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Raymond Caine
by Refreshingbeverage/Occipitallobe
Raymond Caine stood on his balcony, overlooking the hard and concrete jungle of Miami. He shifted his weight as a distant ocean breeze ruffled his sweatpants and light grey shirt. Gently, he set his coffee mug down on the cast iron railing and scratched at the beard he was growing. It was just one of the many things surrounding him that reminded him of his brother. Horatio was the reason why he ran away from New York, anything to forget the disaster and his former dependence on his brother was a good enough reason as any.
But it never seemed to matter. Raymond would always look more like his murderous father while Horatio was left to resemble their angelic mother. On his worse days, walking by a mirror was near unbearable. Of course Horatio didn't understand why he would turn to drugs. Yet he was still driven to follow in big brother's footsteps and become a successful detective.
Turning, he went back inside his apartment's living room. He stared blankly at the phone sitting on the sofa's end table. Horatio called him last week, telling him that he would be coming to Miami to work as a detective. Raymond couldn't say that he was surprised. After Horatio was stabbed a few months ago, he had been planning on leaving NYPD. He was only coming here to look after his younger brother.
Old habits die hard. The brunette thought, walking into the kitchen and putting his mug in the sink. As he did, he looked wearily towards the bedroom door. Hidden deep in his closet were several grams of cocaine and some heroin he just got his hands on last night. He thought that since he married Yelina that he would be able to snap back on track. At least he was cutting back and not doing it every day like he was back in his 20's in New York.
He scratched at his beard again. Just another reminder of how dependent he was still on Horatio. Although he knew that "informant" wasn't always the same as "detective", he was still irritated at his connection to the police department. And being told to grow the beard wasn't really helping things.
He looked up at the clock.
10:37
Time to wake up the sleeper.
He sighed as he walked over and pushed open the bedroom door, knowing that his life was going to change very quickly. Sitting down at the edge of the bed, Raymond gently shook the mass of blanket in the middle of his bed.
"Hey… it's morning".
A grumble.
"Rick, get up".
"No. I get to sleep today".
"Get out before Yelina finds us".
Rick chuckled as he pulled off the covers. Raymond hated it, but the man looked gorgeous lying there against the brilliantly white sheets. In the morning, Rick had a defined stubble and ruffled hair that made him look masculine and defenseless at the same time. It was those eyebrows that did him in, stuck in a state of perpetual innocence.
"We have to stop meeting like this," Raymond smirked.
"You know that part of me wishes we could," Detective Stetler whispered, pulling Raymond down into a kiss. "You've already had your coffee".
"Yeah…"
Raymond gasped as he was pulled into bed next to his lover. Between Rick and Susie, he had his hands full. Not that Rick knew about his female counterpart, although he was quite excellent at getting to the bottom of things. Hell, Rick could be in IAB if he didn't hate it so much. This was why Rick was the detective and he was the informant. Yelina would probably figure things out about Susie and Rick at some point, but Raymond was certain that it wouldn't be anytime soon. Yelina wasn't as good at her job as Rick was. In fact, Rick was due for a promotion to sergeant any day now.
"This is the last time I'm going to be stealing evidence for you," Rick whispered into Raymond's soft brown hair. "I think Sully's onto me".
"I know. You told me last night".
"And I'm telling you again. Raymond, I don't like thinking of you doing heroin. You put your neck on the line enough; you should have your wits about you".
He rolled his eyes. "You sound like my brother".
"Don't start with that again. You know that many decent officers have turned into dirty cops because of addictions that started like this".
"I've been doing this for longer than I care to say".
Rick sighed and held Raymond close. Their strange friends-with-benefits on-off relationship had lasted about a year and a half now. This was the fifth time that he had stolen drugs for Raymond. He wasn't quite so sure why he did it to begin with. Raymond Caine was undoubtedly attractive, it was hard for Rick to look at him and not think about sex. He wouldn't have done it if the cop wouldn't have asked for drugs in return. It put Rick in the position of a blackmail stalemate with him. Nobody's secrets were about to be exposed under this relationship. Although Rick hated himself for thinking it, he was relieved that he wasn't the one who came up with this arrangement. One night Rick's social life and Raymond's job led them into the same gay bar. Memories didn't recall who was more intoxicated, but their contract seemed to stick the next morning.
