Chapter Text
One
"Now class," Professor Trelawney drawled in her usual mystical voice.
She was in particularly good form this evening, Harry decided as he listened to her declare a variety of disasters for several students.
Hermione, it seemed, was going to die in a tragic accident after tripping over a house elf on her way down the stairs. And Ron was not going to die, but he was going to discover that Fred and George were madly in love. With each other.
"Wouldn't surprise me in the least," Ron said. "They've been inseparable since they were kids. It's either they end up with each other or one gets married and the other spends life as a Peeping
Tom."
Trelawney ignored him as she moved on to Harry.
Harry sat there, waiting for the daily warning of his impending death.
"It would seem that the eye of the Grim Reaper has turned away from you today, Mr. Potter," she smiled. "But the pale serpent has given you his heart. Tread carefully, Mr. Potter. Break not the
serpent's heart, for it is given truly."
"Excuse me," a Gryffindor first year raised her hand. "Are you saying Draco Malfoy is in love with Harry Potter?"
Hermione, who was just returning from the girl's bathroom, was so startled, she dropped her bag. The muffled sound of breaking glass within went unheeded as she hurried over to Harry.
"I am *NOT*," Draco exclaimed, paying no attention to Hermione. "I can't even stand that do-gooder Potter and his loser friends."
"Methinks the young Slytherin doth protest too much," Professor Trelawney remarked, smiling as she returned to the lesson on hand. "Now, you've all learned how to make predictions about yourselves. It's time to move on and learn how to make them about others."
"I predict," Ron said, trying to come up with the most ridiculous and tragic thing he could think of "that Professor McGonagall will get fleas."
"Good one, Ron," Harry whispered. "But I bet McGonagall won't be pleased." He looked up, noticing that Trelawney was waiting for his prediction. "Um... I predict that before this term is up,
Professor Snape will be getting married."
"That's tragic?" Ron asked.
"It is for the bride." Harry laughed as the bell signalled the end of class.
*****
The next day's breakfast saw the usual flurry of owls. Daily Prophets were delivered to both the Gryffindor and Slytherin tables.
Ron put his aside and stuffed a forkful of eggs into his mouth.
"So, who do we have today?"
"Potions with the Slytherins," Harry replied.
And speaking of the Slytherins, they were in good humor this morning.
"So, Potter," Draco sneered. "Looks like we all know now why famous Harry Potter has no girlfriend. He's been looking for a boyfriend all this time. So, tell me, who's the lucky guy? Is it
Weasley? Let's see," he began to read aloud to the class, sounding bored, as if he weren't truly paying attention:
"Ever wonder why Harry Potter seems to avoid any girl who's not a Tomboy? Daily Prophet correspondent, Rita Skeeter, back after a long absence, has at last uncovered the shocking truth. Potter, who grew up sheltered without the love of his parents, came out of the closet recently announcing the engagement of himself and Draco Malfoy. Stunned fellow classmates remarked on the previous rivalry, which doctors at St. Mungo's Hospital say is often a cover up for a deep affection and sexual des... Hang on! Who did she say?!"
Another owl flew in, carrying a red envelope. Someone had gotten a howler.