Work Text:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Title: Frack The Cat
Author: Jen lmr
Rating: NC-17 Language warning too, if you consider 'frack' foul language.
Author's Note: Its Appy, SB, and a cat. Oh yeah, cute kid alert, possible Muffit neglect. So sue me!
Category: Slash
Pairing: Starbuck/Apollo
Dedication: To Jage's cat 'Frack'. And to Betty, to cheer her.
Summary: A new edition to Apollo's household creates madness and mayhem.
*****
Apollo came into his quarters carrying a box with little airholes poked into the sides.
"Boxey! I have a surprise for you!"
"What is it? What is it?"
Apollo proudly opened the box and out popped a furry little head with pointed little ears. It sniffed around a few times, then jumped up out of the box.
"Oh dad!" Boxey squealed, "It's sooo cute!"
"I'm glad you like him."
"Like him, I *love* him! Thanks dad." Boxey walked over to give Apollo a hug, absently brushing Muffit aside as he did so.
Apollo grinned inwardly. He'd been secretly hoping that this was going to mean they could finally deactivate Muffit. And the cat was just so cute, more importantly it was just so 'quiet'.
"Does Starbuck know about him yet?"
"No, I thought we'd surprise him. I'm sure he'll love him."
They played with the cat for a long while. Muffit sitting obediently in the corner where Boxey had shooed him off to.
Some time later Starbuck arrived. It had been a long duty shift and he was feeling tired, but as always, happy to be spending the evening with Apollo.
He was greeted by a very exuberant Boxey and a beaming Apollo.
"What's up?"
"This!" Boxey exclaimed, holding up the cat.
"A cat?" Starbuck asked dubiously.
Apollo pulled him aside and whispered, "Yeah, isn't it a great idea? I know it'll take a little getting used to, but if I have to listen to that awful wheezing sound Muffit makes one more time...grrrrrrr!"
The cat looked up sharply at the grrrr.
Starbuck gave a slight grin. "Well, I guess so," still sounding a little doubtful, "if it makes you happy. He is kinda cute, now that I get a better look at him."
"Hey, dad, what should we name him?"
"I hadn't really given it much thought. I'm sure we'll think of something."
They settled down to a nice meal, played with the cat for awhile, helped Boxey with his studies etc. They eventually got him off to sleep with the cat nestled up next to him and Muffit sitting all but forgotten in a corner of his room, then headed off together to Apollo's room. In both of their opinions this last was *always* the best part of the evening.
*****
Early the next morning, Starbuck awoke feeling very satisfied after a rousing bout of very hot sex, and began getting dressed to head back to the barracks before Boxey awoke. They both suspected Boxey knew about them but neither one of them were very anxious to broach the subject with Boxey.
Just as Starbuck was pulling on his boot...*squish*...then, "What the frack?!"
Starbuck pulled his foot out of his boot, looking with disgust at his now very soiled sock. "Why you little frack!" He glared at the arrogantly retreating cat. Then he gingerly pulled off his sock, limped to the turboflush to wash off his foot, and muttered foul things the whole way.
Upon returning to the bedroom, he found Apollo sitting up in the bed, shaking with silent laughter.
"You think this is funny?"
Apollo just nodded his head in the affirmative and continued laughing.
Starbuck picked up Apollo's boots and inspected them, "I notice your boots seem perfectly clean!"
Apollo just laughed harder, "You...you...should have seen yourself...ha ha ha ha...'fracking cat!' he he he he."
"Well personally, I don't find this the least bit funny!"
"Oh come on, he's still pretty young, and in a new home, and ha ha ha, it was kinda funny."
Starbuck just grumbled, 'borrowed' a pair of Apollo's socks, rinsed out his boot, and headed out of Apollo's quarters, one of his feet making a definite sloshing sound as he went.
Apollo fell back onto the bed, still laughing.
*****
By the time Starbuck arrived at Apollo's the next evening, he'd calmed down considerably. Although, from time to time he gave the cat a dirty look, which caused fresh laughter from Apollo.
Late that night after Boxey was sound asleep, Starbuck had forgotten about the cat completely, as he was busy thoroughly fracking Apollo from behind. Just when he'd worked up a steady rhythm that was causing his eyes to roll back in his head, he felt a blinding knife sharp pain in his lower back. He screamed and whipped his head around, only to find himself staring into the arrogant face of that fracking cat! He'd apparently launched himself at him from the top of the dresser that was halfway across the room!