"Horatio's coming to Miami," Raymond mumbled against Rick's fur-covered chest.
"What? Are you sure? When?"
"Thursday".
"When did you learn this?"
"Last week".
"And you're just telling me now?"
He rolled his eyes. "You're as bad as Yelina and Horatio sometimes".
"Okay. Okay. I'll shutup about it," Rick said, throwing up his hands defensively.
Raymond closed his eyes slowly as he felt his male lover gently settle large hands onto his back. He wouldn't really miss Rick, at least not as much as he'll miss Yelina and his son, but he will miss this. There was just a simple comfort that Rick was able to emanate. With Yelina and Susie, Raymond felt that he had to be their protectors… with Rick, the very idea of danger was very distant and foreign. He felt more than `safe', he felt `at peace'; but no more at peace than he did with good food or a sunset. `Love' wasn't the emotion he felt for Rick, the two weren't really even friends.
It was complicated.
"I haven't met Horatio," Rick cooed, playing with Raymond's hair, "What's he like?"
"Like you. Protective, emotional, driven… all that good stuff. So you'll either hate his guts or think the sun shines out his ass… just like everyone else does".
"You sound so sure".
"There's no middle ground with Horatio".
"Well… what do you think of him?"
"He's my brother, Rick".
"And that means something to you. That says something. You love him, don't you?"
"Yeah… I guess".
Rick looked down as the younger man shifted uncomfortably. Slow and steady breaths rose between them, Rick running his fingers through Raymond's short brown hair. He looked sadly down at the man on his chest before speaking again.
"I'll shut up about Horatio".
"Thank you," Raymond sighed. "It's just… just… nevermind. Forget about it".
"No. What's wrong?"
The younger man sighed. Whenever Rick started sounding like Horatio it rubbed him the wrong way. "I introduced him to Yelina several years ago".
"Oh?"
"It's just… God…" Raymond covered his face and groaned. He hated thinking about it. "I think she really wants to get in his pants. And I know he's attracted to Latin women. Why didn't I see her thing for redheads? God. I'm such a fucking idiot sometimes".
Rick stared up at the ceiling thoughtfully. "Is Horatio the sort of man who would do something like…"
"No. And that's the trouble".
"You lost me".
"He's just so goddamned fucking perfect. Nothing can ever touch Saint Horatio. Yelina could throw herself onto his bed and he would just politely decline, ducking his head and batting his blue eyes. Fuck! It's like he can't even feel human emotions like lust or jealousy. It's rare when I even see him irritated. I know it sounds crazy, but-"
"-no. I know what you're talking about".
Raymond sighed, feeling Rick breathe under him. He still wasn't sure when to tell him the other news on his mind. Maybe he wouldn't even say anything, he wasn't going to say anything to Yelina or Susie. But Rick wasn't like them, and that was enough to make Raymond want to be a little gentler with him.
He looked up as Rick kissed the top of his head.
"Want a handjob?"
Raymond smiled at the offer. "I'll take you up on that some other time".
"Alright".
He sat up and looked over at Rick. There was something about his eyes, a certain sad quality he held in them. Even when he was smiling, something about his eyes always looked hurt and lost. Horatio had that look too, which made Raymond wonder what part of Rick's past was traumatic enough to brand itself into that man's eyes.
Or maybe he knew what was coming.
"Rick," he said softly, leaning in close.
Stetler moistened his lips and closed the distance, and although it wasn't Raymond's intention, he opened his mouth to the assault. He let himself be pulled in, his weight resting against Rick and Rick's against the headboard. Maybe men were better in bed than women. Maybe the women Raymond slept with were just sub-par. Or maybe Rick was just a fantastic lover. Either way, nobody has ever handled his mouth or cock like Rick had.
