Actions

Work Header

Rating:
Archive Warning:
Category:
Fandom:
Relationship:
Language:
English
Collections:
Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
Stats:
Published:
2020-11-05
Words:
2,978
Chapters:
1/1
Kudos:
10
Bookmarks:
2
Hits:
1,566

The Beacon's Lost

Summary:

Reid is no longer certain he can continue to do his job.

Work Text:

The Beacon's Lost
by Lopaka Tanu

 

The office was almost dark, the overhead lights having been turned down hours before. Everyone else had gone home. There was only his desk, a beacon in the sea of shadows. Not that his bothered Spencer in the least. With the illumination of his desk lamp he could see just fine for his purpose.

On the screen of his laptop lay the blinking cursor. It waited for him to finish the document. There was the source of his dilemma. Should he complete it there would be repercussions.

Twirling a number two pencil between his fingers, he studied the words. He read them back to himself for the hundredth time. By now this was starting to border on the psychologically disturbed. Still, he could not bring himself to take the next step one way or the other.

What this meant, was it something he wanted? Could he live with the consequences? The changes in his lifestyle would be dramatic and instant.

The decision could be made fast, but this was not the spur of the moment. This particular letter had been floating around in his mind for years now. In one form or another there had been times he considered this and all the ramifications. Until now, those had always swayed his decision.

Until now.

"Hey, pretty boy!" Morgan's voice cracked with fatigue as it echoed in the office.

Head shooting up, Spencer spun his chair to face the glass doors at the entrance. Seeing the older agent made him tired. He knew it wasn't completely from his own lack of energy. "Yeah, uh. Morgan, what can I do for you?"

"You can come out with me." Leaning against the partition, Derek put a hand to his mouth to stifle a yawn. When he finished with a moan he shook his head. "It's too late to be here, especially after that last one."

"Yeah." Frowning, Spencer turned back to his screen. "There is just a little something I need to finish up here first."

Morgan snorted. "It can wait." His tone indicated this was an old argument between them and he was annoyed at having to fight it again.

This caused the younger man to swallow back his response. "Okay." With a heavy sigh, he leaned forward and grabbed the back of his laptop screen. He shut it quickly. "All right, let me get my bag and coat."

"I'll be right here."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

After folding the edge of his napkin for the tenth time, Spencer forced himself to set it aside. He stared at it for a moment, longingly.

"Thank you." Derek waited until Reid looked up before he smiled. "I was about to reach over and take it from you if you didn't stop soon."

"Ah." Raising his head to match his words, Reid had a tiny smile. He frowned a moment later. "Sorry, it's just, I've been thinking about it."

"Yeah, I get that." Sitting back on his side of the booth, Derek stretched out his arms. He smiled at the other man. "The thing is, you have to stop yourself. It's not something we can indulge in, or it will drive us over the edge." The smile dimmed a little.

"I know that!" Spencer winced at his own tone. He hadn't meant to snap at the other man. There were a lot of issues running through his head at the moment, too many for his own good. "I am sorry, I just..." he trailed off with a sigh.

Reaching out with his left hand, Spencer grabbed the edge of his napkin. It was a nervous habit that he hadn't consciously intended to do. When a large, warm hand settled over his own, he glanced up, surprised. Soulful eyes stared back at him.

This made Reid snort. He had heard the expression many times before. There were a few occasions when he had seen them directed at other people even. They had never been leveled in his direction before, though.

Derek squeezed the smaller hand in his. "It's okay. I understand, really." Thing was, he probably did.

Not that it mattered to Spencer. Unable to take the knowing expression, he glanced out over the restaurant. It barely qualified for that general description, but it served good food and no one knew him here. Those were two facts in its favor tonight.

"What are you planning on doing?" There he was again, Derek, profiling his way in to other people's business.

Surprisingly, unlike normal, Spencer didn't feel the need to explain himself. There was none of his usual want for approval. That gave him the strength to ignore the question. Instead of speaking to fill the silence, he merely sat back and let the ambient noise sink in.

A frown marred the older man's features. He sat up, but did not relinquish his hold on Spencer's hand. "I don't like where this is going."

"Well, you know, that's really too bad." A sudden thrill over his defiance filled him with the strength to pull his hand back. "I'm not a child, Morgan, you don't have to like what I do. It's my life and the decision is mine to make."

When the older man spoke, he sounded neutral, trying for non-threatening. "All right. It's just that I don't want you making any rash decisions." Despite his attempt to flatten his voice, a hint of desperation was still detectable.

Reid noticed this, but chose to ignore it. "I will make up my own mind." With that, he turned away fully. The noise in the restaurant washed over them once more and he closed his eyes. This had been a mistake.

