have to stay here with me." "Wonder how long it'll be before Scully comes looking for me." "Wonder how many times she's called you," Alex muttered into his pillow. Fox laughed softly. "I know. I should turn my phone back on, I guess." Alex whined and wiggled his way into Fox's embrace. "D'you have to?" "Yeah, kinda. I've already left it off much longer than I should have." Groaning, Alex let Fox up to look for his phone. The moment he located it, he fell back into bed, grinning as Alex crawled back into his arms. "S'prised it didn't ring the minute I turned it on." "She probably won't call unless the world's coming to an end," Alex said, gently stroking Fox's chest. "Especially now that she knows what she interrupted the other night." Fox moaned softly as the other man lightly teased one of his nipples. "Maybe I should call her, then. Just to make sure everything's okay." "Mmm hmm." Alex kissed Fox's shoulder then drew his tongue over the smooth skin. "Then maybe we can think about some dinner? I'm hungry." "What time is it?" Fox asked, stretching to look at Alex's alarm clock as he hit Scully's speed dial number. "Damn. Yeah, I guess it's too late for lunch, huh? I didn't realize we'd fallen asleep for that long...hey, Scully...yes, I am." Fox paused to laugh. "Yes, we did...God. Yes, we are...uh huh. I thought you'd like that..." While Fox talked to his partner, Alex moved lower, kissing and nipping at him. "S-so..." Fox swatted at the sable head as Alex sucked the nipple his fingers had been teasing into his mouth. "...Everything okay? Anything going on that I should know about?" "Not really," Scully answered. "I talked to the lab today. The residue found on both bodies is identical, so we do seem to be looking for the same killer. I don't...Mulder?" What was that?" "What was what?" "I don't know. It almost sounded like a...Mulder, are you and Krycek...in the middle of something?" Fox gritted his teeth as Alex pulled hard at his nipple. "Just...just a little." "Oh, for...look Mulder, I'm glad that you boys finally smartened up, but do you think you could exercise a little self-restraint while you're talking to me?" "It's not me," Fox complained, "it's Alex. Shit!" "What happened?" "He bit me!" The exclamation was followed by an evil chuckle. "Good Lord. That's my cue to go." "Okay, I...I'll leave my phone on. Call me if you need to." "Only if I absolutely need to," Scully assured her partner. "Go do...whatever you were doing. Just come back to work with all your parts intact, 'kay?" "I'll try." Fox yelped then started to moan, and then Scully heard an abrupt click. She stared at the phone for a moment then disconnected and set it down, shaking her head. "Well," she sighed, flopping down on the sofa with the remote control "You're the one who pushed for them to get back together." "I thought you were hungry." "I was." Alex sighed contentedly as Fox's hand wandered lazily over his back and rear. "Now I'm starving." "You should be. It's seven o'clock, and we haven't had anything to eat or drink since what? Noon? Which doesn't sound so bad, but when you toss in half a dozen bouts of bone-crunching sex..." "I know," Alex sighed, smirking as he rubbed the darkening bruise on his chest. He looked over at Fox and gave him a sweet, serene smile. "You happy?" Fox returned the smile. "Ecstatic. Now, let's eat." A little over two hours later, they were back in bed, full, satisfied and ready to go again. The next day, Fox dragged into the office, exhausted, bleary-eyed, and happy as a clam. "Holy mackerel, Mulder, look at you," Scully huffed, trying her best to sound exasperated. "Did you get any rest this weekend?" "Very little," Fox sighed blissfully. "God. So, I take it everything's okay now." Fox nodded and winced as he removed his jacket. "Not as young as I used to be," he murmured, the smile still stuck to his face. "You're just out of practice," Scully teased. "Alex in better shape?" "Not much. Uh...Tim wasn't really a....an exhuberant lover." Scully raised her eyebrows. "Gotcha. So...you gonna be able to work today?" "I'll be fine," Fox answered, sitting slowly and picking up his mail and shuffling through it. "I had a hot shower, and Alex rubbed me down with Mineral Ice this morning." "Greeeeat. Okay, then. Let's get to work, shall we?" Almost an hour passed before Fox's cell phone rang. "Mulder...when would you like to see us? All right, we'll be right there." He disconnected and looked up at his curious partner. "Skinner wants to see us in his office. He's ready for our report on those two cases." Scully rose from her seat and watched, amused as Fox carefully lifted himself out of his chair and reached for his jacket. He got it halfway on, and after two aborted attempts at reaching the second sleeve, he frowned up at Scully. "Scully, would you..." "You are sad, Scully said, helping Fox on with his jacket. "Now, please...try to look normal when we get into Skinner's office, huh?" "What d'you mean, normal?" Fox asked, following his partner out the door. "Are you saying I'm not normal?" Alex checked the mirror for the tenth time, fussing with his hair and clothing. He and Fox were going out to