Forget The X

I'm swimming.

I remember the gunshot and the flash of pain, but everything else is a blur, a finger painting of my life as a whole. And there's one big streak of Mulder right down the middle.

He was always the dark spot on my canvas. I could never decide if I wanted to kill him or love him.

I hadn't decided when I cornered him in that parking garage. I stalled because I didn't know, because I kept hoping that something would stop me. And something did.

I kept reaching for that gun because I wanted to escape. And the only way to do that for me was death.

I would have preferred to die by Mulder's hand, and I think that he felt the same way about me as I did about him. We could hurt each other as much as we wanted to, but we could never end it for each other.

If he could just give up the crusade, forget about the X, he could go on with his life.

Because not everything is X, Mulder. Sometimes you just have to stare life in the face.

And let it take you down.