Work Text:
Headache Relief
By Cassie
The throbbing in Scully's head is bound to make her head explode. It is a beautiful Saturday afternoon and once again, Mulder had tricked her into performing an autopsy. Worse yet, perform an autopsy and then verify that some mammal feces was in all actuality of another world. This on top of Mulder's whacked out theories was enough to give her a horrible headache.
The door to the autopsy room creeks open, Scully turns around and sees Mulder. He's wearing his trench coat and has a handful of sunflower seeds. He takes one and nibbles on it. He looks up and
smiles at Scully, his bangs falling into his eyes. Scully eyes the bag of seeds and gives Mulder a disapproving look. He's obviously been spending his time productively.
"Did you find out what happened to Mr. Whornal?" He drops a sunflower seed shell to the floor.
"Well it's not death by…", Scully tries to remember a certain Mulder- term, but can't remember what he had said earlier.
"Internetidiocism?"
"Yeah… Internetidiocism. Based on my findings, there is nothing to lead me to suspect that Mr. Whornal died because he involved himself in a chatroom discussion flame war."
"He's an old man."
Mulder drops another sunflowe seed to the ground. Scully lets out an irritated sigh. Mulder nibbles away on another seed.
"So what killed him?" Mulder asks before swallowing what he's eating.
"Old age. Mr. Whornal was ninety-seven years old, Mulder. The only reason you got a call about his death is because Mr. Whornal's wife is paranoid of modern technology."
Mulder drops another shell to the ground. Scully sees that Mulder doesn't want to accept this finding, but will have to anyway.
"Did you find out anything about the alleged alien feces?" He switches the subject in order to accept the defeat of his Internetidiocism theory.
Scully smiles at him, "Yeah, it's interesting actually."
"Really?" Mulder is very interested in this.
He follows Scully to another area of the room. She puts on a pair of latex gloves and snaps them on her wrist. Mulder smirks at the suggestiveness of this action.
Scully picks up the alleged alien feces and holds it out to Mulder. He backs away, disgusted.
"Smell it."
"No way. Why don't you just tell me what it is."
"I don't think so. You made me waste a perfectly nice Saturday afternoon on this. I want you to smell this and tell me what you think it is."
"No."
Scully steps toward him and raises her arm so Mulder's nose is closer to this feces than he would like.
"Geez Scully, get that away from me."
He covers his nose, dropping his remaining sunflower seeds to the ground. She gives him a stubborn look.
"Mulder, it's the least you can do for me right now."
"Then what's the most I can do for you right now?" He's appalled that she is still holding out this sample for him to smell.
"Will you do it if I tell you?"
"Yes, yes. Anything." He's pleading.
"Smell this alien feces." She's serious.
Mulder looks at her, he can't believe she is insisting on such a thing. He lets go of his nose and bends down and sniffs at the substance in Scully's hand. His face changes from scrunched-up and disgusted to happily surprised .
"Chocolate?" He laughs.
"Correct. It turns out your little informant sent you a plastic bag of warm chocolate chunk cookie dough."
"Why that little weasel…"
Scully places the cookie dough back in its plastic bag. She takes off her gloves and sets them down. She walks back to Mulder.
"Now if it's all right with you, I'm going to go home, put on some Debussy and take a relaxing bubble bath."
"Want to join me for a nice dinner before you soak in your birthday suit?"
Scully's eyes are wide. Why did Mulder just make a comment about her being naked? Moreso, why'd he say it in such a quirky way?
"Well… umm… I actually have plans…"
"Dinner plans?"
"No."
"So what harm will dinner do?" He gives her a sweet smile.
"All right. Let me get out of these scrubs and I'll meet you out front."
Scully exits the autopsy room, the door shuts behind her. Mulder smiles and looks down at the ground. Oops he dropped the rest of his sunflower seeds. Scully pokes her head back in.
"Mulder, don't forget to sign us out of here. We don't want another incident where Skinner thinks we were wasting Bureau time and money." She walks away.