dinner to celebrate, and he wanted to look good. He smirked at his reflection. Like it was possible for him to look bad. Or Fox. Beautiful Fox. However lousy their relationship had been, he and Fox had always been a fucking gorgeous couple. Alex moaned softly. It had only been ten hours, but he missed Fox like they hadn't seen each other in weeks. And while the feeling stabbed at his insides, it also made him smile. He never thought he'd have the chance to miss Fox while he at work, and he was relishing every minute of it. When the knock sounded on the door, he made a mental note to get Fox a key in the morning, and he walked to the door and swung it open. An audible moan escaped his lips as his eyes traveled over the length of Fox's body. Before he could speak, Fox stepped inside and wrapped him in his arms. "Hello, handsome," Fox murmured before laying a hot, deep kiss on him. "I missed you." "Missed you too," Alex managed to mumble before submitting to another searing kiss. "How much?" "I'll show you later." Another kiss. "Now let's go before we lose our reservation." Pulling away, Alex let Fox take him by the hand and lead him out of the apartment and down the hall toward the elevator. As he followed the older man, he watched the seductive sway of Fox's ass and smiled. "Damn." They reached the elevator, and Fox pushed the button, smirking at him. "Damn, what?" "Nothing, just...you're so beautiful." Alex moved in close and ran his hands over the silk of Fox's sky blue shirt. "And you're mine." Fox nodded and leaned in for another kiss. Before their mouths could lock, the door opened, and an older couple stepped out, casting a disgusted look their way. "Hi!" Fox said cheerfully, enjoying the shock on the couple's face. "Sorry." He wound an arm around Alex's waist and pulled him tightly to his side, dusting his temple with a kiss. "Young love...you know." The couple inched their way past them and hurried down the hall, and Alex chuckled softly. "You're bad." They stepped onto the elevator, and Fox slipped into Alex's arms. "Now, what were you saying before we got interrupted?" "I was saying," Alex purred, pressing the button for the ground floor, "that you're mine." He tightened his hold on the other man. "Mmmmine." "I've always been yours," Fox said, unexpectedly serious. "And you know I've always been yours," Alex answered, resting his forehead against Fox's. "I'm so glad we finally figured that out." The door opened, and the couple stepped out, hand in hand to start their evening. "This is nice," Alex said, looking around the restaurant as he and Fox were seated at their table. "Yeah," Fox agreed absently, mesmerized by the way the candlelight reflected in Alex's eyes. "Very nice." A seductive smile curled one corner of Alex's mouth. "What're you doing?" "Looking at you," Fox answered as he reached out and skimmed his knuckles over Alex's jaw. "You keep looking at me like that, and we're not going to make it through the appetizer." "Okay," Fox sighed and lowered his eyes. He looked back up at the other man and gave him a sly grin. "But only because I'm hungry. I'll stare some more later, at desert." "I'll look forward to it." Alex glanced around again. "When did Scully say this place opened?" "'Bout three months ago. She said that the girls she knows in the lab said that food was excellent." Alex nodded. "So...how was work? Anything more on your case?" "Not really. The lab's still trying to determine was that residue is." "What about cause of death?" "There was high toxicity in the blood, but so far no one can say why." Alex shook his head. "I don't know, Fox. You find the strangest cases." He corrected himself. "Actually, they seem to find you." Fox shrugged. "Yeah, I know. But...enough about work. Let's talk about something else." "Okay," Alex said, leaning forward. "Let's talk about how gorgeous you look." Fox chuckled and bent toward Alex, resting his folded arms on the table. "Okay, let's talk about that." Alex's hand slid across the table and came to rest on Fox's. "That blue brings out the gray in your eyes. Funny. It's almost unnoticeable except when you're wearing certain colors." He drew a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. "I never get tired of looking at you. I remember the day I saw you in the gallery. My knees nearly gave out. I never forgot how handsome you were, but seeing you again...those lips...that body...when I looked in your eyes...I went nuts. It took every ounce of strength I had to keep it inside." "I know," Fox whispered, turning his hands to close around Alex's. "I felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. Everything and everyone had disappeared, and all I could see was your eyes. Beautiful, deep green eyes, and all I wanted to do was fall into them and never come out." Alex stared intently for a while, holding his lover's eyes with his own, then he reached out and skimmed his fingers over Fox's cheek. "I love you." Both men moved in for a kiss, soft and sweet, and as they parted, Alex sensed an approaching presence. He turned his head, expecting to see the waiter, but another face appeared before him. His lips parted slightly, and