SquidgeWorld Archive

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Epilogue II - 'A Human Reaction'
by Sarah Wait
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"Maybe we'll meet again someday, John."

"Maybe."

With his father's puzzle ring dangling from his fingers, John Crichton walked through the door and back into the 'room' that held his friends. Rygel was just finishing his third plate of marjoles, while D'Argo paced calmly in front of the windows. Aeryn - back in her flight suit - sat silently near the back wall, looking slightly disoriented but otherwise unharmed. "So. Welcome to my memory," John said bitterly.

D'Argo stopped pacing to face him. "Are you ready to go, then?"

John looked around once more, then squared his shoulders. "Yeah. Get me outta here."

Without meeting anyone's eyes, he followed them through a new door to the transport bay.

**********

Aeryn silently piloted her Prowler back towards Moya. Towards home. Her movements were automatic; her thoughts everywhere but here.

Her confusion at John's behavior and the shock she felt when he had deserted her had been immediately forgotten when the aliens took her out of the simulation a few moments later. They had spent a few arns letting her recover, explaining the basis of their experiment and apologizing for the manipulation. She had been reunited with D'Argo and Rygel only minutes before John had returned from his discussion with his... "father".

During those arns, she had lots of time to think about the things she had experienced on "Earth." Her time with the "humans" had not been entirely pleasant, but she kept reminding herself that they were not real - just reflections of John's expectations. Living matter, generated from John's memory. Quite fascinating, when she stopped to think about it.

Now that some time had passed, and her mind had been able to work around the questions of what had happened, she was able to focus on some of the good things she had discovered on "Earth" - like the rain, and John's father. Despite her initial suspicions, she had sensed the trust John had in his father. She decided she would like to think that humans were more like John and Jack Crichton.

Aeryn tried to force her thoughts back to the controls, but the actions were so internalized they were unable to hold her attention. No matter how she tried to avoid it, her thoughts kept returning to that night. She sighed and gave in, letting the memories flow over her.

"Were you... scared... to join me, when I left Moya?"

She answered him honestly - something she would not have done for anyone else. She didn't trust anyone else with the knowledge of that weakness.

Eventually he rested his head on her shoulder, and though momentarily surprised by the move, she simply let him. She sensed he needed the contact; the comfort he drew from touching her. Then his chin lifted, just a bit, to trail along her shoulder and neck. He hesitated, as if seeking permission. Finally relaxing, she dipped her chin, turning her head to indicate her consent.

Then he kissed her. Once, twice. Nothing touching but their mouths and the occasional brush of his shoulder against hers.

Even now, she was quite certain what could have... what most likely *would* have happened next. But it hadn't. Months ago, their first kiss had been in desperation, a last grasp at life, but this... This was... sad. Hopeless. Emotions she didn't normally associate with John Crichton. It had frightened her a little, the sadness she felt in him, but she pushed her concerns away, responding to his kiss.

And then he surprised her yet again, by gently breaking the kiss. His head returned to her shoulder, and he buried his face in her neck. Dropping a kiss on his ear, she rested her cheek against the softness of his hair and wrapped her arms around him. His arms snaked around her waist, pulling her tightly to him. With a shuddering sigh, he finally relaxed, the tension draining from his body. Aeryn slowly reclined, drawing him with her as she lie back on the bed. She held him tightly, silently - simply letting him take comfort from her presence. Within minutes, John fell into an exhausted sleep. She watched the rain through the window until dusk fell, then reached over to pull the edge of the blanket around them. Still locked in his embrace and comforted by his weight on top of her, she drifted off to sleep.

The warmth of the sunlight streaming through the window woke her the next morning. John's arms were still around her, but at some point during the night, he had rolled, taking her with him so she rested across his chest, her head nestled against his neck and her palm over his heart. His hand drew lazy circles over her back and his chest rumbled under her ear as he murmured, "Morning."

"Morning," she whispered, slipping her arms around him again. She remained still for a moment, savoring the feel of being held in his arms, wanting to etch this memory permanently in her mind. After a long silence, she voiced the thought she needed to say, but didn't want to. "We need to leave soon."

