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Published:
2020-11-05
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Sentinel

Summary:

After a long night of watching and waiting the boys each discover something about themselves.

Work Text:

 

Sentinel
by BJ

Remy didn’t move; didn’t turn when he heard the familiar footsteps behind him. A stubborn tear tried to fall, but he swiped savagely at his face…

He would not cry.

He would not break.

The footsteps stopped a hundred feet behind him. The owner pulled out a cigar and lit it. He knew that right now, more than anything else, the kid needed some space, but he thought he'd stay a while just the same.

*****

Logan stopped.

He watched.

He waited.

He lit a cigar, and scented the air. He could smell the frustration, and tears from here, but the kid seemed basically okay. Sometimes time alone was enough to calm the anger; ease the hurt.

He’d been here, in this place, so many times before...

When the girl's words tore the kid's heart to shreds for the millionth time.

When the team shunned him for whatever stupid reason suited them at the moment.

When he could smell the despair; and see in the boy's eyes that he felt like charging up his own clothes and burning to a cinder to rid himself of the ghosts from his past that haunted him  most nights.

Logan stood there behind him; a silent sentinel always ready to catch him if things went too far.

After a few minutes he turned, and walked back toward the mansion. Remy knew where to find him if he needed him. He entered the front door and rolled his eyes as he passed the Den. He growled loud enough to steal attention away from Rogue as she was giving another less than award winning performance as the wounded lover. She sobbed again recapturing the attention of her audience as she told them about how cruel Gambit was for trying to touch her.

Logan shook his head as he moved down the hall toward the kitchen for a beer. Of *course* the kid tried to touch her! He loved the girl, and Logan heard her tell the Cajun repeatedly how badly she wanted to be touched,“like a normal woman.” He couldn't put his finger on exactly *why* that bothered him so much, but it did. Slamming into the kitchen with the single minded goal of getting a cold beer he had to stop short because Hank stood just inches from the door.

“It is a good thing I have reflexes that match yours my friend, or I would be treating myself for a broken nose right now.”  He was smiling, but it faded when he noticed the scowl on his friend’s face. “Is there a problem Logan?”

Logan stomped to the fridge, grabbed a beer, and downed half the bottle before he met the resident doctor’s eyes. “That damn girl’s at it again! Why can’t the rest of ‘em see the game she’s playin’ with the kid? Are they really that blind, or are they just that dumb?”

Or do they really *not care.* He kept this last thought to himself; surprised at how much it actually hurt to think the people he called family could be that heartless.

Hank nodded and motioned for Logan to join him at the table. "Ah yes, I caught the beginning of the show, but found it one of her worst performances yet so I retreated to the kitchen for a snack.” He opened a package of Twinkies, and bit one in half closing his eyes in sugary bliss. After he swallowed he opened his eyes and continued, “I needed something sweet to wash her disturbing performance from my mind.”

Logan sighed, and began to relax a little. Hank was his sounding board when it came to the young Cajun. He was the only other person in the house who seemed to notice how much the things the others said, and did affected the boy.  He was surprised that it was taking Storm so long to work through the whole massacre fiasco. She wasn’t unkind to Remy, but the closeness they shared was a thing of the past. She hadn’t called him “brother” since his return, and it was obvious to anyone who cared to look how much that hurt the Cajun.

Hank finished the last of his Twinkies and stood to throw out his trash, “Did you find him?” he asked softly.

Logan tipped his bottle back, and drained it, “Yeah, he’s out by the boathouse... again”

Hank nodded, “Should I go talk to him?” He had a soft spot for the youngest X-Man from the first day he arrived. His trained eye saw telltale signs no one else, except perhaps Logan, would notice that gave him clues about the life the boy probably led before joining the X-Men. Being the kind soul that he was, Hank decided he would be the boy’s friend, and confidant if he should ever need one even though the young man's pathological fear of his beloved med lab made it quite difficult at times.

“Nah, I think he needs to work it out alone for a while. I’ll go check on him again if he doesn’t come in by dinner.”

Hank gave him a strange smile and placed a hand on the shorter man’s shoulder, “Thank you, Logan .”

Logan nodded, then stood and left the kitchen to stare out the window in the Library at the boathouse barely visible down the path a half mile from the main house.

*****

Hank rejoined  Logan a short while later. The large blue doctor closed the heavy wooden door so that they could have some privacy to talk more. Standing beside  Logan looking out toward the boy sitting alone on the dock Hank sighed, “When are you going to tell him Logan?” he asked quietly.

“Tell him what?”

Hank shook his head and sighed, “ Logan … you love the boy. Why are you still trying to deny the fact?”

Logan finally turned from the window, and moved to one of the over sized leather chairs sitting around the room. “I don’t love him! He’s my friend and I just hate t’ see him like this is all.”

“Did you know that she physically hurts him?” Hank said in the softest of whispers as he settled down beside the chair. It went against everything he believed in to say those words aloud, but he’d seen the pair too many times to stay quiet any longer; especially in front of Logan .

