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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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Published:
2020-11-04
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2010-09-05
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The 'Gate Crasher

Summary:

The Stargate Tabloid!

Chapter 1: Issue 0-00

Chapter Text

Rated PG
Spoilers: vague, but there for season 6
Archive: whoever wants it
Disclaimer: Me, own them? Do I look like a millionare to you?
email:lhflu at yahoo dot com

 

The 'Gate Crasher--Issue 0-00

MACGYVER FOUND!!
Story by Ladyhawk

Colorado Springs, CO--After more than a decade's search, Angus MacGyver, Phoenix Foundation agent, and all-around useful guy to have around, has finally been found. Having left the Foundation after breaking up with his on-and-off lover, Jack Dalton, he was reported missing on May 23, 1992 by his son, Sam Malloy. Federal agents had responded immediately but were unable to track the elusive jack-of-all-trades.

Two months ago, however, it was reported to the GC that Macgyver had been spotted. Reporters quickly followed the lead and found the agent in Colorado Springs, under the guise of one General Jack O'Neill, Commander of a top secret base. One of our sources discovered that the base actually houses a magic circle similar to the magic mirror used in the children's show Romper Room, which is used to contact good children. The circle at the secret base, however, seems to be calibrated for contacting power hungry warlords who have bad taste in wardrobe.

Our reporters confirmed that O'Neill was MacGyver by locking him in an empty storage closet with only a toothbrush and a stick of gum. The General escaped in 42 seconds. When asked about his escape, O'Neill replied that he could have picked the lock more quickly with the paperclip he found, but he had to finish making dinner plans with his lover, Dr. Daniel Jackson, first.

When asked why he left the Phoenix Foundation, the General replied that he had been frustrated with his relationship with Dalton, and had married and fathered a child. "But when I lost my son, I found myself at a loss. I didn't know how I could make a difference. When I was offered a job at this base, I found a good outlet for my hidden macho tendencies. The Air Force offered me this cool military wardrobe if I pretended to be dumb and tricked the warlords into submission. It's worked beautifully. These bad guys are dumber than the Colonel on Wormhole Xtreme."

When asked if he would ever go back to the Phoenix Foundation, the General said no. "I have a new life and a new love. The SGC has given me a reason to continue perfecting my witty comebacks, which were sadly lacking in my time at the Foundation. Also, Dr. Jackson and I have been together since he came back from being turned into a squid. I couldn't think of being without him, especially since he swiped my Star Wars DVDs."