Work Text:
ACME Complaint File 1013
by Ursula
Dear ACME Products
Having had your products recommended by a good friend of mine, Mr. Lindsey McDonald, I am severely disappointed by your services.
To whit:
On September 7 of 2008, I purchased a replacement left arm from your company. I expected to have normal and usual performance of said arm.
Instead, I find that my left arm and the hand thereof will not perform any useful tasks. My left hand will not do anything except to jerk off incessantly.
As a result my employers have terminated me from my work. If I did not have exceptional reflexes, said termination would have resulted in permanent unemployment except as a corpse.
This sad situation has resulted in my residence with the unwilling donor of my arm, Mr. Fox Mulder. I have not slept for two weeks as a result and I may never be able to sit normally again.
I have retained the services of my friend, Lindsey McDonald, despite his former employment with your subsidiary, Wolfram and Hart.
I am asking, a functioning left arm, return of the malfunctioning arm to its former owner, Mr. Fox Mulder, and ten million dollars for lost income and human suffering.
Signed,
Alex Krycek, Esquire