"You're not alone in this, Spencer." Giving it another try, Derek lowered his voice and leaned over the table. "We all care about you."

Keeping them closed tight, Reid began to count the numbers of the Fibonacci Sequence in his head. He had only reached five when suddenly a strong hand was placed upon his. This dragged him from his thoughts back to the restaurant.

Looking down at the offending appendage, he tried to make sense of it. The darker skin compared to his own pale made a striking difference. Swallowing, he tentatively looked up.

Morgan was staring back at him. The earnest expression on his face gave weight to his next words. "I care about you."

As if in a daze, Spencer could only blink. This wasn't happening. Except for the fact that it had and it was. "Oh."

~~~~~~~~~

The car ride through downtown had been silent. It was amazing, but for Spencer, there was a distinct lack of need to speak. Usually, when trapped in a car with someone, he was too nervous and or excited to keep quiet.

Apparently this fact aggravated his friend tonight, though. Steering the car with one hand, Derek leaned his free elbow against the car door. Every so often he would glance over at the quiet man.

That was okay. Spencer liked it this way. For a change, he was the one with the mysteries that drove people to distraction. He frowned. He supposed that would happen more if he didn't talk so much. The more he talked the more he revealed.

Then again, he liked talking. It was the verbal interaction that gave him the small amount of Human contact he required.

He was tugged from these ruminations by the subtle shifting in the car's speed. They were decelerating for a stop. A quick glance out the window revealed that they were nearing his apartment.

Derek reached out with both hands to hold the wheel. Checking his mirrors, he cast a look over at Reid. "Are you awake over there?"

"Yes. I have been cognizant of my location since we left the restaurant." Spencer smirked with a curl of his brow. "Does that make me sound too Vulcanish?"

"Vulcanish?" The word almost made Derek pause. Then he snorted. "Let me guess, Garcia?"

"Correct." Raising an eyebrow, he faced forward. "She thinks I repress my emotions too much."

With a quick shake of his head, Derek made the turn off the main road on to a side street. "We've all thought that at one time or another." The turn signal had no sooner clicked in the off position, then he turned it back on. "You are a little too logical at times for your own good."

"Ouch! That's actually a first for me." Reid tried to make his voice sound a little hurt. The curl of his lips ruined it though. He looked over to the other man and they shared a grin.

For a moment everything felt normal between them. Spencer actually wanted to let it continue. Unfortunately, that was when real life interrupted them.

Derek pulled the SUV off to the side of the road. As he shifted in to park, the silence became uncomfortable. He turned to Spencer the moment the car began to idle. Whatever he intended to say died on his lips at the sight.

Spencer's hand was already on the door handle, pulling it open. Frowning, he glanced over at Derek. He paused only long enough to meet the other's eyes. "This isn't about you. I just want you to know that."

The older man found his voice before the Reid could slip out. "Then why are you locking me out?" His words were husky, choked with annoyance and an unidentifiable emotion.

Well, unidentifiable to Spencer. He had never heard someone's voice like that before. It sounded rather painful emotionally. That made him take a moment to consider them.

Why was he blocking all attempts by the other man at getting closer to him? That was a very good question. Of course, the answer was obvious.

When he glanced back, strands of his hair fell over his face. They partially obstructed his view. That annoyed him almost enough to reach up and knock them away. Instead, he smiled bitterly. "Because I don't want you to be hurt." He started to push the door open.

Reaching out quickly, Derek placed a comforting hand on Spencer's arm. "You don't have to do that. I'm a grown man, whatever it is, I can take it."

Spencer didn't turn around, but he did stop a second time. He grinned at the door and nothing in particular. "Yes, Derek, you are." His grin faded a little around the edges. "But, I'm not. At least, not where I need to be for this." With that he slipped out of the SUV.

Sliding the bag up his shoulder, he swung the door shut.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The number on his machine flashed, indicating there was at least one message. Reid ignored it as he passed by on his way to the bedroom. There was nothing that interesting left on it anyways. Besides, if someone needed to contact him, he had on his cell.

Entering his bedroom he barely glanced at the rarely used bed. Light from the bathroom air freshener plug-in filtered through the open door. It gave him enough illumination to see by, that was all he ever really needed.

He pulled off his bag as he headed for the closet. Setting it on the stand next to the door, he flipped it open. Even in the dim light their frames shined brightly. Once he was certain the contents was still intact, he closed the flap.

Spencer glanced up with a small sigh. Through the bathroom doorway he could see his reflection in the mirror. His pale features seemed to glow a sickly pale yellow. This made the hollows around his eyes stand out even more.

It was usually about now that he would grin at the image he presented. He always found it amusing the spector he could pretend to be if he wanted. That tiny smile wasn't there any more. There was nothing to take its place.

How long it had been missing wasn't even a question on his mind. He wasn't sure why. The whole situation should have bothered him. Too many of his reactions were off lately.

He continued to stare at himself in the mirror.

