SquidgeWorld Archive

Ghost of Me

“Tommy!”

Hand outstretched, reaching desperately for the man he loved, the man whose mind threatened to be lost forever if he didn't shake him from the spell he was under – if he didn't get through to him. There was no Sword of Darkness in this nightmare. There was no key to breaking this spell. There was only Jason. And there was only Tommy.

Who wasn't under a spell at all. Who had been brainwashed by the enemy into believing that he was the king of the Machine Empire. They had used Tommy's sense of justice and honor against him – convincing him that the Power Rangers were destroying the universe and only he could stop them.

It was what angered Jason the most. Once again Tommy was being used. Brutally and horribly used. To be the tool for everything Tommy hated the most in the world. To destroy everything that he fought so hard to save and protect. To destroy everything that he held dear.

Jason had never heard this tone in his voice before, could hardly believe Tommy's name had fallen from his lips quite the way he had. He had a feeling the sound of it was going to haunt him for the rest of his life.

“This will be your final battle Gold Ranger. I will remove your Evil from this world – forever!”

Jason was overwhelmed by a mix of things but his only thoughts were 'no Tommy, not again – not like this'. The last thing he wanted to do was fight Tommy. The last thing he wanted to do was go through this again. Hurting his lover had always been like hurting himself in the exact same way.

It was why he had left the Power Rangers. He couldn't stand the thought of someday having to stand here and now and do this all over again. He had wished when he had left that Tommy would have taken his advice and left also. So that he didn't have to go through this for a third time. The argument had left them both shattered and angry. Jason had left to Sweden to the Peace Conference and Tommy to the Power Rangers.

Jason didn't want to be here now. More than anything he didn't want Tommy to be here and now.

“Tommy please! I love you! You have to remember us!”

“Lies!”

“Finish him sire!” Gasket said, “Get rid of him yourself!”

“With pleasure.”

And with that Jason was facing his nightmares all over again. Face to face with Tommy in a dance that could easily result in his death. Because he would never kill Tommy. Not even to save the planet. He just couldn't.

“I won't fight you Tommy.” Jason said, backing up.

“You don't have a choice!”

Jason blocked Tommy's punch and twisted his arm around, wishing their helmets weren't on so that he could look into other boy's eyes, “I said I won't fight you and I mean it! I love you Tommy! I could never hurt you!”

Tommy pushed Jason back and delivered a punishing kick to his stomach. For all the Power protected them from it didn't do a whole lot against another Ranger. Jason felt it and it nearly took his breath away.

It was like the sting of the Dragon Dagger all over again. The punishing blow from a force generated blast. It was like looking up at the sword aimed directly for his heart – held in his lover's hands – as he lay helpless on a cold stone floor in another dimension. It was watching Tommy laugh as he stole the Power Sword from them under a spell from Lord Zed and vanish with it. It was everything Jason had left the Power Rangers because of.

And unlike all those other times this time he didn't fight. He didn't have the energy. He wasn't going to do this song and dance again and when he freed Tommy he was going to see to it that Tommy didn't pick up another Morphing anything so long as they both lived. Be it coin, crystal or whatever.

“Fight Gold Ranger!”

Through a cracked helmet, blood trickling down into his eyes, Jason looked up at his lover from where he lay on the stone floor of Gasket's arena, “Never!”

At that moment four flashes of color materialized around him. There had been times in his life where he had been happy to see the Power Rangers and this was certainly one to go down in the history books.

“Are you all right Jason?” Adam asked, the four forming around him protectively.

Jason didn't bother with an answer, pushing himself to his feet, accepting Rocky's help with a grit of his teeth and a hiss of pain.

“Tommy its us!” Kat said.

“I do not know any of you.” Tommy said and charged.

Jason tried to hold him and Rocky tried to do the same.

“Tommy listen to us!” Rocky said.

He got a kick to his stomach for his trouble and Jason got the same, knocking them both back and to the ground with punishing force.

“Jason!” Kat cried.

Tanya grabbed Tommy but he refused to be held, flipping her over his shoulder and slamming her to the ground. Adam ran at him next, also trying to grapple with him and not to hurt him. Jason was glad they weren't trying. He had done this before and fighting with Tommy had been just as useless. He'd wiped the floor with them before and this would be no different.

And when he'd gone through every color he could it was Jason and Tommy once more.

“You're turn.” Tommy said menacingly.

