Work Text:
LA Morning
by Sabeth
I unwrap myself from his arms cautiously, not wanting to wake him. Though I perhaps wouldn't have to worry about that--he's fast asleep, his breath goes even. Having wound out of his embrace, being away from his warm body, I suddenly feel cold.
There is this terrible need to crawl back into the bed, switch my thoughts off and let my mind slide into that velvet darkness yet again, darkness without bad dreams, without disturbing thoughts--only gentle and soothing.
I can't and I know that, so I stand up silently. My eyes wander through the room until they're caught by the view out of the window. It's short before sunrise; I can literally feel how the world is preparing to wake up. I step to the window yet a little closer. It's gonna be a beautiful day. Sunny, no clouds on a pale blue sky. Hot. Every day is hot down here in California.
It's gonna be a beautiful day to say goodbye. I sigh, oddly touched by my own reaction to the thought. My stomach clenches tightly. I don't want to leave him like that. The quick glance I
was meaning to throw at him, to make sure he's still asleep, turns into a long, thoughtful look. I catch myself studying his features, drinking him in, absorbing him. The high cheekbones that somehow don't keep him from looking like a teddy bear. Or a punching bag. Whatever.The little mole on his cheek. His nose, slightly too big for his face, but still.. His lips. My stomach aches from clenching--unclenching--clenching again. Better not even start to think about his lips, Alex.
He's fast asleep, despite of the sun coming up now, piercing the room with bright rays of light. One of them is falling right onto his face, but he doesn't even move. He looks like a child, trustful and innocent, and the golden reflections of morning light on his hair don't exactly help me abandon that image.
I smile a little while I'm watching him sleep, and then I drift into bitterness. We could have had so much more if things had just happened differently. Had I never found his file lying on my desk, perhaps we could have met under whole other circumstances. Sometimes life just isn't fair, I think, but thank god he shifts a little and stops me from whining even more about our wasted lives. I tend to be a dramatic moron, I know.
I sigh again, and it's a heavy sigh that barely manages to leave my chest. It's time to go. I can mourn over it later.
I seriously think about leaving him a note, but then I reconsider it. I wouldn't know what to write anyway. 'Sorry Fox, had to go. Found out that we're not the ideal couple. Have a nice day. Alex'
Oh yes. I better get out of here as fast as I can.
I'm hesitating as I walk past his bed to collect my few things worth taking with me. I want to touch him so badly, even if it's only to say goodbye. Brush my fingers over his cheek, kiss him tenderly, kiss him wildly. I want to feel his body heating my own. I want to tell him that I have to go, that there's no use in stopping me, and hell, I want him to try to stop me though.
I have a hard time to keep myself from sighing yet again. I'm sounding like a guy from a cheesy soap opera, and I know it.
Mulder's moving--I fear he's waking up. I have to hurry.
The door shuts with a silent click as I draw it close behind me. I have my ID, I have the money, I have my leather jacket. I guess that's about everything I'm gonna need the next few days, until someone comes around to pick me up from the shabby motel room I'm gonna get myself now. Where they neither have a swimming pool nor satellite TV, but a porn channel, perhaps. I hope they do. Something to distract me a little would be nice.
The elevator door opens and I walk out of the door and out of the hotel. The sun's shining brightly by now. I suppose somewhere up there an agent Mulder is stretching at the very moment, yawning and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Not realizing yet I'm gone.
I guess I'd better get myself a cab.
Tell me what you think.. please.