Neither of them moved. John continued to gently stroke her back. Finally, he spoke. "Yeah. I know." He drew a deep breath, then sighed. "I wish we could just stay here. Away from the world, away from everyone. Just us. Together."

Aeryn closed her eyes, her arms tightening around him in silent agreement. After a moment, John kissed the top of her head, hugged her closely to him one last time, then slowly maneuvered out from beneath her. Missing the warmth of his body, she shivered and wrapped the blanket around  her, rolling to her side to watch him walk into the bathroom. The door closed behind him, and she curled into the blanket, inhaling his scent that lingered.

"Helloooooo? Dominar to Officer Sun, are you there? Or are you just going to fly us directly into our quarters?"

Aeryn snapped back to attention, embarrassed to have been caught daydreaming by the runty Hynerian. Moya loomed directly in front of them, a blatant testimony to her lack of concentration. She turned to glare at Rygel, who had obviously finished sleeping off his midday snack. Biting  back a comment about preferring her Dominars dissected, she snapped, "Everything's taken care of, Rygel. Unless you would like to board Moya through an airlock, I suggest you get out of my way."

~~~~~~~~~~

A few hundred metras behind Aeryn's Prowler, Farscape I slowly drifted into the docking bay and came to a gentle stop. John and D'Argo exited the craft, but when John headed to the door, D'Argo put a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

"I don't blame you for wanting to go home, Crichton. Remember, I was the one who encouraged you when you hesitated at the wormhole. And we followed you willingly."

"Yeah, and look where it got me." John laughed bitterly, crossing his arms defensively over his chest. "They did a nice job, didn't they? Physically manifesting my memories and all. I sure fell for it."

"Yes, their Living Matter is quite impressive. They showed me the replicas they were planning to use had we not followed you. *Very* impressive."

Crichton snorted, and D'Argo studied him thoughtfully for a moment. "John, I know that you are upset that your Earth was not real. But you must remember, the human behavior we witnessed was based on what you expected of them." John opened his mouth to argue, but D'Argo  continued without letting him interrupt. "You were quite apprehensive about leaving Moya - understandably so. Obviously those negative emotions were reflected in the behaviors you projected upon your people. Your worst fears were perpetuated by your apprehension."

Sarcastically, John replied, "Thank you, Sigmund Freud." D'Argo looked at him quizzically, as he expected. He sighed and conceded that D'Argo did indeed have a point. "Yeah, well, sometimes your nightmares really do come true."

D'Argo paused, then shrugged his shoulders. "Indeed, one thing I've learned is that human behavior is totally unpredictable." He chuckled gruffly. "If you always acted the way I expected you to, you'd have been dead long ago." Meeting John's indignant glare, he grew serious. "But you've surprised me many times, John Crichton. Many times."

John held his gaze for a moment. "Thanks, big guy."

D'Argo simply nodded, then turned away, leaving John with his thoughts. As he walked toward the corridor, he caught sight of Aeryn Sun in the shadows next to the door. Her attention was completely focused on John, and he recognized the worry in her eyes. Moving to stand next to her, he looked back at Crichton. The human leaned against his ship, his fingers tangling in some sort of chain as he gazed unseeingly at the wall.

D'Argo turned back to Aeryn. In a low voice, he asked her, "How are you doing?"

Aeryn looked up, startled by his question. "Fine. I'm fine."

D'Argo simply stared at her, an amused glint in his eye. She flushed, but her chin jutted out defiantly. He smiled sympathetically. She still looked a little disoriented from her time in the simulation. It had taken him arns to sort everything out in his mind, and Aeryn had been there for a much longer period of time. "It's rather difficult to reconcile at first, isn't it?"

Aeryn finally relented. "Yes."

His voice gentled as he followed her gaze back to Crichton. "He's going to be fine, too."

Aeryn didn't pretend to misunderstand. She tried for indifference, but couldn't quite succeed. "I'll take your word for it." She glanced down at her hands, then looked up at him again. "I don't think he's in the mood to talk to me right now."

D'Argo studied her for a long moment. Then, with a reassuring squeeze of her shoulder, he exited the docking bay.