A few minutes later, Scully steps out of the ladies locker room. Mulder is outside the door, munching on his seeds. Scully gives him a look.
"I found them in my coat pocket." He grins.
"Mulder… you've got to let me in on – "
Scully slips on some sunflower seed shells and falls hard to the ground. She moans in pain. Now not only does she have a headache, but also a really sore bum. Today is not a very good day. She can't wait to get back to the comforts of her apartment.
Mulder looks down at her.
"Shit. I'm sorry Scully. I should have thrown those away instead of dropping them on the floor."
He makes no attempt to help her up. She does it all on her own, glaring at Mulder the entire time.
Once on her feet, they head toward the exit. A doctor passes them, having just exited the autopsy room, he's limping. A cause of Mulder's sunflower seed mess. Scully takes notice of the doctor.
"Mulder? Didn't your mother ever tell you how to pick up after yourself?"
"Of course. Why"
"I feel since I've known you that my life has been more threatened being in your presence than it is when we're in the field dealing with criminals."
"Would you believe me if I told you it is more dangerous being a police officer in New York than it is being around me?"
"No."
"I didn't think so."
The drive to the restaurant seems a lot longer than it should. Mulder is talking Scully's ear off about how current medical science may not be advanced enough to determine if Internetidiocism was the cause of Mr. Whornal's death. The chocolate chunk cookie dough also bothers Mulder. He tells her his new theory that Section Chief Blevins was the man who sent it to him for the sole purpose of making him look like a fool. Little did Mulder know, it was Scully who would have to
write up her report and scientific findings and submit it to their superiors.
They pull into the restaurant parking lot. As Mulder puts their car into park, he reaches over and touches Scully's leg and smiles.
"I think I need to warn you."
"Warn me of what?" She's worried now. What kind of place did he take her to?
"You know how I respect you as a professional. Well… I'm not sure how to say this." He laughs nervously.
"Mulder?" She is confused.
"Dana, you're a very attractive woman. I like you a lot." He takes his hand off her leg and nervously rubs his neck. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I hope tonight's date can progress into something… more." He looks her in the eyes, he's serious.
Scully can't say a word, this is completely unexpected. Mulder's cute and all but totally not what she would want in a lover. She's always regarded him as a friend and nothing more. All she can do is sit there and stare at Mulder. The way he looks at her now is the most serious expression she has ever seen on his face in the two years they've been working together. Aside him telling her about his sister's abduction.
"C'mon Scully. Our future awaits."
He opens his door and gets out of the car. He comes around to her side and opens her door, taking her hand in his as they walk toward the restaurant.
Inside, Mulder gives his name to the host. It turns out he made reservations a week ago. They are led to a table secluded from the rest of the restaurant. A candle is lit to set a romantic mood. They
take their seats as the waiter pours each of them a glass of wine.
"What do you think Scully? I hope it's not too much for our first date."
"It's nice." She actually has no idea what to think of all this.
"They gave me the option to have a small musical band serenade us, but I thought that may scare you away from me."
"You wouldn't want to do that." She laughs nervously. "So what's good here?"
"Everything." He smiles. "I was hoping we'd take desert home with us. You know… to savior later." He winks at her.
Scully is mortified. Mulder is hitting on her and suggesting they are going to go home together to have desert. This totally explains his comment earlier about her birthday suit.
"Sure." She says this nervously. "So what did you do while I performed that autopsy?"
She picks up the menu and studies its contents, not really interested in hearing how he wasted his time doing what he wanted to do earlier that afternoon.
"Oh you know. I canvassed the area around Mr. Whornal's residence."
"Why?" She looks up at him, not understanding his actions.
"Well, if he died from something unconventional, I thought I'd check with the neighbors to see if any of them are showing signs of internet aggression."
"Did you find anything worth looking into?" She doubts it.
"No."