"Rick," he breathed again, "stop".
"I'm sorry".
"No, it's okay, just…" he sighed and sat back on his feet, "I think we should end this".
Rick blinked. "Pardon?"
"Look, you're a good cop. You've stolen for me, but you're still a good cop; you know what you're doing. I wouldn't expose you for the favors you did for me. And trust me, you won't be alone for long. I mean… you're a really great fuck".
"Ray, what-"
"-You're too good for me. You shouldn't have to be sacrificing your job for this sex-deal we have".
"Ray…"
Raymond sighed. Maybe this wasn't the right way to do this. "I know it's too early in the morning and this really isn't… fair". He looked up at Rick. "I think that Manos Rojos is onto me. If they would walk in on me anywhere, it would be here. If they find out I'm an informant, you shouldn't have to pay the price as well. I'm worried about you, Rick".
"Or are you afraid that Yelina will find us out?"
"Both, actually. That and I think that what we do is a little… well… dangerous. With all the STDs going around…"
"But we wear protection".
"I know, but I heard that that isn't always enough".
"I'm clean, Ray".
"You're not the one I'm worried about".
Rick gave the younger man a look of all seriousness. "You don't share needles, do you?"
"I don't".
"You think I do?"
"No! Rick, I wasn't trying to say that. It's just…"
Raymond moved to the other end of the bed leaving Rick sitting by the headboard alone. There had to be a reason why Rick stayed with him for the night, he easily could have gone home after their session. He wasn't sure if Rick honestly wanted to lie beside him or if he just didn't want to go home and sleep by himself. It seemed like Rick was careful enough to keep his heart from getting involved in this deal, but now he wasn't so sure if that was the case.
"You're getting your fix from someone else, aren't you?" Rick asked, adjusting the blankets that censored him.
"Kind of".
"And you're not gay".
Raymond looked down sadly, he should have known that he couldn't have pulled the wool over Rick's eyes. "How did you know?"
"I could sense it when we woke up after the first night. The way you couldn't look me in the eyes, it was more than the one-night-stand shame".
"I wasn't ashamed".
"Don't lie to me".
"I was confused. I didn't know that I would ever fuck a man, even if I was drunk".
"You weren't half-bad".
Raymond smiled at that, ducking his head and blushing. Rick calmed down a little bit, not as upset or tense as he was several minutes ago. The bed creaked as the older man leaned against the headboard, trying to find a comfortable position to sit in.
"But you want to cut this off?"
Raymond nodded.
Rick sighed and smiled sadly before saying, "I understand".
"Do you?"
He nodded. "It would be best for both of us. And if IAB would find out, both of us would be out of the job. Those assholes would probably arrest us for what we've done".
"The drugs would probably buy us a few years in prison".
"Oh yeah, but I was talking about the sex".
"Wait, gay sex is illegal?"
Rick nodded. "I know it's not in New York, but it is here and back in Oklahoma".
"I didn't know".
"Nobody pays attention to that law, but if IA wants to nit-pick…"
Raymond stayed silent as Rick climbed off the bed and started pulling his clothes back on. For a moment, the younger man could see the handsome curve of the detective's backside. Although there just couldn't be any emotional connection with Rick, the thought of having sex with him was still tempting. There were still little bite marks on his ass from the night before, alluring and sensuous.
"Are you alright?" Rick asked as he pulled his clothes up, the fabric lovingly wrapped around his legs and up to his waist. "Or do you need me to stay with you for a while?"
"It might be best if you went home".
The older man turned to Raymond, his shirt unbuttoned and his tie hanging limply around his neck. Their eyes met for a long and lingering moment, making Rick smile slightly. "Are you sure you don't want me to suck you off or anything?"
"Yeah".
