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Dear Diary
by Pirate Turner
Dear Diary,
Men are nuts! No wonder Kitty went Lesbo if she had to deal with the kind of idiots I do! You know all the signs and hints Ev's been putting out since, like, Day One of our meeting, but he still hasn't actually done anything about it. He hasn't kissed me. He hasn't even told me that he likes me in that way, but I know he does. I can see it when he looks at me, and I know I can't be the only one who feels that tingle when we touch.
I know all about that tingle. I've heard plenty about it, but he's one of only two guys that I've ever felt it with. The other one -- well, you know why Robin and I can't be together. Two different worlds colliding, people dying, universes merging, yadda, yadda, yadda. But that's not Robin's or my fault, and this is Ev's fault. The guy's an idiot!
I finally cornered him today, and you'd never guess what the jerkoff said in a million, zillion years. I can't even face Hayseed to tell her yet. That's how nuts he is! Completely whacked!
I faced him and I asked him just what his prob is. I mean, he's dragging his heels more than Jono, and Jono's got a reason to drag. I mean, come on, the guy's only got half a face, yet he still managed to lay a liplocker on Hayseed. Or she did him. But it doesn't matter cause he still made a move and Ev's still dragging around like he's stuck in quicksand or something.
So I asked him, and you'd never guess what the idiot said! Well, you'd never guess any way cause you're just a stupid book that Frostie wants us to keep, supposed to be good for our scheming or some such crap, but I guess it's better to vent here than to fill his butt full of hot fireworks. Nowhere near as satisfying, but at least this way there won't be a million and one questions and he won't go crying to the teaches.
But any way, he said he wasn't going to make a move! I asked him what was with all the looks then, and he admitted I'm hot. I can still hear him now. "You are hot, Lee, but . . . "
So I said, "But what? Make a move already!"
And he said "Never." He actually stood there and said "Never"! Talk about a blow to the ego! So then, of course, I asked him what the heck his problem was. And this is the part you're not gonna believe. Nobody'd believe he's this damn dumb! He actually told me he'll never make a move on me not because he doesn't want me but because he doesn't want Wolveroonie hunting him down! Helloooo! Wolvy doesn't come around anywhere near as much as he should, and it's not like he'd know and it's not like I'm, like, really his kid, but Ev's scared shitless of him! He's not gonna make a move on me cause of him! How dumb is that?!
Ya know, right after he told me, I thought maybe I should just shut him up and make the first move on him. Many of the X-Women, specially Rogue and Jeannie, have told me about the benefits of being the first one to put the move on, but if he's that dumb and that stupidly scared, I don't want him any more, ya know? I don't need a man who's gonna be scared to move on me cause Wolvy's my best bud and he's in, like, New York or Canada or wherever he even is right now. I need a man with guts, one who's gonna move on me and stand by me, not be scared crapless by my friendship with Wolvy.
I guess the real problem is that I need a man, not a boy, and Ev's definitely a boy. He's the stupidest, chickenest boy I've ever known. And Robin's a whole dimension away. What's a girl to do?
And when did we get wolves in Massachusetts, cause I swear I'm hearing howling. Oh, well. I'd better get my butt to bed. Word is Frosty's popping a quiz first thing in the morning. Typical bitch. And knowing my luck, I'll get woken up by some kind of mission to save the world or, at least, our part of it. That's my life. Radical, huh? Yeah, I know, it sucks. What was I ever thinking leaving the X-Men to become a Gen. X student? Stupid me!
J out
The End