The dance was a brief one. Jason was sure he was hurting badly. He was getting dizzy and was reaching his absolute limit. When he fell back with the others, barely regaining his feet, he shook his head – fighting to stay conscious.

“I don't know what else we can do.” Rocky said.

“There is nothing you can do.” Tommy said.

Jason forced himself to his feet without another word and stepped forward. He should have done it earlier but being morphed was his only protection. At this point it didn't seem to matter.

“Gold Ranger – Power Down.” Jason commanded.

His costume disappeared and with it the protection the Power offered. If he was to take a hit from Tommy now it'd be all over. He was gambling with his life that this was the only way to get Tommy to remember. If Tommy could kill him now – looking into his eyes – than there really was no hope.

Tommy reacted with obvious surprise. He had not been expecting this.

“Jason.” Adam said, “Are you sure you know what you're doing?”

“Its the only way. Its the only option we got left.” Jason said, not taking his eyes from his lover who stood ready for an attack – unsure.

“Do not try to deceive me.” Tommy said but his voice was now strained. He was unsure and Jason grasped at this, stepping over to him.

Tommy charged with a cry –

“No!” Kat yelled.

Tommy stopped, his fist inches from Jason's face, clenched and shaking. If he even so much as twitched Jason would not longer have a face.

Jason watched Tommy fight with himself, war with the brainwashing Gasket had given him and his true memories. Jason didn't speak, let him fight, waiting for the right moment. Even though it hurt to see Tommy in so much pain.

All of a sudden Tommy lunged, ready to throw that punch but Jason caught him, putting his arms around him and holding tight.

“Tommy no!” Jason said, holding onto him.

He didn't struggle much. He could certainly break away from Jason's grasp easily enough to make it look like child's play. But he didn't – hands formed into fists behind Jason's back, struggling only enough to make it difficult for Jason to keep his footing.

“Please Tommy. Its me Jason.”

“Jason?” Tommy asked, his hands slowly relaxing. But it was the only part of his body that was losing the tension – the rest of him still locked tight. But the way he said his name was like music to Jason's ears. He nearly cried at the sound of it. It was Tommy. His lover was coming back. He was there.

“Do not listen to him sire!” Gasket said angrily. Jason vowed that if he could ever get a hold of him he'd rip him to pieces with his bare hands – slowly. But he forced his anger down, doing his best to remain calm, thinking only loving – determined thoughts.

“He's starting to remember.” Tanya said.

“I think its working guys!” Adam agreed.

“Jason? What's going on?” Tommy's body gave a jerk in his arms. Jason could feel every inch of him fighting. The pain of it had to be horrible. In all ways.

Tommy slowly pulled back, “I – I don't understand this. I feel like I know you but – but everything is fuzzy. I can't remember anything!”

Jason winced and let out a sound of pain as Tommy tried to struggle again, his ribs and what felt like everything else protesting at the movement as he caught his lover again and held him.

“No! You're a Power Ranger! You – you bring evil and destruction wherever you go!”

“That's correct sire! Destroy him! Immediately!”

“Tommy!” Rocky said, stepping forward a few steps, “Don't do it!” He Powered Down, following Jason's lead, “Prince Gasket has tricked you. We're your friends!”

“This has to work.” Rocky said.

Tanya gave a decisive nod and she and Kat and Adam followed suit.

“Jason's right.” Tanya said as they stepped forward cautiously, “Tommy we're here to help you.”

“I – I don't know why but I feel like you're telling me the truth.” Tommy said, pulling back to look at Jason – who let him, slipping his hands over to his shoulders just like before.

“Is it possible everything Prince Gasket has told me about you is a lie?”

Jason saw the others edging forward out of the corner of his eye, forming around them, but didn't dare look over at them. Tommy didn't appear to know they were so near.

“I'm so mixed up I don't know who I can believe!”

“Tommy try and think of all the things we've been through together. When you first became a Power Ranger Rita put a spell on you and made you believe it was your mission to destroy us and the world. I broke that spell when I destroyed the Sword of Darkness and I'd do it a thousand times over! I love you. With all my heart. And I won't let you slip away from me.” Jason said.

“No!” Tommy pushed him back with startling force and everyone else was just as surprised as Jason, forming back up into a group.

“What is wrong with me?” Tommy fell to his knees, putting his hands onto his helmet, “I don't understand!”