he blinked up at the older man. Fox recognized him as well, and he spoke, giving Alex a chance to recover. "Hello. Mr. Aveson, right?" "Yes." Paul Aveson looked from Fox to Alex. "Yes, uh...I'm sorry to disturb you, but...how are you, Alex?" Alex cleared his throat and fixed a steady gaze on Aveson. "Good. I'm...I'm good, Paul. How're you?" "I'm well. I...was passing by on my way to my table, and I saw you. I couldn't keep going and not stop to say hello." "I'm glad you did," Alex said, regaining his composure. He squeezed Fox's hand lightly, glancing from Aveson to his lover, momentarily drawing his gaze, then he looked back. "Have you seen Tim?" Aveson seemed surprised at the question but shook it off quickly. "Yes. I...as a matter of fact, I saw him about two weeks ago." "How is he?" Alex asked softly, and Aveson could read genuine concern in his tone. "He's doing all right. Day at a time...you know. He misses you, but I'm sure you must know that." He looked Fox's way again. "He told me what happened. He also told me that he'd let Mr. Mulder know where you were. He understood that what had been between you had never died. He loved you enough, Alex, to want to see you happy. Even if you couldn't find it with him. He's a class act." Alex lowered his lashes briefly then raised his eyes again to Aveson's. "Yes, he is." "I know I'd told you before, but," Aveson said, changing the subject a bit. "I'm really sorry about your painting. I know how taken you were with it, and you never got to enjoy it." Alex nodded. "I'd never seen anything quite like it." "It was very special," Aveson agreed. "Well. I should be joining my party. It was good seeing you, Alex." Aveson looked to Fox. "Have a good evening, Agent Mulder." Fox nodded. "Paul?" Only two steps away, Aveson turned back to face Alex. "Paul, would you...would you tell Tim that I'm glad he's all right, and...tell him that I'm..." He looked to Fox and pulled the older man's hand to his chest. "...just tell him that I said thank you." "I'll do that," Aveson promised, and then he walked away, leaving Fox and Alex alone again. The men sat in silence for a while, Fox understanding Alex's need for quiet, and then the waiter appeared to take their order. When that was done, Fox pulled Alex's hand to his lips and planted a tender kiss on the knuckles. "You okay?" "Yeah. I'm...I actually...I kinda feel...good. Does that sound weird?" Fox shrugged. "Don't know. Why do you feel good?" "Because...Paul said that Tim was doing okay. Of course, he could've been lying, I suppose. But I don't think he would. And...and in some strange way, I think he'll feel better knowing that his phone call to you ended up in me being happy. It's what he was after, right?" "Right," Fox said softly then blew out a long breath. "I was kinda thinking that seeing him would have wrecked the whole night." Alex gave the older man a slight smile. "No. No, I really do think it might be a good thing." "Good." Fox smiled, then it faded a bit. "I noticed that you looked a little sad when he mentioned the painting." Alex lowered his head. "Yeah, I...I can't explain how I felt when I looked at it. I just sort of...identified with it, I guess. I suppose it doesn't matter that it was destroyed, though. I don't know that I could have kept it after I left, anyway." "You don't think he'd let you have it?" "I'm sure he would have. I wouldn't be able to take it, though." Fox understood. "I um...I don't know the first thing about art really, but...if you'd like to visit some galleries and see if there's anything else you might like, I'll go with you..." Alex smiled and raised his eyes to Fox's. "That's sweet. Thank you, but...I don't think I'll find anything else out there that touched me the way that one did." Fox nodded. "'Kay." They talked softly, sharing tender touches and loving looks until dinner came, and then they ate the same way, slowly raising the level of heat between them. When dinner was over, they took their desert back to Fox's apartment. "You want this now?" Fox asked, pointing to the bag as they entered the apartment. "No, I'm still pretty full," Alex answered, walking into the living room and turning the light on. "Yeah, me too. I'll stick it in the fridge, 'kay?" Alex nodded then sank down on the sofa, stretching his arms and legs. When Fox returned from the kitchen, he found Alex sprawled carelessly on the black leather, eyes closed. "Tired?" he asked softly, and Alex's eyes opened halfway. "No. Just trying to look sexy for you." Fox chuckled and stretched out on top of the younger man. "You don't ever have to try." He lowered his head and kissed Alex softly at first, merely teasing the soft flesh, then he deepened it, drawing a low moan from the other man. When he broke the kiss, he smiled down into the already flushed face. "So, what d'you want to do now?" "What d'you think I wanna do now?" Alex growled, letting his hands glide down to Fox's ass. "Aren't you still sore from yesterday?" "Yeah. So?" "Insatiable slut." Alex closed his eyes and grinned. Fox leaned in again and swiped his tongue across Alex's mouth. "I love you." "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Then