It was obvious to him that Logan’s feelings for Remy had turned from friendship to something… more… when Remy returned from the Arctic, but apparently Logan was still in denial. He looked up from the floor, and saw that he now had the man’s undivided attention. The look of total disbelief was enough to let him know that Logan had no idea.

He nodded; confirming silently what he'd just said. He felt as if a weight had been lifted by sharing this dark secret then continued, “She always has a... plausible excuse.”

“Son of a…” Logan stared at Hank, “You’re one of the few friends the kid has! How could you not do something to stop it?” He stood and walked back to the window. He frowned when he found Remy was gone. Memories of times the kid had turned up mysteriously injured popped into his head. He knew that they weren't from practices, or from the field.

Hank wanted to tell Logan that *he* was Remy’s friend too, and that he had a much better reason to protect the boy from Rogue, but he held his tongue. “As I have already stated, she always came with him, and she always had an excuse. I can’t *prove* any of what I just told you.”  He was silent for a moment then stated bluntly, "Remy doesn't have accidents, you know that as well as I." He stood again, “It’s been going on since the beginning. That’s why every time they broke up I made sure to voice how happy I was aloud. I kept hoping that Remy had finally broken free of the cycle but somehow she always manages to draw him back in. I was sure it was over after what happened in Antarctica , but it would seem she’s somehow convinced him to return to her again.”

Logan searched, but still couldn’t see the boy, “Poor kid.”

Hank walked over to his side again, “He’s so caught up in the cycle of pain and apologies that he can’t think clearly about the subject any longer.”

Logan looked up into Hanks eyes and clearly saw the worry for the boy he was no longer able to hide. He looked out the window again; his gut was telling him to go find Remy and he’d learned long ago that his gut feelings were rarely wrong. “Alright Hank, I’ll go find him.”

The large blue man seemed to melt with relief, “Thank you Logan. I promise you won’t regret it. It isn’t a mistake to be concerned.”

Logan pushed past him without saying another word and went to retrieve his coat. It was getting colder out now, and if the kid was hiding it could take all night to track him down.

*****

Logan was coming down the large staircase from the private quarters on his way to begin looking for Remy when he heard one of the office doors to the left close. The wide tiled hallways echoed when they weren’t full of screaming students, and Logan paused to see who it was; he cursed softly when he saw who was coming.

“Oh good, I was just coming to find you Logan.” Scott wandered into the main lobby holding a thick folder in his hands.

“I don’t have time t’ talk to ya now Cyke, catch me later.” Logan was almost past the man when he felt the team leader lay a hand of his shoulder.

“No, I need this done right now. I can’t read a word of this report and I need to send the information to the Professor. Type it up or find a way to make this chicken scratch you try to pass off as hand writing legible.” He held the file out to the older man wholly expecting immediate action.

Logan glared at the hand until it was pulled away. He looked at the file then looked at the door. With a sigh he grabbed it from Cyke’s hand and headed back into the Library. Maybe the kid would turn up on his own by the time he was finished.

*****

Hours later Logan  stepped out into the cold night air. It was the kind of night he usually enjoyed; the kind of night that reminded him of home. It was silent and clear with a moon high above to light his way.

His breaths came in tiny puffs as he walked to the place where he’d last seen the boy but as he expected Remy wasn’t there. His scent was all but gone, and gave him no clue as to where he should go from here.

He checked all their usual haunts around the mansion first, then he drove to Harry’s and a dozen other small out of the way bars Remy and he visited when the kid needed to talk to someone who wouldn't judge his every word.

It was nearly dawn and he'd spent the whole night searching, but now he was out of cigars, and out of ideas. It was as if the kid had vanished without a trace, and that thought left him feeling colder than the night air. He shivered unconsciously... Remy hated the cold. Logan sat in the silent garage trying to think of any other places to look that he might have forgotten. He finally dismounted his bike and walked slowly toward the door. Weariness and building anxiety were making his steps uncharacteristically loud. He should’ve stayed there longer this morning; should’ve made *sure* the kid was okay.

He should’ve gutted the damn girl ages ago who thought hurting Remy was some sort of sick game.

He…

Stopped.

Sniffed.

Caught a scent from the open garage door... Remy.

It was so faint that it barely tickled his nose, but it was sweet enough for him to know without a doubt that it had to be recent.

He ran.

Not thinking.

Not caring about anything but reaching it before it could disappear again.

Reaching Remy before *he* could disappear again.

He felt an unfamiliar burning in his eyes when he realized that the scent instantly eased the dread that had fallen over him.

Remy was still here! The beast inside stirred and told him to hurry...

He ran full out, growling when the scent seemed to fade, ecstatic when he realized that it was finally growing steadily stronger.

It pulled him toward the cliff that overlooked the lake on the far side of the property. A sudden fear made his heart clench, and he poured on more speed at the stray thought that popped into his head.

No.