The waiter returns to take their order. Scully orders a small dish of chicken alfredo and a side salad. Mulder orders a steak, corn on the cobb, and an entire loaf of garlic bread. He looks at Scully who can't believe he wants to eat so much.
"We can share, Scully." He smiles.
"You can really eat all that?" Scully is disgusted.
"I'm a grown man. I got plenty of room in me." He pats his belly.
"That explains all the jelly doughnuts you've been eating at the office."
"Enough about work."
Mulder reaches across the table and holds her hand, circling his thumb gently on her skin. Scully tenses up, she wasn't expecting or wanting him to hold her hand in such an intimate manner.
"Mulder, you're freaking me out with this whole hand hold Kindred thing…"
Mulder lets go of her hand.
"I'm sorry." He leans in, cocky-like. "You know Dana… I'm no stranger." He winks at her again.
Scully stands up and excuses herself to go to the ladies room.
As she walks away, Mulder catches a waiter checking her out. Mulder gives this waiter a look that states that Scully is his. The waiter backs off.
Once inside the restroom, Scully pulls out her cell phone from her purse. She dials a number and holds the phone to her ear. A moment later she speaks to someone on the other end.
"Hey, it's me… Sorry I'm not back yet. Agent Mulder thought it would be nice to take me out for dinner…" She sighs heavily. "I'm just exhausted, it's been a long day." She rubs her hand on her
forehead. "That sounds nice, it's probably help relieve my headache." She walks toward the mirror and checks her reflection. "Look I better get back to him before he thinks some mutant attacked me… I love you too. Bye."
She turns off her phone and places it back in her purse. She turns on the water faucet and splashes the cool water on her face. She looks at herself in the mirror wondering how she's going to tell Mulder she doesn't think he should try to pursue her outside a professional relationship. Mulder is a sensitive person, she doesn't want to hurt his feelings.
A loud knock on the restroom door startles her. The door opens just a bit.
"Scully…? Everything all right?" It's Mulder, he sounds worried.
"I was just on my way out, Mulder." She assures him.
She opens the door all the way. Mulder is standing in front of her. She looks at him questioningly.
"What? Did you get a call about Mr. Whornal while I was in there?"
"No. I was worried that you had ditched me." He wraps his arm around hers and leads her back to their table.
They sit again, this time in uncomfortable silence. Scully really is not comfortable in an informal setting with her partner. Mulder starts fidgeting with his fork, he's worried he's done something
wrong. Suddenly the fork flies across the table and lands in Scully's salad, in turn lettuce flies onto Scully's nice white shirt. She gives him a look, she is not happy.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to do that."
Mulder grabs his napkin and reaches across the table and starts dabbing at Scully's shirt. Scully grabs his hand to stop him.
"Agent Mulder. I'll take care of that myself when I get home, ok?"
"Ok. I feel really bad about that… and the chocolate chunk thing and your falling after slipping on my sunflower seeds…" Mulder looks down, he really does feel bad. "How can I make it up to you?" He looks up at her, hopeful.
Scully sighs, "For starters, after dinner you can take me home."
Mulder nods his head and continues to eat his meal. They do so in silence the rest of the evening.
After they finish, Mulder asks the waiter for their bill. He receives it and hands his credit card to the waiter. The waiter leaves. Mulder digs into his wallet and mumbles an obscenity. Scully cocks an eyebrow.
"What is it?"
"Any chance you can cover the tip? I'm not carrying any cash." It pains him to ask this of her.
Scully rolls her eyes. This is unbelievable. She digs into her purse and pulls out eight dollars and sets it in the middle of the table. Angrily, she stands up and heads to the exit. Mulder follows,
stopping to get his credit card and sign the receipt on his way out.
He steps outside and goes to the car, Scully is waiting for him to unlock the door. He does so without saying a word to her. He knows that their first date hasn't exactly been ideal. Next time, he'll make sure to ask her where she'd like to go.
The drive back to her apartment is a long one. A silent one.
Finally he pulls up outside her apartment building and puts the car into park. He stops her before she can get out.