~~~~~~~~~~

The halls were quiet. It was unusual. This was a Wednesday morning, there should have been more people at the Bureau by now. After a second mental note of this, Spencer put it from his mind. It wasn't like this mattered.

As he approached the doors to the BAU he started to slow down. By the time he reached them he had drawn to a halt. Instead of going in he stood there watching through the glass. There were several members of the team and support staff already at their desks.

It looked like any normal workday morning.

J.J. was at Prentiss' desk, her head bowed low. She was no doubt imparting something that was not strictly work related. Most likely something illicit from the scandalized twist of the other agent's lips.

By his first mug of coffee the details would most likely be in his ears, never to be forgotten. Things like that were common among the team.

He could see Rossi up on the second level. The older agent was leaning against Hotch's doorway. His posture was borderline hostile. After the latest case, he wasn't surprised. Most likely neither of them would be exactly happy to see him today.

The feeling was more than mutual. Reid could feel the frown twisting his features. His reflection only confirmed this. It was then that it hit him. He didn't want to go in there.

The thought of reaching for the door felt so exhausting that it kept him held fast in place. He had to go in there and face them all. There was a job to do. He had a commitment.

~~~~~~~~~

Coming down the corridor from Garcia's office, Derek held a mug in his right hand. The smile on his face was so full of warmth it brightened his cheeks. That girl certainly knew how to make him feel welcome.

As he entered the office he happened to glance quickly over at the doors. There was someone at them, but his mind didn't immediately register who. His thoughts were still on that picture. He would never know where she had found it, but he was going to have to scald his brain of it later.

Rossi in a Speedo would be fodder for his nightmares for the next year or so.

The good humor he had been feeling seeped away at the sight of Reid's desk. Everything was as it had been the night before. That brought up the memory of what else had happened. Something was going on there, and in his concern, he might have pushed a little too far.

Damn it! That was another bouquette of flowers he was going to have to send. Well, may be not flowers. He wasn't exactly sure what Reid liked as an apology gift.

He checked his watch with a sigh. The other man was ten minutes late. May be he needed a new watch. He'd probably get him one with a GPS to help him find his way.

Something clicked in his mind then. Looking back to the doors, he found the space empty. Whoever had been at them a second ago was now gone.

Derek stopped mid-step.

"Has anybody seen Dr. Reid?" Rossi was already in a mood.

Letting his hand fall to his side, Derek stared at the doors. A sick numbness settled in the pit of his stomach.

~~~~~~~ 3 Weeks Later ~~~~~~~

It was the classic example of the small town diner. Everything was as it should be, right down to the checker table clothes. It was all very cliched. Still, something about that soothed Spencer's nerves.

He had given his order five minutes ago. He was estimating from the time of the other patron's receiving their's and his service over the past two days, that he had only two more minutes to wait. Then, his burger and fries would be on the way.

That was the last thing on the menu he had left to try. From a limited selection, he had chosen the healthiest items first. Today was his last day in town and then he was moving on. Whatever it was he was searching for, he had not found it here.

Cedar Mills was a pleasant town. There were plenty of nice people. It was all very mid-fifties.

The sound of bells ringing on the door distracted him for a moment.

He glanced to the clock on the wall. His meal was another minute from being finished. He had plenty of time to brace his stomach for the grease that was about to come.

A shadow fell over him and he glanced up with a smile. Spencer started to commend the waitress for being early until he noticed it wasn't her. His mouth fell open a little. Then the world got a little blurry. Closing his mouth, he gave the other man a lopsided smile.

"Hello, Spencer." His voice was low, but strong. The smile on his lips was tinged with a hint of familiar sadness. Holding himself up, he took in the younger man's appearance. "You've got a lot of people worried about you, son."

"I, uh, know that." Raising his eyebrows, he shrugged. "I think, at least. I haven't actually talked to them." Clearing his throat led to a frown. "How did you find me?"

"Ah, I just made a few educated guesses." Shrugging a single shoulder, he pulled his head a little to the left. This gave him a quick survey of the rest of the diner. "You're still a little easier to predict than you should be."

"Good to know. I'll try to work on it." When he caught sight of the waitress approaching, Spencer sat up. "Would you care to join me?"

The smile came easy to Gideon's face. "I wouldn't mind a quick bite myself."

"All right, but so long as I get to pay."

"You got yourself a deal."


THE END.............................