No… he couldn’t…

He wouldn’t…

Would he?

Logan stopped; panting from relief and some unnameable fear when he finally saw the familiar silhouette of the kid all alone on the jagged cliff in the early morning light.

“Remy.” He didn’t understand at first why he whispered the name like a prayer.

Then he found himself screaming, “REMY!”  As if his very life depended on it.

*****

Remy sat shivering as he stared down from the top of the rocky cliff at the water below. He’d been sitting there for hours after walking in seemingly endless circles thinking about his life, and what a mess it was. He was drawn here by dark thoughts that played over and over in his mind.

Thoughts that made him dizzy.

Thoughts that made him want …

He sighed, it didn’t really matter what he wanted anymore.

It was over.

He didn’t love Rogue; he realized that he probably never really had.

He couldn’t bear to be her clown any more.

He wouldn’t be her punching bag.

He’d come to the conclusion that what he wanted; what he *needed* was for someone to stand by him; just *be* there for him until he figured out a way to stop this endless circle of mistakes he kept making.

“REMY!”

He turned suddenly at the sound of the voice, and felt his heart lurch…

Logan.

And just like that the picture in his mind was perfectly clear.

It was Logan.

He *wanted* Logan. The thought confused him, but at the same time made his heart swell with joy.

Logan was always there standing behind him; giving him silent support.

Logan was the one constant in his life; the one person he *knew* he could count on.

“Logan…” he whispered when he realize he wanted nothing more in the world than to be able to fall into his arms and forget about everything and everyone else even if only for a short while.

*****

The whispered name drifted to Logan’s sensitive ears and he shivered from the raw feel that it invoked.

No one should have to know that kind of empty need.

He started to move slowly toward the boy not really knowing what he would do when he got to him just knowing he had to do *something* to make everything alright again.

 

Remy stood slowly; careful near the rocky ledge. His legs were stiff and numb from sitting still for most of the cold damp night.

He wanted to move toward Logan , but he was afraid that whatever spell had been cast that caused him to finally open his eyes and *see* would be broken, and the older man would disappear.

He was used to pain, he'd been hurt deeply by almost everyone he'd ever gotten close to, but none hurt him more than Rogue Still somehow he just *knew* if he lost Logan right now it would cause a wound so deep that he'd never be able to recover from it.

 

Logan picked up speed when he saw the boy get slowly to his feet. His eyes were fixed on Remy like he was the prize at the finish line of a journey he didn't even realize he was on. Hank’s words played over in his mind, and he felt new purpose in his life. He *had* been denying this until now, but no more... “It’s alright now, Rem, I’m comin’ darlin’... Just hold on.”

It’s funny how the heart works he thought to himself. With a growing smile, and a lightness he never expected to feel again in his life,  he covered the distance between himself, and the boy who was suddenly *so* much more than a friend in his eyes.

*****

Logan stopped five feet in front of Remy. They stared at each other; both feeling something that thrilled, and scared them at the same time. Logan swallowed hard; how had he been able to deny for so long what was so obviously the truth? “It's alright now," the words were spoken softly but with conviction, "I won't let her, or *anyone* ever hurt ya again.” The words poured from him, and the *rightness* of them gave him the strength he would need to hold true to his promise.

*****

Remy stopped short and stared at the man standing in front of him. He was saying words Remy thought he’d never hear. Words that he only now realized he had been dying to hear * Logan * say all along. He saw things in Logan 's eyes; *promises* that he could hold on to and believe in.

Words might destroy the moment so Remy smiled; a beautiful smile that lit up his face. It all felt so *right.* Like he was waking from a nightmare but this time he wasn’t alone. This time all he had to do was reach out and he would be pulled close into truly loving arms that he would never have to fear.

Logan’s smile rivaled Remy’s as he took the last few steps that brought him close enough to reach out and touch the boy if he so wished.  “Let’s go somewhere and get ya warmed up, darlin’.”  He couldn’t resist reaching out and letting his fingers brush back the veil of silky hair in front of Remy’s eyes.

Remy closed his eyes, and leaned into the brush of  Logan 's warm fingers. If this was some sort of dream so be it. He was going to enjoy it until he was forced to wake up and face the world again.  “I’d like that,” he whispered, still afraid to believe this was really happening to him.

As they started walking slowly back toward the mansion Logan made a daring move and lifted an arm to pull the shivering Remy close to his side to claim him; rubbing his arm to warm him a bit as they walked.

Remy stopped, and turned to face  Logan, he raised his hand and laid it against the solid warmth of Logan's chest, felt his heart beating and slowly smiled again. Not a dream...

“Remind me to thank Blue for somethin' he said when we get home,” Logan said as he reached out slowly and took Remy’s cold hand.

Remy frowned slightly at the unusual request, but his smile quickly returned when the older man took his hand, “Maybe I remind y’ tomorrow instead?”  He planned on spending a long time talking, and maybe if he was lucky, exploring the new opportunities that suddenly lie ahead.

 

End.