show me," Alex demanded softly, squeezing Fox's ass and pushing his tongue inside the other man's mouth. "Mmmmhhh." Fox welcomed the intrusion, sliding his tongue over Alex's, gently coaxing it to stay. His hips swayed slowly, settling into the valley between Alex's legs, and Alex pushed up, letting his arousal be known. "Let's go to bed," Alex gasped, pulling away from Fox's insistent mouth. "I want you naked." "What a coincidence," Fox droned, tucking his hands under Alex's rear and pulling upward as he rocked against him. "I was just thinking that I'd like very much to have you naked." Another kiss, and Fox got up, pulling Alex with him. Silently, he led Alex into the bedroom, stopping just inside the door to pull the younger man into his arms. Their lips met in a passionate kiss, and their hands wandered hungrily, stroking and massaging, pulling at buttons and zippers, and by the time they parted, both men were only partially dressed. Alex slipped his hands into Fox's undone pants, inching past his underwear and finding the firm muscles of his rear. "You got the prettiest ass," he whispered against Fox's cheek. Take off your pants and lie down. I want to see it." Breathing heavily, Fox removed the rest of his clothing and lay face down on his bed, trembling as he waited. He sensed that Alex was stripping off his own clothing, and he found he was right when he felt the younger man's bare thigh brushing him as he sat down on the bed and leaned over him. A warm hand settled over the left cheek of his ass, then the other hand joined it, resting on the right cheek. Fox closed his eyes as Alex's hands began to stroke and soothe his taut muscles. "Perfect," Alex purred, watching his hands move slowly over the smooth skin. "Just looking at it...touching...makes me hard as stone." Fox jerked and moaned softly as Alex's lips grazed the surface. The moan got louder as Alex's tongue inched out and drew moist designs on him. "Jeez...Alex..." Alex gave no verbal response. His hands gently gripped Fox's cheeks as pulled them apart, then his face sank between them, licking and teasing the small opening. A harsh cry pierced the air, and Fox's muscles involuntarily clenched. "Easy," Alex whispered. "Easy, baby." Lips pressed together, Fox whimpered and whined as he tried to obey Alex's soft command. They'd only done this twice before; once each, and Fox remembered that it had been an outrageous turn on. Before they'd had a chance to enjoy it again, they'd broken up. And now here he was, lying face down on his bed with Alex's tongue working its way into his ass...and it was mindblowing. "God...nnnh...good...so...ahhh!" As gently as he could, Alex stabbed into Fox again and again, fucking him with his tongue. Fox sobbed and growled, clutching at the sheets, pulling them away from the mattress as he felt his climax build. Just when he was sure he'd come apart at the seams, Alex pulled out and bit firmly into the flesh of the right cheek. "Shit!" Fox began to squirm. "Alex," he panted. "Alex, please..." "Shhhh." Alex bathed the injured area then continued to lick and kiss up and down Fox's back and rear. "I want to lick every inch of you," he murmured. "Let me." Fox gasped desperately, shaking his head. "Can't...don't think I can make it." "You can," Alex insisted softly, moaning the words in Fox's ear. "I know you can. Do this for me, baby." He licked the older man's ear, probing the interior lightly. "Tell me you want to." Fox buried his face in the rumpled sheets, clutching them around him. "Mmmmmmmh." Alex licked the side of Fox's face. "Tell me, Fox." He didn't have to say it. Alex knew there wasn't anything Fox wouldn't do for him. But he said the words. "Anything," Fox gasped. "I want you to...to do anything you want to me." Alex's cock throbbed at the feeling of power those few words gave him. And his heart pounded triple time as intense love surged through him. He kissed Fox's cheek then tenderly began to bathe every inch of skin. More than fifteen minutes had passed, and still Fox lay on his stomach, twitching and moaning as Alex continued to tease him. When he was finally turned over, he looked up into hungry, green eyes. "Haven't you had enough?" he asked weakly, knowing the answer to his question. "Never," Alex purred roughly, leaning in to lick Fox's throat. "I'll never have enough of you." And so Fox lay sprawled on his back, gasping for breath as Alex proceeded to worship the front of his body, using little more than his mouth. Top to bottom, Alex licked and sucked at him, leaving strategically placed marks of his ownership, and when he reached the insides of Fox's thighs, Fox began to shudder in anticipation. The higher Alex moved, the harder he shook, and when the tip of the younger man's tongue lightly grazed his balls, he jerked violently and emitted a long, loud moan. Alex lifted his head and let his cheek rest on Fox's thigh. "Don't stop," Fox pleaded frantically. "Don't...don't..." "Just for a little while," Alex answered softly, kissing the smooth skin beneath his cheek. "Noooo." "You're too worked up," Alex explained gently. "You'll blow the minute I touch your cock. I don't want