Work Text:
Red Lipstick Marks, Black & Blue Bruises
by Ragna
writinggoddess@aol.com
I know I left too much mess
And destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
~from "White Flag" by Dido
I looked at the mark on his shirt. White shirt, dark red lipstick. I know we aren't together anymore, but seeing her lip print on his shirt infuriated me beyond reason.
Too bad I couldn't do anything about it.
Mae West said it best. Men are easy to get but hard to keep. Xander...harder to keep than most. And I didn't like Faith. I didn't like the fact she had a past with Xander, I didn't like who she was...
But, there wasn't anything I could do about it. Xander wasn't my boyfriend anymore, wasn't my fiance anymore. Not mine anymore.
Last night, they went off and had a private conversation. And I had to listen, I just felt compelled to listen and hear them.
"I'm sorry."
"It's been years, Faith. Why now?"
"The fact I was in jail, and I needed to..."
"They had pens and paper there, right?"
"I needed to tell you in person. I wasn't sure you'd read a letter if I wrote it to you."
"Saying sorry isn't enough, Faith."
"I know. But I need to say it anyway. I'm sorry for trying to kill you. I'm sorry for what I did to you. And I'm sorry I..."
"Took my virginity?"
"Yes, I'm sorry I took your virginity. I am. Really."
"Apologizing isn't something you do very well, is it?"
"Never really apologized for anything I did before."
"The redemption thing changed you."
"No, not just that. I changed. I needed to change. I was going to self-destruct."
"You bruised me, you know."
"Are we talking physical or other?"
"Both. The black and blue marks went away, but...well, there were some things it took a while for me to work through."
"I'd apologize again, but it'd start to sound redundant."
"It would, wouldn't it?"
"But...I want to make things up to you. I don't know how, but..."
"Helping here is a start. You're the leader now, Faith."
"I don't want to be the leader."
"But you are."
"Since when did you have confidence in me?"
"Since you came back. You could have said fuck you to all of us and stayed in Los Angeles. You came here, though."
"You really are sweet, Xander. Wish I'd gotten to know you better before."
"Me? Sweet?"
"Yes. You. Sweet."
"Well, thanks."
"No problem."
And then, there was the pause. The long pause, the one where two people stare into each others eyes. I couldn't see what was going on between them and I didn't want to.
No, I didn't want to see them kiss. I could hear it, and I blinked back tears, but I didn't want to see it.
And when they came out and he had that lipstick mark on his shirt, I knew he was gone. Lost to me forever.
Damn.
end