Surviving

Journal Entry Date: May 23, 2000

Dear Diary:

I know I have not written in this journal of mine for quite some time but I have been extremely busy. I regret not being able to write in this journal. I find myself in desperate need of remembering those good times in my life. My life has gone down an unknown path and I wish there was a way to find peace in all this chaos. My partner and best friend has been taken away and I am shocked to think he will never return. Losing Mulder was as if a part of my soul had died. He meant more to me than anyone else in the world. His overwhelming dedication to finding his sister was stronger than any emotion known to mankind. We have had our good times as well as our bad times. He was my soulmate. My lifeline. My rock. I know you are out there, Mulder. And I will not rest until you are brought home. Safe and sound.

There is also something else that has happened recently. Something totally unexpected. I never thought this would happen to me. Didn't think it was possible. Especially after what was done to me. But it happened and I don't know how to explain this so I'm just going to blurt it out. I'm pregnant. There's a little life growing inside of me. I was so overjoyed when I found out. But the action itself is something I still can't comprehend. The baby's father is not who Skinner would automatically assume to be. If anyone ever found out the baby's true father, it would be a disaster. The father is... Alex Krycek. The man accused of every crime, especially murder. Yet what we did together was so breathtaking that I cannot believe it was actually him. I never thought Krycek, --or the name I screamed out: Alex--, could be so gentle. The way his lips caressed mine. How his hands and mouth loved every inch of my body, making me crazed with lust. His tenderness in taking me, allowing me to be the first to explode with pleasure while he followed suit. Even if it was a one night stand, Alex Krycek was the greatest lover I have ever had. I will remember and treasure our night together for the rest of my life. Should I let the truth be known to others that Alex Krycek is the real father of my baby? I better leave that decision for tomorrow when I think more clearly. I think a goodnight's sleep will make me better adjusted for all this.

Goodnight, journal. Goodnight, Mulder. Goodnight my little darling. Goodnight, Alex.

Love,

Dana