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He knew they were coming, he could hear the wings beating against the wind, the trumpets sound. His heart pounded as he sort for the one person that could save him. Castiel found him sitting on the end of a dock, fishing pole in his hand and a tackle box by his feet. His face was peaceful, and Castiel hesitated as he stepped forward, guilt weighing on his wings.
He stood for a second, taking in the gentle call of the waves, the breeze on his face. Part of him wished there was some way to just stay here. Right in this moment. But the time came and he opened his mouth.
“We need to talk”, Castiel said.
Dean jumped slightly, glancing up at the angel before sighing lightly.
“I’m dreaming, aren’t I?”, his voice was heavy.
The pounding of wings and blow of trumpets got louder.
“It’s not safe here”, fear crept into Castiel’s voice before he could contain it, “Some place more private”.
“More private? We’re inside my head”
“Exactly”.
Dean looked up at him.
“Someone could be listening”, Castiel told him.
Dean’s brow furrowed, “Cas? What’s wrong?”
Castiel reached into his pocket, fishing out the folded piece of paper and handed it to Dean.
“Meet me here”, Castiel’s voice was serious and real fear was evident in his eyes, “Go now”.
With his message delivered he let his wings engulf him.
***
He stood quietly in the empty, cold warehouse. There was nothing he could do now, he knew that and yet his heart held hope. The sound of footsteps caught his attention and he looked towards the door.
“Castiel”.
Castiel flinched and turned to look over his shoulder; three men stood in the darkness.
The one who had spoken stepped forward.
Castiel nodded, “Gabriel”.
“You need to come with us”, Gabriel informed him.
“You and I both know, brother”, Castiel began, “that if I go with you, it will not be by freewill”.
One of the men standing behind Gabriel made a sound similar to a snarl and Gabriel lifted a hand, requesting silence.
“You and I both know, brother”, Gabriel’s voice was like thunder, “That only humans have freewill”.
The other two angels moved to stand by Castiel’s sides. Gabriel walked forward slowly, his steps precise. He didn’t stop until his face was mere inches from Castiel’s.
“And you and I both know, that you are no human”, Gabriel breathed, spite filled his voice, “You will come with us”.
Castiel was silent, he closed his eyes and listened carefully, but there was no rumble of the Impala’s engine nor quiet footsteps and soft whispers. Dean was not coming.
Opening his eyes he looked heavenwards, “Forgive me, Father for I have sinned”.
He caught Gabriel’s smug gaze and held it, “And forgive me for the sins I am about to commit”.
With that he let his wings unfurl and, throwing his arms outwards he entered into a fight he knew he could not win.
***
A strong emotion washed over him, sadness, he believed the humans called it.
As it snuck into his very being and filled his eyes with tears he wondered why Anna had praised it so much. It hurt like nothing he had ever experienced.
He felt lost, no, alone. He felt like his wings were broken, like his heart was fractured.
The place he called home, his sanctuary broke him. It was for his own good his superiors had told him but Castiel had felt like screaming as Zachariah reached out and touched him with a beam of light.
“You do not serve them, especially him” he’d told Castiel, his voice emotionless, “You serve the Lord our God, not mere man. You have let human sins cloud your true eyes, for that you will lose the very thing you hold dear. Perhaps then you will be re-directed to the right path”.
Castiel gasped as he began to feel something being ripped away from him, panicking that he was losing his grace. But it was not his grace that they stole, but his love. His pure, unadulterated love. His love for the humans, for Dean.
As he felt the last good memories of a man in a battered leather jacket with eyes that could beat the sunrise in a contest being stolen from him he could have sworn he heard Uriel’s cold laughter.
***
Castiel’s essence shifted into the little girl’s form easily. It was cold and a voice whispered to him but he ignored it, there was a job to do. Emotionlessly, he smote the first demon, watching with satisfaction as it’s eyes burnt white before the life faded in it and the body dropped to the ground. He turned his gaze on to the next person, his past host. Jimmy stared at him in shock and Castiel stared back evenly.
“Castiel”, Jimmy gasped.
Castiel neither encourage nor dissuade his statement before looking on, he was no threat. Commotion caught his eye and he watched as the Winchester boys boldly took on the other demons.