Jason's heart was breaking. He couldn't lose Tommy. And to see him in this much pain was breaking every piece of his heart that he had left.

Jason took another step forward, holding out his hand, “C'mon Tommy.”

“You can't fool me!” Tommy took out his blaster and within a second it was aimed right at Jason's heart. One shot and he'd have a hole through his body where it was supposed to be.

But Jason refused to back down. If he lost Tommy this way there wasn't a single reason for living anyhow.

“Tommy I know you are in there.” Jason said, not backing down an inch as Tommy stepped close. Soon the barrel of his gun was but an inch from his chest.

“I don't know what you're talking about.”

Jason reached out and put a hand over Tommy's that was holding the gun so tightly and stepped forward, closing whatever distance was left between him and the blaster, “Come back to us Tommy. Come back to me.”

Jason put his other hand on the gun and slowly pulled it down.

“It's okay.” Jason soothed as Tommy fought to keep it level. But Tommy was failing. He was coming back. “Its all right man. Just let it go. I'm right here. That's it...”

“No!” Gasket cried – realizing his plan had failed.

What Jason didn't expect was for him to take it so personal as to get into the arena looking very much as if he wanted to tear them all apart.

“Jase?”

“Yeah honey I'm right here.” Jason soothed, keeping on eye on Gasket and drawing his lover closer to him with an arm. The other Rangers – even Powered Down – bravely stepped forward around them – standing between them and Gasket.

“Jase I –”

“It's okay.” Jason soothed, holding him close, and then directing his voice to the others, “Guys? We need to get out of here.”

“Can't... force field.” Tommy murmured against him.

Jason swore but decided to try it anyway.

They would later learn it was thanks to two unlikely allies named Bulk and Skull that it worked.

Jason woke up in a cold sweat for what felt like the fifth night in a row. Sometimes he wouldn't remember why but more often it was because of the nightmares. Sometimes in his dreams he was at the mercy of the Evil Green Ranger and other times he was being pummeled by Zeo Ranger 5.

He was losing track of the days. His homework was slipping and his parents were beginning to worry. Tommy wasn't as grief stricken by the fact that he had been turned against his friends nearly as badly as the first time. This time he hadn't leveled buildings, caused untold millions in damages, and hadn't wracked up a civilian injury count. He hadn't sent Zordon to unknown parts of the galaxy, wrecked the Command Center, and disabled Alpha. He hadn't ruined their Zords, left them powerless and helpless.

This time.

“Tommy...” Jason reached out for where he knew his lover would be, surprised when his hand only found empty sheets.

He looked over at Tommy's vacant side of the bed, frowning in confusion, “Tommy?” he asked,

“Here.”

Jason looked up as his boyfriend stepped out the bathroom, looking a little pale and ashamed of himself. It was the 'shame' that tipped Jason off that he had probably been sick and his pale pallor second. Tommy was always ashamed of himself for some reason or another. Everything was a personal failing and it always broke Jason's heart to see. If only Tommy knew just about amazing he was. Just how great of a person he was. Why couldn't he see?

It was because of bastards like Gasket. Tommy had been riding high for awhile – maybe even a little too high for Jason – after he had become the White Ranger and throughout Zeo. Until now. Now he was right back where he had started.

“Tommy...” Jason said, pained.

He stood and crossed the room to him, taking him into his arms.

“Were you having a bad dream?” Tommy asked, pulling away after only a brief moment. It was what Tommy did best. Deflect concern from himself by focusing on what he really thought was important. His friends.

Tommy cared about himself dead last when it came to Jason and his friends. And while Jason would always be honored to be the focus of such unwavering loyalty and love he wished Tommy could feel himself worthy of some of it in return.

“Its all right. Its over now.” Jason asked, brushing Tommy's hair back from his face. He loved those long, golden brown locks. The feel of them under his fingers, “You're here with me. That's all I'll ever need.”

“Jase –” Tommy's voice broke and he took the Gold Ranger into his arms.

“Come away with me Tommy.” Jason urged, a frightening parallel to the words he had spoken a year ago before their last fight. The fight that had ended them and had driven Jason away to Sweden, “Come away with me. Away from all this.”

Tommy froze in his arms and pulled back, “What?”

Jason caressed his face with a hand, “Tommy I don't mean 'now'. It was wrong me of me to ask you the last time.”

“You didn't ask.”

