Work Text:
Right Through You
by hergerbabe
Clark gazed out of the window over Metropolis, but saw nothing. Nothing real anyway. He couldn’t remember how long he’d been standing there, he didn’t care.
Hollow, that’s how he felt. The pain had never died, never eased, never numbed, it hit him over and over in fresh waves every time his mind wandered back to the last time, as it did inexorably at any moment he wasn’t occupied.
He didn’t want to think about the last time, didn’t want to think about the fact that he hadn’t known then that it *was* the last time. The last time he would touch Lex in love. The last time he would believe that love was returned.
He should have known, shouldn’t he?
When Clark thought back to the first time, the difference was there, plainly visible. Only he hadn’t wanted to see it, believe it. He remembered the first time so vividly. Whispered words of love and forever, touch, scent, feelings of love and lust that had surrounded and filled him. Those words Lex had spoken imprinted forever on his mind.
He’d believed them once, all the words, all the promises… all lies.
Clark didn’t have to close his eyes to see the difference in the way Lex had looked at him then, hadn’t needed X-ray vision to see right through Lex in the end.
And still now, nothing mattered, he was broken, his heart was broken. Anything that had meant something to him was long gone.
Clark tried not to close his eyes. He couldn’t bear that still all he could see was Lex. And not the Lex he’d loved, but the Lex who had betrayed him. The Lex who was the reason he was standing in this dark room, alone.
He would always be alone, Clark knew that now. He’d lost Lex, but inside Lex was still all he wanted, all he’d ever want, even after the lies and the pain. He couldn’t let go.
Clark remembered the last time, his hands tightened on the window sill and he heard a crack. But he didn’t care, because the last look Lex had given him was all he could ever see, all that he cared about. Eyes no longer lit with love, but dead, uncaring, chilling him to the bone.
Knowing that Lex was never meant to be his was no help; no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t forget. He’d left it all behind, tried to wipe away the memories, tried to live, tried to love.
But in the end, everything was broken, gone and he was never going to recover. No matter how many years passed, he never had.
end