Work Text:
Swamp Madness
By Cheri
***
Arthur and his knights make their way through a dark creepy swamp....
Arthur: Steady men, We'll be through this swamp shortly.
Robin: Good, I need a fresh change of underwear as soon as we get out!
The other knights turn and eye Robin. All of them in unison speed up.
They press on until they come upon a weird looking tree.
Galahad (pointing) Look Sire, There's a door in the tree!v Arthur: I'll handle this! (walks up to the door) WHOEVER LIVES IN THIS TREE! I AM ARTHUR, KING OF THE BRITONS, I DEMAND YOU LET US IN!!
The knights wait, but no one comes to the door
Galahad: Maybe no one is home, Sire!
Arthur (nods) I'll just take a peek and make sure
Slowly, he opens the door. Peeking in, He sees a large room with a table and a fireplace. A kettle is bubbling over the fire.Arthur looks back at the knights.
Arthur: No one here!
He looks above the door and notices a small wooden sign
Arthur (reading sign) Shrek
Robin feels hot breath on the back of his neck. Turning around, he comes face to face with a big green ogre
Robin: SHREEEEEEEAAAAAKKKKK
Arthur: No, no , no! you got it all wrong! it's not shreak , it's shrek
Robin: NO, NO, SHREAK IN SURPRISE AND ALARM!
The others turn around and spy the ogre
All: SHREEEEEAAAKKKK
Shrek: What are you doing in my swamp????
Everyone looks at Arthur. Arthur gives his knights a dirty look before stepping forward.
Arthur: I am Arthur, king of the britons! I command you to leave us alone and return to whatever dark cave you crawled out of!
Shrek glares at Arthur
Shrek: This is my home, little man!!! So I order YOU to get out of my swamp before I turn you all into stew meat!!
The knights stand shaking as Shrek roars in their faces. Just then, Donkey appears behind Shrek
Donkey: That's it, Shrek! Show em who's boss!!! Show em no one can mess around with my buddy!
The knights stop trembling and stare at the donkey. After a few moments of stunned silence, they all burst into uncontrollable laughter. Shrek watches as the ride off laughing and pointing
Shrek (turning to Donkey) You just never know when to keep your mouth shut, do ye?
the end