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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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Published:
2020-11-05
Words:
467
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1/1
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2
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19
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Despicable Derek

Summary:

cracky piece of fluff born of too much Criminal Minds and Despicable Me -- dialogue borrowed from movie marked w/ *

Work Text:

Aaron didn’t try to hide his grin when he came to pick Jack up from Dave’s house. He laughed with Jack as Jack jumped up and down excitedly. “You had a good time, huh?”

“Yeah,” Jack gushed.

Derek arched both his eyebrows at grinned widely at Aaron. “Don’t worry, Dad. I let him have plenty of soda.”

Aaron let out a put upon sigh. “Thanks a lot, Morgan.” He glanced at Dave over on the couch. “I thought at least you’d be the adult.”

Dave just gave a helpless shrug. “They overpowered me.”

Derek took a split second to make sure Jack’s attention was fully on Aaron. He laughed evilly and shot Dave a filthy look. “You haven’t seen anything yet.”

“We had popcorn and watched Despicable Me,” Jack said quickly. He looked over his shoulder in awe at Derek standing behind him. “Daddy, he can do Gru’s voice.”

Derek swiftly turned his focus back to Jack. He smiled and ruffled Jack’s hair.

Aaron smirked. He tilted his head to the side and cocked an eyebrow at Derek. “Oh, he can?” he drawled.

Derek put his hands on Jack’s shoulders and leaned down so he could look the little boy in the face. He copied Gru’s accent perfectly. “Rule number three: You will not cry, or whine, or laugh, or giggle, or sneeze or barf or fart! So no, no, no annoying sounds. All right?*”

Jack puckled his cheeks in the exact same way as the girl from the movie. “Does this count as annoying?*”

Derek snatched Jack’s wrists. “Very.*”

Jack squealed in delight. “Do more. Do more.”

Derek scratched his chin in exaggerated thought. Then he shared a conspiratorial wink with Jack and smirked at Dave sitting on the couch. “Cookie robots! I said cookie robots! Ah, why... why are you so... Old?*”

Aaron laughed out loud but was glad that the death glare on Dave’s face was not directed at him. He picked Jack up and hugged him tightly. “I’m glad you had a good time.”

Jack wrapped his arms around Aaron’s neck and squeezed his daddy back. Then he pulled away and half turned to face Derek. “Are you gonna come to my soccer game tomorrow?”

Derek folded his arms across his chest. He stuck his nose in the air. He kept up the Gru accent. “No.”

Jack mock pouted. “Pretty please.”

Derek rolled his eyes in Gru fashion. “The physical appearance of the please makes no difference.*”

Jack smiled sweetly. “I’ll tell Aunt Penny.”

Derek let out an exaggerated sigh. “Fine.”

Jack held his hand out to Derek. “Pinkie promise?*”

Derek’s eyes got wide. He hooked his pinkie over Jack’s. “Oh yes, my pinkie promises.*”

Jack giggled. “See ya tomorrow.”

Aaron snickered and turned to the door. “Only if he survives the night.”