SquidgeWorld Archive

Good Intentions
By Anne Higgins

The next time some self-important admiral/politician/arm-chair-know-it-all pronounced to any and all who would listen that Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise was the greatest tactician in the history of the Federation, if not known military history, Jim knew he would look back on this moment and laugh his ass off. And it had all started off as one of the best days of his life, fuck it all.

The command crew of the ship had gathered in the officers' mess for a more private welcome dinner with one very special member of the new junior crew. Yeah, that's what some brainiac in Starfleet PR had decided to call the twenty kids – age 2 to 14 -- who had been allowed to join the ship one year into the five-year mission. It was a six-month-long pilot program Jim had pushed for. Hard. Because nothing said things had to change like the memories of not seeing his mom for months, even years at a time.

Of course, there had been Starfleet 'orphans' since Jonathan Archer and crew headed out into space aboard the first Federation vessel named Enterprise, but an insane Romulan from the future had well and truly buried the biggest argument against the 'family option' – that it wasn't safe. Because if anyone proved fool enough to imply planet-side was safer, well, Jim had 10,042 Vulcans to tell them to shove it. Not that they would put it that way or anything, but the sentiment would be there behind the logic. Then there was Ambassador Spock adding that in 100 years the regs would change anyway so give it a rest and let 'em change now. Again, not exactly how he put it, but, hey, it got the job done, and Jim was confident that once the six months were up, the kids would be staying. Well, most of them. The lovely 10-year-old girl sitting at the place of honor would be going back to her mother's home in Georgia at the end of the time no matter what. As would three others, who were also doing the half-a-year-joint-custody rotation.

Anyway, junior crewmembers? Lamest name ever. Look on his CMO's face when his daughter ran into his arms with a cry of "Daddy!" so beyond awesome as to require a new word Jim would have to put his mind to making up. Bet Bones wouldn't even arch his eyebrow over it. Well, not much, because even a happy Bones still got with the eyebrow action. And he was. Happy. Hell, he was beaming, and so happy to be showing off his baby girl that he hadn't protested at all when the ship-wide punch-and-cookies welcome reception had turned into this smaller gathering which was half-welcome-aboard for Joanna McCoy and half-welcome-back for Sulu and Chekov. They'd taken advantage of a string of fluffy PR missions to claim a month's worth of leave time for their honeymoon. And, no, nothing the ship had gone through in their absence had required anything remotely approaching the two young men's brilliance, but they'd been missed all the same. Just the sight of them stepping out of the shuttle bay had let something inside of Jim relax that he hadn't even realized he'd had coiled.

So they were all sitting there entertaining Joanna while fondly recalling their less than dire memories. A lot of them centered around the weddings of Spock and Uhura; Scotty and Gaila; and, of course, Chekov and Sulu. The little girl ate up all the details with wide eyes so like her father – hell, she was a virtual mini-Bones – so it really, really shouldn't have surprised Jim when five minutes after Bones got called to sickbay for a quick consult she looked at him and asked, "Uncle Jim, may I ask you a question?"

She had a slight Southern inflection to her voice, and if that hadn't lulled him into a false sense of security the 'Uncle Jim' would have done it. Who the hell could resist that? "Sure thing, sweetheart? What's on your mind?"

"What are your intentions toward my daddy?"

In his defense, Jim was hardly the only one mid-drink when she asked the question, nor the only one to do a spit-take in the aftermath. Only one who managed to actually swallow was Spock. He was also the only one besides Jim who didn't quickly break out in a shit-eating grin, and he was so court-martialing all their asses as soon as they finished dinner.

"My intentions?" he absolutely did not squeak no matter what his treacherous communication officer said later. Fuck! Did 10-year-olds even know what intention meant?

The girl gave him a solemn nod. "You see, Momma told me it's a parent's job to look out after their kids, but Daddy's are gone, so I reckon I need to step in."

And why the fuck did that sound reasonable? Deciding he was going to court-martial Spock's ass, too, for not coming up with some universe-threatening emergency so Jim could flee … retreat to the bridge, Jim sighed. He could lie, of course. But while he'd slung his share of bullshit in Bone's direction, he'd made it a personal policy to never lie to a McCoy. "Sweetheart, your daddy is …" Well, he'd thought it only a few moments ago, hadn't he? "He's the most important person in the universe to me." What else would she want to hear? Oh, yeah, the obvious. "And I'll do everything I can to keep him safe."

That seemed to please her, and his fear began to ease. "You love him."

Shit! "Yeah, but-"

She cut off the 'but like a best friend' and announced, "You wanna marry him."