Rick nodded, hurt but not surprised. Raymond was better than any of the other men he had randomly hooked up with in the bar. Maybe it was better like this. If Raymond hadn't taken him home that night, Rick probably still would have been working his way across the Miami underground. He was lucky he was able to sleep around as much as he did without getting herpes… or worse.
Now, all he wanted to do was settle down. A break from any romantic relationships for a while was starting to sound pretty good. That way he could focus on his work and have a secure grip on things financially. Then he could find some sweet guy who would want to grow old with him instead of just having a high-altitude fuck every now and again.
It wasn't like Raymond was the only person Rick had his eyes on. There were a small handful of men at MD-PD who interested him. But he wasn't about to rush into anything.
"I trust I'll see you again?" Rick asked, buttoning his shirt and picking up his jacket.
"I don't know".
"I mean, after your informant work is over, of course".
"I don't know".
The older man just nodded before he started making his way towards the door.
"Rick?"
"Yeah?"
Raymond's and Rick's deep brown eyes met, making the former's breath catch for a moment. "I… I need a favor".
"What?"
He stopped, not quite so sure what he needed. The draw of keeping Rick with him for just a few seconds was stronger than he thought it could be. He hesitated before he spoke.
"When Horatio comes in, I want you to tell him that I'm okay".
Rick nodded.
"And that I love him".
Rick smiled before nodding again. "I will".
With a slight nod, the older man walked out, softly closing the door behind him. It hurt a lot less than he thought it would. Maybe the magnitude hadn't hit him yet. Maybe they never meant much to each other to begin with. Either way, he wasn't going to come back to Raymond's apartment.
Horatio Caine, Rick thought to himself. It was an odd name, he was certain to remember it. But what would he say? "Oh, your brother and I fucked in exchange for heroin a while ago. He just wanted me to tell you that he's alright and he sends his love". Oh well. He'll introduce himself to this Horatio the first chance he gets. Maybe he'll be a sweeter and more genuine guy than Raymond gave him credit for.
"Excuse me," Rick muttered as he brushed against a young man with ruffled blonde hair in the hallway.
"It's alright".
oOoOo
Raymond looked up from the sink when he heard a knock at the door. The coffee mug was set on the counter to dry the last drops of water from its rim. His stomach clenched nervously as he made his way to the door. It could be Rick, but that wasn't what he was nervous over.
"Bob," Raymond greeted as he opened the door.
"Ray".
Bob Keaton walked into the small apartment, a tall and muscular man with dirty blonde hair. Despite the open patio door and the strong smell of coffee, it was obvious that something happened that Ray was trying to cover up. Someone was brought home last night, Bob positive that it was someone other than Susie or Yelina. Raymond should have known better than to be so risky. But it didn't really matter now; the blonde didn't come to lecture.
Raymond headed towards the bedroom, coming out with a small packet of cocaine. A sigh was pulled out of him as he sat.
"You want some?"
"No thanks. I don't want to get hooked on that stuff. I already spend enough time with it as it is".
Bob sat back and watched as his dark haired friend snorted the white lines before sinking into the couch. The effects weren't as obvious with Raymond as they were with the others. But from what he saw, he was sure that Raymond just needed it to get through the day.
Or at least today.
"Nobody knows, right?" Bob clarified.
"Right".
"Yelina, Ray Jr., Susie, your brother, John Hagen?"
"They have no idea".
"Whoever you brought home last night?"
"She doesn't know," Raymond half-lied. "Was it that obvious?"
"Yeah".
Raymond sighed. Maybe he should have spent last night with Yelina. The right thing might have been to play baseball with his son. Another part of him figured that he should have spent some time with Susie, she didn't feel well.
But that's not what happened. He decided to take some drugs and fuck Rick Stetler until they passed out from exhaustion. And what confused him all the more was that he didn't regret any of it. For some reason, Rick was the person he wanted to spend last night with.
But why?
Bob looked up at Raymond. "Are you ready to die today?"
"Yeah".
Why Rick?
fin