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At the time, I knew that maybe I shouldn't be doing it.. trying to get him to talk about it, trying to confirm what my research said it would be like. What *he* would be like.
It's just that I didn't want to see him hurting so much, you know? Especially with how Deb was acting. One phone call and then nothing. I don't know what her problem is -- her husband needs her, and here she goes and..
Sorry.. I'm getting sidetracked. It's just that I've loved him for so long that I can't stand it when anyone treats him badly. Especially his wife. When he was back at my house, miserable, and said that he had to go through all this alone, well.. I couldn't just sit back and do nothing.
I honestly don't know if this was something I'd planned, subconsciously, once I'd finished my investigation into the disease. I already knew that people with it couldn't live without blood from an outside source -- human or animal, but it was acknowledged almost unanimously that human was preferable. Aside from tasting better to them, it was easier for their systems to absorb and required less alteration to make into something their bodies could use. They don't really have red cells in their bloodstreams, did you know that? Their hemoglobin molecules float around naked. That's why their blood looks so thin. I know; I've been with Colin when he goes to the doctor, and when they take his blood (turning the tables on him, for once) it looks almost like cherry soda. You can actually see through it. Oh, and if you're in a public restroom, that guy at the urinal next to you may *not* have a raging kidney infection after all. To this day, I still can't drink pink lemonade..
Damn, I'm getting off the subject again. But some of the medical stuff is really interesting, even to a guy like me, someone who never finished high school. Like the fact that there's something in their saliva that helps blood clot. You wouldn't think that, right? You'd think they'd want to have you bleed as freely as possible. Well you do, but only while they're actually biting you. Once the teeth are gone, you stop bleeding pretty much immediately; and it doesn't hurt much, not like you might expect. Another interesting thing they've found out is that being a donor gives you some degree of protection against getting the disease yourself. Not that I was afraid I was going to catch it.. although if I did, it *would* provide some relief for my back.
So as I was saying, I was nervous. I didn't know what to expect from Colin, now that he had this disease. I did a bunch of research before he came back from New York -- I tried to find out as much about this illness as possible, so I had some idea as to what to expect. The literature said a lot about some of its effects.. that people who caught it were stronger than they were before, and that they could practically see in the dark, and that they could be wildly possessive. I'd learned some things about the sexual aspect, too; and I have to admit this is what intrigued me the most. Even before I knew what I was going to do. The articles hadn't gone into much detail, but I was able to gather that Something Happens when they drink from another person -- some kind of intense physical thing the writers didn't want to talk about -- and if they drink from one person more than a few times, this physical whatever-it-is turns into a really strong emotional attachment. There were hints in there that this was something you shouldn't fool around with, unless you were absolutely sure that you and the other person were compatible.
Now tell me, who's more compatible with Colin than I am?
Yeah, that was my first thought when I read it. Of course, at that point Deb was still in the picture so I didn't dwell on it; but still, it must have been in the back of my mind. It was only after Colin came back to my house, and we were talking in the kitchen, that I let myself really think about it. Sure, I was a little afraid -- who wouldn't be, the first time? But I loved him, and I wanted to do everything I could to show him how I felt. To prove that he wasn't alone, and would never be alone.
Had I been planning to offer myself to Colin in this way, before I actually did it? I'm not sure. One thing I do know, though, is that I probably never would have been brave enough to tell him I loved him if this hadn't happened. And while I feel bad for what he's gone through, and what he continues to go through, I can't help being grateful that we're together.
What if they find a cure? I don't know. It's not something I think about, very often...