Fuckity fuck! Who the hell said anything about marriage? He loved Bones and all. Wanted him around always. But marriage? One person for the rest of his life? To have what all their friends had found with Bones? And that's when it hit him. Blindsided him like nothing ever had – and he sure as fuck hoped never would again. Hell, yes. That's what he wanted. With all his damaged heart and soul. And he was never, ever going to get it.

His throat tightened up and he used his embarrassment as a shield to hide the mortal blow to his world-view.

"Uncle Jim?" Joanna asked, her small hand touching his forearm to bring his gaze to her concerned face. "You all right? Should I get Daddy? He can give you a hypo to make you feel better."

Fuck no! His eyes widened, apparently re-inserting the hilarity into the evening's events, because his scumbag crew began giggling again. And damned every technological advance that prevented a captain from assigning false friends to KP duty. For life. "I'm fine. Just- " Just what, genius? Screwed? Insane? "… not good with long-term planning."

The utter lameness of that earned him a pat and the answer he so richly deserved.

"That's okay, Uncle Jim. I'll take care of things."

If they'd been alone, he might have been able to charm her into forgetting the whole thing. But they were surrounded by sharks in Federation uniforms who had scented blood in the water. And one of those sharks went by the name of Nyota Uhura. Yeah, Jim was lot of things in that moment, but screwed summed it up nicely.

*

Leonard McCoy got a cup of coffee and a piece of pecan pie from the food replicator then made his way across the officers' mess to where Jim sat with his own mid-shift snack and a PADD. He looked up from whatever he was reading to smile as Leonard took his usual seat across from him. "More pie, Bones?"

He shrugged. He'd always loved the stuff, but he'd been indulging daily since his daughter came onboard. "Something about looking after a 10-year old gives me a sweet tooth."

"You've got the better part of five months to go with the looking after, Poppa Bear. You'll get fat."

Leonard tried to scowl at him, and even managed it because he was, after all, the master of such things, but he'd found it harder to do since Jo had come to live with him. And damn it all, Jim knew it, because he grinned. "Fat and all sloppy sweet."

Before he could come up with a suitable scathing remark, the professed cause of his sweet tooth burst into the room with Uhura following behind her. "Daddy!" Joanna greeted him and gave him the hug he'd missed this morning because he'd had an emergency appendectomy to perform.

He hugged her back and shot a warning glare at Jim, but the young captain had an almost indulgent smile on his face instead of a grin that heralded more mocking. And okay, maybe he was turning into a sentimental sap, but he had his daughter back in his life and a lot of the pain he'd suffered the last few years had vanished. Made it hard to keep up the curmudgeon act.

"Daddy," Joanna wiggled out of her father's arms, then set a holodisk on the table, "can you help me pick one?"

"Pick one what, baby girl?"

"Gown for Uncle Jim," she said switching it on. Three virtual models of Jim appeared wearing variations of white satin and lace. Leonard's eyes widened and he heard Jim making a choking sound as they stared at the worst offense the 22nd century had ever committed on the fashion world – wedding gowns for men. Actually they were jumpsuits, not gowns, but the thought was there so 'wedding suit' had never caught on. Neither had the god-awful jumpsuits. But they'd never totally gone away either. "Miss Uhura says Uncle Jim needs to be the one in the gown," she said, completely ignoring Jim's outraged "Hey!"

"Which is real good since you'd look really silly in one of those," Joanna went on. "But I think Uncle Jim looks kind of pretty in them."

Jim gaped, muttered something about 'captiany things to do' and fled like the proverbial scalded cat.

Leonard had to sort of admit under all the 'what the fuck?' the third and least atrocious getup did sort of bring out Jim's eyes. He shook himself. "What's this all about, sweetheart?"

Joanna rolled her eyes. "Your wedding, of course."

Oh, he had to have heard that wrong, except he was looking at man-gowns and a very amused Uhura. "My wedding?"

"To Uncle Jim."

"My wedding to Uncle Jim." No, even saying it all together like that didn't make it any clearer.

"He said he's not good at planning stuff, so I said I'd do it so you could have a nice wedding like Mr. Hikaru and Mr. Pavel."

Ah, the light dawns. Joanna wanted to plan a wedding and the bridge crew obviously wanted to tease Jim. Leonard could go along with it he supposed. Hell, if it made his little girl happy, he'd put up with a lot worse nonsense than this. He pointed at his choice. "That one."

She smiled her approval. Uhura laughed. Leonard went back to his pie.

*

Jim beat his head against the desk in his ready room, but when he glanced up Commodore Winona Kirk was still staring at him from the viewscreen. When had he fallen down the rabbit hole and into a universe where his mother for fuck's sake was sitting there waiting for him to tell her why a 10-year-old had called her to ask for her son's hand in marriage? Oh, yeah, when Spock had calmly informed him that no, he could not control 'his woman' and no, there was no way around the regulations against murdering a member of the ship's senior staff. And fuck it all if there hadn't been an amused glint in the Vulcan's eye.

