Work Text:
Snow Globe Memories
by James Logan Howlett
Logan had blindfolded Remy, leading him carefully and slowly to a place no one knew about. A place that Logan himself had built, wood by splintering wood, to hide away. No, it wasn't his cabin. A lot of people knew about that damn cabin and he could care less. Yeah it was cozy and it was nice to get the feel of the woods and be one with nature and all that, but it was only here, in this tiny little space, where he could be left alone with what few memories he actually possessed. Those precious few were both painful and wonderful for him and for once, he decided to wear his heart out on his sleeve and share this special place with the man he truly loved, though had yet to say the words.
Remy sighed softly as he was led outside, grateful for Logan's strong, warm presence and the thick, warm coat and blanket the man had given him before leading him outside. He really fucking hated the cold. And if it wasn't for the trust he had for the man, he would most likely had decked him at the mere mention of being blindfolded. He didn't trust a lot of people, so the fact that he allowed himself to be blindfolded and guided along was a testimony to how much trust and respect he held for the man that was currently leading him into his own personal hell; at least he felt it was, what with the biting wind at his face and the freezing cold snow nearly numbing his body.
He fought the urge to run, fought the memories that tried fiercely to sink him back into a past he'd just as soon forget. And he also fought the urge to scream as the bitter taste of betrayal once again wormed its way upward, making him want to gag and vomit from the fear of being betrayed and abandoned once again by the man who so carefully guided him, holding him close to take away that bitter sting.
Logan could feel the change in the man as much as he could smell him. As soon as he had sensed the change, he pulled Remy close to his body and leaned up to whisper soothing words into the one of the Cajun's red ears. "We're almost there darlin'. Don't worry," he said softly as he stroked the man's arms to get the blood from pooling and freezing, keeping the limbs limber.
Remy had started to hyperventilate, but calmed himself at those words, only nodding as he didn't trust his voice at the moment. Soon, he heard the sound of a door opening. A soft light came from beneath the blindfolds and the door was closed before the blindfold was removed. Blinking at the blinding brightness, he winced and quickly put on his shades, shielding his demon eyes from the seemingly harsh light. It was then that he started to look around the room…and froze.
Snow globes. Hundreds of them. Small ones, big ones, glass ones, plastic ones…lined up. It seemed as if they were in a certain order. Looking at Logan, he frowned softly and looked up at the globes. Dieu…did the man finally snap? he wondered to himself as he gingerly touched one of the glass globes.
Logan smiled softly and picked up the globe that Remy had touched. "One of my fondest memories…this one. Mariko gave it to me on our last Christmas together," he said as he swirled it, a scene of the rural part of Japan was suddenly covered ever so lightly with a dusting of snow as the flakes swirled around the clear water and slowly, gently, settled at the bottom.
Remy eyed him again and said nothing, not sure if it was his place to say anything. Silently, he watched Logan's face, the man's emotions an open book for a change. He didn't even need to use his empathy to read him…not that he easily could, as hard as the feral's shields were to break through.
Logan's face was relaxed and then he set it down with a sigh. "I know it seems weird right now darlin'. But…yer the only person I've ever shown my collection to. I know it sounds crazy and maybe a bit pitiful, but…these globes are very dear to me. Each and every one of `em hold a very fond memory. It's one of the only reasons I have a memory of people left…and why I'm still sane. Because I can look at `em and remember. I can remember the people I loved and the people that died because of that love.
I can still remember their faces, the sounds of their voice. Each one of these globes is like a bit of my memory. Snippets I guess you can say. But it's what keeps me together…what keeps me from losin' my mind completely."
Remy nodded and looked around again before he smiled, picking up the small, plastic snow globe he'd gotten for Logan as a white elephant gift 4 years ago. Logan was the last person to pick a present and when he saw it, he smiled slightly at it before nodding, not deeming to choose another present. Remy had wondered at it but had thought nothing of it as the drinks were passed around and they all, but him of course, lost themselves in alcoholic bliss.
As soon as everyone had passed out, Logan slipped out of the mansion and went to his storage shed where he placed these treasured gifts, these little moments of memories. The only thing that kept him sane. It was a disheartening thought to be sure, but still…at least he had some sort of anchor. He knew that if he hadn't had that anchor, he would have ended up just like Victor; and that thought filled him with an unbelievable, never ending fear.
(and this is all you guys are getting so far. Don't think of this as the end of the story...'cause that's just the beginning. It's going to be a very long fic I think. If you guys think it sucks, feel free to say so. As I said, I felt I needed to write it to heal. Nothing more, nothing less...so needless to say, this probably isn't my best fic.)