that this time. I want it to last." He stroked his lover's hip as he looked up at him. "I want it to be soft and sweet and...I want to make love to you, Fox. We've never done that. Not really. Not completely." Alex's words held Fox mesmerized, and despite the desperate throbbing of his body, his breathing began to regulate, and he calmed a bit. "Do you want to make love with me?" Fox's eyes rolled upward, his lashes falling over them, and he nodded his head. The next thing he felt was Alex's mouth drifting ever so lightly over his cock then continuing north. He felt the soft, moist tickle of the other man's tongue, circling his navel and dipping teasingly inside, and his abdominal muscles contracted at the sensation. Reveling in Fox's reactions, Alex moved upward, his mouth latching onto the older man's left nipple. Fox's lips parted on a long gasp, and his fingers plunged into Alex's hair, combing restlessly through the strands. "I love you, Fox," Alex whispered, letting his tongue flick back and forth over the rigid peak. "My beautiful Fox." His hands stroked Fox's body as he moved to the other nipple. "Mine." Dizzy with need, a speechless Fox nodded then allowed Alex to roll them, positioning him on top. The younger man's hands traveled down to his rear, and Alex squeezed gently, pulling Fox in as he rocked against him. A hard gasp broke past both men's lips, and Alex let up on the pressure but continued to stroke his ass. Fox growled softly and buried his face in the curve of Alex's shoulder, biting gently at the corded flesh. "Do it again." Alex shook his head. "You might come." "I won't," Fox panted, now feasting on Alex's arched throat. "I won't." "Okay, but I might," Alex responded honestly. "I don't want to. Not yet. I want to be inside you when we come." His words trailed off, and his eyes slipped shut as Fox moved downward and began teasing his nipples. The alternating swipes and flicks of the older man's tongue drove him slowly insane, and he began to grunt and whimper loudly. "Fox...oh...oh, God..." His nipples had always been particularly sensitive, and it'd been so long since any attention had been paid to them. Tim's brand of sex had always been so...vanilla. But Fox knew. Whatever else had been between them, he'd made it his business to know what turned Alex on. And he'd used that knowledge well. He still knew. Sucking harder on Alex's nipple, Fox flicked at the other one with his thumb, and Alex's whole body arched up off of the bed. "Thank you," he rasped breathily. "Oh, thank you, God....Fox...baby..." His teeth clenched tightly, and he fought against the orgasm he'd just finished telling Fox he wanted to hold off on. But Fox continued to suck and tease, switching from one nipple to the other, and the very loud demands of his body could not be ignored. Alex's sobbing groans sounded above Fox's head, and a slick warmth covered his stomach. Lifting his head, he looked down into glazed, half-closed eyes, and he began to smile. "Well, you talk a good game, but..." "God," Alex breathed. "I couldn't...I couldn't hold it." "I guess you're just as sensitive as you used to be." Alex nodded. "More. Especially when it's been so long. M'sorry, baby." "Are you kidding?" Fox rumbled, rubbing his own cock against Alex's leg. "But you owe me now." He moaned softly, nipping at Alex's shoulder. "Right now." Swiping at the wealth of cooling semen on his stomach, he deftly applied it to his cock. Alex spread his legs and wound them around Fox's waist, waiting for the breath-stealing invasion. It came seconds later as Fox sank into him and began to move. "So...so good," Fox moaned, setting a fairly fast pace. "Squeeze me, baby." Alex obeyed, and he gasped loudly, losing his rhythm for a moment before regaining it and driving himself to a fast orgasm. Alex listened to his lover's fragmented exclamations as he continued to milk his cock, and when Fox had pumped everything he had into him, he stopped and let the older man collapse on top of him. He lay under Fox's warm weight, stroking the perspiration-dotted back and whispering disjointed, loving words to him as he drifted into sleep. He closed his eyes, absorbing his lover's warmth and joined him soon afterward. "Mmmm...." Fox hadn't yet opened his eyes, but he sensed that it was late. And though he knew that he had to go to work in the morning, the hard, warm body behind him, and the hands so tenderly caressing him tempted him to wakefulness. His lips parted, and a soft gasp escaped past them as Alex's fingers grazed his cock. Lips, moist and gentle kissed the back of his neck and shoulder, and as he turned his head to nuzzle Alex, the younger man spoke. His voice, low and almost hoarse, made Fox tremble. "Close your eyes," the voice soothed. "Relax. Don't move." The teasing hand left his cock and skimmed his hip as it headed toward his rear. Carefully separating his left cheek from his right, Alex guided his cock between them. The younger man held his cock at the base and ever-so-slowly pushed it inside. Fox's hands clenched in his pillow as he fought to obey Alex's soft command. But Christ, it was so good. Sooo fucking good. "I'm going to make