Apollo, who had been thoroughly lost in the moment, jerked his head up and back at the sound of Starbuck's scream. When he saw the cause of Starbuck's outburst, he put his head back down and groaned. Since Apollo was no longer looking, Starbuck reached back, grabbed the cat and hurled him to the other side of the room with a grunt of satisfaction.
Apollo, mistaking Starbuck's satisfied grunt for one of purely sexual pleasure, resumed his backwards thrusting, "Did the...oh...uh...cat leave?"
Starbuck, who'd immediately resumed his forward thrusting answered, "Ohh...uhhuhnn...cat left."
"Mmmmmmm...gooood."
Not much later they each came forcefully, and after their breathing had settled, they rolled over and snuggled up together.
"You know Pol, I'm definitely getting the feeling that the cat doesn't like me."
"Frack? Er, I mean, the cat? Nonsense." Apollo said nuzzling the side of Starbuck's neck, "Believe me sweetheart, who could possibly not like you?"
"He attacked me during sex!"
"Maybe he's just a little jealous. If you were having sex with someone else I know *I'd* be jealous." More nuzzling, kissing, and cuddling. "Trust me, he *loves* you. I know I do." Much more kissing and nuzzling.
Starbuck, feeling extremely mollified, reluctantly agreed with Apollo. But not until after *way* more cuddling and kissing. 'May as well milk it for all its worth, after all the cat *did* jump on me and it *did* hurt.'
*****
The next morning, Starbuck woke up early and began getting dressed as usual, carefully checking his boots before putting them on. So far so good. So he grabbed his jacket and headed towards the door. Then he noticed a really bad smell. That fracking cat pooped on my jacket!
Storming back into the bedroom, "Apollo, look what that little frack did!"
Apollo tried to hide a smirk.
"It's not funny! That fracking cat hates me! Now its either Frack the cat or frack me! And I'm telling you, it better be fracking me!" Then he stormed out.
Apollo, tried to call after him to wait, but the 'Frack the cat or frack me' line had him in stitches! And the look on his face! Hahahahahahahahaha! Who knew Starbuck would be so jealous and insecure over a cat! Hahahahahahahahaha!
*****
Apollo caught up with Starbuck during their duty shift later that day. He did his best to soothe his irate lover and promised to send Boxey and the cat to Athena's for the night so that they could spend a quiet, romantic evening alone. He even promised to take him out for a very expensive meal on the Rising Star.
Starbuck, who was feeling a little foolish for his outburst, especially since Apollo was being so nice, readily agreed, already beginning to look forward to this evening.
*****
Apollo returned home at the end of the day feeling lighthearted. He just hated it when Starbuck was mad at him.
When he opened the door to his quarters, his mouth gaped open at the scene that greeted him. Athena, who had come over with Boxey to collect a few of the things he'd need to spend the night, not to mention the cat, was chasing Muffit around the living area. That wasn't the worst of it. Boxey was lying on the floor laughing hysterically. That still wasn't the worst of it. The cat was quite literally *riding* Muffit around the room!
"What the frack?!" Apollo exclaimed, taking in the scene.
"Apollo!" A very disheveled Athena began, "I came over to get the cat and," trying to catch her breath, "when I tried to put him in the box to take him back to my place, well, he just lept out of my arms, jumped onto Muffit's back," still breathing hard, "there was this spark, then I don't know, a short circuit I guess...then Muffit just started running all over the place!"
Apollo looked at his sister, looked at Boxey, looked at Muffit, who had finally collapsed into a heap, then looked at the cat, who was now sitting primly on Muffit's back and looking smug. He just couldn't help it, he burst into a fit of laughter so strong that tears were running down his face. He couldn't help it, that cat was just *too* funny!
"Apollo! This isn't the least bit humorous! I come all the way over here, to do *you* a favor, I might add, and this is the thanks I get! Come on, Boxey, we're leaving!" And with a glare towards her brother, "And without the cat I might add!"
She grabbed the bag of Boxey's stuff and huffed out the door, dragging a protesting Boxey behind her.
"But...but...but..." Apollo protested. 'Frack! Starbuck is *not* going to like this! Oh well, we'll be gone until late and I can butter him up over dinner. Maybe we could even take a private chamber there. Although, the cat might be awfully lonely and scared, here all night alone in a strange place and all...'
