by Ratfink
But all of that was unreal to him, like a dream, the only thing real was
Vic's body, limp in his arms.
The agency hospital staff was doing their best. They had Vic on the table for
over 5 hours, and when they were finally done, they brought him to his room,
where his two partners were already waiting. Liann had fallen asleep on one
of the beds, and Mac was standing by they window, not able to do anything but
wait and hope.
They said, that he would probably make it, but they couldn't tell for sure.
Vic had to fight, and he had to wake up soon. If he went into a coma, they
couldn't guarantee for anything.
So Mac did the only thing he could think of doing. He sat down beside Vic's
bed, took the older man's hand into his, and started to talk. He was waiting
for Vic to wake up, and tell him to shut up and let him sleep. And then he
would kiss the man, and they would...
Hell, where did that come from?
Well, anyway, he thought there is this one story I have never told him.
He had wanted to for some time now, but it never seemed to be the right time
or place, so he had kept it to himself, but now seemed to be a good moment.
"When I was younger, you know, before my parents left me, before I was with
the Tangs, I used to love drawing pictures, I know what you want to say, and
this time I agree with you, I wasn't really good at it. Not that bad
though....stop laughing now will you....and I spent like my entire time,
sitting on the floor of our living room, and drawing these pictures. Used to
drive my mom crazy. I got paint all over the carpet, and she freaked, but she
couldn't stop me. Strange how you remember these little things. When you are
at it, it doesn't seem to be so important, it's just another one of those
passing moments, and you don't really think about it, but years later, you
realize, that those moments were decisive for the rest of your life. You
know, like the moment when you told me you didn't love Li Ann anymore, and I
just thought.....Hell, why is he telling me this, and you just looked at me
with these eyes, and well.....but back now to my story, I know you probably
can't wait to hear the rest of it. One day my dad read me this story about
some snake, that would eat animals in one piece, and then spent one month
digesting it, before it needed new food.
So that's what I drew. A snake that had eaten an elephant. It looked
something like this:
He took a piece of paper out of his pocket and drew something on it. Then he
held it in front of Vic's face, as if to will him to open his eyes and laugh
at it. But there was no movement, so he kept talking.
"I was so proud of my work, it really was the first thing in my life, that
seemed to make total sense. So I ran to my mum, and waved it in her face, I
jumped around in our little kitchen, until she finally looked at it. She
looked at me, than back at the picture and in the end she sighed exasperated.
She said in her typical you-drive-me-crazy-voice that she really didn't know,
why the hell I drew a hat. I stared at her in disbelief, to me it was obvious
what this was. It might have looked a little bit like a hat, but only with a
lot of fantasy added, and, well you know what kids feel like when this
happens. They know exactly, that grown-ups are crazy. Simply....., well,
......grown up.
So I didn't give a damn about what she was saying. I thought, that I would
meet other people, and they would understand. I stopped drawing pictures when
I first realized, that no one saw it. I showed my snake to every person I
knew, and as a five year old you don't have that many friends, so this didn't
take very long, and not one person saw what I saw. I thought, well, what the
fuck. There will be other people, there will be other chances, but I kept
growing older, and I still saw a snake, and everyone around me saw .....a
hat. Finally I decided, that I would have to change my mind, that I was
wrong, and that I would have to just look at the picture long enough, to see
what they were seeing, but I didn't. Then everything changed so fast, and I
lost track of the time. It wasn't until I was 20 years old, and I found this
old picture per accident, while searching for old photos to show them to Li
Ann. She took the picture from my hand, and looked at it in disbelief, and
just like everyone before her she asked me, why did you draw a hat?
That was when I realized, that in the last years of my life, there has never
been one person who understood me, and I promised myself, that I would keep
searching. Sometimes when I thought, that I had met someone reasonable,
someone who might know, I showed them my snake, and they said, what's with
the hat. You asked me once, if I had felt alone growing up, and I told you,
maybe sometimes, but that was the wrong question to ask. I wasn't alone. I
had people I loved, and people who loved me, at least most of the time, but
if you would have asked me, if I was understood, I would have had to tell
you, that I wasn't.
I grew up, I learned to act like they did, I asked the right questions in the
right moments, I learned to move on their level. And so it happened that I
haven't talked to anyone really, my entire life, until this one day.
I remember it as if it was yesterday, do you? Remember it I mean?
I guess you do, you don't forget things like this. We both had had a nice and
companionable evening, one of these where we were arguing and fighting, and
enjoying ourselves immensely. You took me home, because I had had a little
too much to drink, and when I offered you a drink, you said, sure why not. I
remember how you looked a little surprised, positive, but still surprised,
and you were standing at my table, going through the papers that were
splattered across it. I came from the kitchen with my drink in one hand and
your drink in the other, and then it happened. You grinned at me, not your
usual grin, but the one you seem to have reserved only for me—what a lucky
person I am—and asked: "My, Mac, I never knew you were an artist, but don't
you think, that an elephant is maybe a little to big for the snake to digest.
You always say that I threw myself over the table, but that's not true, I
did walk around it. I admittedly hurried, because I really couldn't believe
it, and before I could think about my actions I had you in my arms, and I was
kissing you senseless. But you know that. When you asked me once, what had
possessed me that day, I told you I would tell you the story one day, but
like I said, I just never got around to do it. So, I guess over the years, I
just forgot, and I guess, you forgot it as well, but here it finally is, the
reason, why I love you more than anyone else in this world. I am not alone
anymore, and I don't know how to thank you for......"
That was the moment he looked up, to see his lover's face, and his eyes were
met by Vic's. There were tears shimmering in his sea-green eyes, and when he
spoke his voice was weak, but his words were strong.
"Mac, I had to wait for 12 years, and I had to get shot, before you come
around to tell me this?"
"We lived, slept and loved together for 12 years, and everyday you find
another way to surprise me Victor, I thought for once, I could surprise you."
Both men didn't notice the person standing behind them, her eyes also full of
tears as she came forward and slumped into Vic's embrace, who held her tight,
and all of them couldn't suppress a grin when Mac's arms joined the circle,
and one of them muttered something about group cuddles.
"I can't believe how cute you are together, guys."
"Mac?"
"Yes Victor?"
"Dessine-moi un mouton!"
e turned around even before he heard the sound of the bullet flying, and
everything then seemed to be in slow motion. He saw Vic's eyes, just before
he was hit, he looked surprised, and then the impact threw his body halfway
around, and before Mac could reach him, he hit the cold floor. From far away
Mac heard Li Ann's voice, and then another gun going off, and saw the man who
had hit Victor being shot and most certainly dead before hitting the wall and
then the floor.
