Chapter Text
Second Best
by JM Lane
Leonard McCoy was angry. Of course, that would come as no surprise to those who knew him best, for he was easily provokedâ€"-but this time, things were different. It was those he cared about most who had hurt him...not just provoked, but *hurt* him. For their sake, he had endured it without complaint for years, but this latest incident had pushed him to the limits of his endurance and patience. He was sick and tired of being consistently shunted aside, taken for granted, rarely being trusted with their personal feelings, even more rarely invited along with them on shore leave, made to leave if they wanted to talk privately...
Whether they "meant" to or not, they did these things, and he wasn't going to take it any more. Okay, so he had his faults, but so did they. Why did he have to be the one constantly penalized for them, sit in sackcloth and ashes because he wasn't precisely as they thought he should be? Jim he could handle; it was Spock that he was upset with at the moment.
Not that it was so much something the Vulcan had done to him as to Christine-â€"but his hurt and anger toward him were as great as if it had been done to him. He was determined that they be treated more fairly and decently, or else he and Christine would leave...and go as far away as they could, see just how long those two, superior, self-righteous bastards could last without them. This was the last straw!
It was bad enough that Spock ignored Christine, consistently rebuffing any attempts by her at closer contact, but now he was making her feel incompetent and useless on top of everything else. It made him see red, and it was going to change, even if he had to tie Spock down and *make* him listen.
He'd had it up to here with their neglect and mistreatment of not only himself, but Christine. A lot of the time they were treated as though they either weren't there or had no feelings-â€"simply expected to take their abuse and not squawk, all supposedly in the name of "friendship" or "professionalism."
Spock of all people should have known better, because he knew what it was like to be mistreated, rejected and rebuffed...but it seemed that all his manners, not to mention basic gentleness and decency, were reserved for Kirk. Otherwise, they went totally out the window.
The Captain seemed to be the only one the Vulcan considered deserving of his attention, consideration or affection; he and Christine seemed to be merely necessary evils that Spock endured for the sake of staying around Kirk. If their medical expertise wasn't needed, they didn't exist. Even now, he could recount the events of five days ago as if they'd happened an hour ago.
He had come in for his shift around 1430 to find Christine with her head down on her desk, quietly sobbing as if her heart would break. She was usually almost Vulcan when it came to hiding her feelings; it had to be traumatic for her to end up in tears-â€"and he had a pretty good idea who had caused them. He approached her and gently touched her shoulder, speaking in his softest, most compassionate voice.
"Chris, what's wrong?" //As if I need to ask,// the Doctor thought bitterly. //It's Spock. When isn't it?//
She lifted her head to face him, her vision blurred through tear-filled eyes, which were red and swollen from crying, her face flushed as though she had a high fever. "Leonard? Oh, it's nothing. The usual."
"The usual? Come on, I need more than that if I'm going to help you."
The nurse sighed, blew her nose with a tissue from the nearby dispenser, then wiped her eyes with another and threw them both away before standing up and turning toward McCoy's office. "Let's go to your office. I don't want anyone to overhear this."
He followed her there; the doors swished shut behind them. They seated themselves and called up cups of hot coffee, sipping intermittently as they talked.
"Well, you know that Spock has been in Sickbay for the last couple of days because you wanted to see that he got the drug which will get his blood production rate back to normal."
McCoy nodded. "Go on."
Christine sighed and continued. "Well, I gave it to him a couple of hours ago, and noticed that he seemed tense. I could tell he needed a back and shoulder rub to relax, and even offered to give him one, but he refused. I didn't force the issue; you know how he is if you do that. About an hour ago, the Captain came to visit him and noticed the same thing. I moved as close as I dared, where I could see and hear them, but they couldn't see meâ€"-then the Captain said, `You look tense, Spock. Is there something I can do to help?'
"Spock says, `I would appreciate a back rub.'" She fought back tears as she went on. "The words went through me like a knife, you know? Then he turns on his belly and the Captain begins the rubdown. A little while later, Spock went all but limp with relaxation. I even saw him smile and squeeze the Captain's hand after turning over. `Thank you, Jim,' he says. `I feel much better.'
" `I'm glad,' the Captain replies, then moves to the door before turning back. `But wasn't there anyone on duty here who could have done the back rub?'
"Spock looked uncomfortable for a second, then reluctantly admits, `Yes. Nurse Chapel is on duty.'
" `Couldn't she have done it?' the Captain asks.
" `I suppose so,' Spock replies. `But I prefer the way you do it. You seem to know how to do it just right.'
" `But the personnel here are professionally trained. Why experience any more discomfort than you have to?'
"`Because I...prefer your touch,' Spock retorts. `Now, please leave me. I wish to sleep.'
" `All right, if you say so. See you later,' the Captain says, then leaves, sensing that Spock was in no mood for further conversation. The Captain didn't seem to notice me, and that was good, because I couldn't have explained why I was there if he had." She once again began sobbing.
The Doctor got up, came around his desk and gathered his Head Nurse close, holding her in comforting arms. "I'm sorry you had to hear that, Chris."
"I wanted to help him, but he wouldn't let me," she said, voice barely audible.
"Does that surprise you?"
