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Disclaimer: Jack, Rex and Esther do not belong to me, nor does the concept of Torchwood as a whole. They belong to RTD, BBC, and Starz Studios. Priscilla and Carlyon do. Don't mind if you borrow them ... just ask first and return them reasonably intact.
Tregarth Homestead, Oklahoma
A few days before the Battle of New York
It was, ironically enough, Rex whom he saw first on the back porch of the Tregarth home. Priscilla sent him off to look for the missing lambs, since dinner would be ready in another thirty minutes and she knew how they got if they were in the Hub. (They weren't, but it was the thought that counted.) Rex noticed him and rose to his feet, squeezing Esther's shoulder as he did. As he passed by Jack in the small hallway that led into the house, Rex whispered, "Look after her, World War II. This has sent her into a tailspin." Jack nodded and Rex added, "Meanwhile, I'm going to get her mother or grandmother. I have a feeling you'll need them."
Also quite correct. Rex squeezed past him and Jack resisted the impulse to cop a feel. Not the time, and right now, Esther needed him. She stared out into the darkness, not even budging as he sat down beside her and draped a companionable arm around her shoulders. At last, she said softly, "Is there something wrong with me, that I don't feel any different? I just found out that my entire life has been based on a lie and a crime, but in my mind and in my heart, I'm still Esther Drummond. " She looked away from the darkness-shrouded backyard to look at him.
"You are Esther Drummond. The fact that you're Priscilla Tregarth's daughter ... that hasn't changed whom you are. And while your life may have been based on a lie, that is not your fault. You can't help that. You can't control that. You can only control how you respond to that. And thus far, you've been doing pretty good. You haven't lashed out at anyone, although I've noticed you biting your lip when Adriane got particularly obnoxious, but you've done good so far. I can't imagine the questions that must be circling your brain right now, but I do know that Priscilla or Sophia will be more than happy to answer any you're able to articulate," Jack replied, drawing her closer until his cheek could rest on her hair.
She leaned in willingly, murmuring, "I guess ... there's a part of me which wonders if I need to live up to being Juliana Tregarth ... if being Esther Drummond is good enough for them." Jack tightened his arm around her, even as he heard soft footfall behind him. He recognized the steps as belonging to Priscilla, and he'd let her reassure her daughter in just a minute. Right now, there were things he needed to say to the young woman in his arms, things that maybe should have been said sometime ago. But the Families failed in their attempt to destroy Esther, and now, he had another chance.
"For what it's worth, it's good enough for me. It was Esther Drummond who took care of me in those months while we were on the run, and it was Esther Drummond who comforted me when I was hurting or grieving. I don't want you to ever think otherwise. Rookie mistakes or not, you always did your best and that's all anyone has any right to be. And if I believed, for one deco-second that the Tregarths would try to make you into something you're not, I would take you away right now," Jack answered, allowing his voice to grow fierce, so Esther would accept what he was telling her.
She responded with a semi-amused snort, "You mean like when I was crying the morning you were shot, because you were barely conscious, and I had no idea what to do?" He squeezed her lightly, because that was exactly what he meant. Esther hadn't known what to do, and she was terrified on the verge of panicking, but she still saved him. He knew she still felt somewhat guilty for him being shot in the first place, but Esther was dealing with that. Right now, he was more concerned with telling her what she needed to hear. Some of it, she needed to hear from Priscilla ... but not everything, and that was what Jack would focus on.
"Yes. Exactly like that. Esther, you were terrified. You had very little experience and even less training in the field. Your first mission in the field, your first real mission, was at the modules. You almost became Category One. It rattled you badly, and I heard you crying. But you learned from it, and you kept going. That's what you do, Esther. You keep going. And I may get swatted by Priscilla for this, but I'll say it any way. I truly believe that after I was shot, I needed Esther Drummond, not Juliana Tregarth. I needed the strong younger sister who looked after her older sister and nieces, the green rookie who made mistakes and learned from them, the girl who thought she wanted to be an agent-only to realize that the glamor is far from the truth. That was the girl I need after I was shot, and that was the girl I had. Your name is incidental, Esther. What makes you special is right here," Jack replied, putting his hand over her heart.
"He's right, honey. You don't have to try to be Juliana, because you're already her. Juliana is the name that you were born with, or given after you were born, rather. But Esther was the one who took care of Jack, Esther was the one who was willing to sacrifice her life to end the Miracle, and Esther is the one who kept herself sane while in the hands of the Families. We couldn't get to you right away, sweetheart. The Families had you in their clutches for a period of time before we could get Natalie inside. Yes, she helped you to hold on, but you were already fighting them, even as weak as you were. That was all Esther," Priscilla said, sitting down on the other side of her elder daughter. Jack smiled at her, although he never released Esther. Right now, she needed him to hold onto her. Priscilla eyed him for a few minutes, before inclining her head ... whether in acknowledgment or acceptance, he didn't know. He didn't really care, either. This was about Esther, not Priscilla.
