Work Text:
Untitled #1
by Karolyn Gray
Hey Dad, DK.
It's...well I'm not sure what time it is actually.... sometime in the middle of what passes for night here on Moya. I had that nightmare again. The one with all the things I've seen that's scared the hell out of me. Crais, the Sheyangs, Maldis, Namtar. Them and every other freaky thing that's happened since I got here. All my worst fears compressed into one terrifying nightmare. Yippee.
I'm surprised I didn't wake anyone up, which is good I suppose. Being treated like the village idiot is bad enough. I don't need the others treating me like a kid whose afraid of the monsters under the bed. I don't think I could stand that. Especially since the monsters all too often are live, not memorex.
Anyway, I couldn't sleep and decided to wander around a little. Too many thoughts bouncing around in my head thanks to that dream. Too many memories, too many 'what-if's', too...well...just too..."many"s to think about.
I did notice Zhaan seemed to be meditating when I skulked past her quarters. Once upon a time I would have gone to her for advice.
Now.....I'm pretty sure I'm not on her most welcome list. Especially after Maldis and shattering Namtar's bogus data crystal. No. I think I'll be staying away from our lady in blue for a while. Well, as far away as living on the same ship will allow in any case. I owe her. Big time. I wish I could think of same way to make it up to her, but I don't know how.
I guess that's why I'm up. I'm not sure what to do any more. About Zhaan. Rygel. Dargo. Pilot. ......Aeryn.
Back when I first got here, I was caught between being terrified half the time and awed by everything and everyone around me the rest of the time. I said there was life out here and they were psychotic. I changed my mind after a few days. They weren't a bunch of raving lunatics. Well aside from Rygel, maybe. They were just different.
Now...now I wonder if I didn't nail it on the head. I mean I got Zhaan happily tripping over to the Dark Side of the Force, D'argo doing Ginsu demonstrations on Pilot and Rygel....well Rygel is Rygel, an arrogant spudball with teeth.
The terrible trio live and larger than life, God help me.
I just don't get them any more. Ok, sure I barely understood them in the first place, but jeez. They cut off Pilot's arm, for Christ's sake! I swear Aeryn's the only sane one left. I mean, reality check here, but isn't she supposed to be the big bad cold blooded Peace Keeper soldier we've all come to know and fear?
Maybe they've gone through one Starburst too many or something. Scrambled
their brains. It would explain some of their behavior. Then again....
It's funny. The one person out here who has reason to hate me most.... ok... aside from Crais....is the one who now seems to be the most reasonable and understanding. Scary, huh? All I know is while the three amigos were playing capture the flag, Aeryn was keeping her head. Even with all the crap Namtar was doing to her she hung in there, fear and all. I doubt I would have been so reasonable. Or sane.
I don't like thinking about it. I'm just glad we got out of that mess ok. I didn't like seeing Aeryn scared. I thought nothing could phaze her. I see now I was wrong, though not quite in the way I expected. I think we've got an understanding. I can't say it's friendship. I'm not sure Aeryn would accept such a concept. The best I can hope is for her to consider me a comrade.
And you know what? It ain't much, but I'll take it. Sometimes it's just the little things that make all the difference.
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John smiled as he shut off the recorder, feeling far more relaxed than he had when he'd first awoken. Stretching he took in the view before him. It was, as always, spectacular. And humbling. And exhilerating and a thousand more feelings he simply didn't have the ability to convey to words or thought.
"Crichton."
"Never fails." Chuckling to himself he stood up. "Yeah, Pilot. What's up?"
"Since you are awake, would you monitor the readings up in command?"
"Sure. Be right there." John replied, amicably. He was always willing to learn what he could about the ship and Pilot seemed more than happy to answer what were probably some pretty dumb questions on his part. Pocketing the recorder he gave one last glance at the starscape before leaving the terrace.
FIN