Holy Schlamoli

The year: 2000, when the gay disco scene was at a new hight. Alex Krycek walked into the disco shaking his groove thing in the greatest recreation of John Travolta's Saturday Night Fever costume ever. As he strolled along he started singing, "I got that night fever, night fev-eerrr!!!!" He looked to his right where his partner in crime stood. Mulder was similarly clad, but not quite so sexy. Alex's over-gelled thick poofy hair glistened under the disco ball. He was sexiest man in the room. "Ohmigod, Mulder, it's KAREOKE NIGHT!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!"

"I didn't know you sing, baby."

"You bet your sweet ass I do, Foxy."

" I love it when you call me Foxy," Mulder replied with a dopey grin.

"Come on, I wanna be up first."

They reached the sign to happily see that no one had signed up yet. Krycek put down his name to sing "I Will Survive." They sat around drinking sea breezes & waiting for the fun to start. After half an hour of drinking & giggling, it was time for the kareoke to start.

Krycek got up to the machine, took a deep breath, & waited for the song to start.

"At first I was afraid,
I was petrified...
kept thinking I could never live without you by my side.
But then I spent so many nights
thinking how you'd done me wrong
& I grew strong,
and I learned HOW TO GET ALONG!!!"

(Krycek who had his butt facing the crown turned around at this point.)

He now went into his full Disco Fever dance routine. Copying John Travolta's moves exactly, the crowd roared with appreciation.

"So now you're back,
from outer space!"

Suddenly a thundering crash erupted and what was seemingly a bomb came... from outer space? Upon a second's notice, it was in fact, Marlon Brando who's caused the explosion. This didn't keep Alex from missing a beat.

"I just walked in
to find you here
with that sad look upon your face."

(The crowd looks horrified.)

"I should have changed that stupid lock,
I would've taken back your key,
if I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me!"

In walked Spender. He'd heard the explosion & saw it was kareoke night! Alex caught his eye & sneered as he sang,

"C'mon, now go;
walk out the door!
Just turn around now,
cuz you're not welcome anymore.
Weren't you the one who tried to break me with your lies?"

(Spender sheepishly thought back to all those brutal beatings for information.)

"You think I'd crumble?
Think I'd just lay don & die?"

At this point utter pandomoneum broke loose. Spender threw a dagger at Krycek, catching him in the side.

"Oh NO NOT I!!!!!" was Krycek's response.

"I WILL SURVIVE!
As long as I know how to love"

(with a grin at Mulder)

"I know I'll stay alive.
Cuz I've got all my life to live
& I've got all my love to give,
I will SURVIVE!
I WILL SURVIVE!!!
Hey, hey!!"

At this point Krycek was gushing blood like in a Monty Python scetch. He jumped off the stage, cut off one of Marlon Brando's fingers & used it to plug the hole in side. Meanwhile, Mulder shot Spender dead, and the patrons of the disco fled in horror.

Krycek & Mulder looked at each other. "Mulder we've got two dead bodies. The Police will be here any second. How can we dispose of them?"

"Well, Idon't know about you, but I'm hungry like the wolf. Let's eat 'em!"

"Good Idea!"

Mulder and Krycek raided the bar & hacked Spender & Brando to pieces. Mulder knawed on a thigh while Krycek vengefully attacked Spender's left arm. "Now, you know what it's like!!! HAHAHA!!!!"

Mulder & Krycek dined graciously, and then fled the scene of the crime. Krycek's beautiful white suit was now tarnished with blood. Krycek looked sad, so Mulder said, "Well, you gave a great performance, you sexy thing. You know, I believe in miracles. So let's make one happen tonight."

"Oh let's not ask for the moon, we have the stars."