The older blonde took a deep breath, before continuing, "I don't think I'll ever forgive Robert Drummond for taking my baby girl from me, or for making me think that she was dead. I know why he did it. But I still won't forgive him. At the same time, I can't deny that he and Bethany are who made you the woman you are. Maybe I'm even slightly jealous, because I don't know that I could have been as good of a mother ... I know I'm jealous that I didn't get the chance. You are still Esther Drummond. That hasn't changed. The way we feel about you hasn't changed either, because even before we learned about what happened twenty-six years ago, we loved you. We love you for your heart and your compassion and your determination ... not because of your name. That's just ... that's just circumstantial. Hush, Jack, that may not be the proper term, but Octavia won't argue with it."
That drew a laugh out of Esther, and it wouldn't have surprised Jack if that wasn't Priscilla's intent. She asked hesitantly, "Do you ... do you mind if I ask some questions?" Jack's friend nodded, but the first question wasn't one either of them were anticipating. Esther questioned, "Why didn't you know that the dead baby wasn't yours?" Jack blinked and looked at Priscilla over her head. For her own part, Priscilla looked more than a little stunned, and footfall behind him alerted Jack that they weren't alone.
"If they brought her to me, I would have known. But they didn't, and they refused my requests to see her, to say good-bye to her. I swear to you now, Esther ... I would have known. As it was, I continued to demand to know why a healthy newborn baby was dead only hours later," Priscilla promised. While Jack couldn't see her face clearly, he knew Esther's expressions well enough to know which one she wore now: that thoughtful, ‘that makes sense' look. Priscilla continued after a moment, "I wish I could tell you that I knew you were my daughter from the moment I saw you. But I can't. I spent twenty-six years mourning for my little girl. I suppose it took four years before I stopped seeing her ... you ... in the face of every girl-child I passed on the streets. By that time, I was pregnant with Adriane."
"I'm glad for that. Not that it took you four years, but that you didn't look for her ... for me ... after that, for the sake of your own sanity," Esther assured her earnestly. Priscilla smiled and hesitantly reached out to touch Esther's face. When her hand wasn't slapped away, Priscilla's smile widened a little more as she cupped her daughter's cheek in her hand. A glance out of the corner of his eye told Jack that Carlyon joined them ... which surprised him a bit, but maybe it shouldn't have. He took such things extremely seriously.
"And I can confirm that Priscilla wouldn't simply accept that you were dead in those early days. They had to sedate her, because if they didn't, she would have walked to the nursery herself," Carlyon said. He hesitated, before continuing, "If we knew that you were taken, there was nothing that would have prevented us from coming for you. Whether we took you back or not, that would have depended on how we found you. Even though you weren't truly adopted, Robert and Bethany Drummond were the only parents you knew. I'm not sure if we could have taken you away from that, legal right or not."
Esther bobbed her head, answering, "I appreciate that. I had a good life, a good childhood. Mom was sick a lot ... sorry, Priscilla ... but she loved me. And Sarah ... Sarah only started going downhill after Mom and Dad died. I didn't want for anything ... they loved me. They really did." Jack exchanged a look with Carlyon, and the other man looked ready to interrupt, but Esther wasn't finished asking questions, inquiring next, "What about my birth father?"
"One of the few times when one of my daughters has fallen in love with a man worthy of them," Carlyon sniffed. Jack raised a brow and Carlyon elaborated, "We don't discuss Adriane's birth father for a good reason. She calls him a sperm donor, and rightfully so. Octavia married a good man. Natalie fell in love with a waste of oxygen called ‘Ethan.' Esther's birth father, on the other hand, was more along the lines of David Martinelli ... indeed, he shared the same fate, although under different circumstances."
"I'm so sorry! First you lose the man you love, and then you lose the child who was his last gift to you!" Esther cried out. Priscilla actually gaped at her daughter, while Jack and Carlyon exchanged another smile ... this time a mixture of pleased and amusement. The Torchwood figurehead ruffled Jack's hair (watch it, kid, he thought) before circling around to sit in front of his daughter and granddaughter. She was silent for a few minutes as she processed what she'd learned, and then asked slowly, "Would it be okay if I told you about what things were like for me while I was growing up?"
"That, my dear, would be more than okay. In fact, Sophia is finishing up dinner and I happen to know that it won't be ready for another thirty minutes or so. Tell us, Esther. And then, over dinner, we'll tell you about your birth father. His name was ‘Julian,' which is where Priscilla got her baby's name," Carlyon responded. Esther hesitated briefly, and then began with her earliest memory, from when she was three or four. Jack listened with half an ear, because Esther was solving her own problem. With her words earlier, ‘I'm so sorry! First you lose the man you love, and then you lose the child who was his last gift to you,' she demonstrated exactly what Jack and Priscilla were telling her. What made her special wasn't her last name or her blood ties. Those were incidental. What made her special was her compassion and her courage and her determination: it was what was inside.
FIN