"No, but it hurts. It hurts like hell." She clung to him like a lifeline. "He doesn't want my help or my touch." Her voice almost broke as she buried her wet face in the Doctor's uniform shirt. "He wouldn't care if you or I died or disappeared tomorrow...but if it was the Captainâ€"-" Her voice broke off. "Leonard, why do I bother, why do I try? He never notices, it never matters. I might as well not even exist." Her sobbing increased. "Why couldn't he at least have let me make the attempt?"
McCoy couldn't find any words which would ease her pain, so he merely held her and let her have her grief. This time it wasn't a case of over-reaction, not an isolated incidentâ€"-but one of far too many times that Christine had been shunted aside, taken for granted, ignored and/or forgotten...and not only by Spock. This stupidity was going to end...and soon...whatever he had to do!
* * * * *
It was that evening that McCoy decided to confront Spock and have it out with him once and for all. The Vulcan was reading something on the bedside monitor when the Doctor walked in. He raised an eyebrow at the grim look on the latter's face.
"Is something wrong, Doctor?" he asked conversationally, unaware of what was coming--and for that reason, was unprepared for it.
"I want to talk to you, Spock." McCoy's voice was deceptively quiet.
"What about?" The Vulcan's voice was infuriatingly calm, and McCoy made sure that Spock knew how he felt about it.
"Your treatment of Christine a few hours ago."
"That is not your concern," Spock retorted stiffly. "My conduct is my own affair." Let it never be said that a Vulcan cannot rise to the occasion.
McCoy's fists clenched and unclenched behind his back as he fought for control. "Not when it affects the smooth running of Sickbay," the Doctor shot back. "You had a rubdown a few hours ago, right?"
"Yes. Why?" The First Officer allowed himself a frown.
"Who gave it to you-â€"or need I ask?"
"What is that supposed to mean, Doctor?" Spock's tone was suspicious.
"Did Christine offer to do it?"
"She did," the Vulcan reluctantly admitted.
"And you refused it," McCoy finished coldly.
"I did not require it at that point," the Science Officer claimed, dignity fully intact.
"That's strange, since Christine told me that you seemed quite tense and restless," McCoy informed him. "And I'm inclined to believe her."
"Are you accusing me of lying, Doctor?" Spock almost visibly bristled as he pushed the monitor aside.
"Not at all," the Doctor replied evenly. "Only that you didn't allow her to do her job. What do you think Christine was in Sickbay for, decoration?"
The two stared at each other with equally frigid gazes.
"Since then, Christine has been fumbling around, dropping things, making mistakes she hasn't made in years..."
"...and you believe I am the cause," the Vulcan finished, eyes as hard, black and cold as obsidian.
"I *know* you are," McCoy snapped. "Damn it, Spock, even if you don't consider *me* a friend, Christine certainly deserves better after all she's done for you."
"Doctor, I assure you it was not a reflection on her competency. I merely did not wish a rubdown at that point."
"But you did when Jim came in an hour later," the Doctor said, his voice sounding too much like an accusation for Spock not to notice it.
"Is there something wrong with that?" Spock flared.
"Not to your way of thinking," McCoy retorted. "But the least you could have done was let her do her job-â€"or at least attempt itâ€"-instead of making her feel useless. But you didn't even let her try, from what I understand. Just where did you think she was after Jim came? Did you even care? I doubt it very much. She heard everything you said...that you were tense, needed a rubdown and hadn't gotten one, so Jim gave it to you.
"I have to give him credit for one thing, thoughâ€"-he confronted you about it, asked you why you didn't let Christine do it if you needed it and she was available. You said you preferred him doing it, even though she is equally capable of doing it. But that didn't matter one damn bit to you, did it? *She* didn't matter one damn bit...though that doesn't surprise me. She never *has* mattered to you." //Any more than I have,// the Doctor finished sadly in his mind.
There was so much bitterness in McCoy's voice that Spock sensed that the Doctor wasn't only protesting Christine's treatment, but his own. "Is there something you are not telling me, Doctor?"
"A lot," McCoy remarked. "But there's no sense mentioning it, because we'd be up all night arguing about itâ€"-and even then, probably wouldn't resolve anything. It's hard to resolve problems when one person's mind is already made up beforehand and unwilling to give the other person the benefit of the doubt...in essence, a chance to prove themselves."
His voice was a mixture of pain and bitterness. "It's a mistake for one person to be the be-all and end-all of another's existence. That can often be as hard on the latter as the former if the dependent one has no one else to turn to in the event something happens to the one they depend on."
Spock gave him a funny look. "What do you mean, Doctor?"
"Suffice it to say that it's a pretty poor life that only has room for one other person in it, when a person won't give anyone else a chance to be their friend-â€"can't forgive them their faults when he should know they care about him and mean well, yet expects others to accept *him* without reservation. Nor are they responsible or should be penalized for whatever trauma he went through in his childhood."
McCoy turned away, all talked out for the moment. "Good night, Spock. I'll leave now so as not to impose my odious presence on you any longer. I know you don't care to be around me any more than absolutely necessary." With that, the Doctor left, leaving Spock to ponder his words and the emotions behind them.
* * * * *
TBC
NEXT: During Spock's talk with Kirk about his encounter with McCoy, Kirk enlightens him on a few things regarding the Doctor.