Work Text:
Looking at you I can tell you haven't slept in close to a week. You never thought that it would end like this, did you? You would always have the time to call and make things right. You could put it off another day, savor the anger you feel at being yelled at in such a public place, for something you think you didn't deserve a scolding for in the first place. But I know differently. I know the other side of the story, and it's one that you have been ignoring for far too long.
Friends are there for support, for fun, for tears, for trip and dreams and when you're up and when you're down. They're for life, if you treat them as if they mean more to you than a means to an end. Friends are, mostly, human after all and have feelings of their own. When you stop taking those feelings into consideration, if you ever did in the first place, then the person you call friend is probably not feeling the same connection to you at all.
Taking advantage of anyone is a sure way to kill a friendship. The way you talk to them, the words you use, those convey much more than mere meaning behind each word. They convey emotions and, sometimes, thoughts. When you said "you have to do this" without having asked in the first place, the assumption hurt. But it was still done because there were innocents involved, and no matter how bad the hurt, innocents should never be brought into the middle of it. Ignoring phone messages and facebook posts trying to get your help, that was serious. That was a problem, and blaming the one trying to help you was mean. The problem was your fault and yours to deal with because they were yours, your innocents, suffering. There was only so much that could be done without your approval, and snapping at the one trying to act in the best interest of the innocents was wrong.
Ignoring your friend who had been helping, suffering with each day while you were gone, trying to help your innocents, your cats, only made the problem worse. Two seconds is all it would have taken. Two or four words would have made the pain and problem slightly better. Might even had diffused the situation completely. Completely ignoring your friend for two more days was a problem. No matter how busy you were, how much you had going on, it doesn't take long to make a phone call.
Practically dismissing your friend out of hand the next time you saw them, that was cruel. You deserved every word that was shouted at you by that point. Because you were, and are, in the wrong. This is your problem to fix and you missed every chance you had. Did you ever stop to think how your friend felt, asked what they had been through while you were away. Your friend was not the type to panic, for them to call you like they did, that shows how troubled they were. There was a problem there they needed help with, and you were too busy to care. You ignored them until what they asked was impossible that day and you got mad at them for that.
You believe that you are never in the wrong. All your coworkers say that it does no good to talk to you about any mistake you make because you're never wrong so you'll ignore them or start a fight. The same happened here. You're in the wrong and you shut down. You stopped seeing your friend, looking right through them any time you passed at work. Worse, you went a step further. You stopped treating your friend as a human being. You stopped recognizing that maybe they have rights too. You would walk into a room and, regardless of who they were talking to, you would interrupt and start talking to the person. Did you even notice how your friend simply left the room every time, shoulders drooped slightly.
Probably the cruelest move was your use of social networking to show and brag about how easy your friend was to replace. Movie night? At another friend's house and being sure to post it up on your wall so your friend would see it. Convention? Not going, never minding that you were your friend's ride to the convention and they can't go now. You have something better to do. You have been caring only about yourself for so long that you've stopped caring about everyone else, including your cats.
Words, had they suited actions might have made everything right between you, had you simply been able to admit that you were wrong. But you couldn't do that. You have all your excuses in a row about how and why you're able to act so horribly towards everyone. Most people accept your behavior because they don't want to start an argument. One of your excuses uses such a taboo subject in our society that you get sympathy, even if you're always in the wrong. Only your friend ever called you on it, and you ignored her even then.
Now, it's too late. Yet you're still getting sympathy. It's all over the news, so you can't get away from it, even at work. The government still isn't sure what happened, how the man got onto that plane, but he was able to bring it down. Your friend's voice was one of the last recorded. She called her family and told them what was happening, that she was going to join the fight to keep the plane from killing others. Just like flight 93. They went down fighting. That's the reason your friend put up with your attitude for so long, she cared for others. She wanted them to be happy and safe. Sometimes to the point that it drained her and she had to spend the day in bed just resting.
You get to live with the guilt of the fight for the rest of your life. I get to live without my mother for the rest of mine. Forgive me if I don't feel too bad for you. She told me everything as it was happening. Now that she's gone, I'm the only one who can set the record straight. It's all your fault. It always has been, and it always will be.