Work Text:
In Relation to the Center Line...
by pari
Just accept that you're going to get lost...
Everyone does.
This is a big and confusing place, and this is your first time here.
Accept the sting the sight of them causes, as you watch them together. Know that it was unavoidable. You can't help how it hurts to think of his past with Burley, any more than you can change the fact that he has one.
Remember: crossing from port to starboard - from officers to friends to lovers - isn't as simple as going straight across. Sometimes you have to go up one deck and down another, or down one deck and up another; one step forward and one step back. Or two. Sometimes you have to step back and let him take the lead; trust that he knows where the both of you are going at least as well as you think. The heart of a ship is its center line, and now that he's found his way into yours, you have to believe that he won't abuse that power. That he won't wander away into some darker frame.
Know that it's okay to get a little lost every now and again. Frustrated. Jealous. Just keep your head on straight, don't be rash, smile. Be friendly. Your face is your own personal bull's-eye; let the mask slip even once, and they'll all know the level you've fallen to for him.
He deserves better than that. He deserves your faith. He's earned it with his interest, his attention, his care. His "Tony," spoken in an effortless way - like he wouldn't be able to forget you even if he tried; like there's something, anything, about you so unforgettable that even years of history can't supercede it.
Accept that it's different between you - just like Cait said. It's different between you and Gibbs than it was between him and Burley. You're different. And Jeth isn't going anywhere.
He'll be there when you're through being lost and confused.
He's in the same, confusing place as you are.
You'll get the hang of it. After you get lost a few times.
[end.]