He went over to the wall comm unit, and after reaching Starbuck, asked him to meet him at the shuttle bay instead of his quarters.
"Why the shuttle bay?"
"Oh, you know. I'm starving and I just thought it would be quicker that way."
"There hasn't been any other changes of plans, have there?"
'Was that a note of suspicion he heard in Starbuck's voice? Better bring extra cubits just in case. A couple bottles of ambrosa seem to work wonders on Starbuck's disposition, not to mention his libido.'
"No, Starbuck. Just a nice romantic evening." Starbuck agreed and they ended the comm.
Looking around his quarters, he figured he better straighten the place up a bit, just in case they ended up back here. He dragged the now defunct Muffit into his bedroom closet, making sure the door was closed. He straightened up a few other things that had toppled over in the fray, then went to take a quick turbowash before heading out to meet Starbuck.
*****
He greeted Starbuck warmly, feeling extremely happy that Starbuck seemed to be over his recent anger with him.
Starbuck greeted him warmly back. They headed off to board the shuttle, talking softly, and exchanging the occasional discreet kiss.
As promised, Apollo had spared no expense. They were promptly escorted into a private dining chamber as soon as they'd arrived. The beaming smile that Starbuck gave him after they were alone and seated, would have been worth *twice* the price.
They both spoke at once, "I'm sorry..." then laughed together.
"You can go first." Starbuck offered.
"I just wanted to say how sorry I am, that's all. I tried to stop you from leaving this morning, but I don't think you heard me..."
"No, you were laughing too hard to be very intelligible." Starbuck said wryly.
"I'm sorry about that too. I really am."
"Didn't sound real sorry at the moment."
"I know. I know. But I really like that cat. And I really love you. You know that I would always choose you. But, I wish you two would try to get along. Please."
Starbuck melted at that sweet look in Apollo's eyes and agreed that the fracking cat, maybe wasn't as bad as he thought. Maybe he *could* have been overreacting and the cat maybe wasn't as bad as all that. He'd do anything for Apollo. He vowed that the next time he saw that cat, he'd make a real effort to be friendly to him.
That was better than Apollo had hoped for. They settled back into the cushions, had a wonderful, relaxing dinner, a couple bottles of ambrosa, then had the most tender, mind shattering make-up sex.
*****
After dozing a little, they hurriedly dressed at the sound of the waiter chiming at the door. Apollo tipped him heavily and they decided to head back to Apollo's quarters after all. Apollo (secretly worried a little about Frack, er, the cat), Starbuck (feeling a little guilty after the wonderful evening he'd had and vowing to get along with said Frack, er, cat).
Upon arriving home, Apollo asked Starbuck to make himself comfortable in the living area.
Humming happily to himself in the kitchen, opening another bottle of ambrosa that he'd had chilling (never hurts to be prepared). He puttered around for a bit, getting glasses and a few little snacks he'd had prepared. 'I'm like a regular Junior Colonial Campfire Boy,' he thought, feeling giddy from the ambrosa he'd already had.
He headed back out to the living area and...his mouth gaped open at the scene that greeted him! There was Starbuck, half reclined on the longseat, playing with Frack, er, I mean, the cat! Nuzzling their faces together even! And he seems to be enjoying himself!
Starbuck looked up at him from the longseat and smiled, "You know Apollo, maybe you were right about this cat. He's really not so bad after all. He even came over to me when I called his name."
"Uh, Starbuck, we haven't named him yet."
"Whatever. Mmmmm, are those snacks for me?" Starbuck leaned forward eagerly. And he wasn't looking at the plate in Apollo's hand.
"You bet! Just promise me you won't call the cat 'frack' in front of Boxey's young ears."
"Deal."
*****
The next morning after an incredible night of mind blowing sex, Starbuck started to get up and get dressed to leave early as usual. Apollo stopped him, "Uh uh. Boxey won't be home until after late learning period. Sleep in."
Nodding sleepily, Starbuck rolled over and fell asleep. He was next awakened by the sound of Apollo yelling, "Why that little frack!"
He looked up to see Apollo shaking something really nasty and all too familiar out of his own boot. Starbuck rolled over, face buried into his pillow, laughing hysterically.
The End.