Work Text:
50 Ways to Kill Your Ziva
an NCIS filk by Lokemele
"The problem is all inside your head", he said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to kill your Ziva
He said it's really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued
But I'll repeat myself, at the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways to kill your Ziva
Fifty ways to kill your Ziva
You just stab her in the back, Jack
Cover her in sand, Stan
Put some poison in her soy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hit her with a bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drown her in the sea, Lee
And get yourself free
Ooo shoot her with a gun, son
Give her neck a break, Jake
Stick her head in a noose, Bruce
Just listen to me
Bash her in the head, Fred
Just make sure that she's dead, Ed
Just drop her off a cliff, Cliff
And get yourself free
He said it grieves me so to see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the fifty ways
He said why don't we both just sleep on it tonight
And I believe that in the morning you'll begin to see the light
And then he kissed me and I realized he probably was right
There must be fifty ways to kill your Ziva
Fifty ways to kill your Ziva
You just stab her in the back, Jack
Cover her in sand, Stan
Put some poison in her soy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hit her with a bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drown her in the sea, Lee
And get yourself free
Ooo shoot her with a gun, son
Give her neck a break, Jake
Stick her head in a noose, Bruce
Just listen to me
Bash her in the head, Fred
Just make sure that she's dead, Ed
Just drop her off a cliff, Cliff
And get yourself free
Loke
with apologies to Paul Simon