"It's a joke, Mom," he muttered, regretting every practical joke he'd ever played or even thought of playing, and he'd never ever do it again if this would all just stop!

He muttered through the whole story then glared when she started grinning. "Et tu, Mommy?"

That made her laugh and there hadn't been enough moments like this between them for it not to make a smile twitch onto his own face. They ended up laughing together for a good five minutes – a part of it absolute howls when he showed her his wedding 'dress' – because aside from the whole pinning away behind the scenes thing which sucked big time, it was pretty funny.

When she'd caught her breath, his mom wiped the tears from her eyes, then suddenly blind-sided him – and fuck that blind-sided thing was happening far to often! – with her mom-vision and asked, "Do you love him?"

He swallowed hard and didn't even think about lying to her. "Yeah, I do."

"Glad I said yes, then. See you in three weeks, baby," she said, then broke the connection before his wailed "Mom!" could reach full impact.

Fuck! He was surrounded by treacherous females. And it seemed they'd picked the date for his wedding.

*

Leonard gave his approval to the Andorian nut cake and Scotty's fifth attempt at synthesizing a good dry champagne. He even enjoyed sampling dishes for the wedding dinner. He started to get a little worried around the time his daughter showed him the guest list. Then Chekov confirmed the ship was in route to Starbase 26, where Jim's mother was stationed, making it the 'perfect place to have the wedding.'+

He told himself Jim hadn't seen his mother in a long time, and it was a perfectly good place to put in for shore leave even if the crew wasn't quite due for it. But the closer they got to their destination and the designated wedding date, the less humor Leonard saw in this joke. But Joanna seemed so happy, he couldn't quite bring himself to put a stop to it.

*

Jim sat at the table pushing his breakfast around the plate without actually eating any of it. Wasn't really hungry. The crew had helped Joanna throw a G-rated wedding shower/bachelor party combo the night before. No real booze, lots of good food and fun had by all. They'd even received the usual wedding presents – offers of free dinner and drinks next shore leave plus promises of complaint-free shift coverage during those first few post-honeymoon weeks when a couple simply had to sneak away for some time-together or spontaneously combust.

In a few hours they put into Starbase 26. And tomorrow. Well, tomorrow was supposed to be his wedding day. And there wasn't a single person on this entire ship who acted like it wouldn't happen. Including 'the groom' (because all and sundry had made it clear Jim was so 'the bride' – to Bones' everlasting amusement.) Given this he didn't think his one little lapse in … not so much judgment as lack of conscious thought warranted the punishment, but that's how things seemed to work out for Jim – great success on the save the galaxy miracles, but batting zero on his personal life. Always had. Always would.

But seriously, all he was doing was sitting there pretend eating. He nodded politely when Bones sat down across from him, then scowled at Jim until he actually ate a little. Damned mother hen.

Joanna and Uhura – the dread duo – walked up and Joanna held out a PADD. "Miss Nyota says you have to sign this to get married tomorrow, Uncle Jim."

He didn't think a thing about it. They'd all been in 'tease Jim and humor Joanna' mode for so long even he was conditioned to go along with anything. So he took it and signed it, then went back to glaring at his eggs, while she handed the thing to Bones.

Unfortunately paperwork proved to be Bones' line in the sand, and he exploded, "Damnit, Jim! Did you even look at this?"

"What?" he looked up utterly confused.

"This is the marriage license! A legal document." The 'you idiot' was so loud Jim flinched even though Bones technically didn't say it.

"I-"

"Damnit! Amusing my daughter is not a reason to get married!"

"N-no, no it isn't." He jerked to his feet. Gave Uhura a look he hoped managed stern, but knew had to fall more into stricken, and croaked, "No more games." Then he turned on his heel, and got the hell out of there.

He did not run when he hit the hallway, though he wanted to. A captain running meant danger and he refused to alarm the crew because he needed to get somewhere to break down. Instead he kept his head down, and his steps quick – a 'with purpose' stride that spoke of things to do, places to go, but no emergencies to worry about. He even managed a faint smile for those who congratulated him on his upcoming 'never going to happen' wedding.

Finally he reached his refuge – a small observation platform overlooking the starboard nacelle. More of a large closet than a room, but it thrummed with the energy of his beloved ship's engines, and Jim found it therapeutic to come here when nothing else could soothe. He sank down to sit on the floor and stared out into space. He felt … broken. Stupid. He'd known from the beginning it would never happen. Known it was all a joke to jerk the captain's chain. But somehow he'd started to think maybe Bones wanted this too and had decided it was easier to go along with things than to have some talk about feelings. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Small arms wrapped around him, and at least that didn't catch him by surprise. He'd known Joanna had followed him, and he found his almost-daughter's embrace comforting. "I'm sorry, Uncle Jim," she whispered, the tears he wouldn't allow himself spilling down her cheeks. "Miss Uhura and I thought we'd get Daddy to see the sense of this. Never wanted you hurt."