love to you now," Alex whispered. "Nice and slow." Fox sighed his lover's name and did his best to relax. Breathing deeply, he let his muscles go limp, giving Alex easier access. The younger man pushed again, slipping inside him another inch. "I love you," Alex murmured against Fox's shoulder as he drove deeper. "So much." Fox's lower lip trembled at the sweet admission, and he returned the sentiment. "I love you," he said on a breathy moan. "I've never...never felt like this. It's so..." His words broke off as Alex pushed fully into him. "Different," Alex finished for Fox. "Sweet." Fox nodded as Alex rocked slowly against him, overcome by these new sensations. Alex had never done him like this before. He couldn't say he didn't like it. Alex moved carefully, executing delicate strokes as he tenderly kissed Fox's shoulder and the back of his neck. He caressed the older man's chest, lightly brushing his erect nipples, and Fox shuddered in his arms. He continued to move at an agonizingly slow pace, lulling Fox into a gentle, tingling arousal. "You're so beautiful...feel so good," Alex croaked, immersed in the sensation of being so deeply embedded in his lover's slick heat, and the ripple of smooth muscles beneath his wandering hands. "I can't stop saying it." His tongue stroked over the curve of Fox's shoulder. "Can't stop touching you." "You don't have to," Fox gasped as Alex filled him completely. "I don't want you to. Don't...don't stop," he pleaded, voice cracking on the words. "Don't ever stop." "Never again," Alex whispered, his voice choked with sudden, unshed tears. He hugged Fox to him and stopped moving, prompting a soft whimper from the older man. "Just...need a minute," Alex sniffed, nuzzling the back of Fox's head. "I love being inside you...wanna stay a while." Letting out a trembling breath, Fox pushed back against Alex, making sure his lover was tightly wedged inside of him, then he went still. Several minutes passed, and Alex stirred, his breath flowing over Fox's neck and shoulder. "Are you all right?" Fox nodded and kissed the forearm that was banded around his chest. "You're not uncomfortable?" "No." The word came out in a dreamy sigh. Alex remained still for a while longer, stroking and kissing Fox, then he started to move, using the same slow, gentle thrusts that he had before. Fox pushed back against him, helping now, and the action sent slivers of electricity crackling through him. "Slow," Alex whispered, fighting to maintain the gentle rhythm. "Easy, baby...that's it..." The two moved together endlessly or so it seemed, until Alex was unable to take it any more. He wrapped his hand around the older man's cock and began to pump it slowly. "Are you ready, sweetheart?" Fox let out a hard breath. "Yes," he hissed, picking up speed slightly. "Then come with me," Alex demanded sweetly, his hands and hips matching Fox's increased rhythm. There was no need to move any faster. Both men felt the outer edges of a blinding orgasm approaching, and they gave themselves over to it easily. Wave after wave swept over them, and when the shuddering abated, and the cries of satisfaction ceased, they fell into a heavy, blissful lethargy. "Amazing," Alex moaned and held Fox to him with one arm while the hand on his cock cupped the exhausted shaft protectively. He remained as still as he could, trying to keep his withering cock inside Fox for as long as possible, but soon enough it slipped out, and both men whimpered piteously at the loss. Alex held Fox more tightly, pressing soft kisses into his hair. "Sorry." Fox would have turned around to face Alex but he didn't want to lose the warmth of his lover's hand, cradling his limp cock. "What for?" "For keeping you up so long. You're going to be tired in the morning." "I'll be fine." Fox caressed Alex's arm. "I'll take this over sleep any day." "Yeah, but...it's not very practical. It'd catch up with you. I'm gonna be a good boy tonight and leave you alone so you can get a good night's sleep." At that Fox did turn around. He fixed an anxious gaze on the other. "I don't want to sleep alone." "No," Alex said quickly. "No, that's not what I meant. Believe me, Fox, neither do I. I just meant that we're not going to do anything. We're going to go to sleep...together." Fox let out a relieved breath, and he wriggled his way into Alex's arms. Sighing contentedly, Alex hugged Fox and closed his eyes. "Go to sleep now. You can get about four hours if you do." "'Kay," Fox breathed and settled down to sleep. Within ten minutes, Alex was out, but Fox lay in the circle of his arms, still awake. Thinking. "Morning, Mulder." "Morning." Scully looked down into her partner's weary face. "Not again." "What d'you mean, not again?" "You know what I mean. How much sleep did you get last night?" "Couple hours." "Mulder..." "It wasn't all what you're thinking. I just couldn't sleep." "Why not? You should be completely worn out!" "I know, but I started thinking about stuff and..." "What stuff?" "You know, just...stuff." "Okay. So, what're you saying? You saying you don't want to talk about it with me?" Fox shrugged and gave his partner a sheepish grin. "Fine. Be secretive." The