Jason didn't flinch from his lover's accusatory tone.

“I shouldn't have demanded like I did. I was just scared Tommy. Scared for us... Leaving the way I did was wrong. Asking you to give up what you had was worse. I was asking you to be a coward with me and that was wrong –”

“Jase.”

“Shh, it's okay.” Jason sighed, “Just please listen to me?”

Tommy nodded.

“I'm – I'm trying to tell you that I was scared. Scared of –”

Why was it so easy for Jason to face down a horde of monsters and yet admitting to fear was next to impossible.

“Jase.” Tommy coaxed, stepping close and taking his face in his hands.

Jason reached up and took his hands, meeting his eyes, “I was scared for you and for what I'd have to watch you endure.”

“What?” Tommy asked quietly.

“I can't take it when I see you hurt. What you've been through? Is hell and I live it when you do. I'm right there with you. I hate to see you hurt. I'd rather have my heart ripped out then see it. And what you went through with Gasket?” Jason licked at his suddenly dry lips and glanced away, shaking his head, “I can't bear it.”

Tommy, tears in his eyes, took Jason in his arms, holding onto him tightly. Jason held him back with something nearing desperation.

“I can't live with a life where there is always someone trying to take you away from me.” Jason buried his face in Tommy's shoulder, trying to fight back tears but losing.

And Tommy felt them. Hot on his neck and shoulder.

He let out a broken sound and did his best to pull Jason still closer, “I have so much to apologize for myself Jason. When I became the White Ranger I – I got my confidence back but I got too much back. I was arrogant, cocky, and I treated you horrible. I'm so sorry. I pushed you away –”

“It was both of us. And when I mean come away with me I mean it. But not now. I mean see this through and then graduate high school so that we can live a life together free of all this. So we can just be us.”

“You got it Jason.”

It didn't turn out to be nearly so simple.

Sparring with Tommy the next day,Jason found himself on his back after a neatly performed throw from Tommy reliving a nightmare – a flashback of a similar situation what seemed like a lifetime ago. All of a sudden he wasn't at the Fitness Center. He was laying on the cold stone floor of Rita's Dark Dimension with the Evil Green Ranger pressing a foot to his wrist with bone breaking force. And that sword – swinging it by his face as he taunted him before positioning the wicked tip of it down towards his heart.

He hadn't been the only one who had had a flashback.

Shaking himself from the vision of horror he realized Tommy had probably relived the same thing but at his hands. The Red Zeo Ranger stumbled back from Jason, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes.

Billy hurried forward but Jason quickly held out his hands.

“Tommy?” he called tentatively, getting to his feet.

“Jase?” Tommy asked weakly.

Jason quickly took Tommy into his arms and held him close.

Unbeknownst to them, four Rangers and one former exchanged worried glances.

And a week later as Tommy caught Jason in his arms as he stumbled and all but fell into the Fitness Center, when the word 'stress' had been thrown around in the Command Center as to why his body was failing under the pressure of the Gold Ranger Powers... Tommy couldn't help but feel to blame.

It was as if a ghost from the past – the ghost of him – was trying even now to claim Jason's life. Suddenly, Tommy was as weary of being a Power Ranger as much as he was sure Jason was.

Tommy took Jason's hand, standing beside him as he watched his unconscious and sedated lover lay on a medical bed hooked up to wires. Too many.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up the only original Power Ranger left standing beside himself,.

“He'll be okay Tommy.” Billy said, giving his shoulder a squeeze.

So much wisdom behind that smile and those eyes. It sometimes made those who knew him feel as though they were looking at a being as old as Zordon.

Tommy managed a weak smile but it faded quickly, looking back at Jason.

Billy didn't withdraw his hand, “Tommy... Its just you and me and Zordon. Two people who probably know you better than yourself.”

“That's the problem Billy.” Tommy said wearily, “I know myself too well.”

“I doubt that you do Tommy.” Zordon said, “Because you do not see the incredible valor and unwavering loyalty, courage, and perseverance that you have shown us all on more occasions than I or even Alpha can compute.”

“We just wish you could see that Tommy.” Billy said, gripping his shoulder gently, “Believe it or not, not everything is your fault. And not everything rests solely on your shoulders. It rests on all of ours.” Billy said, glancing up at Zordon, “And while I know you've learned that you don't have to go things alone, its seems you haven't learned that we all share the burden you do.”