Ah. Not a joke. A plan to help him win Bones. Guess he owed his communications officer an apology as well as a kick in the ass. "It's okay, sweetheart," he answered, his voice tight. "Your daddy's my best friend. It's enough." It had to be.

*

Leonard watched Jim hurry out and turned his ire toward Uhura, only to be caught up short by her furious glare. And Joanna, well, his daughter might owe her features to his side of the gene pool, but the 'Leonard, you pathetic idiot, what have you done?' scowl was all Jocelyn's. She skewered him with it for a full three seconds, before racing out the door.

Since righteousness over being the brunt of a joke gone way too far should have been on his side, the pure hostility in the room with Uhura at the forefront took him aback. What the hell?

"How could you do that to him?" she snapped with something close to pure dislike in her eyes – a startling sight in someone he would have called his best friend after Jim. "Are you stupid as well as blind?"

Was there an answer to that? What?

"Stop just standing there! Do something!" She stepped close to him, her hand gripping his arm with painful force. "Fast. Or you'll lose him."

Lose Jim? Alarm shot through him. No, he couldn't lose Jim. He'd fought too hard for far too long to keep him. Confused, but beyond horrified at her threat, he started walking. At first he wasn't certain where he was going or what he was going to do, but the more his feet moved the more confident he became in his destination and how completely he'd screwed things up.

He'd seen an embarrassed, then 'resigned to his fate' friend who had allowed a joke to go way too far. And he'd lashed out at a man who had put up with his every mood for four years, who had always been there when he needed him, and who had pulled every string, called in every favor ever owed to get Leonard's daughter on the ship six months out of every year. God, how could he have done that to Jim? Had he even said thank you for all Jim had done for him? He couldn't remember which meant either no or a woefully inadequate go at it. He'd never meant to hurt him. Would have cheerfully killed anyone else who had done so. Incredible.

A quick climb up a Jefferies Tube, then he slipped through the hatch and into the hidey-hole Jim favored when he thought not even Bones could tolerate him. What he found made him stop short.

Jim sat on the floor, his legs pulled up to his chest, his head resting on Joanna's small shoulder as they held each other. He looked at his daughter's tears and the brightness of his best friend's eyes and it hit him. This was his family. He absolutely could not stand the idea of a moment without Jim in his life. He … loved him. And not remotely like a best friend.

Rocked by the blinders being ripped from his eyes, he stood there for a few minutes watching the two people he loved comforting each other from the fall out of his stupidity. Finally that thought became too painful to allow his silence to continue. He cleared his throat.

Two sets of large, beautiful eyes fixed on him and for a moment he faltered, but Joanna's eyes took on an echo of Uhura's order – fix this. "Like I was saying," he said, his voice gaining strength as he talked, "pleasing my daughter isn't reason enough to get married. But … if you feel about me, the way I feel about you. … That's a good reason."

"How … how is that?"

"Like … you're everything, Jim. Like I want you at my side for the rest of my life."

An almost shy smile appeared on Jim's face. "Yeah, like that."

Leonard walked of to them, sat down, and bodies shifted until they were all cuddled up together. He smiled at his daughter, pressed a kiss to her forehead, then looked into Jim's eyes. "Will you marry me?"

"Yes."

Joanna clapped her hands and hugged them both as they shared a first kiss. And maybe Leonard should have asked her to give them some alone time, but it felt so right to have them both in his arms, he couldn't form the words.

Jim smiled against his neck, then touched his comm. "Spock."

"Yes, Captain?"

"Need some family bonding time," he said, echoing Leonard's need for them all to stay together. "Mind if I cash in one of those shift-coverage promises now?"

"Not if that means the wedding is on," Uhura answered for him.

Leonard did his own answering for someone, and said, "Yeah. Hell, yeah, it's on."

*

Epilogue

The wedding went precisely as Joanna had planned – right down to her 'last minute' agreement to let Uncle Jim wear his dress uniform instead of the man-gown-thing. He looked really relieved, then blushed when Daddy whispered something about keeping it for later because it hugged him just right.

She stayed with Mr. Spock and Miss Nyota for a few nights afterwards, and got along really well with Uncle Jim's mom. Her new grandma even helped her send a message to her own mom and her other step-father. It went something like this, "Hi, Momma! I miss you. And I did what you said. I think Daddy is happy now, too. Love you! Bye!"

end