smile remained, and Fox removed his jacket, taking the seat at his desk. The day went by without incident, and by five-thirty, Fox was on his way home. Alex had promised to be there, and he was; waiting with an elaborate dinner and a neat, clean apartment. "You didn't have to do all this," Fox said, wrapping his arms around the younger man and laying a long kiss on him. "I know that," Alex answered in a soft, doting tone. "I wanted to. I want to take care of you. Do things for you." "Oooh. What kinds of things?" "All kinds of things," Alex purred, playing along. Moaning, Fox moved in for another kiss. "I love you. Have I told you that today?" "At least twice this morning before you left. Dinner'll be ready in about half an hour. Go get changed." One more kiss, and Fox retreated to the bedroom. Gathering up some comfortable clothes, he proceeded to the bathroom for a quick shower. When he returned to his clean living room, he found no one. The clank of utensils drew him to the kitchen, where he found Alex preparing to serve dinner. "God, that smells good. What can I do?" "If you wanna set the table, you can do that," Alex answered, turning the oven off. "I'm almost done, here." Quickly, Fox did as he was asked, and Alex began serving. They sat down to eat minutes later, falling into quiet conversation. "How was work?" "Nothing exciting. Nothing new on that case." Alex nodded. "This is real good," Fox said, shoveling another forkful into his mouth. Alex smiled and sipped at his ice water. "How you do on only four hours?" Fox didn't tell him that it was more like two. "I was okay during the day, but now I'm starting to feel it." Another nod. "I can see it in your eyes. You need to get to bed early tonight." Smiling, Fox ran his fingers through his hair. "To sleep, huh?" "Yes. To sleep." Fox ate a few more bites then looked up at Alex. "Can I...can I ask you a question?" Alex looked up from his plate. "'Course." Fox played with the remaining food on his plate. "Last night...was...new...for us." Alex nodded. "I loved making love with you. It was awesome, but I'm just curious. What made you want to? Did you always want to before, and you felt like you couldn't because of the nature of our relationship? Or did you...I...I mean, I know you said that it was fairly boring with Tim, but was there something about it that struck a chord with you?" Alex thought a minute before answering. "Maybe a bit of both. I...always wondered what it would be like between us without the constant attitude and anger. Then when I got with Tim...even though he gave me all the tenderness and love I hadn't had, I thought about it even more, and I knew that if it was you, it'd be everything in the world I could ever want." He broke the seriousness of the conversation with an evil little grin. "Don't think though, that this means that I don't want to get down and dirty with you any more." Fox eyes sparkled with humor. "That's good. I was wondering if I should be worried." "Nooo, no. You have nothing to be concerned about. Just maybe think of this as an extra added bonus." Fox's lips curved into a full smile. "I like bonuses." "Mmm hmm. Now eat so I can get this cleaned up, and we can relax for a little while before you go to bed." "Before I go to bed?" "We, we. Sorry." Happily, Fox finished his dinner then sat down in front of the t.v. while Alex cleaned up. By the time Alex made it into the living room, he was out. Smiling, Alex kneeled in front of the slumbering man and watched him silently for a while before leaning in to deposit a soft kiss on his lips. "Fox," he called, barely above a whisper. "Baby, wake up." "Hmm?" "You fell asleep on the couch. Get up so I can put you to bed." "'Kay." Alex waited but Fox didn't move. "Fox..." "Wha..." "C'mon, baby. I'd try to carry you, but we might both wind up on the floor before we get to the bedroom." Eyes still closed, Fox sat up. With Alex's assistance, he got to his feet, then Alex led him into the bedroom, where he was gently stripped to his boxer briefs and tucked into bed. "Where're you going?" Fox asked, opening his eyes just long enough to see Alex leaving the bedroom. "I'll be back. I'm just going to shut off the t.v. and the lights." Fox closed his eyes again, and the next time he opened them, Alex's warm, nearly naked body was settling into bed next to him. He turned into Alex's arms, snuggling against him. He lay quietly for a while, soaking in Alex's heat. Then he spoke. "Alex?" "Yeah?" "I was thinking about something." "What're you doing thinking when you're supposed to be sleeping?" Fox ignored the question. "I know it hasn't been very long since we got back together, and maybe...m-maybe this is way too soon, but...tell me if you think it is..." All that stammering raised Alex's curiosity. "If I think what's too soon?" "For us to...I thought maybe you might like to...live together?" Fox didn't see the smile on Alex's face. All he heard was the silence. And his heart sank. "Sorry, I...I guess it is too soon. Look what happened before, right?" Alex tipped Fox's face up and looked into sad eyes. "No. No, I...I just needed a second to sort of..." The grin appeared