“Will I ever learn?” Tommy asked, managing a weak laugh.

Billy gave his shoulder another squeeze, “I sure hope so.” he smiled.

Tommy wiped the tears from his eyes with the hand that wasn't holding onto Jason's and he managed a weak laugh.

Billy slowly withdrew his hand and Tommy gently squeezed his lover's hand, “I'm going to try and learn for you.” he murmured, blinking back tears.

“You promise?”

Tommy laughed, shocked, watching as his lover's eyes opened, “Jase?”

“Jason?” Billy asked, looking decently concerned as he hurried over, “How do you feel?”

“Horrible.” Jason said, “Like everything is wrong in... every way it can be.”

“Essentially you're correct.” Billy said, “We only have one chance of saving the Gold Ranger Powers for good and we're going to try. Can you stand?”

“With help.” Jason managed.

“You have it.” Tommy said, helping Billy unhook the monitors from his boyfriend, “I'll carry you if I have too.”

“I bet you would...” Jason tried for a joke but made a face as they got him to his feet, paling, “Oh man... is this – is this how it felt when you lost the Green Ranger Powers?”

“Sick? Drained? And really, really strange?”

Jason mutely nodded.

“Exactly like that.” Tommy murmured, “They were killing me just like these are now to you. We have to get the Power back to Trey.” he slipped an arm around his waist and with Billy on the other side they helped him to the center of the Command Center as the others walked in.

“That bad?” Jason asked.

Tommy swallowed, barely able to say the words, “That bad.”

It had been too close for comfort. But after they had defeated the Machine Empire and sent them running once they had salvaged the Gold Ranger Powers the feeling of elation was a surprisingly short one. At least for Tommy.

Jason disappeared shortly after and while Tommy's first reaction was to immediately panic he remembered how he had felt when he had lost his Powers the first time around. Jason had been there but he had never lived it until now. He was sure – in a moment of calm after the initial panic – that Jason hadn't skipped the country again and was only trying to get his thoughts together.

His theory was proven right when he found Jason down by Angel Grove Lake in the shade of an oak tree. He was still wearing black. Tommy knew that the whole color fad thing wore off eventually but not immediately. He had had a fixation for Green a week or so after he had lost his Powers even though the color made him even now feel a little queasy.

“Hey.” Tommy said softly, lightly touching his lover's arm as he sat down beside him.

“Hey.” Jason smiled over at him.

Tommy sighed and studied his boyfriend. He wanted to ask if he was all right but it seemed a stupid question. Of course Jason wasn't all right. However the other boy surprised him with what he said next.

“Can we leave the ghosts buried Tommy?”

“The ghosts of me.” Tommy murmured, looking out over at the lake.

“Yeah.” Jason said seriously, looking over at him, “Green, White, and Red.”

“Only if its forever.” Tommy said, turning his eye's from the lake and meeting his lover's.

Jason hadn't been realizing he had been holding his breath until Tommy spoke those words. He leaned in, slipping a hand around to the back of his lover's neck and pulling him in for a deep, passionate kiss.

“Good.” he whispered against his lips, “Because I was hoping... you might have room for this somewhere.”

Tommy pulled back, seeing that Jason was holding something in his hand. His breath caught when he realized it was a small black box and his eyes darted up to meet Jason's.

“Jase?”

“Open it.” Jason grinned, “I promise I'll ask you traditionally later but right now I think I'm in too much pain to manage it.”

Tommy grinned breathlessly a moment and reached out for the box.

“Jase...”

“Go on Tom.” Jason urged softly, still smiling but the deep rumble of his voice conveying all the seriousness of the situation – filled with love.

Tommy opened the box, letting out a breath at the ring inside. That one moment of opening the box, the sight of the ring inside – was better than any Morph, any moment of being a Power Ranger – he had ever experienced.

Tommy laughed lightly, breathlessly, “Yes Jase. One hundred million times yes.”

Jason grinned and shared the laugh, taking Tommy's face in his hands and meeting his lips deeply, passionately. When he drew back he reached down for the ring and took it out of the box, holding Tommy's hand in his. But he met his eyes.

“No more... of this. Just us. You don't need to be a hero for the world Tommy. You're already a hero. You always were.”

“No more Jason. I got everything I need right here.”

Jason grinned and slipped the ring onto Tommy's finger, “So do I.”

~END~