**********
Three arns later

Aeryn found John on the terrace, exactly where she expected him to be. He sat in the middle of floor with his forearms resting on his knees. His father's puzzle ring dangled from his fingers.

"Hey." She waited for his response. He didn't give one. "You missed dinner."

"Yeah." His reply was soft and tinged with bitterness. "Yeah, I sure did. I missed a lot of things."

Aeryn wisely chose to let that one go by. Instead, she walked across the floor and slowly sat next to him, leaving a little more space between them than she normally did. Folding her legs, she clasped her hands in her lap and stared at the stars in front of them. "I liked your Earth."

"Yeah, right." He snorted derisively.

Aeryn had been expecting this type of response, but the amount of anger in his voice surprised her. She had never seen him so bitter, even when he was overwhelmed by his frustrations and lashed out at the crew. Determined to talk this out, she managed not to bristle. "No, really. I meant it when I said it was beautiful, Crichton."

"Now, was that *before* or *after* you realized they were going to split you open to study your insides?" he answered sarcastically.

"We were never in any real danger, John. Surely you understand that."

"Yeah, well, you *could* have been. If it had been real, I would have been putting you all in danger. And there was nothing I could do to stop it."

Aeryn was getting frustrated - patience was not her forte. Stubbornly, she persisted. "It was still beautiful."

"It wasn't *real*, Aeryn. Can't you understand that? It was a 'physical manifestation of my  memory'," he parroted. "Otherwise known as an illusion; a hoax; a *lie*. It wasn't real."

John was finally starting to lose his temper. Good. Better to have him lashing out than holding it all inside. Pretending to accept his angry reply, Aeryn sat quietly for a moment. Then she spoke, slowly, choosing her words carefully. "So... the rain. That's not real."

John sighed, exasperated, and rubbed his eyes. "Yes, rain is real. But not *that* rain."

"And your sun. The way it breaks through the clouds to shine over the city. That wasn't real."

"It wasn't real, Aeryn, but yes, that's how the sun shines on Earth - the *real* Earth."

"And your desire to protect us, even though it meant going against your own kind."

John opened his mouth to respond, then stopped as he began to understand what she was trying to do. Ever since the alien - his "father" - had explained their little test, he had felt like his emotions were tearing him apart. He sympathized with the aliens' desire to find a home and their willingness to do whatever was necessary to find one. At the same time, however, he was bitterly angry that they had used him, lied to him so horribly.

But most of all, he was intensely disappointed in his own lack of faith in mankind. D'Argo was right - everyone in the simulation had acted the way he subconsciously expected them to. Maybe humans *were* an inferior species, after all, if this was an indication of the trust he had - or lacked - in his own people. A fresh wave of bitterness rushed over him, and he held on to his anger, still unwilling to examine his disillusionment... yet wondering where Aeryn would take him next. "The situation was a lie, Aeryn. But if it had been real, I would have tried to protect you."

Still staring forward, Aeryn paused a moment. "And the way you held me all night while we slept. That wasn't real, either."

John's head jerked up as he turned to look at her. She still stared ahead, but her fingers plucked nervously at her pant leg. It had worked - she had made her point. For the first time, he realized that in a way, the aliens had given him a gift. They had given him time with Aeryn, time to show her part of his world. There *had* been some good moments, and surprisingly, he found the rest fading into the background. *Good thing Aeryn and D'Argo were able to see that when I couldn't,* he thought. Smiling softly, he reached out to brush a stray lock of hair from Aeryn's face, his fingers trailing lightly down her cheek.

"No, Aeryn, that was real. That was absolutely, totally, *completely* real."

He could feel the small smile quirking her lips even before she turned her head to look at him. Holding her gaze, he slid the few inches across the floor to close the space between them. He kissed her briefly, then wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Resting his cheek on top of her head, he murmured, "Thanks."

She didn't need to ask why. "You're welcome," she whispered, settling deeper into his embrace as they sat together, watching the stars.

end