- Nothing breaks the ice like DOT statistics.
- Shoot first, ask questions later, just when you realize you've fucked up big time.
- Set goals for yourself. (overcome your fear of heights, achieve world domination, etc.)
- Any good palm pilot comes equipped with the ability to vanquish your enemies.
- Choose a side.
- Stop looking for the truth because there is no truth.
- Have your hair done at Supercuts.
- To escape from a cramped, underground space, simply pray to the almighty Carter for deliverance.
- Should you find yourself trapped in an ordinary pair of handcuffs, forget Carter - you're on your own.
- Switch sides.
- Bald men carry grudges.
- Take your beatings like man.
- Never go into a public restroom alone.
- Never, EVER, wander around in a Russian forest alone.
- Don't smoke.
- Slideshows accent any presentation. Switch sides again.
- Blondes aren't dumb, and neither are redheads.
- Keep your friends close, but your enemies close enough to kiss.
- If your car or VCR is blinking "12:00 12:00 12:00", run, don't walk, to the nearest repairman.
- Switch sides yet *again*.
- Black leather can go from day, to night, to peddling foreign secrets.
- You know you're making real career progress when your boss lets you drive the company car.
- If you must kill, do it in an ambiguous fashion. That way, misguided philes will always defend you. [editors note: misguided..MY ASS!]
- Do you even remember what side you were on? You better remember.
- Your phobia of WB-40 is perfectly normal.
- Get a hobby, like sewing, for instance.
- When in doubt, plam it.
- You might as well smile, because it's all going to hell anyway.
:) Carly
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