One of them got the upper hand on Dean and Castiel felt his host’s heart quicken.
Frowning at himself, he shook the feeling and made his way through the disarray.
Reaching out a hand, he once again felt satisfaction as he ripped the demon out and sent it back to hell. Dean fell to the side, chest heaving and Castiel stared at him in slight confusion. Something felt like it was missing.
Dean struggled to his feet and stood by Castiel as they watched Sam fight with the last demon. Castiel’s eyes narrowed, he can smell the taint of demon blood in the air.
Sam looked up at them suddenly, blood smeared around his mouth. Castiel felt Dean recoil, both physically and emotionally as he himself looked at the man before them with disgust.
Sam turned his back on them, holding the knife high above his head and bringing it down hard. Dean’s eyes were wide as his brother got to his feet and came towards them, arm outstretched.
Castiel’s frowned deepened and the thought of how to fight the younger Winchester off crossed his mind before he felt the presence of the last demon come up behind him. Dean and himself watched as Sam pulled the demon out of the girl as easily as Castiel had smote the two demons earlier.
Castiel bristled as Amelia McShane fell to her knees in the black smoke, feeling the waves of pleasure rolling off Sam.
Seeing that the job was done, Castiel took a deep breath and walked back to the task at hand. He knelt beside Jimmy, taking in his bloody midsection and harsh intakes of breath. Castiel reached out, pausing slightly at the feel of soft hair and turned the human’s face towards his own.
“Of course we keep our promises”, he said quietly, “Of course you have our gratitude. You served us well, your work is done. It‘s time to go home now. Your real home. You‘ll rest forever in fields of the Lord”.
Jimmy struggled to say something and Castiel dipped his head slightly, “Rest now, Jimmy”.
“No”, the voice was quiet yet strong, “Claire”.
“She’s with me now”, Castiel told him solemnly, “She’s chosen. It’s in her blood, as it was in yours”.
“Please”, Jimmy whimpered, blood spilling down his chin, “Castiel. You need to take me. Take me. Please”.
Castiel looked at the broken man before him and felt mercy, “I want you to understand, you won’t die or age. If this last year was painful for you, picture a hundred, a thousand more like it”.
Jimmy reached out desperately, clutching at Castiel’s arm.
“It doesn’t matter”, he forced out, teeth gritted in pain, “You take me. Just take me!”.
Castiel knew Jimmy was not doing this for faith, but for love yet part of him couldn’t deny the human. He felt no disapproval from above and so Castiel nodded slightly.
“As you wish”, his voice was clear, the decision was made.
Castiel reached out a hand, cupped Jimmy’s cheek and let his essence, his grace pour from one form to the other.
He took a moment to adjust, looking from the young girl kneeling before him to the Winchester boys standing with Amelia. Getting slowly to his feet, he ignored Claire’s soft sobs and began to move away. Amelia stared at him before brushing past and going to her daughter.
Castiel stopped between the two men, turning so that he was facing Sam and looking towards the mother and daughter. Part of him ached when Amelia caught his gaze, the way she held the child in her arms, the tears on her cheeks. Something was wrong. Despite his heart screaming at him, Castiel turned and started to walk away.
“Cas, hold up”
Castiel froze in his motions and wrath flooded his form at how quickly he responded to an order from a human. Needlessly, he turned and reluctantly made eye contact with Dean Winchester.
“What were you going to tell me?”, Dean asked, his eyes lost.
The words struck something, a memory and Castiel struggled to get a hold of it. He felt displeasure float down from above and willingly let go of the reminiscence, watching it drift carelessly away.
“I learnt my lesson while I was away, Dean”, Castiel said, his voice empty and emotionless, “I serve heaven, I don’t serve man. And I certainly don’t serve you”.
He could see Dean’s jaw clench, his eyes filled with confusion, the words he wished to speak on his lips and… Castiel didn’t care, his work was done.
He could feel Dean’s gaze on him as he walked away, it burned his neck and filled him with a strange emotion, sadness, he believed the humans called it.
As it snuck into his very being and filled his eyes with tears he wondered why Anna had praised it so much. It hurt like nothing he had ever experienced.
He felt lost, no, alone. He felt like his wings were broken, like his heart was fractured.