"Dana…"
She looks at him half-irritated.
"Yes?"
He speaks softly. "I know this evening didn't exactly go as you or I wanted, but I still want you to know that despite all the misfortunes of the day, that I still would like us to be a couple."
He places his hand behind her neck and pulls her toward him. He kisses her, closing his eyes to savior the moment. On the other hand, Scully is wide-eyed. Did Mulder have to eat corn on the cobb and garlic bread? She swears that she feels corn bits in his mouth… and the taste! She'd rather eat chicken hearts and liver topped with rotten sauerkraut! A few more seconds pass before Mulder ends this… this kiss. He gives her a smile to let her know he enjoyed this special moment. Scully returns his smile with a fake one.
She opens the car door and gets out.
"I'll see you tomorrow, Agent Mulder."
"Goodnight, Dana."
Scully shuts the door and as Mulder drives away she wipes her mouth and looks as if she is going to gag.
She quickly runs up to her apartment building and up the stairs to her apartment. She clumsily uses her keys to open the door. She runs through the living room and into her bathroom. A man on her couch, John Doggett, looks on confused.
Doggett picks up the remote control for the television and turns it off. He stands up and heads to the bathroom. He stands in the doorway.
"Dana?"
Scully turns around to face him, she's brushing her teeth. She raises her eyebrows to see what he wants.
"Morgue really that bad or is this about dinner with your partner?" He smiles and chuckles a bit.
Scully holds up her index finger and turns around and spits into the sink and rinses her mouth with water.
Doggett comes up behind her, slipping his arms around her waist. He whispers softly into her ear.
"Wanna take me up on that offer to relieve that headache of yours?" He kisses her on the neck.
Scully turns around in his arms and returns his kiss, pulling him closer to her. She runs her hand though his damp hair. How considerate, he took a shower before she got home. Training at
Quantico must have been tough today. She pulls away from him, a playful smile on her face.
"How was training today?"
"Aww… c'mon Dana… don't make me tell you `bout Hogan's Alley. You've been through training, you know how it goes…" He kisses her again.
She pulls back, smiling.
"Let me relax a little before we engage in training activities of our own." She goes on tip-toe and places a small kiss on his cheek.
She walks back into the living room and sits on the couch.
"Wow. You've been home for a few hours now and you haven't turned on some football game…?"
Doggett steps into the room.
"I was watchin' a game, then you came runnin' in."
He sits next to her, she lies down in his lap and looks up at the ceiling. She lets out a pained moan. Doggett raises an eyebrow.
"Headache?"
"Yes… no. Mulder wants me to be in a relationship with him." She lets out a tiny laugh.
Doggett doesn't know what to say to this, a quirky grin forms on his face, he starts chuckling.
"Oh man! Doesn't he know about us?" He's still laughing.
"No. I would like to keep my personal life and my professional life separated. Sometimes I think Agent Mulder expects me to be as passionate about these cold cases as he is." She closes her eyes, thankful to be home with the man she loves.
Neither one of them says a word. A clock elsewhere in the house ticks by several minutes. Doggett looks down at Scully and smiles, she's falling asleep. It's no good to fall asleep when you're not in your pajamas. He pushes a strand of hair behind her ear, she slowly opens her eyes and looks at him.
"How `bout we go lie down someplace more comfortable…"
He reaches over and turns off the lamp on the table. They stand up and walk hand-in-hand into the bedroom, shutting the door behind them. It's time to find a surefire way to relieve Scully's headache.
THE END
Addendum Disclaimer: John Doggett isn't my character either. He's the creation of Chris Carter, 1013 Productions and 20th Century Fox.
Additional Author's Note: If you want to send me flames about not mentioning that Doggett was in this right off the top, go ahead. However, if you know me, you should have known that my John Jay was going to make an appearance. Since when do I write Mulder/Scully UST? And since when do I write a fic without Doggett (besides my Spender/Kersh fic) LOL