again. "...roll in it." "Then you might consider it?" "Yeah. Oh, yeah. I know that it hasn't been all that long, and I know what happened before, but it's all different now. We're different now. And I know that I don't want to spend a single night away from you...not if we can help it. That said, I think it's senseless to keep two apartments, so..." "You really think it's the right step?" Fox asked. "I mean...logically?" "Logic takes a back seat to love," Alex said, skimming Fox's shadowed jaw with his knuckles. "So, we could be making a mistake if we move in together now," Fox said, chewing on his lower lip. "I'm willing to take that chance," Alex answered softly. "I don't care how soon it is. I don't care how much further we might have to go. I want to be with you. I think we can have an amazing life together. I think we're well on our way toward that, and nothing can stop us if we don't let it." Fox wrapped his arms around the younger man, hugging him tightly. "We're gonna live together...uh...where? We know from experience that this place is really too small for two men, and your place is ever smaller, so, what are we gonna do?" "Find a bigger apartment," Alex said simply. "Just like that, huh?" Fox smiled. "Sure. Paper's loaded with apartments for rent." "You want to start looking tomorrow?" "Yup." Alex squeezed Fox and kissed him soundly. "Now...you been thinking about anything else you wanna talk about?" Fox shook his head. "All right, then. Go to sleep." Fox did just that, closing his eyes and smiling softly. "G'night, Alex." "'Night, Fox. I love you." Fox mumbled a response, and within minutes he was asleep. Alex lay rubbing Fox's back, smiling as he thought about what they were about to get themselves into. And he gave thanks yet again for the chance they'd been given. Five weeks later Alex moved the sofa for the third time, trying to make up his mind where he wanted it to go. He laughed to himself when he thought of Fox coming home tonight and finding the living room in yet another configuration. This would make four nights in a row, and he still wasn't sure he liked any of the arrangements. //New, bigger furniture...more furniture or...something.// They'd set out to find a larger place, and they'd definitely done that. It was so large that the items they'd agreed to take along looked lost in it. //Yeah. We gotta go shopping this weekend.// The doorbell rang, and he tripped over the chair he'd just moved, cursing himself and the chair all the way to the door. Checking the peephole, he threw the door open, startling the deliveryman standing in the hall. "Sorry." Alex held up a hand to calm to nervous little man. "What'cha got?" "Uh...package for Kry...uh..." "Krycek," Alex said, bending over to rub his bruised shin. "That's me." "'Kay. Sign here, please?" Alex straightened up and took the offered pen, signing the clipboard. The little man handed him the flat, rectangular package, and he shut the door, frowning as he limped back into the living room. Kicking the damned chair before dropping into it, he set the package down on the coffee table, balancing it on edge while he pulled the attached card away. Then, setting the package down, he opened the card. On the outside, it read, 'Happy New Apartment'. Confused and curious, he opened the card and began to smile. 'Several months ago, I saw you standing alone in an art gallery, looking at a painting. Heartbreakingly beautiful, as it was. You reflected its sadness, its emptiness. My gift to you isn't beautiful. The artist is known to no one, and his work isn't worth a penny. But it does represent the happiness I now see in your exquisite eyes every day. I hope you can see it too. I love you madly, and I promise you, I always will. Fox' Alex set the card down and tore away the packaging. His misty gaze focused on what looked like a child's painting done in watercolors. Two stick figures stood under a tree on a field of green grass, littered with flowers in assorted sizes and colors. They were holding hands, smiling brightly, and a radiant yellow sun shone in a light blue sky, scattered with puffy white clouds. The brass tag on the frame read, 'Joyful'. "Fox..." Alex smiled through the tears that gathered heavily on his lashes, and he scanned the painting again. "It is beautiful," he whispered, tracing the shapes. A scribbled name, done in yellow paint in the right hand corner, caught his eye. Looking closer, he began to laugh, and the tears fell. Then he read the name aloud. "Fox W. Mulder." END MMCUSN@aol.com

Courtship By Aries X-files M/K Rated NC-17 for m/m sexual situations and language Summary: Alex has been on his own for a few months now, trying to get his life, such as it is, together. And then... Knock, knock, knock. Okay to archive Feedback: bring it on! MMCUSN@aol.com Disclaimer: You know, I keep forgetting to put one of these in my stories. Oops! You know the drill. All X-files characters belong to Chris Carter...even though he stopped giving a damn about them years ago. http://denofsin.slashcity.net/aries/ariestitle.html https://www.squidge.org/terma/aries/aries.htm back to top

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